Tuesday, March 28, 2006
0050 hours. 13 pages of a 12 page essay tt reads more like a rant against lawyers (i even entitled it "death of a lawyer"). self-hatred at its zenith, no? (except i'm not gonna be a lawwwyer)
best time to put on notorious b.i.g's 'hypnotize'.
"biggie biggie biggie can’t you see
sometimes your words just hypnotize me
and I just love your flashy ways
guess that’s why they broke, and you’re so paid"
old school baby. old school.
Where was your soul born?[pics + detailed answeres]
Your soul was born in the Sky.You have a free soul and you hate to be tied down. You love a good challenge and you love to compete with your friends. You're very kind and open-minded. You accept anyone as longs as the person doesn't try to hold you down. You have a habit of bending and sometimes breaking rules, but you're very careful with stepping over lines. You might break some rules but you also have respect for them. You're element is Air. You're unpredictable and people can never figure out what you will do next. You're admirable and many people look up to you. You do you best to capture the day and make the most out of it. You're honest, but sometimes your honesty can hurt people. Remember that you're not boring just because you're serious sometimes. Sometimes you need to be serious to get respect from others. You can't joke everything away.
Take this quiz!
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Join
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best time to put on notorious b.i.g's 'hypnotize'.
"biggie biggie biggie can’t you see
sometimes your words just hypnotize me
and I just love your flashy ways
guess that’s why they broke, and you’re so paid"
old school baby. old school.
Where was your soul born?[pics + detailed answeres]
Your soul was born in the Sky.You have a free soul and you hate to be tied down. You love a good challenge and you love to compete with your friends. You're very kind and open-minded. You accept anyone as longs as the person doesn't try to hold you down. You have a habit of bending and sometimes breaking rules, but you're very careful with stepping over lines. You might break some rules but you also have respect for them. You're element is Air. You're unpredictable and people can never figure out what you will do next. You're admirable and many people look up to you. You do you best to capture the day and make the most out of it. You're honest, but sometimes your honesty can hurt people. Remember that you're not boring just because you're serious sometimes. Sometimes you need to be serious to get respect from others. You can't joke everything away.
Take this quiz!
Quizilla |
Join
| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code
injury-prone
die lah, i'm only on page 6 of this 10-12 page essay tt i must present in class tomorrow... and i am blogging. as usual.
but yar, for those who were curious as to the extent of my injuries, in a fit of bo liaoness i went to take photos of myself.
the orh che on my thigh.
the orh che on my shin.
and my marshmellow finger.
anyway today i had a presentation on the viability and admissability of dna as corroborative evidence at trial, in cases where eyewitness evidence might be fallible. spent the better part of my day preparing my part and memorizing my cases and insights into the innocence project and explanations into the advent of dna technology and all tt jazz (i.e. the dna consisting of chromosome sites with unique base pairs tt can yield profiles that match 1 in 1, 000, 000)...
but i still managed to find time to have lunch with diana. and we found these pretty flowering trees heralding spring in vancouver!
me with the trees.
di with the trees.
and ubc law faculty revisited.
ok. now i think i better get back to my paper. i mean, i'm not going to sleep tonight, so i should be able to get it done by then (i HAVE to anyway), but still... i'm just never stressed enough. wahaha.
but yar, for those who were curious as to the extent of my injuries, in a fit of bo liaoness i went to take photos of myself.
the orh che on my thigh.
the orh che on my shin.
and my marshmellow finger.
anyway today i had a presentation on the viability and admissability of dna as corroborative evidence at trial, in cases where eyewitness evidence might be fallible. spent the better part of my day preparing my part and memorizing my cases and insights into the innocence project and explanations into the advent of dna technology and all tt jazz (i.e. the dna consisting of chromosome sites with unique base pairs tt can yield profiles that match 1 in 1, 000, 000)...
but i still managed to find time to have lunch with diana. and we found these pretty flowering trees heralding spring in vancouver!
me with the trees.
di with the trees.
and ubc law faculty revisited.
ok. now i think i better get back to my paper. i mean, i'm not going to sleep tonight, so i should be able to get it done by then (i HAVE to anyway), but still... i'm just never stressed enough. wahaha.
Monday, March 27, 2006
tofino!
greetings oh-my-beloved-readers who check back often but sadly, never leave any comments on my chatterbox (here's a big hint if any! leave comments leh! wahaha. i know, i damn buay paiseh)! the reason for my lack of updates over the past couple of days (what? you were gone???) is not because i was sucked into the parallel universe tt is the dota world (although it isn't such a bad thing to comprehend, really), but because (for those who don't know), i went to tofino!
for the uninformed who wonder where this damn place is, kindly refer to the map below, courtesy of http://tofino-bc.com/.
tofino is on the southern coast of vancouver island, which is like it says, this island south of vancouver. to get to tofino you gotta take the bcferry from horseshoe bay in west vancouver to departure bay in nanaimo, and from there it's an approximately 3 hour drive through to tofino.
so bearing this in mind, ben and i met early sat morning to catch the 8.30am ferry to nanaimo.
ben was feeling a little sick initially (poor thing. *pat pat*), and then we act met 6 of the singaporeans who were also doing the nanaimo/tofino circuit this weekend on tt ferry. we reached nanaimo around 10.15am, and there ben had a car rented from enterprise.
and THAT was where the fun started!
we had to take the highway 19 from nanaimo to port alberni; change to the highway 4 midway between nanaimo and alberni, and then after alberni take the pacific rim highway to tofino. the canadian highways are strange. unlike the US or singapore highways, they are either 2 or 1-laned (and usually 1-laned up through the mountains), and they tend to be long and very winding.
but tt didn't stop ben from driving at a base speed of 120km/h, and at points in time hitting 180km/h. oh, and he spoilt the speedometer after hitting 180 on the freeway. the meter needle could go up but it couldn't come down. totally hilarious. ok lah, can be considered quite dangerous too, but fortunately canadian drivers are safe. they generally keep to their lanes, keep a constant speed, are considerate and never touch their horns. so it's not a particularly stressful or dangerous environment like say, singapore.
oh, and it helps tt you can go fast Fast FAST!!! whoopie! love the speed.
felt like daytona at certain parts of the road, esp when he was pressing down on the accelerator and i could feel the sebring (the car we rented is a chrysler sebring) just surge up. exhilirating! even tho i wasn't the one behind the wheel. gian to learn driving now lah. speed speed speed. wahaha.
anyway some photos of the drive to tofino.
how the road looks like. love the SPACE man! love the space.
and the view. normal road beside water body...
and this. this is to fucking DIE for.
anyway i think the canadians lied to us. tofino wasn't 106 km from the start of highway 4. we'd drive and drive and drive for what seemed like a long time... only to come to a sign tt told us tt we'd only cleared 8 km. like... HUH? and this went on for the entire time we were driving down the long winding stretch of road through the mountains.
anyway tt being said, it was stressful for ben coz he had to watch the turns and all tt, esp at the narrow roads. and the radio went dead at some point in time coz we just couldn't get the vancouver channels anymore - it was THAT FUCKING ULU -. but it was all good for me. loved the scenery man. large gorgeous lakes with the sunlight glinting off the surface of the water; roads lined with tall tall green coniferous trees; mountains enveloping the entire place; portions with streams and creeks with crystal clear waters and little rocks and stones; and the melting snow covering certain places and part of the moutains in this thick fluffy blanket... to DIE for. very very seriously. this is probably one of the things i will miss most about canada when i go back to small concrete jungle singapore. sigh.
anyway we got to tofino close to 2.00pm... enough time to go find accomodation. we settled on this place called schooner's motel. got a room for CAD $79.00 a night... BEFORE tax. tmd.
but it was a dann nice room lah.
tada. nice big room with nice big bathroom. cannot complain lah. wahaha. anyway ben said tt it's high season rates were up to CAD $185.00, so this was pretty sweet, comparatively.
then it was off to lunch...
the thing i have to comment on here, is tt while ben's driving is damn zhai, his parking really cmi. he cannot park straight (not the first time at least), and he likes to take up 2 lots at once. not intentionally too. so yar, the fact tt i made him drive from the car park of our motel... just literally around the corner to the schooner's restaurant 30 s away, just to park his car there, was a matter of much amusement.
anyway we had lunch there. and found out tt it was like the motel - expensive.
but tt said, the decor was nice!
and so was the food.
fish and chips!
and seafood chowder with salmon bits.
one thing about vancouver island, is tt it's known for its seafood. its fish, crab and lobster, and more so, its sockeyed salmon. so salmon is always a good choice here.
after lunch, i decided i wanted to learn how to cycle. i hadn't cycled in 11 years, so i figured tt this was as good a time to learn as tofino had bike rentals and tt ben seemed to be a competent enough rider himself to teach me. so we rented 2 bicycles... which had no brakes. and anyway it took me at least 15 min just to get onto the bike and ride in a straight line. 15 or 20 min at least. ben said tt he was damn worried FOR me.
he was even advocating tt we return the bikes, esp as they had no brakes and i didn't know how to stop or turn properly. but i insisted on cycling more. so we cycled out onto the road. and it was all good. i could cycle; i could keep to one lane. at some points i could go fast. early in the ride i accidentally rode my bike into a shallow dry ditch, but i figured it was pretty much about as bad as it could get.
i was wrong.
at some point in time ben called for me to cross the road to the safer bike lane on the other side. so i did... and i realised tt i couldn't turn to the right in time.
i was utterly helpless as i road my bike straight... into this deep ditch.
have you heard the cliche of seeing your life flash before your eyes just as you are about to die? i saw myself flashing before my eyes, flying headfirst into the ditch in slow-motion as the tree came forward to greet me.
i don't know how much impact there was, coz i just ended up literally one with nature; face-first and melded with the uneven soil on the ground and stuffed up against a tree with a rock sticking into my thigh. oh, and my bike flew off (or i flew off my bike) and it landed on top of me, with the handlebars striking my head v squarely. thank god the lady who rented the bikes to us made us wear helmets. ben had then commented tt if we did not wear the helmets, we would die.
i think tt was like a self-fulfilling prophesy at this point in time.
anyway i was quite shocked. but i also found this hilariously amusing for a number of reasons:
1. i was alive. i took a damn fucking scary fall, and i was still alive.
2. i didn't think i was in tt much pain. or at least i thought so then.
3. i was in a DAMN unglam position. it was unglam to the core. yeesh. i felt like the world's biggest klutz.
