absolutum dominium

Ladies and gentlemen, all those who dislike or do not welcome my tirades, it is time to navigate away from this page or to click on tt tiny little 'X' on the top right hand corner of this browser, now.

You have been warned. This post will neither be rational or objective, and may cause quite a bit of furor, especially if you are above the age of say... 40? Or if you have your own kids or think you have been working long enough to - dare I say it? - know it all.

Yes, I feel sad for the young people who unthinkingly or blindly vote, when they have been won over by the machinations of a simiarly one-sided media, or the empty promises tt never materialise (but are forgotten once the "right" box has been checked); or because they simply do not know any better.

But then... sometimes talking to the old people is a pain.

How so, you ask?

Well, let me define the kind of 'old people' tt I refer to in my post. He might be the gentle indulgent grandfather or the successful banker father (for some reason in the Singaporean context there is an over-50% chance that he will be M.A.L.E), although there might be some female exceptions... But to be honest, he (I use the term 'he' coz 'he/she' means I have to type more, and like I said, the chance tt the 'old person' I talk about here will more likely than not be a chauvi... *cough* I mean, male) will also have this - what I now proudly term - the "wah si lim lao pei" mentality down to a T.

What is the "wah si lim lao pei" mentality, you ask? "Wah si lim lao pei" translates to "I am your father", and this mentality basically refers to anyone who has the impression or assumption tt he generally *knows better* because he is older (and has "eaten more salt than you have rice").

Hands up anyone who has never encountered such a person before!

Nope? No one? Well, tt is because as long as you are Singaporean, there is *no way* in hell you will not have encountered such a person. For one, look at our shining gleaming beacons of hope - i.e. our government. Look at our beloved forefather and bringer of independence! "You don't know what you are talking about! I saw Singapore through its independence! I witnessed the racial riots of 1964! I am older! I have more experience! *I know better!* Buahahahaha. So shut up and *listen to me*!!!"

Can you say no? Can you express *your own opinions*? Apparently, not. It seems tt if you do, you are considered to have made "irreverant" comments tt "trivialise" and "occlude" the so-called important issues in question. Well... Either tt, or you get a nice slap on the wrist for something pertaining to subversion and - gasp! - national security!

Oh, but wait... If you haven't yet realised... this doesn't just pertain to old people that have embraced power for too long. *pause* Oh wait, on second thoughts, it does.

And now it gets personal.

My parents for one, seem to not understand tt I am no longer a 5 year old kid. Whoopie. Being good conservative Chinese Catholics (which is like the epitome of conservatism x 100), they have a lot of strange beliefs, especially about what they consider "fillial piety" and "obedience". My father personally believes tt "obedience" is the "best quality in life". He believes tt one should always defer to one's elders, simply because it is "respectful" and because "they know better".

Sound familiar?

But anyway among other things, yes yes. My parents do not approve of my lifestyle. Well, unfortunately for me I don't even see how much there is to disapprove. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't club often, and I don't bring an indiscriminate number of boys home. I haven't gotten arrested and I haven't brought any grief to or tarnished the family name (yes yes. My father still has grand notions relating to the "glorification of the family name" and the "perpetuation of the family line" *sigh*).

However, what they do disapprove of: tt I have a life, tt I have friends, tt I have passions (other than doing my part to be obedient to them), tt I have a bf, and tt I have a mind of my own (tt is more often than not, not in line with any of their ways of thinking).

So anyway, my time with my parents has been fraught with many battles. I feel like the insurgent in the family. Basically, they *tell* me things because they assume tt I am young - and therefore, by "logical deduction" innocent and naive and untested in the big baaaad world -, and because they have the "wah si lim lao pei" mentality.

They think tt he's my first bf, and they have this automatic assumption tt he is out to 'cheat my marnie' (not literally, but figuratively speaking). As such, they have been trying ever since they met me, to get me to break up with him. Every single night before my father left for China, he and my mom have been doing nothing but lambasting him, telling me how young and inexperienced and therefore, stupid I am, and telling me tt I have to leave him before he walks out on me a couple of years down the road.

And their basis for saying this?

1. My dad says: "I had a gf before your mom. We were together for a time and she really meant something to me. It was very painful when I left her." This translates to - my experience 40 years ago.

2. My mom says: "I have a lot of church friends who share their experiences with me. There is this girl who liked this guy so much tt he 2-timed her and she knew about it and she stayed on with him until he left her, then she attempted suicide.

Or: There is this girl who's 36 who was so charmed by this guy who's 51 tt she married him and he's a womaniser.

Or: There is this friend's daughter who.... .... ... (fill in the goddamn blanks, please) ... ... ... and he walked out on her."

You get the idea don't you?

So therefore by their logical deductions, my bf is going to leave me, so I should in their words "be wary", but in my intepretation "get the fuck away from him and come back to *us*!"

Well, I suppose the reason why they aren't too happy, is coz he isn't exactly the model son-in-law tt my father would want. He doesn't defer or obey (thank god), he thinks, he's got a couple of vices tt my father isn't too happy with, and he is an ah beng (okay, you can't deny tt lah). Which is nothing like the quiet "gentleman" charmer tt my father would like, probably from a so-called "good school" and a "good family" - maybe one of those whitebread apron strings type characters - who will be very nice and let me walk all over them (which you know I would coz I think I'm innately evil tt way).

But still.

My parents shamelessly use their cynical "experience" - or 3rd/4th-hand "hearsay" experience (which btw, hearsay isn't even legally allowed in a court of law for obvious reasons) - to harangue me into complying with their wishes, which is a goddamn bitch. Why? Because they have all these ideas in their head and they think tt I am inexperienced. And they say tt it is better to learn from other people's experiences than from my own, coz it's less painful.

Sure, the rationalist says tt. Yes it is less painful. But this is *my* life, and this is *my* experience. I don't believe in vicarious living - tt is why I don't watch TV, especially not reality TV. I can go out and live life, love and do what I want all on my own, and if you think tt you can stop me just because you have "other people's experiences" to offer me, then you're sorely mistaken. I'm neither slow nor cautious nor practical. If I crash, then I crash and burn, but if I soar, I soar unfettered. That's just the way it is.

My mom say's its not how a Catholic should think.

I'm not very sure how a Catholic should think, but I'd rather be unChristian than follow a lifelong doctrine of misery.

Besides, every circumstance and situation is different. You have your way of doing things, I have mine. You can follow the civil law tradition and use 1 set of codified law to apply to a universality of cases, or you can follow the common law tradition and make up new law to apply to cases where the circumstances have changed. So it's messy, but it's dynamic. And it's no secret tt I am a common law proponent.

My situation is different from the situations tt you have described. For one, I'm not some naive stupid never-been-there before kinda girl. I know what I want, and I know what I can or cannot do. And he's neither a charmer nor a womaniser nor a party animal nor an alcoholic. Just because he does things differently does not make him any less wrong or any less misguided. If you can't accept a diversity of opinion, and you still assume tt you are "very liberal and very open-minded", then it's all just very sad.

And lastly, it is my goddamn life. I choose how I want to live it, and I determine how I want to be.

So there's the personal part. But let's admit it... Most old people of this generation think this way, coz they think tt they're older, or more experienced, or have "seen more" than you have. It's just sad, and I think this cynicism is one of the things tt keeps us from progressing or moving forward - this whole "I must think in the box, I must think safely, I cannot be contreversial" kind of mindset. It keeps the rulers in power, and it keeps the people quiet and obedient.

Like sheep.

As such, the only people they can exercise this so-called leverage on... is the young.