Monday, June 06, 2005
fuck. i hate having downer days
if you guys don't already know, i have no sympathy for self-pity and depression. i've always believed tt life is what we make out of it. some people have it better than others, some people are luckier than others. but there's never a point in being all sour grapes and complaining and griping about the innate unfairness of life, because no amount of whining ever changes anything or helps anyone. so my motto in life is just to be positive and to tmake the best out of what i already have.
but i was incredibly moody today. have been trying to be positive. went to cfc in the late morning, but was incredibly tired today. don't know why, but couldn't seem to pull as much as i normally could. shoulder press nearly killed me. tt was highly frustrating. walked around for a while; looked at books at times to see if there was anything new to read. so far nothing yet. guess i should just conitnue with what i have.
wanted to go for a run, but fell asleep instead. pretty pissed off with myself now. i don't know why i'm so moody right now. it's just this great dissatisfaction with myself for not having enough discipline, not enough drive, not enough control over myself. i am someone who needs control to be secure.
tt's why i've always looked forward to the day where i can get my driving licence and buy my own car. i've already set my mind on the model: mazda mx5 (not too big, not too small, and fucking fast). even if it'll take me 5 years from the time i start work till the time i can afford it. or at least a bmw 5 series by the time i'm 35. i want power. i want control.
now... if only i wouldn't be so bloody undisciplined. grr.
and i went to collect my acceptance package from nus. it's a grand total of 2 pages. coz i gotta go online and print out another 30 pages. kanina. there's so fucking much to do. i want to kill myself just reading the amount of stuff they want me to do. to be honest the only thing i want to do right now at this moment is just hide myself away and just disapppear for a while. i don't even know why or what's come over me. i just want to be gone gone gone.
now playing: hotel costes - cafe de flor
but i was incredibly moody today. have been trying to be positive. went to cfc in the late morning, but was incredibly tired today. don't know why, but couldn't seem to pull as much as i normally could. shoulder press nearly killed me. tt was highly frustrating. walked around for a while; looked at books at times to see if there was anything new to read. so far nothing yet. guess i should just conitnue with what i have.
wanted to go for a run, but fell asleep instead. pretty pissed off with myself now. i don't know why i'm so moody right now. it's just this great dissatisfaction with myself for not having enough discipline, not enough drive, not enough control over myself. i am someone who needs control to be secure.
tt's why i've always looked forward to the day where i can get my driving licence and buy my own car. i've already set my mind on the model: mazda mx5 (not too big, not too small, and fucking fast). even if it'll take me 5 years from the time i start work till the time i can afford it. or at least a bmw 5 series by the time i'm 35. i want power. i want control.
now... if only i wouldn't be so bloody undisciplined. grr.
and i went to collect my acceptance package from nus. it's a grand total of 2 pages. coz i gotta go online and print out another 30 pages. kanina. there's so fucking much to do. i want to kill myself just reading the amount of stuff they want me to do. to be honest the only thing i want to do right now at this moment is just hide myself away and just disapppear for a while. i don't even know why or what's come over me. i just want to be gone gone gone.
# posted by Kitana @ 6/06/2005 08:03:00 PM 