4. before we'd come to tofino, i'd excitedly discussed with ben the prospect of me learning how to cycle here. he'd been more apprehensive about tt than me doing crazy things snowboarding, so i said: "what's the worst tt could happen?"
well. it happened.
so anyway my reaction to this fall, was to laugh.
very very hysterically.
ben looked damn worried when he was standing above the ditch looking down at me and asking me if i was ok. i was just lying there face-down and one with the tree with the bike pinning me to the ground, and just laughing. i think i must have looked v mad.
anyway he climbed down to get the bike off me and to help me out of the ditch. my left leg hurt, and my right finger hurt even more. and this old female runner who was passing by saw my miraculous descent into the abyss as well, coz by the time i was trying to get off my face she was standing above the both of us asking if i was okay. and she looked so much more scared than i was, so i tried to allay her fears by nodding and saying "yes" in between my uncontrollable laughing fits. it didn't seem to work until i flashed her a wide grin and a thumbs up.
i think she left coz she really thought i was mad. and for tt reason beyond salvation. wahaha.
anyway ben helped me to my feet, then took a nice unglam photo of me in this state of disarray and in shock with my bike still in the ditch before helping me out, just for the sake of all you blog audiences. just to show off how jialat i am.
tada! yes! i am all righty! wahaha. almost lah. helmet askew and all tt aside.
interesting... i was thinking then... it seems tt every adventure tt i embark on with ben just gets stranger and stranger. the first time we explored greater vancouver in a space of 8 hours where the sky train travelled in reverse; and the second time we walked for 4 hours to get from richmond to the go-karting centre. and i told myself then tt we had not yet surpassed ourselves yet.
with this incident, it was obvious tt we REALLY had not yet surpassed ourselves. this def beat the first 2 adventures already.
and you know the scary thing? i still DON'T think tt we HAVE surpassed ourselves yet.
yar. so anyway after fishing my bike out from the ditch, we found tt it was damn goyak. the spokes were completely goyak. they were bent out of shape and position and you couldn't ride without this screeching sound at all. and the back wheel was dented and the tail light was missing. and this rubbery thing from my helmet had also fallen out. anyway we also decided tt i had 2 massive orh che on my leg, and oh. tt i'd sprained my finger.
it is quite a bad sprain actually. it's swelled up to twice the size of my other finger, it's all swollen and a bit blue, and in addition to the open cuts, my finger is in a natural state of half-bent and it looks like it belongs to the marshmellow man. had to buy something called ibuprofrene to get the swelling down somewhat today.
so yar. after surveying all the physical damage (to bike and to person), the best thing tt ben could do at this point in time, was shake his head and say: "i need a smoke."
and so we sat down by the side of the road with him smoking (to calm himself down, although he didn't say so) and me sitting beside him laughing at everything. including my marshmellowish finger. wahaha.
we cycled back. he said tt i needed to cycle back to conquer the fear. i think i cycled not so much coz i agreed, but because it would take too fucking long to walk the bikes back. fortunately the ride back was so much more uneventful compared to the first ride.
so we returned the bikes and decided to do safer stuff. and ben bought me spiderman band-aids to appease the child in me too! wahaha. but yeah. safer stuff generally. like get back into the car and explore tofino's world-famous nature trails and beaches.
first stop was radar hill, where we could walk up this 100m slope for this mountain view.
and then it was on to long beach, this 10km long beach where the storms usually take place in winter.
it was really flat, and oh-so-beautiful. the coastline was amazingly flat, yet you could see the waves coming in to shore on after the other, deceptively calm but inherently dangeous. you could walk on the sand and it would be wet and you could see water, yet it was solid. it looked almost like walking on water itself.
on water...?
incidentally, the trails of water also left interesting patterns in the sand.
and there was this black dog tt bounded up to us, and i think it was a shetland terrier. it pressed itself next to my legs and just let me rub its neck. made me v v happy. i love dogs, and the ones here really look like they could love you back.
we also climbed up a rock to look at the view.
ben on the rock...
it was pretty. the sun set over the water. the power of the sea.
sunset over long beach.
and me on top of some giant log. heh.
and then it was on to wickaninnish beach, where we got out of the car to also explore another section of beautiful beach.
sunset over the beach.
and the trees and logs tt have been battered by the infamous tofino storms tt come every winter. it's amazing how much damage they can take, and be bent so backwards, and yet still stay so alive and so green. their resilience is just amazing.
oh! and ben let me drive. for the first time in my life. and unlicenced driver who hasn't even taken her basic theory... got to touch a real car. it was REALLY fun. i got to drive him around the car park, do a couple of turns, learn how to brake and accelerate, and then drive him down the long road from the carpark to the main road! it was a trip! damn short, but now i feel DAMN GIAN to learn how to drive! damn exhilirating! it's like go-karting, only tt you have more control and you can go faster and further! NICE!
after tt, we drove to ucluelet just to see what was around. there was after all, this bookstore tt sold new, old, and used books, and knowing how much ben loved books, we thought it would be nice to check it out. unfortunately ucluelet was even more ulu than tofino, so it was back tt 40 km to tofino to dinner. where the musicless ride was so boring tt inspite of my best efforts i still could not stay awake. wahaha.
because all the coffee places were closed (ghost town! ghost town!), we ended up at this sushi bar for coffee, hot chocolate.. and dinner.
me...
and ben...
we ordered miso soup (to beat the wet and cold) and sockeyed salmon sashimi. the salmon was DAMN good... but expensive. argh.
then we bought a whole pint of haagen daz strawberry cheesecake ice cream back to the motel, and finished the tub while watching "silence of the lambs" on cable.
ooh, alvin who was with the other group of singaporeans, who were coincedentally staying at the same place too, came up to visit us. then it was on to lalaland, and i think coz we were damn tired, esp after not sleeping at all the night before, we both slept damn well.
i'd insisted tt we needed to wake up at a specified time, so ben set the alarm for 9 am. in the end, HE was up by 9 am. i stoically refused to move an inch (even though i was already awake) until 9.30am. lazy lah. plus the bed damn comfy. wahaha.
but we got a move on by 10 am. drove back to nanaimo. by this time, ben was an expert at cutting people on the 1-laned winding highway, legal or illegal. we got into situations with him cutting 3 cars in a row or getting horned at (a rarity here) by an oncoming car for being in its lane and things along those lines to keep the drive interesting.
and for the first hour when we had no radio, i attempted to keep him awake by singing songs. but you know me lah. i only know 1 or 2 lines from a lot of songs. so i obviously didn't really sing effectively. but he did say tt he was entertained, albeit with a lot of amusement, so i guess i must have succeeded at SOMETHING.
but the radio was a welcome distraction. buahaha. and they were playing old school. like biggie small's 'hypnotized' and the beastie boys and ace of base... and man i love these songs but they make me positively OLD now! argh no! i don't wanna grow up!!! :(
and we saw a DEER on the side of the road. a real life deer!!! omg omg omg.
after missing the exit a few time, we hit nanaimo (ben also hit 185km/h on the speedometer; he wishes i actually took a photo of tt) in time for a really nice fish and chips lunch @ pirate chips. love the cod; batter's fantastic with tartar sauce, lemon juice and salt. and the fried mars bar. never thought i'd be back here since the last time i came with eileen, but who'd have guessed? wahaha.
also brought ben to the bookstore where he had to forcibly remind himself not to get any books. man, they have homer's 'odyssey' and 'íliad' in hardcover for only $12.00, and even alexander dumas' 'the count of monte cristo' in this first edition really ancient book thingy worth $200.00!
and while walking back to the carpark, we encountered this 14 year-old kid who asked ben for a light so tt he could light his smoke. (!!!) and i thought ben had started off young. *14!!!*
from there, it was back to return the rental car, catch a cab to the ferry (we'd discovered tt the sprain was a lot worse than i'd thought), and then board the 4.00pm ferry for vancouver.
ooh. and ben totally k.oed on the ferry. which was ok, until he did his whole hood thing again.
yes. this blue thing is ben. wahaha.
from the ferry, it was back on the bus from horseshoe bay to downtown vancouver, where we had dinner @ this place called noodle express on thurlow st. i had spicy beef ramen, while he had miso ramen. and deep fried pork ribs. YUM.
and then, our usual dessert @ denny's. a chocolate peanut butter cup pie (i LOVE peanut butter wahahahahaha!!!) and a strawberry milkshake for me...
and the 3rd ben-at-denny's photo.
yar lah. he's not even bothering to look @ the camera. anyway i think he should change his name to benny. then you have benny-@-denny's. i think tt has more of a ring to it.
and finally, back to ubc. back to ben's first starbucks coffee of the day, and a strange discussion with diana which ultimately turned to cannibalism and the talmud. and now it's back to the daily grind of work - a paper to completely rewrite and present on tues, to be exact (because i haven't done fuck yet and i need to get 5, 000 words out... I *DIE!!!*), and um... dota (altho ben's told me not to play until my finger becomes better. SIGH. and i don't know if physical activity is feasible. i have 2 huge orh che on my leg, but the one of my thigh is the size of a small saucer, and it's blue (with purple spots). and it hurts whenever i use my thigh muscle, like when i climb stairs. SIGH.).
oh. but we're also thinking of going to calgary. i mentioned calgary and stu hart's dungeon to ben not too long ago, and now he's thinking tt we should go. unfortunately the dungeon is now closed down, but there is still lance storm's wrestling academy (don't you just *love* being in a place with canadian wrestlers? now, why won't wwe just host a show in vancouver before i leave dammit?!) to visit there... and the rockies on the way... ooh... more snowy mountains and lakes and bears and deer and stuff... :)
love the canadian experience.
for the uninformed who wonder where this damn place is, kindly refer to the map below, courtesy of http://tofino-bc.com/.
tofino is on the southern coast of vancouver island, which is like it says, this island south of vancouver. to get to tofino you gotta take the bcferry from horseshoe bay in west vancouver to departure bay in nanaimo, and from there it's an approximately 3 hour drive through to tofino.
so bearing this in mind, ben and i met early sat morning to catch the 8.30am ferry to nanaimo.
ben was feeling a little sick initially (poor thing. *pat pat*), and then we act met 6 of the singaporeans who were also doing the nanaimo/tofino circuit this weekend on tt ferry. we reached nanaimo around 10.15am, and there ben had a car rented from enterprise.
and THAT was where the fun started!
we had to take the highway 19 from nanaimo to port alberni; change to the highway 4 midway between nanaimo and alberni, and then after alberni take the pacific rim highway to tofino. the canadian highways are strange. unlike the US or singapore highways, they are either 2 or 1-laned (and usually 1-laned up through the mountains), and they tend to be long and very winding.
but tt didn't stop ben from driving at a base speed of 120km/h, and at points in time hitting 180km/h. oh, and he spoilt the speedometer after hitting 180 on the freeway. the meter needle could go up but it couldn't come down. totally hilarious. ok lah, can be considered quite dangerous too, but fortunately canadian drivers are safe. they generally keep to their lanes, keep a constant speed, are considerate and never touch their horns. so it's not a particularly stressful or dangerous environment like say, singapore.
oh, and it helps tt you can go fast Fast FAST!!! whoopie! love the speed.
felt like daytona at certain parts of the road, esp when he was pressing down on the accelerator and i could feel the sebring (the car we rented is a chrysler sebring) just surge up. exhilirating! even tho i wasn't the one behind the wheel. gian to learn driving now lah. speed speed speed. wahaha.
anyway some photos of the drive to tofino.
how the road looks like. love the SPACE man! love the space.
and the view. normal road beside water body...
and this. this is to fucking DIE for.
anyway i think the canadians lied to us. tofino wasn't 106 km from the start of highway 4. we'd drive and drive and drive for what seemed like a long time... only to come to a sign tt told us tt we'd only cleared 8 km. like... HUH? and this went on for the entire time we were driving down the long winding stretch of road through the mountains.
anyway tt being said, it was stressful for ben coz he had to watch the turns and all tt, esp at the narrow roads. and the radio went dead at some point in time coz we just couldn't get the vancouver channels anymore - it was THAT FUCKING ULU -. but it was all good for me. loved the scenery man. large gorgeous lakes with the sunlight glinting off the surface of the water; roads lined with tall tall green coniferous trees; mountains enveloping the entire place; portions with streams and creeks with crystal clear waters and little rocks and stones; and the melting snow covering certain places and part of the moutains in this thick fluffy blanket... to DIE for. very very seriously. this is probably one of the things i will miss most about canada when i go back to small concrete jungle singapore. sigh.
anyway we got to tofino close to 2.00pm... enough time to go find accomodation. we settled on this place called schooner's motel. got a room for CAD $79.00 a night... BEFORE tax. tmd.
but it was a dann nice room lah.
tada. nice big room with nice big bathroom. cannot complain lah. wahaha. anyway ben said tt it's high season rates were up to CAD $185.00, so this was pretty sweet, comparatively.
then it was off to lunch...
