Sunday, August 06, 2006
embrace atheism.
my father and i had one of those once-in-a-while type heartfelt talks, whereby he would not end up scolding me about how *wrong* i was. which i can see is a huge struggle on his part.
he did, however, called me very conceited, because i essentially told him in not so many words, tt i have embraced atheism.
well, in my defence, he asked.
he asked how my relationship with god was. i said tt it was in the simplest terms, nonexistent.
he and my mother had given me a lot of literature to read to sort of regain tt kind of spiritual level in religion and stuff and to be tt guai catholic girl tt they so wished i would be. still wish, in fact.
i said straight out, tt the literature was useless for the 3 assumptions tt they make: firstly, tt there is a god; secondly, tt i believe in him, and lastly, tt i have an intention to want to know him better.
in my case, i do not believe tt there is a god. even if i do, if you pose me all the "who created the universe?" type questions; i do not see how i should develop a relationship with this god, or how he is to be relevant to my life.
everyone, especially my parents, utter tt everything is "god's plan". god is to thank for this and to thank for tt and god has a reason for this and god will bless you and protect you and you can always turn to him for anything.
my take is this: everything is cause and effect. there is a correlation between personal choice and circumstance. it is the interaction between an action and the environment tt so brings about the result. there is no need to blame god or hate god (which was one of the accusals tt my father levelled my way to comprehend why i would no longer be a christian); because in my case, god is not even in the equation.
he asked me then, how i could live, if i did not have a religion to guide my moral conscience. i directed him towards mills' harm principle. he hadn't heard of mills or tt principle before, tho.
he said tt christians were better people coz they had a god. i said tt the way i see it, i don't see how the people i know who aren't christian are any worse than the people who are. in fact, it seems the people who are christian - a majority tt i see just make me *not* want to embrace christianity at all. i mean, there are some nice good christians around, but for the most part, i don't see them as the majority. and the closest epitome of christianity tt i can see most clearly in my daily life is my mom, and i have not seen a more unhappy or suffering person (with no comprehensible reason for this unhappiness or suffering) in my life.
he then said tt you have to be jesus-centred, not people-centred. otherwise like mahatma gandhi, you too would not want to be christian, due to all the poor examples of christians (at tt time, the british colonial masters in india) around. but then this is a kind of catch-22 situation, coz considering tt i see no relavance or no necessity to develop a relationship with god or jesus, i have no inclination to make my faith jesus-centred.
he then asked me why i went to church on sundays. i repled: "because you asked me to."
and he looked horrified. he said tt blasphemy is a mortal sin. if i go to church to mock god, tt is worse than me not going (my point exactly, but when i last pointed it out, my father did say tt no matter what state my faith was in, i was *still* expected to go to church anyway). to my defence, i don't really mock god. how do you mock something tt doesn't really have a relevance to you?
so now my father ended this conversation with the conclusion tt i have no respect for god and no respect for my parents. he is partially right somewhere or other. i am sure somewhere i might have respect for god, or i will have respect for him or her when i finally can relate him or her to my life. and i suppose i do respect my parents because they are after all, my parents, and for the most part are older and at some point of my life were wiser than me and good educators.
but you see, the main thing about me, is tt i am firmly anti-establishment, and anti-authority. i question everything tt is told to me, and i refuse to accept the natural order of things. i refuse to accept unquestioningly. i refuse to be a lemming or a clone. i am an individual, and if i have to fight the system, the hierachy, and the natural order, to be an individual, then i will keep on fighting.
now playing: hotel costes - cafe de flor
he did, however, called me very conceited, because i essentially told him in not so many words, tt i have embraced atheism.
well, in my defence, he asked.
he asked how my relationship with god was. i said tt it was in the simplest terms, nonexistent.
he and my mother had given me a lot of literature to read to sort of regain tt kind of spiritual level in religion and stuff and to be tt guai catholic girl tt they so wished i would be. still wish, in fact.
i said straight out, tt the literature was useless for the 3 assumptions tt they make: firstly, tt there is a god; secondly, tt i believe in him, and lastly, tt i have an intention to want to know him better.
in my case, i do not believe tt there is a god. even if i do, if you pose me all the "who created the universe?" type questions; i do not see how i should develop a relationship with this god, or how he is to be relevant to my life.
everyone, especially my parents, utter tt everything is "god's plan". god is to thank for this and to thank for tt and god has a reason for this and god will bless you and protect you and you can always turn to him for anything.
my take is this: everything is cause and effect. there is a correlation between personal choice and circumstance. it is the interaction between an action and the environment tt so brings about the result. there is no need to blame god or hate god (which was one of the accusals tt my father levelled my way to comprehend why i would no longer be a christian); because in my case, god is not even in the equation.
he asked me then, how i could live, if i did not have a religion to guide my moral conscience. i directed him towards mills' harm principle. he hadn't heard of mills or tt principle before, tho.
he said tt christians were better people coz they had a god. i said tt the way i see it, i don't see how the people i know who aren't christian are any worse than the people who are. in fact, it seems the people who are christian - a majority tt i see just make me *not* want to embrace christianity at all. i mean, there are some nice good christians around, but for the most part, i don't see them as the majority. and the closest epitome of christianity tt i can see most clearly in my daily life is my mom, and i have not seen a more unhappy or suffering person (with no comprehensible reason for this unhappiness or suffering) in my life.
he then said tt you have to be jesus-centred, not people-centred. otherwise like mahatma gandhi, you too would not want to be christian, due to all the poor examples of christians (at tt time, the british colonial masters in india) around. but then this is a kind of catch-22 situation, coz considering tt i see no relavance or no necessity to develop a relationship with god or jesus, i have no inclination to make my faith jesus-centred.
he then asked me why i went to church on sundays. i repled: "because you asked me to."
and he looked horrified. he said tt blasphemy is a mortal sin. if i go to church to mock god, tt is worse than me not going (my point exactly, but when i last pointed it out, my father did say tt no matter what state my faith was in, i was *still* expected to go to church anyway). to my defence, i don't really mock god. how do you mock something tt doesn't really have a relevance to you?
so now my father ended this conversation with the conclusion tt i have no respect for god and no respect for my parents. he is partially right somewhere or other. i am sure somewhere i might have respect for god, or i will have respect for him or her when i finally can relate him or her to my life. and i suppose i do respect my parents because they are after all, my parents, and for the most part are older and at some point of my life were wiser than me and good educators.
but you see, the main thing about me, is tt i am firmly anti-establishment, and anti-authority. i question everything tt is told to me, and i refuse to accept the natural order of things. i refuse to accept unquestioningly. i refuse to be a lemming or a clone. i am an individual, and if i have to fight the system, the hierachy, and the natural order, to be an individual, then i will keep on fighting.
# posted by Kitana @ 8/06/2006 09:04:00 PM 
