absolutum dominium

my parents have been discussing downgrading to a smaller place. i am very in favour of this, coz i think where we currently stay is madness. and in any case as i am no longer home as much as i used to be once, and my parents can finally take the opportunity to go travel and do whatever it is tt they have always wanted to, it can't be all tt bad. seriously.

reminds me of one of the chapters in my psychology course; where it said tt the 2 happiest stages in a person's married life was just before he or she has a child, and after his or her child has flown the nest egg, and he or she is free to do whatever it is tt he or she wants.

i guess my parents are finally coming to terms with the fact tt i'm not going to be here with them forever anymore, and it is a sad fact, and i suppose on one hand i am a little guilty tt i had to be the one bringing them tt realisation in so hard a way, but on the other hand, i am glad tt the realisation has finally come around.

interestingly, i was reminded of this episode of grey's anatomy, where this woman was admitted for a relapse - she had cancer of the brain. but against the doctors' better wishes, she kept refusing surgery or treatment, because she wanted to travel the world with her husband. later, she told them tt contracting cancer was the best thing tt had ever happened to her. for over 20 years of her married life, she'd been invisible to her husband. all he'd been concerned with was his work; they barely talked, they barely interacted; they didn't even have sex anymore. and it was only until she found out tt she had cancer and tt she was going to die, tt he started seeing her, and started treasuring her again.

and to be honest, i know this is a bit too early to say, but sometimes i worry tt this is how it's going to be for me. i think it's really sad to have to live a half-life or a half-marriage until something really bad has to happen. how late is too late, before you start appreciating what you already have?

one thing i am really happy about my parents for, is how they do appreciate each other. and though they still bicker and my mom still says the things tt she used to abt my dad, she's doing it less and you know tt, in the wake of all the rising divorse rates and all tt, they're going to be together until the end of their lives.

:)

anyway i was speaking to my dad today, was telling him about how i might be getting a bit more disillusioned with what i might be doing in future. so i'm not in the force yet and i don't really know all too much about it, but one of the reasons why i signed, was because i thought tt this was the best way to help the most number of people. it's not my only reason, but it's compelling. and now seeing the other side i'm beginning to wonder, after all the pushes for changes in the law to take into account extenuating circumstances, to fight for the rights of the marginalised; whether i might have chosen the wrong side after all.

i know i'm being too idealistic tho. at least, tt's what i said to my dad. he said tt i wasn't. he said tt i was being reasonable, but it's just tt i think differently from the rest of the working class. they're more pragmatic.