the thing i have to comment on here, is tt while ben's driving is damn zhai, his parking really cmi. he cannot park straight (not the first time at least), and he likes to take up 2 lots at once. not intentionally too. so yar, the fact tt i made him drive from the car park of our motel... just literally around the corner to the schooner's restaurant 30 s away, just to park his car there, was a matter of much amusement.
anyway we had lunch there. and found out tt it was like the motel - expensive.
but tt said, the decor was nice!
and so was the food.
fish and chips!
and seafood chowder with salmon bits.
one thing about vancouver island, is tt it's known for its seafood. its fish, crab and lobster, and more so, its sockeyed salmon. so salmon is always a good choice here.
after lunch, i decided i wanted to learn how to cycle. i hadn't cycled in 11 years, so i figured tt this was as good a time to learn as tofino had bike rentals and tt ben seemed to be a competent enough rider himself to teach me. so we rented 2 bicycles... which had no brakes. and anyway it took me at least 15 min just to get onto the bike and ride in a straight line. 15 or 20 min at least. ben said tt he was damn worried FOR me.
he was even advocating tt we return the bikes, esp as they had no brakes and i didn't know how to stop or turn properly. but i insisted on cycling more. so we cycled out onto the road. and it was all good. i could cycle; i could keep to one lane. at some points i could go fast. early in the ride i accidentally rode my bike into a shallow dry ditch, but i figured it was pretty much about as bad as it could get.
i was wrong.
at some point in time ben called for me to cross the road to the safer bike lane on the other side. so i did... and i realised tt i couldn't turn to the right in time.
i was utterly helpless as i road my bike straight... into this deep ditch.
have you heard the cliche of seeing your life flash before your eyes just as you are about to die? i saw myself flashing before my eyes, flying headfirst into the ditch in slow-motion as the tree came forward to greet me.
i don't know how much impact there was, coz i just ended up literally one with nature; face-first and melded with the uneven soil on the ground and stuffed up against a tree with a rock sticking into my thigh. oh, and my bike flew off (or i flew off my bike) and it landed on top of me, with the handlebars striking my head v squarely. thank god the lady who rented the bikes to us made us wear helmets. ben had then commented tt if we did not wear the helmets, we would die.
i think tt was like a self-fulfilling prophesy at this point in time.
anyway i was quite shocked. but i also found this hilariously amusing for a number of reasons:
1. i was alive. i took a damn fucking scary fall, and i was still alive.
2. i didn't think i was in tt much pain. or at least i thought so then.
3. i was in a DAMN unglam position. it was unglam to the core. yeesh. i felt like the world's biggest klutz.
4. before we'd come to tofino, i'd excitedly discussed with ben the prospect of me learning how to cycle here. he'd been more apprehensive about tt than me doing crazy things snowboarding, so i said: "what's the worst tt could happen?"
well. it happened.
so anyway my reaction to this fall, was to laugh.
very very hysterically.
ben looked damn worried when he was standing above the ditch looking down at me and asking me if i was ok. i was just lying there face-down and one with the tree with the bike pinning me to the ground, and just laughing. i think i must have looked v mad.
anyway he climbed down to get the bike off me and to help me out of the ditch. my left leg hurt, and my right finger hurt even more. and this old female runner who was passing by saw my miraculous descent into the abyss as well, coz by the time i was trying to get off my face she was standing above the both of us asking if i was okay. and she looked so much more scared than i was, so i tried to allay her fears by nodding and saying "yes" in between my uncontrollable laughing fits. it didn't seem to work until i flashed her a wide grin and a thumbs up.
i think she left coz she really thought i was mad. and for tt reason beyond salvation. wahaha.
anyway ben helped me to my feet, then took a nice unglam photo of me in this state of disarray and in shock with my bike still in the ditch before helping me out, just for the sake of all you blog audiences. just to show off how jialat i am.
tada! yes! i am all righty! wahaha. almost lah. helmet askew and all tt aside.
interesting... i was thinking then... it seems tt every adventure tt i embark on with ben just gets stranger and stranger. the first time we explored greater vancouver in a space of 8 hours where the sky train travelled in reverse; and the second time we walked for 4 hours to get from richmond to the go-karting centre. and i told myself then tt we had not yet surpassed ourselves yet.
with this incident, it was obvious tt we REALLY had not yet surpassed ourselves. this def beat the first 2 adventures already.
and you know the scary thing? i still DON'T think tt we HAVE surpassed ourselves yet.
yar. so anyway after fishing my bike out from the ditch, we found tt it was damn goyak. the spokes were completely goyak. they were bent out of shape and position and you couldn't ride without this screeching sound at all. and the back wheel was dented and the tail light was missing. and this rubbery thing from my helmet had also fallen out. anyway we also decided tt i had 2 massive orh che on my leg, and oh. tt i'd sprained my finger.
it is quite a bad sprain actually. it's swelled up to twice the size of my other finger, it's all swollen and a bit blue, and in addition to the open cuts, my finger is in a natural state of half-bent and it looks like it belongs to the marshmellow man. had to buy something called ibuprofrene to get the swelling down somewhat today.
so yar. after surveying all the physical damage (to bike and to person), the best thing tt ben could do at this point in time, was shake his head and say: "i need a smoke."
and so we sat down by the side of the road with him smoking (to calm himself down, although he didn't say so) and me sitting beside him laughing at everything. including my marshmellowish finger. wahaha.
we cycled back. he said tt i needed to cycle back to conquer the fear. i think i cycled not so much coz i agreed, but because it would take too fucking long to walk the bikes back. fortunately the ride back was so much more uneventful compared to the first ride.
so we returned the bikes and decided to do safer stuff. and ben bought me spiderman band-aids to appease the child in me too! wahaha. but yeah. safer stuff generally. like get back into the car and explore tofino's world-famous nature trails and beaches.
first stop was radar hill, where we could walk up this 100m slope for this mountain view.
and then it was on to long beach, this 10km long beach where the storms usually take place in winter.
it was really flat, and oh-so-beautiful. the coastline was amazingly flat, yet you could see the waves coming in to shore on after the other, deceptively calm but inherently dangeous. you could walk on the sand and it would be wet and you could see water, yet it was solid. it looked almost like walking on water itself.
on water...?
incidentally, the trails of water also left interesting patterns in the sand.
and there was this black dog tt bounded up to us, and i think it was a shetland terrier. it pressed itself next to my legs and just let me rub its neck. made me v v happy. i love dogs, and the ones here really look like they could love you back.
we also climbed up a rock to look at the view.
ben on the rock...
it was pretty. the sun set over the water. the power of the sea.
sunset over long beach.
and me on top of some giant log. heh.
and then it was on to wickaninnish beach, where we got out of the car to also explore another section of beautiful beach.
sunset over the beach.
and the trees and logs tt have been battered by the infamous tofino storms tt come every winter. it's amazing how much damage they can take, and be bent so backwards, and yet still stay so alive and so green. their resilience is just amazing.
oh! and ben let me drive. for the first time in my life. and unlicenced driver who hasn't even taken her basic theory... got to touch a real car. it was REALLY fun. i got to drive him around the car park, do a couple of turns, learn how to brake and accelerate, and then drive him down the long road from the carpark to the main road! it was a trip! damn short, but now i feel DAMN GIAN to learn how to drive! damn exhilirating! it's like go-karting, only tt you have more control and you can go faster and further! NICE!
after tt, we drove to ucluelet just to see what was around. there was after all, this bookstore tt sold new, old, and used books, and knowing how much ben loved books, we thought it would be nice to check it out. unfortunately ucluelet was even more ulu than tofino, so it was back tt 40 km to tofino to dinner. where the musicless ride was so boring tt inspite of my best efforts i still could not stay awake. wahaha.
because all the coffee places were closed (ghost town! ghost town!), we ended up at this sushi bar for coffee, hot chocolate.. and dinner.
me...
and ben...
we ordered miso soup (to beat the wet and cold) and sockeyed salmon sashimi. the salmon was DAMN good... but expensive. argh.
then we bought a whole pint of haagen daz strawberry cheesecake ice cream back to the motel, and finished the tub while watching "silence of the lambs" on cable.
ooh, alvin who was with the other group of singaporeans, who were coincedentally staying at the same place too, came up to visit us. then it was on to lalaland, and i think coz we were damn tired, esp after not sleeping at all the night before, we both slept damn well.
i'd insisted tt we needed to wake up at a specified time, so ben set the alarm for 9 am. in the end, HE was up by 9 am. i stoically refused to move an inch (even though i was already awake) until 9.30am. lazy lah. plus the bed damn comfy. wahaha.
but we got a move on by 10 am. drove back to nanaimo. by this time, ben was an expert at cutting people on the 1-laned winding highway, legal or illegal. we got into situations with him cutting 3 cars in a row or getting horned at (a rarity here) by an oncoming car for being in its lane and things along those lines to keep the drive interesting.
and for the first hour when we had no radio, i attempted to keep him awake by singing songs. but you know me lah. i only know 1 or 2 lines from a lot of songs. so i obviously didn't really sing effectively. but he did say tt he was entertained, albeit with a lot of amusement, so i guess i must have succeeded at SOMETHING.
but the radio was a welcome distraction. buahaha. and they were playing old school. like biggie small's 'hypnotized' and the beastie boys and ace of base... and man i love these songs but they make me positively OLD now! argh no! i don't wanna grow up!!! :(
and we saw a DEER on the side of the road. a real life deer!!! omg omg omg.
after missing the exit a few time, we hit nanaimo (ben also hit 185km/h on the speedometer; he wishes i actually took a photo of tt) in time for a really nice fish and chips lunch @ pirate chips. love the cod; batter's fantastic with tartar sauce, lemon juice and salt. and the fried mars bar. never thought i'd be back here since the last time i came with eileen, but who'd have guessed? wahaha.
also brought ben to the bookstore where he had to forcibly remind himself not to get any books. man, they have homer's 'odyssey' and 'íliad' in hardcover for only $12.00, and even alexander dumas' 'the count of monte cristo' in this first edition really ancient book thingy worth $200.00!
and while walking back to the carpark, we encountered this 14 year-old kid who asked ben for a light so tt he could light his smoke. (!!!) and i thought ben had started off young. *14!!!*
from there, it was back to return the rental car, catch a cab to the ferry (we'd discovered tt the sprain was a lot worse than i'd thought), and then board the 4.00pm ferry for vancouver.
ooh. and ben totally k.oed on the ferry. which was ok, until he did his whole hood thing again.
yes. this blue thing is ben. wahaha.
from the ferry, it was back on the bus from horseshoe bay to downtown vancouver, where we had dinner @ this place called noodle express on thurlow st. i had spicy beef ramen, while he had miso ramen. and deep fried pork ribs. YUM.
and then, our usual dessert @ denny's. a chocolate peanut butter cup pie (i LOVE peanut butter wahahahahaha!!!) and a strawberry milkshake for me...
and the 3rd ben-at-denny's photo.
yar lah. he's not even bothering to look @ the camera. anyway i think he should change his name to benny. then you have benny-@-denny's. i think tt has more of a ring to it.
and finally, back to ubc. back to ben's first starbucks coffee of the day, and a strange discussion with diana which ultimately turned to cannibalism and the talmud. and now it's back to the daily grind of work - a paper to completely rewrite and present on tues, to be exact (because i haven't done fuck yet and i need to get 5, 000 words out... I *DIE!!!*), and um... dota (altho ben's told me not to play until my finger becomes better. SIGH. and i don't know if physical activity is feasible. i have 2 huge orh che on my leg, but the one of my thigh is the size of a small saucer, and it's blue (with purple spots). and it hurts whenever i use my thigh muscle, like when i climb stairs. SIGH.).
oh. but we're also thinking of going to calgary. i mentioned calgary and stu hart's dungeon to ben not too long ago, and now he's thinking tt we should go. unfortunately the dungeon is now closed down, but there is still lance storm's wrestling academy (don't you just *love* being in a place with canadian wrestlers? now, why won't wwe just host a show in vancouver before i leave dammit?!) to visit there... and the rockies on the way... ooh... more snowy mountains and lakes and bears and deer and stuff... :)
love the canadian experience.
editted msn conversation snippets
(ben describing my bike accident)
... says:
ben: hey are you alight
izzy: (strange laughter emnanting from the bushes)
... says:
passerby (looking very concerned): are you sure you are alright
izzy: yes I am
passerby: are you sure?
