absolutum dominium

back when i was in secondary school, i was into goth, dark and morbid. i liked being depressed, angry and angsty. i believed that animals were superior to humans because humans were innately evil, and this wasn't discounting my own existance. i used to think of ways with which to kill myself, and i believed that it would be cool to put a kitchen knife to my left forearm, press the blade in and make a vertical incision down my forearm all the way from wrist to inner elbow, hoping that the blood would flow.

i had a thing for black leather and piercings, and the only reason i didn't indulge then was because i was doing martial arts and as much as i believed that pain was good because it reminded you that you were still alive, i was still doing taekwondo, bruises and all, and i didn't want to rip my piercings out by accident every week. in any case, i did get piercings, i did get a tat, i do have a black leather outfit and this marks the 7th year of my penchant for black leather boots. and if someone makes me go get a piercing, the next appendage i am going to pierce is my tongue. so don't make me start.

i didn't think i was going to live long. i figured i wouldn't be happy anyway. i liked being messed up. it was a state of equilibrium to me. but if ever i did get married to someone just like me, there was only one song tt i would play at my wedding. where i would be dressed in black leather with metal studs, with rammstein and kmfdm in the background, with my family all absent (because they'd have disowned me by now) and my friends non-existant, with thick kohl makeup on my face and black lipstick, and this is the song tt they would play.

one of my fave dark love songs.

AVA ADORE
- by The Smashing Pumpkins

It's you that I adore
You'll always be my whore
You'll be a mother to my child
And a child to my heart

We must never be apart
We must never be apart

Lovely girl, you're the beauty in my world
Without you, there aren't reasons left to find

And you'll pull your crooked teeth
You'll be perfect just like me
You'll be a lover in my bed
And a gun to my head

We must never be apart
We must never be apart

Lovely girl, you're the murder in my world
Dressing coffins for the souls I've left to die
Drinking mercury to the mystery
Of all that you should ever seek to find
In time

In you I see dirty
In you I count stars
In you I feel so pretty
In you I taste God
In you I feel so hungry
In you I crash cars

We must never be apart

Drinking mercury to the mystery
Of all that you should ever seek to find
Lovely girl, you're the murder in my world
Dressing coffins for the souls I've left behind
In time

We must never be apart

And you'll always be my whore
'Cause you're the one that I adore
And you'll pull your crooked teeth
You'll be perfect just like me

In you I feel so dirty
In you I crash cars
In you I feel so pretty
In you I taste God

We must never be apart

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sometimes i wonder if it's a good thing tt i grew out of my dark manic-depressive days.