Tuesday, March 21, 2006
it's so hard to be happy today. i don't know why. the weather was great. it was a nice warm day - i think it was ard 9 degrees - and it was bright and the sun was shining. and you could see the squirrels and the coloured birds heralding the arrival of spring, and it was just... open. class was predictably boring, but it was survivable. and then somehow somewhere something just crashed. i crashed. i don't know how it happened. maybe it was 2 really bad failed attempts at dota, dying and getting scolded again, being hungry to the point of weakness and pain because i made the mistake of not having lunch, the sheer vehement repulsion tt i felt towards my badly-done fundamentalism essay and how much i would have to change, from the content to even the language itself, to this creeping headache tt just made it so hard to be cheerful. i wanted a reason to be dark, violent, morbid, hateful. i wanted an argument, a quarrel, a fight. i wanted to punch something, hit something, kill something. i'm just very tired. i don't know where it could have come from, coz as far as i've known it i've been doing ok and nothing's happened to sap my energy or drain my enthusiasm. but i'm tired and scared and unsure and i just want to curl up and hide somewhere until it's all over, but i don't even know what it is and i don't know why i feel this way... but i'm just not happy right now. i can't even try to be right now.
now playing: hotel costes - cafe de flor
# posted by Kitana @ 3/21/2006 03:11:00 PM 