Izzy: yes (giving thumbs up)
... says:
(at all present moments, izzy was still in the hole)
... says:
(waiting for godot)
from tofino! says:
i didnt want tt nice old lady to worry what
... says:
the most amazing thing was
... says:
she cycled back!
from tofino! says:
heng ah
from tofino! says:
didnt fall again
from tofino! says:
sekali sprain ze other finger
... says:
heng ar!
... says:
if you fall again
... says:
ben thinking: (never mind, i will have a lot to laugh about later)
... says:
ben: hey are you alight
izzy: (strange laughter emnanting from the bushes)
... says:
passerby (looking very concerned): are you sure you are alright
izzy: yes I am
passerby: are you sure?
Izzy: yes (giving thumbs up)
... says:
(at all present moments, izzy was still in the hole)
... says:
(waiting for godot)
from tofino! says:
i didnt want tt nice old lady to worry what
... says:
the most amazing thing was
... says:
she cycled back!
from tofino! says:
heng ah
from tofino! says:
didnt fall again
from tofino! says:
sekali sprain ze other finger
... says:
heng ar!
... says:
if you fall again
... says:
ben thinking: (never mind, i will have a lot to laugh about later)
Saturday, March 25, 2006
ben was laughing so hard at me tt he completely broke his chair.
sigh.
sigh.
"S'pore political system far better than many others"
Letter to the forum taken from The Straits Times Interactive. All comments in italics is my own.
March 25, 2006
S'pore political system far better than many others
"IN HIS letter, 'Politics in S'pore suffers from an image problem' (ST, March 23), Mr David Cai claims that the 'image problem' is due to the ruling party's 'hardline management of political dissent' that results in a 'deep-seated mentality that speaking out against the Government is analogous to treading on a minefield - one miscalculated step and you could be joining the ranks of J.B. Jeyaretnam or Chee Soon Juan'.
I am glad he felt free to speak up on this at length for The Straits Times. But the key issue is not the right to voice our views, which all of us enjoy, but the quality of the political system, the substance of the political debate and how decisions made can improve the lives of ordinary citizens."
Actually, I personally think that the right to voice our views is an integral quality to a good political system. The idea of the fundamental right to the freedom of expression is supposed to be inalienable, and to dismiss this as being a non-key issue worries me. And you wonder why S'poreans are all kiasee and never want to say anything? But yes, I do agree that we enjoy this right to voice our views. I am relying on this right right now to publish my own views as to this letter, after all.
"Singapore has a hard-won international reputation for its high standard of integrity and competence in its politics. The PAP ensures this by insisting on honest, capable political leaders who fulfil their promises to the people. This has served Singapore and Singaporeans well."
'Honest' and 'capable' are normative statements. I think that these 2 qualities should be judged by an objective 3rd-party, otherwise there tends to be an element of bias. Just a comment. And so is the statement that "[it] has served Singapore and Singaporeans well".
"In such a clean and transparent system, all allegations are investigated and lies refuted. Politicians who make scurrilous remarks must be able to back them up with facts. This applies both to the PAP as well as the opposition. This way, voters can decide better to whom they can entrust their future. Mr Cai forgets that Mr Chiam See Tong and Mr Low Thia Khiang have been in politics for over 20 years without suffering any consequences."
Erm... This is kind of like treading on dangerous ground, because I don't think the idea of 'truth as an absolute defence' does not apply to our legal system in defamation cases. In fact, the truth of comments made is rarely ever discussed in defamation cases. There seems to be an immediate presumption of falsehood already, and all that is being assessed is the so-called 'damage' made to a politician's (the right ones) reputation. Even so, we don't even need to prove actual damage to rule that damage has been made. Also, since defamation cases have always been made from 1 party to another (and not the other way around), we can't effectively judge the truth of these statements. Well, I guess Mr. Chiam and Mr. Low have both been in Parliament for over 20 years each, but I guess it has been because they are extremely conservative opposition party members, and people who vote them in have to live with the fact tt they may probably never get any housing estate upgrades.
"Our system is not perfect, but it is far better than the chaotic and dirty politics found in many other countries. Would Mr Cai prefer the political ferment in Thailand and the Philippines, where distrust of the ruling party's action and public conflict are ever present? Or the corruption of so many Asian countries, which have 'freer' political systems and media than Singapore?"
I don't think it is wise to label the politics in many other countries 'chaotic' and 'dirty'. This can only be discovered through exposure from the relevant sources, say the media. But the thing about Singapore is that our national media 'safeguards the state's interests', and foreign medias are discouraged from reporting on our state by threats of fines, defamation suits and circulation restrictions. So if there is a lack of information, it is difficult to present a conclusion so simply. In any case, even though these 'freer' political systems may have more political ferment, I would consider this the basis of a democracy. In any place where there is people power, there is bound to be some kind of chaos. This is a trade-off, because you have a whole plethora of views, and rulers that the people find lacking are necessarily removed by the system.
Even in the Thailand, I respect the situation that is going on. The people are protesting against Thaksin for selling out Shin Corp to Singapore, and although it might not seem like a big issue to us, I see in this not merely unrest and disorder, but inherent Thai nationalism. Thai pride for the national company and what the Thais believe belongs to them and thus and fight for, even if it means getting rid of a strong leader who they feel has otherwise betrayed them. This is how it should be. The revolutions of Russia and France might have been violent and bloody, but they were not in vain. If a government is found to be corrupt, there should be mechanisms with which to remove it. Although our current government has not been found to be so, I don't believe this negates the need for a mechanism to so remove a corrupt government.
"The PAP Government and its MPs have gained the respect and trust of the people over the years. This is something special. In the United States and Britain - where political debates and scandals dominate - cynicism with the political system has become widespread, resulting in declining voter turn-outs in their general elections. Politicians rank lower than used-car salesmen in public esteem."
I agree that the PAP and its MPs have gained the respect and trust of the people over the years. Some of them at least. I don't include in this statement the MPs who rode on the coat tails of the ones who were elected when the GRC system was put in place, such that by voting for 1 MP you necessarily vote for all 5 or 6 in his team, regardless of whether you wanted them all to get into Parliament in the first place (or even known who they were to begin with). Anyway I don't think this is anything special either. If the PAP had a strong opposition - like how the Conservatives in Canada always had the Liberals to contend with - and they were able to beat them conclusively on trust, I would consider whatever "this" is supposed to be special. But since the PAP does not have an equivalent of a Liberal party to stand head to head with, I can't agree with the "something special" thing. In any case, political debates and scandals are rife in any system. If Singapore is any different, it is to me, more a question of a lack of information. And just because the majority of the population does not say anything too public about its politicians, might not necessarily mean that its view of its politicians is very much better than the views of the Brits and Americans of their politicians. In any case, there has not been a declining turn-out in the general elections of the U.S, and definitely not in Canada. Here, voting is an innate right to be exercised, and not a mere privilege as in some other countries. And people here take these rights very very seriously. It doesn't matter if you're young (you need only be 18 and older to vote), old and infirm, or even a convicted felon; the right to vote extends to everyone. The Canadian kids here all seem to have voted more than me. But not tt it's difficult - I've never exercised this right in my life. And whether I will in future is still a huge question mark.
"According to the book, The Vanishing Voter, by Mr Thomas Patterson, a key reason for the voters' cynicism in the US is that political campaigns seem more like theatre or entertainment than something to be taken seriously. In Singapore, we take our politics seriously."
Oh yeah. You need a permit and a licence to hold a rally if you're an opposition member; your manifestoes get slammed by the opposing party for being 'dangers to the national interests', your party members are often in the newspapers only for bankruptcy suits and jail terms for things like defamation and contempt of court... And the media tends to take potshots at blogs for being frivolous and paling in comparison to the quality of news offered by itself...
The PAP is not afraid of different views and, in fact, encourages this. When I was interviewed to be a PAP candidate for the last general election, I made it clear that I disagreed with some of the PAP's policies. Still, I was selected, and I still maintain these views.
For the first sentence, I give you 3 names: Francis Seow - former Attorney-General and President of the Law Society of Singapore; JB Jeyaratnam - former District Judge in Malaysia and Senior Counsel in Singapore, and Chee Soon Juan, PhD in Neuropsychology and former lecturer at NUS. For the second, I give you "party whip". I'm not sure how much money an MP will earn right now, so I can't comment on that.
"Indeed, if the PAP wants to silence dissent, why should it introduce the Non-Constituency MP scheme to give opposition members at least three seats in Parliament? Because of this scheme, Mr Steve Chia, who lost in the last general election, could still enter Parliament as the 'best loser'."
Because we have no opposition. It is called "mian zi" aka 'face'. Idea is to make yourself look marginally better (when you have no opposition). Anyway NCMPs cannot vote on anything. So it doesn't matter how many we put in anyway.
"All Singaporeans are free to voice their opinions and form associations and, indeed, are encouraged to engage actively in politics if they feel so inclined. However, we all have to play by the same rules and be held accountable for our words and actions."
Yup. All you need is to apply to the police for a licence or a permit that is usually rejected, and if you still want to go ahead, you can if you don't mind going to jail for being a public nuisance, a threat to national security, or being a member of an unlawful assembly. It's all good lah. It's called 'accountability'. I mean, unless you join the ruling party. Then it really *is* all good. :)
"If Mr Cai has specific laws that he would like changed, he should put forward his suggestions, and get either the PAP or opposition politicians to raise them in Parliament. Mr Cai could even consider putting these ideas to the people by contesting in the forthcoming elections himself. After all, this is a democracy."
Boy is that a challenge is I ever did see one. If you're a citizen of Singapore and you care enough, you get asked to try to publish your own thoughts in a newspaper or to run for elections. The amount of money, publicity, and threat to yourself and your family nonwithstanding. Aiyah, with this kind of money right, it might actually be wiser to just buy your PR in Canada, where you can tell your Liberals or Conservatives anything you want without the members of either party telling you tt you ought to run against them. A bit kua zhang, right?
Irene Ng (Miss)
Member of Parliament
Of course.
March 25, 2006
S'pore political system far better than many others
"IN HIS letter, 'Politics in S'pore suffers from an image problem' (ST, March 23), Mr David Cai claims that the 'image problem' is due to the ruling party's 'hardline management of political dissent' that results in a 'deep-seated mentality that speaking out against the Government is analogous to treading on a minefield - one miscalculated step and you could be joining the ranks of J.B. Jeyaretnam or Chee Soon Juan'.
I am glad he felt free to speak up on this at length for The Straits Times. But the key issue is not the right to voice our views, which all of us enjoy, but the quality of the political system, the substance of the political debate and how decisions made can improve the lives of ordinary citizens."
Actually, I personally think that the right to voice our views is an integral quality to a good political system. The idea of the fundamental right to the freedom of expression is supposed to be inalienable, and to dismiss this as being a non-key issue worries me. And you wonder why S'poreans are all kiasee and never want to say anything? But yes, I do agree that we enjoy this right to voice our views. I am relying on this right right now to publish my own views as to this letter, after all.
"Singapore has a hard-won international reputation for its high standard of integrity and competence in its politics. The PAP ensures this by insisting on honest, capable political leaders who fulfil their promises to the people. This has served Singapore and Singaporeans well."
