Tuesday, August 02, 2005
i wish i'd been able to make it for the fun row on sun. i didn't. i wish i'd been able to make it for night-cycling. i can't cycle.
can't stay at home and do nothing coz it's when i'm idle tt the sense of loss and of leaving things behind is exacerbated. i'm glad tt the new seniors are settling into their roles. and yes i'll return the cha'pion by fri don't worry.
out with the old. in with the new. all agree tt wendy's entry is damn touching.
how many more times can we spend together as one? how many more times before the feeling is no longer there?
sometimes memories are all tt sustain us.
i know tt memories are all tt sustains me.
it's always in periods like this tt i start going through my photo folders again, looking through race after race from the ones we've won to the one's we didn't, looking at the faces, reminiscing about the past and what the fuck we thought we were doing then (coz 3/4 of the photos are either a) funny or b) ridiculous).
leaving in 3 weeks. less, i think.
and it's beginning to scare me now. one whole year away.
a lot of things can change in 1 year.
a team is made up of individuals, but it is the concept tt is engraved into one's memory, more so than the individuals tt make it up.
when i return most of the current seniors will have graduated. i wonder if we will meet each other again. and the rising seniors will have become senior-seniors. am i thinking too far ahead?
i know i should go out soon. hate sitting around and feeling this sense of loss. it's the only way to describe it. it's sadness and happiness all at the same time. no words are adequate to describe the emotions i feel.
for so long, dragonboat has been my life. or what i'd built my life around. my routine was training-centred. my social life was team-centred. i cared more for the team than i did for anyone or anything else. and even though someone new has entered my life, it's not the same. he can't fill the gap and the wide empty space left behind.
i don't believe anything can.
seem to have lost my focus in life. what's there to look forward to, except exchange? the one thing tt will bring me further away from all i hold close to my heart?
no one can understand how this feels, unless you go through what i am going through.
now playing: hotel costes - cafe de flor
can't stay at home and do nothing coz it's when i'm idle tt the sense of loss and of leaving things behind is exacerbated. i'm glad tt the new seniors are settling into their roles. and yes i'll return the cha'pion by fri don't worry.
out with the old. in with the new. all agree tt wendy's entry is damn touching.
how many more times can we spend together as one? how many more times before the feeling is no longer there?
sometimes memories are all tt sustain us.
i know tt memories are all tt sustains me.
it's always in periods like this tt i start going through my photo folders again, looking through race after race from the ones we've won to the one's we didn't, looking at the faces, reminiscing about the past and what the fuck we thought we were doing then (coz 3/4 of the photos are either a) funny or b) ridiculous).
leaving in 3 weeks. less, i think.
and it's beginning to scare me now. one whole year away.
a lot of things can change in 1 year.
a team is made up of individuals, but it is the concept tt is engraved into one's memory, more so than the individuals tt make it up.
when i return most of the current seniors will have graduated. i wonder if we will meet each other again. and the rising seniors will have become senior-seniors. am i thinking too far ahead?
i know i should go out soon. hate sitting around and feeling this sense of loss. it's the only way to describe it. it's sadness and happiness all at the same time. no words are adequate to describe the emotions i feel.
for so long, dragonboat has been my life. or what i'd built my life around. my routine was training-centred. my social life was team-centred. i cared more for the team than i did for anyone or anything else. and even though someone new has entered my life, it's not the same. he can't fill the gap and the wide empty space left behind.
i don't believe anything can.
seem to have lost my focus in life. what's there to look forward to, except exchange? the one thing tt will bring me further away from all i hold close to my heart?
no one can understand how this feels, unless you go through what i am going through.
# posted by Kitana @ 8/02/2005 09:51:00 AM 
