Tuesday, June 14, 2005
penang afterthoughts
preliminary announcements:
1. i cannot go mambo on wed night for 4 reasons:
a) i am working the night shift from 8pm to 8am from wed night to thurs morning.
b) i am attached to echo division which oversees the mohammed sultan, clarke quay, zouk and orchard towers belt. which means tt for the duration of my attachment i am prohibited from frequenting any of the night spots here.
c) even if the above 2 reasons do not apply, i have trainings at 9am on thurs morning. enuff said.
d) i have been banned from alcohol. what is the point of clubbing if you are sobre?
2. i miss jane! but i may not have the time or energy to meet up till after this week because of the odd schedule i have now. sigh.
3. i miss my girls.
***************************************************************
i wanted to put my afterthoughts in with the penang entry, which was mainly narrative, but i had no time coz i had to go sleep so i could wake up at 6am this morning. as such i have to put them in this separate entry. unfortunately due to the length of time tt has passed i have forgotten a lot of what i wanted to say. sigh.
but i'll try to pen down what i DO rem.
I feel that the Penang trip has been a real eye-opener. It made me more aware of myself as a rower, as a teammate and as a person. It also made me more aware of my team as rowers and sisters themselves/
There are both sides to the coin, as is the case with most situations.
On the negative side about myself, I have discovered tt I have a major weakness in moodiness. When I get overly tired, I become moody and anti-social. Most of the time I try to remind myself tt tiredness is a state of mind and moods can and should be controlled because of the possible negative consequences tt may be regretted later (plus I despise moody people who cannot control their emotions because I regard tt as weakness). However, I know tt I failed to control my temper when things went wrong, when I became PMSey, when I became tired, when I became irritated by the actions of people around me. I lost my temper and almost lashed out, I was anti-social, and even though a lot of people may not have realised, I was fully aware of my state of mind and yet I did nothing to control myself.
I always believe tt in a team sport, we should always feel for each other and place the team above ourselves, our own petty egos and feelings. And yet I feel like at some point (see above) I let my own pride and my own feelings override the kind of obligation tt I have to the team to be stable, to be a rock, and to see the team through. And although I will never ever stop short of giving my all in every race set no matter how difficult I might think it, I feel tt nontheless my actions before and after rowing itself should be controlled by the same mindset as when I row.
I have come to realise tt getting along with everyone may be a more impossible task than I once thought because I am not a tolerant person, and I get very angry when I feel tt someone is putting her own ego, feelings and feelings above those of the team. I despise hypocrites and empty words, and I abhor people who selfishly wander off or care only about themselves and their own welfare, without sparing a thought for how much worry or trouble they may be causing the rest of the team. I cannot trust such people to row for me or to carry my weight in the boat.
*sigh* Like tt how?
As for the team, the 'si geenas vs. the old birds' shows me tt we might not be united enough. the juniors are definitely united, and the seniors are definitely united, yet for the few seniors who mingle with the juniors and the few juniors who mingle with the seniors, our equilibrium position is tt of si geenas and old birds. It's not as if there is any animosity of uncomfortability between seniors and juniors because as far as I am concerned we generally get along with everyone (unless you're intolerant, racist and countryist like me), but when it comes to H2Hs, or meals, or deep conversations, the 2 groups sediment to seniors seniors juniors juniors. I guess it's not tt big an issue because when we row, we are still one boat, and it should not have been surprising coz the seniors were bonded for a longer period to each other, but nonetheless, I guess more senior-junior interaction is important for the sake of the boat.
But on the upside:
As a rower I feel like I have grown from the race. Damn fucking ugly sunglass tanline, Malay heritage, aching shoulders delts and back aside, I feel like the PIDF is a real eye-opener. It's opened up my eyes to the standards of the likes of the damn strong physically and mentally Indon team, the sheer determination of the Singapore team to win the 12-crew Womens finals, and in general the kind of real competition there is in the international arena. At the same time I feel more confident of myself now, because I know where we stand, I know my strokes better, and I know what I've done right, what I've done wrong, and I can capitalise on tt. Furthermore, Penang was a much needed break from the routine of just training in Kallang, and although it was tiring to say the least, breaking the monotony re-injected some passion into me again.
But most of all, I believe tt Penang achieved the objective tt we had hoped to set out for it. We wanted to bond the team together, to inspire confidence, to show the heart of the team. And the 20-men Womens race from Heats to Repecharge to Finals showed tt we could do it; we could put our minds together, we could push ourselves to our max and we could do it all for each other. I felt like everyone was with each other in the boat, and the feeling was just amazing.
And the fact tt Mixed went from Heats to Repecharge to Finals as well totally debunked the myth tt Mixed is a chapalang 2nd rate race. We proved tt with adequate communication and a meeting of minds, even with not tt much practice, so long as we were on the same wavelength regarding strategy, stroke rate, starts, commands etc, we could pull together. So maybe timing was a slight problem, but we managed to perservere and hold our own against very strong competition.
So maybe the guys and girls teams are separate entities and because of the history and the mindsets my generation may never meet the minds of the guys of the same level, but we can still work together as 1 team under the circumstances.
Even though Penang was really work work work due to the ridiculously tight schedule and the unreasonable curfew hours, the fact is tt in between all this we managed to find time and ways to play anyway, to be stupid, to be ourselves. And we spent so much time with each other tt we really cared for each other, really looked out for each other, really really just supported each other both inside of and outside of the boat.
I hope tt Penang has not just proved to be one hell of a memorable experience for us. I hope tt it has also taught us lessons about ourselves and about each other as rowers and as sisters.