'Honest' and 'capable' are normative statements. I think that these 2 qualities should be judged by an objective 3rd-party, otherwise there tends to be an element of bias. Just a comment. And so is the statement that "[it] has served Singapore and Singaporeans well".
"In such a clean and transparent system, all allegations are investigated and lies refuted. Politicians who make scurrilous remarks must be able to back them up with facts. This applies both to the PAP as well as the opposition. This way, voters can decide better to whom they can entrust their future. Mr Cai forgets that Mr Chiam See Tong and Mr Low Thia Khiang have been in politics for over 20 years without suffering any consequences."
Erm... This is kind of like treading on dangerous ground, because I don't think the idea of 'truth as an absolute defence' does not apply to our legal system in defamation cases. In fact, the truth of comments made is rarely ever discussed in defamation cases. There seems to be an immediate presumption of falsehood already, and all that is being assessed is the so-called 'damage' made to a politician's (the right ones) reputation. Even so, we don't even need to prove actual damage to rule that damage has been made. Also, since defamation cases have always been made from 1 party to another (and not the other way around), we can't effectively judge the truth of these statements. Well, I guess Mr. Chiam and Mr. Low have both been in Parliament for over 20 years each, but I guess it has been because they are extremely conservative opposition party members, and people who vote them in have to live with the fact tt they may probably never get any housing estate upgrades.
"Our system is not perfect, but it is far better than the chaotic and dirty politics found in many other countries. Would Mr Cai prefer the political ferment in Thailand and the Philippines, where distrust of the ruling party's action and public conflict are ever present? Or the corruption of so many Asian countries, which have 'freer' political systems and media than Singapore?"
I don't think it is wise to label the politics in many other countries 'chaotic' and 'dirty'. This can only be discovered through exposure from the relevant sources, say the media. But the thing about Singapore is that our national media 'safeguards the state's interests', and foreign medias are discouraged from reporting on our state by threats of fines, defamation suits and circulation restrictions. So if there is a lack of information, it is difficult to present a conclusion so simply. In any case, even though these 'freer' political systems may have more political ferment, I would consider this the basis of a democracy. In any place where there is people power, there is bound to be some kind of chaos. This is a trade-off, because you have a whole plethora of views, and rulers that the people find lacking are necessarily removed by the system.
Even in the Thailand, I respect the situation that is going on. The people are protesting against Thaksin for selling out Shin Corp to Singapore, and although it might not seem like a big issue to us, I see in this not merely unrest and disorder, but inherent Thai nationalism. Thai pride for the national company and what the Thais believe belongs to them and thus and fight for, even if it means getting rid of a strong leader who they feel has otherwise betrayed them. This is how it should be. The revolutions of Russia and France might have been violent and bloody, but they were not in vain. If a government is found to be corrupt, there should be mechanisms with which to remove it. Although our current government has not been found to be so, I don't believe this negates the need for a mechanism to so remove a corrupt government.
"The PAP Government and its MPs have gained the respect and trust of the people over the years. This is something special. In the United States and Britain - where political debates and scandals dominate - cynicism with the political system has become widespread, resulting in declining voter turn-outs in their general elections. Politicians rank lower than used-car salesmen in public esteem."
I agree that the PAP and its MPs have gained the respect and trust of the people over the years. Some of them at least. I don't include in this statement the MPs who rode on the coat tails of the ones who were elected when the GRC system was put in place, such that by voting for 1 MP you necessarily vote for all 5 or 6 in his team, regardless of whether you wanted them all to get into Parliament in the first place (or even known who they were to begin with). Anyway I don't think this is anything special either. If the PAP had a strong opposition - like how the Conservatives in Canada always had the Liberals to contend with - and they were able to beat them conclusively on trust, I would consider whatever "this" is supposed to be special. But since the PAP does not have an equivalent of a Liberal party to stand head to head with, I can't agree with the "something special" thing. In any case, political debates and scandals are rife in any system. If Singapore is any different, it is to me, more a question of a lack of information. And just because the majority of the population does not say anything too public about its politicians, might not necessarily mean that its view of its politicians is very much better than the views of the Brits and Americans of their politicians. In any case, there has not been a declining turn-out in the general elections of the U.S, and definitely not in Canada. Here, voting is an innate right to be exercised, and not a mere privilege as in some other countries. And people here take these rights very very seriously. It doesn't matter if you're young (you need only be 18 and older to vote), old and infirm, or even a convicted felon; the right to vote extends to everyone. The Canadian kids here all seem to have voted more than me. But not tt it's difficult - I've never exercised this right in my life. And whether I will in future is still a huge question mark.
"According to the book, The Vanishing Voter, by Mr Thomas Patterson, a key reason for the voters' cynicism in the US is that political campaigns seem more like theatre or entertainment than something to be taken seriously. In Singapore, we take our politics seriously."
Oh yeah. You need a permit and a licence to hold a rally if you're an opposition member; your manifestoes get slammed by the opposing party for being 'dangers to the national interests', your party members are often in the newspapers only for bankruptcy suits and jail terms for things like defamation and contempt of court... And the media tends to take potshots at blogs for being frivolous and paling in comparison to the quality of news offered by itself...
The PAP is not afraid of different views and, in fact, encourages this. When I was interviewed to be a PAP candidate for the last general election, I made it clear that I disagreed with some of the PAP's policies. Still, I was selected, and I still maintain these views.
For the first sentence, I give you 3 names: Francis Seow - former Attorney-General and President of the Law Society of Singapore; JB Jeyaratnam - former District Judge in Malaysia and Senior Counsel in Singapore, and Chee Soon Juan, PhD in Neuropsychology and former lecturer at NUS. For the second, I give you "party whip". I'm not sure how much money an MP will earn right now, so I can't comment on that.
"Indeed, if the PAP wants to silence dissent, why should it introduce the Non-Constituency MP scheme to give opposition members at least three seats in Parliament? Because of this scheme, Mr Steve Chia, who lost in the last general election, could still enter Parliament as the 'best loser'."
Because we have no opposition. It is called "mian zi" aka 'face'. Idea is to make yourself look marginally better (when you have no opposition). Anyway NCMPs cannot vote on anything. So it doesn't matter how many we put in anyway.
"All Singaporeans are free to voice their opinions and form associations and, indeed, are encouraged to engage actively in politics if they feel so inclined. However, we all have to play by the same rules and be held accountable for our words and actions."
Yup. All you need is to apply to the police for a licence or a permit that is usually rejected, and if you still want to go ahead, you can if you don't mind going to jail for being a public nuisance, a threat to national security, or being a member of an unlawful assembly. It's all good lah. It's called 'accountability'. I mean, unless you join the ruling party. Then it really *is* all good. :)
"If Mr Cai has specific laws that he would like changed, he should put forward his suggestions, and get either the PAP or opposition politicians to raise them in Parliament. Mr Cai could even consider putting these ideas to the people by contesting in the forthcoming elections himself. After all, this is a democracy."
Boy is that a challenge is I ever did see one. If you're a citizen of Singapore and you care enough, you get asked to try to publish your own thoughts in a newspaper or to run for elections. The amount of money, publicity, and threat to yourself and your family nonwithstanding. Aiyah, with this kind of money right, it might actually be wiser to just buy your PR in Canada, where you can tell your Liberals or Conservatives anything you want without the members of either party telling you tt you ought to run against them. A bit kua zhang, right?
Irene Ng (Miss)
Member of Parliament
Of course.
Friday, March 24, 2006
boardin' for the last time?
fucking depressed last night. from the dismal state of affairs, from taking things way too personally, and to top it off, from carelessly losing my ipod. and i didn't get a good night's sleep either.
but this morning i got my ipod back. *yay!* and met ben to go for our weekly snowboarding session at cypress. which btw, cheered me up *immensely*. i'd happily proclaimed on the bus tt i was no longer depressed. although admittedly, it was possibly due to the topics tt i was waxing lyrical to my traumatised companion. who wasn't enjoying himself quite so much.
mr. tay trying to sleep/hide from me. well, he did call me a mad fuck, if tt is any indication to how much i'd traumatised him. *insert resonating evil laughter here*
by the time we'd got to cypress, we realised tt this might just be the last time we'd be boarding there. for one, it was no longer cold. hell, it felt even warmer than ubc! the layer of snow was thin and much had melted; the trees were back to green and no longer snow-capped, and we could hear the sound of running water from the creeks tt were once frozen solid.
rented our gear... i tried to take 1 glam snow-boarding photo...
...and failed miserably...
...and then it was up to panorama for our runs.
love snowboarding. even all the unglam factors. i've decided tt i have invented *every single possible way* of getting off the chair-lift - except the right way. fall off, fall and scramble off, fall onto board and sit on board and slide down, come off horizontally, crash into ben and bring him down with me... you name it i've done it.
today we did quite a few runs on panorama. as always, i was slow and trying to master turning, while ben was whizzing past. the wind was madness. don't know what the wind speeds were, but the wind was forcibly blowing me to the side of the mountain. tt was irritating. we also did 2 rounds on the intermediate slope and ben did 1 on the advanced slope. needless to say, i refused to support him in more than spirit, because i couldn't even get down the blue slope without doing a penguin - falling on the slope and sliding down the rest of the way on my butt while flailing my arms in helpless abandon, much to the amusement of every other motherfucker around.
but yeah. 6 straight hours of boarding was fun.
ooh. and i got the requisite ben...
...smoking...
photos.
see, what happened is tt ben was lighting up when i came down from panorama, so i decided to take my requisite ben smoking shots. of course, he complained tt all i ever did was take photos of him smoking (which i can't deny lah), so he decided to pretend tt he was just sitting there doing nothing (see the first photo where he is flashing this pseudo-innocent look while hiding his cigarette behind his back). so i decided to play the waiting game with him to see what could hold out longer - my camera or his not smoking.
obviously, he lost (see 2nd photo). wahahaha. so i am a happy girl. in fact, i was so happy i didn't take any more photos of him sleeping later. even tho they were nice and unglam. heh.
we breaked for an hour for lunch around 3pm - soup, burger and fries. after lunch, it became damn sian coz wind speeds increased. we only did 1 run on collins before they closed tt chair lift and the chair lift to panorama because the high wind speeds made it dangerous to operate the chair lifts. so in the end, we were relegated to the bunny hill until we decided tt it was time to go. not too bad lah. at least ben taught me 1 way to counter an ah beng's punching me.
we had dinner at oysi oysi japanese restaurant downtown. whereby ben, who can't really take hot stuff, ate the green chilli from the spicy pork ribs one by one just to show tt he could (although his excuse was tt it tasted good), and i got a hoot out of taunting him to drink tea/water following tt. anyway he refused to rise to the bait until he finished everything.
and then it was a mad rush to the toilet to wash out his mouth.
after dinner, because i was still hungry, we then had chocolate dessert at death by chocolate.
this is known as "devil in disguise".
consists of a chocolate ice-cream cake drizzled with chocolate fudge, and surrounded by 2 mounds of mousse and cream and wafer respectively, along with a dusting of cocoa powder.
yum.
now. all i have to do is convince ben about whistler...
but this morning i got my ipod back. *yay!* and met ben to go for our weekly snowboarding session at cypress. which btw, cheered me up *immensely*. i'd happily proclaimed on the bus tt i was no longer depressed. although admittedly, it was possibly due to the topics tt i was waxing lyrical to my traumatised companion. who wasn't enjoying himself quite so much.
mr. tay trying to sleep/hide from me. well, he did call me a mad fuck, if tt is any indication to how much i'd traumatised him. *insert resonating evil laughter here*
by the time we'd got to cypress, we realised tt this might just be the last time we'd be boarding there. for one, it was no longer cold. hell, it felt even warmer than ubc! the layer of snow was thin and much had melted; the trees were back to green and no longer snow-capped, and we could hear the sound of running water from the creeks tt were once frozen solid.
rented our gear... i tried to take 1 glam snow-boarding photo...
