absolutum dominium

it is a known fact to my friends tt i am an arrogant elite, of sorts. i have finally admitted to my bf no less, tt i have a bourgeois mindset (this is as opposed to the proletariat mindset, which he most deludedly claims tt he has). i despise weakness, (although not physical or mental weakness due to sickless or some other unremediable reason) especially when i see no reason for it. and similarly, i despise people who self-impose misery on their lives and live them as such.

if you have a real reason to be miserable, then so be it. many things can cause the onset of depression - the death of a loved one, a huge financial setback resulting in a major change in lifestyle (i.e. downgrading property or the incurrence of massive debts); even the betrayal of a friend or someone tt you never believed would betray you. and these are just the major reasons for depression; they are of course, countless and not limited to these few.

but the thing is, it's okay to get depressed. it's okay to be sad and to mourn for a while, so long as you do not allow tt sadness to consume your life and to colour the way you see things and to treat people.

even in my own life, i try my best to avoid letting the sadness or resentment to affect my overall outlook; my state of being and the way i see people. sometimes it is especially difficult because you can't shut out the pain tt the people who are supposed to be the ones always on your side, always there for you, tt they are the ones who are ironically the source of all this pain; but there is nothing for it but to try.

i don't believe tt life is hard. i don't believe tt life is miserable. we make choices everyday tt determine how our lives will go, and i believe tt it is possible to live and enjoy life without applying useless cliches to it, all by itself. for tt reason, i believe tt i am responsible for my own life. yes, circumstances do play a role, but for the most part it is the choices tt you make and the responses to what circumstances throw at you, tt you go about deciding whether you will like this type of life or not.

for tt reason, the one thing i hate the most is people telling me what to do, imposing their own value system on me. to me tt is like the ultimate breach of my basic human dignity, and for the most part if this breach were done by anyone else i would have told whoever it is to fuck off already. but then again you just can't do tt to your own parents, now can you?

however, in line with this, this also explains why i am not religious, nor am i a huge supporter of a paternalistic government. i don't like institutions tt try to force me or compel me to think and behave a certain way. i would prefer to have the choice and to make it of my own free will. i don't read tt much about my faith i admit, but somehow a lot of it just doesn't get into me. i still don't get a lot of the symbolism of rituals. i see a group of people performing the same actions and muttering the same known prayers in church and i feel almost a sense of repulsion at the perpetuation of the herd mentality. from what i've seen, catholics or christians aren't necessarily better people per se. i've seen many who have still yet lied, cheated, used the name of the church and God to get people to think a certain way, who have used the name of God and all hellfire and brimstone to command unthinking obedience from their inferiors.

so maybe religion must be God and not church-centred, but yet it's hard to believe when most of your interactions are more earthly than anything else, and all you see aruond you tend to be morons and religious fanatics. like tt case of the christian fundie who got tt blogger char into trouble over so-called 'seditious' caricartures of jesus. i mean, we've seen the pictures (those of us tt bothered to find out what was seditious about them), and we've actually seen worse, and to be honest, it wasn't all a big deal. in fact, it would never have been a big deal had he not complained to the police.

what kind of faith do you profess to believe in, if in the name of tt faith you have no qualms getting your fellow man into trouble, if you end up being narrow-minded and intolerant of freedoms, if you end up preaching a lifestyle of repression and with tt repression, necessarily misery?

if i could, i would like to de-convert, if only for a while. if i am able to make my choices without the heavy hand of so-called 'authority' upon me, things would be easier.

for this same reason, i am anti-authority, so long as authority believes tt 'it knows better'. call it the carry-forward syndrome or whatever you will, but seenig tt every circumstance may be different and one vague principle may not and should not always apply, and assuming tt i already have a reasonably logical mind to make my own decisions (especially when a) the authority is not so reasonable; or b) the authority's decisions are more for its own interests than for mine), i see no reason why i should submit to an authority without questioning its logic or intentions.

so all being said, my life... is what i choose. and similarly, my mistakes, are my own to bear.

for this reason, there is no point in blaming other people for the choices tt you make, not your circumstances, not God, and there is no reason to envy other people or to bemoan the state of your own affairs in relation to them. everything is a choice tt you chose or did not choose, and therefore...

if you're always complaining about something or being miserable about something, maybe it's time you take a good long look at yourself and wonder why the fuck tt is so.