And most of all, I hope tt my belief is true, and Penang really has brought us together as a team.
now playing: hotel costes - cafe de flor
1. i cannot go mambo on wed night for 4 reasons:
a) i am working the night shift from 8pm to 8am from wed night to thurs morning.
b) i am attached to echo division which oversees the mohammed sultan, clarke quay, zouk and orchard towers belt. which means tt for the duration of my attachment i am prohibited from frequenting any of the night spots here.
c) even if the above 2 reasons do not apply, i have trainings at 9am on thurs morning. enuff said.
d) i have been banned from alcohol. what is the point of clubbing if you are sobre?
2. i miss jane! but i may not have the time or energy to meet up till after this week because of the odd schedule i have now. sigh.
3. i miss my girls.
***************************************************************
i wanted to put my afterthoughts in with the penang entry, which was mainly narrative, but i had no time coz i had to go sleep so i could wake up at 6am this morning. as such i have to put them in this separate entry. unfortunately due to the length of time tt has passed i have forgotten a lot of what i wanted to say. sigh.
but i'll try to pen down what i DO rem.
I feel that the Penang trip has been a real eye-opener. It made me more aware of myself as a rower, as a teammate and as a person. It also made me more aware of my team as rowers and sisters themselves/
There are both sides to the coin, as is the case with most situations.
On the negative side about myself, I have discovered tt I have a major weakness in moodiness. When I get overly tired, I become moody and anti-social. Most of the time I try to remind myself tt tiredness is a state of mind and moods can and should be controlled because of the possible negative consequences tt may be regretted later (plus I despise moody people who cannot control their emotions because I regard tt as weakness). However, I know tt I failed to control my temper when things went wrong, when I became PMSey, when I became tired, when I became irritated by the actions of people around me. I lost my temper and almost lashed out, I was anti-social, and even though a lot of people may not have realised, I was fully aware of my state of mind and yet I did nothing to control myself.
I always believe tt in a team sport, we should always feel for each other and place the team above ourselves, our own petty egos and feelings. And yet I feel like at some point (see above) I let my own pride and my own feelings override the kind of obligation tt I have to the team to be stable, to be a rock, and to see the team through. And although I will never ever stop short of giving my all in every race set no matter how difficult I might think it, I feel tt nontheless my actions before and after rowing itself should be controlled by the same mindset as when I row.
I have come to realise tt getting along with everyone may be a more impossible task than I once thought because I am not a tolerant person, and I get very angry when I feel tt someone is putting her own ego, feelings and feelings above those of the team. I despise hypocrites and empty words, and I abhor people who selfishly wander off or care only about themselves and their own welfare, without sparing a thought for how much worry or trouble they may be causing the rest of the team. I cannot trust such people to row for me or to carry my weight in the boat.
*sigh* Like tt how?
As for the team, the 'si geenas vs. the old birds' shows me tt we might not be united enough. the juniors are definitely united, and the seniors are definitely united, yet for the few seniors who mingle with the juniors and the few juniors who mingle with the seniors, our equilibrium position is tt of si geenas and old birds. It's not as if there is any animosity of uncomfortability between seniors and juniors because as far as I am concerned we generally get along with everyone (unless you're intolerant, racist and countryist like me), but when it comes to H2Hs, or meals, or deep conversations, the 2 groups sediment to seniors seniors juniors juniors. I guess it's not tt big an issue because when we row, we are still one boat, and it should not have been surprising coz the seniors were bonded for a longer period to each other, but nonetheless, I guess more senior-junior interaction is important for the sake of the boat.
But on the upside:
As a rower I feel like I have grown from the race. Damn fucking ugly sunglass tanline, Malay heritage, aching shoulders delts and back aside, I feel like the PIDF is a real eye-opener. It's opened up my eyes to the standards of the likes of the damn strong physically and mentally Indon team, the sheer determination of the Singapore team to win the 12-crew Womens finals, and in general the kind of real competition there is in the international arena. At the same time I feel more confident of myself now, because I know where we stand, I know my strokes better, and I know what I've done right, what I've done wrong, and I can capitalise on tt. Furthermore, Penang was a much needed break from the routine of just training in Kallang, and although it was tiring to say the least, breaking the monotony re-injected some passion into me again.
But most of all, I believe tt Penang achieved the objective tt we had hoped to set out for it. We wanted to bond the team together, to inspire confidence, to show the heart of the team. And the 20-men Womens race from Heats to Repecharge to Finals showed tt we could do it; we could put our minds together, we could push ourselves to our max and we could do it all for each other. I felt like everyone was with each other in the boat, and the feeling was just amazing.
And the fact tt Mixed went from Heats to Repecharge to Finals as well totally debunked the myth tt Mixed is a chapalang 2nd rate race. We proved tt with adequate communication and a meeting of minds, even with not tt much practice, so long as we were on the same wavelength regarding strategy, stroke rate, starts, commands etc, we could pull together. So maybe timing was a slight problem, but we managed to perservere and hold our own against very strong competition.
So maybe the guys and girls teams are separate entities and because of the history and the mindsets my generation may never meet the minds of the guys of the same level, but we can still work together as 1 team under the circumstances.
Even though Penang was really work work work due to the ridiculously tight schedule and the unreasonable curfew hours, the fact is tt in between all this we managed to find time and ways to play anyway, to be stupid, to be ourselves. And we spent so much time with each other tt we really cared for each other, really looked out for each other, really really just supported each other both inside of and outside of the boat.
I hope tt Penang has not just proved to be one hell of a memorable experience for us. I hope tt it has also taught us lessons about ourselves and about each other as rowers and as sisters.
And most of all, I hope tt my belief is true, and Penang really has brought us together as a team.
# posted by Kitana @ 6/14/2005 10:04:00 PM 