...and failed miserably...
...and then it was up to panorama for our runs.
love snowboarding. even all the unglam factors. i've decided tt i have invented *every single possible way* of getting off the chair-lift - except the right way. fall off, fall and scramble off, fall onto board and sit on board and slide down, come off horizontally, crash into ben and bring him down with me... you name it i've done it.
today we did quite a few runs on panorama. as always, i was slow and trying to master turning, while ben was whizzing past. the wind was madness. don't know what the wind speeds were, but the wind was forcibly blowing me to the side of the mountain. tt was irritating. we also did 2 rounds on the intermediate slope and ben did 1 on the advanced slope. needless to say, i refused to support him in more than spirit, because i couldn't even get down the blue slope without doing a penguin - falling on the slope and sliding down the rest of the way on my butt while flailing my arms in helpless abandon, much to the amusement of every other motherfucker around.
but yeah. 6 straight hours of boarding was fun.
ooh. and i got the requisite ben...
...smoking...
photos.
see, what happened is tt ben was lighting up when i came down from panorama, so i decided to take my requisite ben smoking shots. of course, he complained tt all i ever did was take photos of him smoking (which i can't deny lah), so he decided to pretend tt he was just sitting there doing nothing (see the first photo where he is flashing this pseudo-innocent look while hiding his cigarette behind his back). so i decided to play the waiting game with him to see what could hold out longer - my camera or his not smoking.
obviously, he lost (see 2nd photo). wahahaha. so i am a happy girl. in fact, i was so happy i didn't take any more photos of him sleeping later. even tho they were nice and unglam. heh.
we breaked for an hour for lunch around 3pm - soup, burger and fries. after lunch, it became damn sian coz wind speeds increased. we only did 1 run on collins before they closed tt chair lift and the chair lift to panorama because the high wind speeds made it dangerous to operate the chair lifts. so in the end, we were relegated to the bunny hill until we decided tt it was time to go. not too bad lah. at least ben taught me 1 way to counter an ah beng's punching me.
we had dinner at oysi oysi japanese restaurant downtown. whereby ben, who can't really take hot stuff, ate the green chilli from the spicy pork ribs one by one just to show tt he could (although his excuse was tt it tasted good), and i got a hoot out of taunting him to drink tea/water following tt. anyway he refused to rise to the bait until he finished everything.
and then it was a mad rush to the toilet to wash out his mouth.
after dinner, because i was still hungry, we then had chocolate dessert at death by chocolate.
this is known as "devil in disguise".
consists of a chocolate ice-cream cake drizzled with chocolate fudge, and surrounded by 2 mounds of mousse and cream and wafer respectively, along with a dusting of cocoa powder.
yum.
now. all i have to do is convince ben about whistler...
chocolate decadence II
photos from true confections and death by chocolate respectively.
from true confections:
devil's food cake.
"goddamit just let me tuck in!!!"
and from death by chocolate:
devil in disguise.
interesting how chocolate is always associated with sin and temptation. :]
from true confections:
devil's food cake.
"goddamit just let me tuck in!!!"
and from death by chocolate:
devil in disguise.
interesting how chocolate is always associated with sin and temptation. :]
Thursday, March 23, 2006
on the pathological desire to exterminate
someone's been complaining tt i no longer blog.
apparently lyrics and personality tests postings and italicised paragraphs do not count as blog entries.
but nonetheless, the past 3 days have been strange for me. or rather, i have been strange for the past 3 days.
i have been experiencing this pathological desire to exterminate.
i'm not very sure where it comes from or why it has chosen to manifest during the past few days. ben attributes it to the fact tt i still cannot kill heroes while playing dota, such tt my 'pek chekness' and feelings of hero-killing inadequacy have therefore been translated into this need to be violent in real life.
*shrugs*
don't know about tt. it's just a strange feeling. it's like this need to be vehement and malicious, tt stems from an innate complex... maybe tt of arrogant megalomania? *pause* well. maybe not tt extreme; there are no delusions of global domination. but it's like... something like my despising of original girls, just stronger and applied to a broader range of people. it's not about suicide or committing murder; why kill one and be labelled a common murder? after all, when you hit 1 million, it's no longer murder, it's statistics.
i guess it's also what has been transpiring during the past few days. diana set up this petition for csj. and i signed it not because i think he should become the next pm or something like tt (ok, i still don't think he's very smart. i feel like his actions are tantamount to banging his head into a wall over and over again. the wall doesn't become dented, but your head becomes a bloody pulp). but i signed it because of what he represents and because what is being done to him has the effect of sickening me to my stomach. i feel like the reasons being uttered in a court of law are like lies because there has neither been any effect nor any scandalisation of any sort by csj on the judiciary, and yet he has been sentenced as such.
and i guess what sickens me more, is tt people don't give a fuck. sure, some people are signing the petition (some to hilarious results, i might add), while some are not signing because they "agree to disagree" - they think tt csj is an idiot and therefore he deserves to be in jail for giving the opposition a bad name. but what i cannot stomach, is the people who don't sign because they are afraid.
i know tt csj has not been portrayed in a good light by the media. obviously. it is the national newspaper after all (and might i add, they are doing this whole "throw doubt on the integrity of bloggers exercise", even though i think this being so done because they fear the advent of the blogger and its effect on earth-shaking events like politics. after all, if blogging is the new political movement in the U.S and in canada, no matter how much you try to stem or censor, there is no way you can stop a behemoth). and obviously he looks like an idiot. and of course, it isn't mentioned tt he has a phd in neuropsychology (i think. and on an unrelated note: notice how everyone remembers jbj as the sad old man bankrupt, but not many people know that he was once a district judge in malaysia, as well as a senior counsel in singapore???). or tt he is married with a wife who is also an opposition member mand the proud father of 3 beautiful kids (which you will also know about if you watch "a singapore rebel" by martyn see. on a separate note, martyn see is doing something like a michael moore. but unfortunately he's probably not going to be the michael moore of singapore. he's probably going to end up slapped with a nice heavy fine and a jail term for making a political film. i feel even sicker just talking about this). he is a man and a singaporean like you and me, with a lot of ideals and a lot of idealism. he wants to test the system to breaking point, and even though it is idiotic behaviour and he's probably going down for it, what i admire about him is tt he cares enough. he doesn't just up and leave. he doesn't say "lan lan. we live in this place. liddat lor. just accept". he doesn't give up, he doesn't say die. he keeps on fighting.
what about the rest of us?
the amount of political apathy, the amount of which singaporeans just don't give a fuck, sickens me. i want to exterminate the people like these, who don't give a fuck beyond their own lives. yesterday the 3 of us were engaged in a heated debate with this russian lady in our fundamentalism class about the imposition of absolute rights. and i was saying tt the imposition of rights has to be qualified and applied in culture-specific contexts, because the universal declaration of human rights is a fallacy and a concept developed by the western superpowers to impose their own ideals and values upon the rest of the world. and places like asia or the middle east didn't really give a fuck about freedoms of speech or equality or privacy or what fuck concepts these were. of course, in a room full of western supremists, we got associated with extremism and dictatorships (not tt i guess i can blame them. they've never come to singapore before), but still... it was a real exchange of ideas. and the recognition of the lacuna between the western and the asian cultures.
(which, on an unrelated note: i think we should accept that there is such a lacuna and such differences. i think it is a fallacy and ridiculously narrow-minded to assume tt humans are all one and the same. and for tt reason i don't like particularly kentang people who wanna be all americanised or briticised and who despise so-called "asian values", who scoff at their own race and country and who adopt a western accent just because. it's one thing to be born and to grow up in western lalaland, and another thing to be asian and to pretend tt you're not. i think tt's just pathetic, coz as long as you're a munjen, you'll be a munjen no matter how much you pretend you're not.)
but anyway back to the topic in question. i don't see why we just don't care. i don't see why we're just so afraid. i don't see why we're just so ignorant. i find it pathetic tt singapore can rename itself "suicidopolis", and tt the number of youth suicides is on the rise for the top 2 reasons:
1) study stress
2) unrequited love
because ben and diana think tt this is a worthy quote, i shall put it up here:
"unrequited love is not a country-specific phenomenon."
and if you kill yourselves for the above 2 reasons, then i think tt you are truly pathetic. is there nothing else in life more important? have you no dreams or ambition?
when you're 13, don't you have dreams of becoming a soccer star and playing in the big leagues? of becoming and actress or a writer or doing what you want?
was talking to ben and we both admitted tt as much as we missed our friends in sg, we were dreading going back. there's something so much more preferable about being here in vancouver. in singapore, we study and work hard to get our 1s and 2-1s and become lawyers. but here, somehow i don't think i would contemplate being a lawyer. i could take on a few jobs to put myself through college, maybe take a few more years off, and in the meantime contemplate what i would like to do in life. i can do any-fucking-thing i want here. i can be a snowboard instructor during the winter season, make money and have fun doing it.
and considering tt north americans start dating even earlier than asians, isn't it strange tt "ünrequited love" isn't high on the list of reasons on why north americans kill themselves?
fuck it. it's not about standard of living, and i've said it over and over and over again. it's about quality of life. it's about having the freedom to choose who you wanna be and what you wanna do. it's not about being dictated by the shackles of money (or the pursuit of), the burdens of responsibility and the ideas of face and reputation... it's so much more. it's self-determination, and self-actualisation.
i was proposing maslow's theory of human needs as a reason why singapore had a lower quality of life than canada.
paraphrased from wikipedia.org:
"Maslow's Hierarchy of Human Needs, which he often presented as a pyramid, has self-actualization at the top as the highest of those needs (or conflicts or tensions) in ones life. '
The base of the pyramid is the physiological needs, which are necessary for survival. Once these are taken care of (resolved), an individual can concentrate on the second layer, the need for safety and security.
The third layer is the need for love and belonging, followed by the need for esteem. Finally, self-actualization forms the apex of the pyramid.
In this scheme, the first four layers are what Maslow called deficiency needs or D-needs. If they are not filled, you feel anxiety and attempt to fill them. If they are filled, you feel nothing; you feel only the lack. Each layer also takes precedence over the layer above it; you do not feel the lack of safety and security until your physiological needs are taken care of, for example. In Maslow's terminology, a need does not become salient until the needs below it are met.
Needs beyond the D-needs are "growth needs", "being values" or B-needs. When fulfilled, they do not go away, rather, they motivate further. He outlines about 14 of these values or B-needs, including beauty, meaning, truth, wholeness, justice, order, simplicity, richness, etc.
