absolutum dominium

my appetite has increased by leaps and bounds. i eat *even more* than the locals now. some of the girls here are on diets, eating only salads and such. me? for dinner i had 2 pieces of teriyaki chicken with mashed potato and brocoli and corn, a soup with bread, and i was *still* hungry so i had 2 giant cookies as well.

i don't know why i'm perpetually hungry now. it scares me. i eat more than some of the s'porean guys. jeez.

anyway i've been pretty down during the weekend, yesterday especially. it has a lot to do with guilt and uncertainty. and loneliness. it's really strong now. i know i'd been feeling bad since fri night esp, when the boy called me and told me about the girl who was trying to hook up with him at the club. and i know tt it's not a big issue coz i know tt i trust him enough to know tt he won't ever say 'yes', but somehow being so far away, the distance makes me cold. he doesn't look for these girls, but these girls look for him. even his friends encourage him to indulge, to play around, because tt's just how they are. and i understand tt and i know they have his interests at heart, but it worries me. and it makes me jealous and bitter and it makes me act in ways tt i might regret later.

was talking to eileen last night. it's interesting how similar we both can be, even though before this i've never really known her or vice versa. it's like, somehow i know i can trust her. it's strange.

today after psychology, i went out to get some groceries. stocked up my pile of tim horton's cookies (and a medium hot chocolate and a honey donut from there too), chocolates and other snacks tt i keep in my room.

i happened to pass the future shop, which is an electronics shop. so i bought somethings tt the boy had been looking for in singapore.



and i bought something for myself as well.



to go with the shot glass.

i'm tired of being a good girl.