Maslow also proposed that people who have reached self-actualization will sometimes experience a state he referred to as "transcendence," in which they become aware of not only their own fullest potential, but the fullest potential of human beings at large. He described this transcendence and its characteristics in an essay in the posthumously published The Farther Reaches in Human Nature. In the essay, he describes this experience as not always being transitory, but that certain individuals might have ready access to it, and spend more time in this state. He makes a point that these individuals experience not only ecstatic joy, but also profound, "cosmic-sadness," (Maslow, 1971) at the ability of humans to foil chances of transcendence in their own lives, and in the world at large."
the idea here, is tt singaporeans never go for self-actualisation. we're still trying to fulfil the basic needs, and throughout our lives we exist. we breathe, we work, we study, we exercise, we look for love (sometimes), but we never actually live. we don't dream; if we do, they get shattered very early on in life. we don't self-determine, yet alone self-actualise. we feel like we have little say over our own lives, like we are always victims to be controlled by fate or some higher power or authority (like *cough cough* the men in white).
fuck it. i hate this whole victim mentality. if you wanna be a victim, then be a fucking victim. be exterminated. do nothing? then so be it. don't come and complain and say tt you're life sucks or tt you're unhappy with life. was saying tt singaporeans' fave pastime is complaining. whenever you read the local media, all you see in the forums are the most boh liao space-wasting letters EVER about some complaint or other. in canada, people rarely ever complain. sure, canada isn't as efficient as singapore, but people are more laid-back. there are certain things tt they can do without. just because they gotta wait 5 min more for you to cross the road, they aren't going to press their horns as though tt 5 min is the difference between life and death (fuck those goddamn ugly singaporean drivers). no one has a problem with holding the door a little longer for you when your arms are full of stuff. and you can say hi and make small conversation with almost anyone so long as you want to.
i think a lot of singaporeans complain coz it's all they know. it's their only outlet for expression. because they feel so helpless and out of control tt their only way of exerting some sort of assertiveness is through complaining. as the consumer is always right and what fuck reason, therefore no matter how dumb or stupid the complaint, they just do so. i think tt's sad and these people should also be exterminated. oh well.
my compatriots tell me tt my blog entries are so vitrolic tt i look like i have a problem with half the world. i think with this entry i might look like i have intentions to exterminate half the populace of singapore. i've been asked: why not go anonymous? i'm taking a risk to blog about things like this with my identity known to so many.
but my defences is this:
1) i don't make baseless assumptions. everything tt i say is based on evidence of some sort.
2) this is my own personal opinion and is refutable.
3) the audience for this blog is small. it's private, not public, and intended for mainly friends. if you come in for the sake of reading it and you think tt it is a public nuisance, then i think you got problem. better go imh get check up. it is not a threat to national security or what fuck reason.
and if you watch v for vendetta - which makes me sadder actually -, i think one propoganda machine is enough. the thought police of 1984 should not exist in real life; otherwise i think i really have a good enough reason to go kill myself. seriously, i would rather die than live in a 1984-esque place.
anyway v for vendetta was amazing. i loved the ideas. i loved the ending scene (spoilers here) with the blowing up of parliament and all the guy falkian-masked people marching to the square, and then removing their masks to see fireworks played to classical music. viva la revolucion.
yes, people power is possibly anarchic and chaotic. the french revolution was a long drawn-out and very bloody affair. but it gave people hope, and revolutions continue to give people hope.
i cannot wait for when the wto conference comes to singapore in september.
apparently lyrics and personality tests postings and italicised paragraphs do not count as blog entries.
but nonetheless, the past 3 days have been strange for me. or rather, i have been strange for the past 3 days.
i have been experiencing this pathological desire to exterminate.
i'm not very sure where it comes from or why it has chosen to manifest during the past few days. ben attributes it to the fact tt i still cannot kill heroes while playing dota, such tt my 'pek chekness' and feelings of hero-killing inadequacy have therefore been translated into this need to be violent in real life.
*shrugs*
don't know about tt. it's just a strange feeling. it's like this need to be vehement and malicious, tt stems from an innate complex... maybe tt of arrogant megalomania? *pause* well. maybe not tt extreme; there are no delusions of global domination. but it's like... something like my despising of original girls, just stronger and applied to a broader range of people. it's not about suicide or committing murder; why kill one and be labelled a common murder? after all, when you hit 1 million, it's no longer murder, it's statistics.
i guess it's also what has been transpiring during the past few days. diana set up this petition for csj. and i signed it not because i think he should become the next pm or something like tt (ok, i still don't think he's very smart. i feel like his actions are tantamount to banging his head into a wall over and over again. the wall doesn't become dented, but your head becomes a bloody pulp). but i signed it because of what he represents and because what is being done to him has the effect of sickening me to my stomach. i feel like the reasons being uttered in a court of law are like lies because there has neither been any effect nor any scandalisation of any sort by csj on the judiciary, and yet he has been sentenced as such.
and i guess what sickens me more, is tt people don't give a fuck. sure, some people are signing the petition (some to hilarious results, i might add), while some are not signing because they "agree to disagree" - they think tt csj is an idiot and therefore he deserves to be in jail for giving the opposition a bad name. but what i cannot stomach, is the people who don't sign because they are afraid.
i know tt csj has not been portrayed in a good light by the media. obviously. it is the national newspaper after all (and might i add, they are doing this whole "throw doubt on the integrity of bloggers exercise", even though i think this being so done because they fear the advent of the blogger and its effect on earth-shaking events like politics. after all, if blogging is the new political movement in the U.S and in canada, no matter how much you try to stem or censor, there is no way you can stop a behemoth). and obviously he looks like an idiot. and of course, it isn't mentioned tt he has a phd in neuropsychology (i think. and on an unrelated note: notice how everyone remembers jbj as the sad old man bankrupt, but not many people know that he was once a district judge in malaysia, as well as a senior counsel in singapore???). or tt he is married with a wife who is also an opposition member mand the proud father of 3 beautiful kids (which you will also know about if you watch "a singapore rebel" by martyn see. on a separate note, martyn see is doing something like a michael moore. but unfortunately he's probably not going to be the michael moore of singapore. he's probably going to end up slapped with a nice heavy fine and a jail term for making a political film. i feel even sicker just talking about this). he is a man and a singaporean like you and me, with a lot of ideals and a lot of idealism. he wants to test the system to breaking point, and even though it is idiotic behaviour and he's probably going down for it, what i admire about him is tt he cares enough. he doesn't just up and leave. he doesn't say "lan lan. we live in this place. liddat lor. just accept". he doesn't give up, he doesn't say die. he keeps on fighting.
what about the rest of us?
the amount of political apathy, the amount of which singaporeans just don't give a fuck, sickens me. i want to exterminate the people like these, who don't give a fuck beyond their own lives. yesterday the 3 of us were engaged in a heated debate with this russian lady in our fundamentalism class about the imposition of absolute rights. and i was saying tt the imposition of rights has to be qualified and applied in culture-specific contexts, because the universal declaration of human rights is a fallacy and a concept developed by the western superpowers to impose their own ideals and values upon the rest of the world. and places like asia or the middle east didn't really give a fuck about freedoms of speech or equality or privacy or what fuck concepts these were. of course, in a room full of western supremists, we got associated with extremism and dictatorships (not tt i guess i can blame them. they've never come to singapore before), but still... it was a real exchange of ideas. and the recognition of the lacuna between the western and the asian cultures.
(which, on an unrelated note: i think we should accept that there is such a lacuna and such differences. i think it is a fallacy and ridiculously narrow-minded to assume tt humans are all one and the same. and for tt reason i don't like particularly kentang people who wanna be all americanised or briticised and who despise so-called "asian values", who scoff at their own race and country and who adopt a western accent just because. it's one thing to be born and to grow up in western lalaland, and another thing to be asian and to pretend tt you're not. i think tt's just pathetic, coz as long as you're a munjen, you'll be a munjen no matter how much you pretend you're not.)
but anyway back to the topic in question. i don't see why we just don't care. i don't see why we're just so afraid. i don't see why we're just so ignorant. i find it pathetic tt singapore can rename itself "suicidopolis", and tt the number of youth suicides is on the rise for the top 2 reasons:
1) study stress
2) unrequited love
because ben and diana think tt this is a worthy quote, i shall put it up here:
"unrequited love is not a country-specific phenomenon."
and if you kill yourselves for the above 2 reasons, then i think tt you are truly pathetic. is there nothing else in life more important? have you no dreams or ambition?
when you're 13, don't you have dreams of becoming a soccer star and playing in the big leagues? of becoming and actress or a writer or doing what you want?
was talking to ben and we both admitted tt as much as we missed our friends in sg, we were dreading going back. there's something so much more preferable about being here in vancouver. in singapore, we study and work hard to get our 1s and 2-1s and become lawyers. but here, somehow i don't think i would contemplate being a lawyer. i could take on a few jobs to put myself through college, maybe take a few more years off, and in the meantime contemplate what i would like to do in life. i can do any-fucking-thing i want here. i can be a snowboard instructor during the winter season, make money and have fun doing it.
and considering tt north americans start dating even earlier than asians, isn't it strange tt "ünrequited love" isn't high on the list of reasons on why north americans kill themselves?
fuck it. it's not about standard of living, and i've said it over and over and over again. it's about quality of life. it's about having the freedom to choose who you wanna be and what you wanna do. it's not about being dictated by the shackles of money (or the pursuit of), the burdens of responsibility and the ideas of face and reputation... it's so much more. it's self-determination, and self-actualisation.
i was proposing maslow's theory of human needs as a reason why singapore had a lower quality of life than canada.
paraphrased from wikipedia.org:
"Maslow's Hierarchy of Human Needs, which he often presented as a pyramid, has self-actualization at the top as the highest of those needs (or conflicts or tensions) in ones life. '
The base of the pyramid is the physiological needs, which are necessary for survival. Once these are taken care of (resolved), an individual can concentrate on the second layer, the need for safety and security.
The third layer is the need for love and belonging, followed by the need for esteem. Finally, self-actualization forms the apex of the pyramid.
In this scheme, the first four layers are what Maslow called deficiency needs or D-needs. If they are not filled, you feel anxiety and attempt to fill them. If they are filled, you feel nothing; you feel only the lack. Each layer also takes precedence over the layer above it; you do not feel the lack of safety and security until your physiological needs are taken care of, for example. In Maslow's terminology, a need does not become salient until the needs below it are met.
Needs beyond the D-needs are "growth needs", "being values" or B-needs. When fulfilled, they do not go away, rather, they motivate further. He outlines about 14 of these values or B-needs, including beauty, meaning, truth, wholeness, justice, order, simplicity, richness, etc.
Maslow also proposed that people who have reached self-actualization will sometimes experience a state he referred to as "transcendence," in which they become aware of not only their own fullest potential, but the fullest potential of human beings at large. He described this transcendence and its characteristics in an essay in the posthumously published The Farther Reaches in Human Nature. In the essay, he describes this experience as not always being transitory, but that certain individuals might have ready access to it, and spend more time in this state. He makes a point that these individuals experience not only ecstatic joy, but also profound, "cosmic-sadness," (Maslow, 1971) at the ability of humans to foil chances of transcendence in their own lives, and in the world at large."
the idea here, is tt singaporeans never go for self-actualisation. we're still trying to fulfil the basic needs, and throughout our lives we exist. we breathe, we work, we study, we exercise, we look for love (sometimes), but we never actually live. we don't dream; if we do, they get shattered very early on in life. we don't self-determine, yet alone self-actualise. we feel like we have little say over our own lives, like we are always victims to be controlled by fate or some higher power or authority (like *cough cough* the men in white).
fuck it. i hate this whole victim mentality. if you wanna be a victim, then be a fucking victim. be exterminated. do nothing? then so be it. don't come and complain and say tt you're life sucks or tt you're unhappy with life. was saying tt singaporeans' fave pastime is complaining. whenever you read the local media, all you see in the forums are the most boh liao space-wasting letters EVER about some complaint or other. in canada, people rarely ever complain. sure, canada isn't as efficient as singapore, but people are more laid-back. there are certain things tt they can do without. just because they gotta wait 5 min more for you to cross the road, they aren't going to press their horns as though tt 5 min is the difference between life and death (fuck those goddamn ugly singaporean drivers). no one has a problem with holding the door a little longer for you when your arms are full of stuff. and you can say hi and make small conversation with almost anyone so long as you want to.
i think a lot of singaporeans complain coz it's all they know. it's their only outlet for expression. because they feel so helpless and out of control tt their only way of exerting some sort of assertiveness is through complaining. as the consumer is always right and what fuck reason, therefore no matter how dumb or stupid the complaint, they just do so. i think tt's sad and these people should also be exterminated. oh well.
my compatriots tell me tt my blog entries are so vitrolic tt i look like i have a problem with half the world. i think with this entry i might look like i have intentions to exterminate half the populace of singapore. i've been asked: why not go anonymous? i'm taking a risk to blog about things like this with my identity known to so many.
but my defences is this:
1) i don't make baseless assumptions. everything tt i say is based on evidence of some sort.
2) this is my own personal opinion and is refutable.
3) the audience for this blog is small. it's private, not public, and intended for mainly friends. if you come in for the sake of reading it and you think tt it is a public nuisance, then i think you got problem. better go imh get check up. it is not a threat to national security or what fuck reason.
and if you watch v for vendetta - which makes me sadder actually -, i think one propoganda machine is enough. the thought police of 1984 should not exist in real life; otherwise i think i really have a good enough reason to go kill myself. seriously, i would rather die than live in a 1984-esque place.
anyway v for vendetta was amazing. i loved the ideas. i loved the ending scene (spoilers here) with the blowing up of parliament and all the guy falkian-masked people marching to the square, and then removing their masks to see fireworks played to classical music. viva la revolucion.
yes, people power is possibly anarchic and chaotic. the french revolution was a long drawn-out and very bloody affair. but it gave people hope, and revolutions continue to give people hope.
i cannot wait for when the wto conference comes to singapore in september.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
"people should not be afraid of their governments. governments should be afraid of their people."
watch 'v for vendetta'. it is so worth it.
quotes from the movie:
V: "Remember, remember, the fifth of November, The gunpowder treason and plot. I know of no reason why gunpowder treason should ever be forgot."
V: "This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V."
Evey Hammond: "Who are you?"
V: "Who? Who is but the form following the function of what. And what I am is a man in a mask."
Evey Hammond: "I can see that."
V: "Of course you can. I am not questioning your powers of observation. I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is."
V: "Beneath this mask there is more than flesh. There is an idea, Mr. Creedy, and ideas are bulletproof."
viva la revolucion!!!
quotes from the movie:
V: "Remember, remember, the fifth of November, The gunpowder treason and plot. I know of no reason why gunpowder treason should ever be forgot."
V: "This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is it vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V."
Evey Hammond: "Who are you?"
V: "Who? Who is but the form following the function of what. And what I am is a man in a mask."
Evey Hammond: "I can see that."
V: "Of course you can. I am not questioning your powers of observation. I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is."
V: "Beneath this mask there is more than flesh. There is an idea, Mr. Creedy, and ideas are bulletproof."
viva la revolucion!!!
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
"and i'm so sad. like a good book, i can't put this day back."
on my way up north
up on the ventura
i pulled back the hood
and i was talking to you
and i knew then it would be
a life long thing
but i didn't know that we
we could break a silver lining
and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you
things you said that day
up on the 101
the girl had come undone
i tried to downplay it
with a bet about us
you said that-
you'd take it
as long as i could
i could not erase it
and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you
and i ride along side
and i rode along side
you then
and i rode along side
till you lost me there
in the open road
and i rode along side
till the honey spread
itself so thin
for me to break your bread
for me to take your word
i had to steal it
and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you
i could pick back up
whenever i feel
down new mexico way
something about
the open road
i knew that he was
looking for some indian blood and
find a little in you find a little
in me we may be
on this road but
we're just
impostors
in this country you know
so we go along and we said
we'd fake it
feel better with
oliver stone
till i
almost smacked him -
seemed right that night and
i don't know what
takes hold
out there in the
desert cold
these guys think they must
try and just get over on us
and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this
day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you
and i was ridin' by
ridin' along side
for a while till you lost me
and i was ridin' by
ridin' along till you lost me
till you lost
me in
the rear
view
you lost me
i said
way up north i took my day
all in all was a pretty nice
day and i put the hood
right back where
you could taste heaven
perfectly
feel out the summer breeze
didn't know when we'd be back
and i, i don't
didn't think
we'd end up like
like this
- "a sorta fairytale" by tori amos
up on the ventura
i pulled back the hood
and i was talking to you
and i knew then it would be
a life long thing
but i didn't know that we
we could break a silver lining
and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you
things you said that day
up on the 101
the girl had come undone
i tried to downplay it
with a bet about us
you said that-
you'd take it
as long as i could
i could not erase it
and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you
and i ride along side
and i rode along side
you then
and i rode along side
till you lost me there
in the open road
and i rode along side
till the honey spread
itself so thin
for me to break your bread
for me to take your word
i had to steal it
and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you
i could pick back up
whenever i feel
down new mexico way
something about
the open road
i knew that he was
looking for some indian blood and
find a little in you find a little
in me we may be
on this road but
we're just
impostors
in this country you know
so we go along and we said
we'd fake it
feel better with
oliver stone
till i
almost smacked him -
seemed right that night and
i don't know what
takes hold
out there in the
desert cold
these guys think they must
try and just get over on us
and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this
day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you
and i was ridin' by
ridin' along side
for a while till you lost me
and i was ridin' by
ridin' along till you lost me
till you lost
me in
the rear
view
you lost me
i said
way up north i took my day
all in all was a pretty nice
day and i put the hood
right back where
you could taste heaven
perfectly
feel out the summer breeze
didn't know when we'd be back
and i, i don't
didn't think
we'd end up like
like this
- "a sorta fairytale" by tori amos
| the Asserter Test finished! | ||
you chose AY - your Enneagram type is EIGHT."I must be strong"Asserters are direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective. How to Get Along with Me
What I Like About Being a Eight
What's Hard About Being a Eight
Eights as Children Often
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| ||
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My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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| Link: The Quick and Painless ENNEAGRAM Test written by felk on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test |
it's so hard to be happy today. i don't know why. the weather was great. it was a nice warm day - i think it was ard 9 degrees - and it was bright and the sun was shining. and you could see the squirrels and the coloured birds heralding the arrival of spring, and it was just... open. class was predictably boring, but it was survivable. and then somehow somewhere something just crashed. i crashed. i don't know how it happened. maybe it was 2 really bad failed attempts at dota, dying and getting scolded again, being hungry to the point of weakness and pain because i made the mistake of not having lunch, the sheer vehement repulsion tt i felt towards my badly-done fundamentalism essay and how much i would have to change, from the content to even the language itself, to this creeping headache tt just made it so hard to be cheerful. i wanted a reason to be dark, violent, morbid, hateful. i wanted an argument, a quarrel, a fight. i wanted to punch something, hit something, kill something. i'm just very tired. i don't know where it could have come from, coz as far as i've known it i've been doing ok and nothing's happened to sap my energy or drain my enthusiasm. but i'm tired and scared and unsure and i just want to curl up and hide somewhere until it's all over, but i don't even know what it is and i don't know why i feel this way... but i'm just not happy right now. i can't even try to be right now.
"have you ever wanted something so bad, tt sometimes the fear of not getting it grips you so hard you feel emotionally paralysed? thing about throwing caution to the wind, is tt it's like throwing yourself off a cliff. there's nowhere to go but down. you can't turn back, can't go back, can't save yourself. you can only hope tt the move was a right one, and tt there's something to catch you at the bottom. honestly, there's no more 'what ifs' anymore. if you die, then you die. it's all ridiculously simple."
Monday, March 20, 2006
"you're beautiful. you're confusing. you're illogical. you're amazing."
"too late to hide
and too tired to care
take what you've left
and forget the rest
take what you see
of what's left of me
you know where I've been
and I don't want to go there again
you're beautiful
you're confusing
you're illogical
you're amazing
and I've seen the world
it's overrated
until you're everything
I have nothing
but empty space
I've been down
this road before
all that I've found
points me right back to you
and I've watch you move
from down below
where do I go from here
I guess I'll find out as I go
you're beautiful
you're confusing
you're illogical
you're amazing
and I've seen the world
it's overrated
until you're everything
I have nothing
but empty space
you're beautiful
you're confusing
you're illogical
you're amazing
and I've seen the world
it's overrated
until you're everything
I have nothing
until you're everything
I have nothing
but an empty space"
- "empty space", by lifehouse
and too tired to care
take what you've left
and forget the rest
take what you see
of what's left of me
you know where I've been
and I don't want to go there again
you're beautiful
you're confusing
you're illogical
you're amazing
and I've seen the world
it's overrated
until you're everything
I have nothing
but empty space
I've been down
this road before
all that I've found
points me right back to you
and I've watch you move
from down below
where do I go from here
I guess I'll find out as I go
you're beautiful
you're confusing
you're illogical
you're amazing
and I've seen the world
it's overrated
until you're everything
I have nothing
but empty space
you're beautiful
you're confusing
you're illogical
you're amazing
and I've seen the world
it's overrated
until you're everything
I have nothing
until you're everything
I have nothing
but an empty space"
- "empty space", by lifehouse
miss rowing miss my girls miss the feel of salt water on my skin and the pounding in my ears and the feel of my heart racing and lungs threatening to burst and the excruciating pain in my deltoids as they scream for me to stop rowing. but i would never stop, never stop seeing the end and the chequered buoy in sight and feeling the tension from the boats to the left and the right and hearing the screams and battlecries of my girls amidst the synchronised splash of our paddles dipping in. remembering the days leading up, the trainings with the crazy ass long-distance tyre trainings and pull-ups and push-ups and punishments for being late and the long runs to sheares bridge and the esplanade from kallang and back and my legs giving way to cramps and my breath just not coming fast enough and the painful sting of tears of defeat in my eyes before my girls come back to run with me back to kallang and hug me around the back and tell me tt i am strong and tt i can do it and i would do it all for them. the times sitting on the ledge making fun of the other teams and their breasts rowing below and singing my one-liners to the chargin of my girls and doing the rock chicks thing with my chick and hearing cindy's crazy laughter or listen to her lame jokes and her 'hur hur', and grabbing the paddles and walking very very slowly to take our baths and get unglam photos taken in the bathroom while we're sitting on the floor washing our hair or just coming out of the showers with towels on our heads and sitting outside the bathrooms later waiting for the boss to finally gel her hair and stroll out, usually the latest of everyone. dinners at beach road or marina square taking a whole table and talking about those pesky food bans and not being able to eat ice-cream or chilli for a month or more and feeling really sad (at least me) for them. and um, breaking the rules of those bans surreptitiously (shh). and race day breakfasts at mcdonald's bargaining with the boss so tt we can eat whole hashbrowns, and making the glucose and shaking it at 132 beats/s, and all the photo whoring of the lefties and righties and the long warm-ups and the lining up and the visualisations. getting into the boats and rowing to the starting line, fingers gripping the paddles so tightly as our hearts feel stuck in our throats with anticipation and trepidation all at once. water's uneven; boat rocks from side to side. but timing stays the same, all in sync. days and weeks and months of training and studying and eating together and familiarity leads up to this. coxswain at the starting line holding on to the rope steering us to a vertical position as the announcer kao beis for the god knows how manyeth time. but we don't care. end's in sight no matter how far away it seems and every set is our last set. we row for each other, we carry each other's weight. horn sounds and we dip in, and the boat surges. just keep rowing, looking at the pacer; nothing else matters. not the sounds, not the boats beside you, not the breathing difficulties or the pain in your chest and the throbbing in your head and not the pain in your arms. nothing matters but the end, the end and the girls in your boat. your girls. and maybe, dinner @ lau pa sat after tt, with the 4x9 food-ban reversing dishes tt everyone overorders for the sake of even though we all know we can't finish anything anyway, and all tt laughter tt follows the tears tt come at the end of a race.
i miss teamnus dragonboat girls.
i want to row again.
now playing: hotel costes - cafe de flor
i miss teamnus dragonboat girls.
i want to row again.
