Thursday, December 01, 2005
coffee and tv
according to my weather forecast, it's currently -1 degrees outside. explains why it's so cold, esp since once again, my house has fucking turned off the fucking heater!!!
KNN.
like last night wasn't bad enough. i swear the people below need to get their brains checked. when the weather gets colder, the heating is supposed to go UP, not fucking OFF. i was freezing my big fat ass off last night coz it was so fucking cold and i had to wake up in the middle of the night to pull on socks and a sweater. GRR.
and tonight it's the same too. i swear it's a thing with my house. i don't see why all the other houses get to be nice and cozy and warm, and my house insists on conserving energy (for fuck???) and turning my only safe haven into a veritable freezer.
anyway as always, my day has been completely unproductive workwise. instead of doing any studying at all, or even restarting work on my two completely undone papers, i have been watching movies the entire day. i guess it's coz on one hand, i'm really fixated on restoring my new laptop's capacity to its normal greatness (currently at 715 songs... YES!), so i'm more interested in taking advantage of the decriminalised system of downloading here.... oh... and YES I DO WANT PHOTOS OF YOU GUYS!!!
and at the same time because i finally have the capacity to download movies, i've been catching up on some movie watching. i watched requiem for a dream and the american pie trilogy today. making up for lost time i guess. notice how all the movies are rated R(A)/R21 in singapore?
but nonetheless, yes. i finally agree with everyone who's told me tt american pie it was actually worth watching. i never believed it for the longest time, but now i do. even with the whole fixation on sex Sex SEX and all tt gross toilet humour including drinking piss and eating shit - and of course, the infamous masturbation scene with jason bigg's character sticking his dick into a "warm apple pie" in american pie 1, and the other big scene about the same character accidentally superglueing his hand to his dick while attempting to... what else?... masturbate in american pie 2 - american pie is entertaining, but it's not a show without meaning. ok. don't expect academy award winning material of course, but it's worth a watch. and i actually found it hilarious. was choking on my hot chocolate and chips on several occasions. and i don't normally laugh much at stupid movies.
but if you want a good and disturbing movie, catch requiem for a dream. i think someone was recommending it to me... mona was it you? it's a drug-related movie based on a book of the same title. something like 'trainspotting', just without the happy ending. shows the so-called "drug-related downward spiral", and it doesn't just refer to the normal stuff like weed or heroin, but also stuff like the obssession with fame or losing weight and the resulting addiction to feel-good diet pills, and how such material obsessions can actually be a temporary mask or solution to the deeper and more profound emotional emptiness or lack of purpose in life. very very powerful. and unlike trainspotting; it's not tt graphic. at least, not about the drug-taking. but it uses shutter-stop action sequences tt allow you to draw links from one image to another very nicely. and you have actors like jennifer conelly and jared leto in there, who are v convincing in their roles. oh and if you want sex, there's tt in tt too. although admittedly the most visual sexual scene was of 2 girls simultaneously butt-fucking with a double-ended dildo. you'll get what i mean when you see it. guys, it's not as sexually gratifying as you might imagine, but it's one of the many images tt will strike you.
so tt's how i spent most of my day. it's too cold to run outside. and too fucking slippery, what with the layer of ice and melted slush all over the ground. fuck. winter is so bad for my fitness. i actually know it affects my moods coz when i don't run i feel shitty, as compared to when i do. running isn't my ketamine to me right now, but it has a similar effect. but then again, you don't really want to hear me whine about how lonely i am, how empty i feel right now, how listless i can get and how unmotivated i can be to do any fucking thing at all, let alone work, because of all tt has transpired. you don't really want to know how frustrated i feel right now, how numbed i am becoming, worn out by the anger and hurt and bitterness. tired out by the realisation tt things are never going to work out; tt even if he wanted them to, i don't want to any more. if there are any principles tt i operate on, one of them is tt i never go back to what i leave behind. once again, it's a matter of pride (and it gives rise to arguments tt i once again, don't really love, or tt i am too selfish, but i would like to clarify tt i no longer give a flying fuck about these arguments), but who the fuck cares? i don't want to get involved in a vicious cycle; i don't believe tt love should cause unnecessary pain and drag one down so much.
so i drown myself in coffee and tv. well. not the coffee part coz i don't take caffeine. more like hot chocolate and tv. :) but there is a blur song by the same title and it's nice to take a listen to. heh.
besides tt, i did go out for a while today. met eileen and sulynn at the caf during lunch today, and we had a small snowball fight with jon after tt. it wasn't anything too big and i wasn't particularly enthusiastic coz i wasn't dressed for the snowball fight. i was only wearing 1 sweater and no gloves, and i was holding on to a green apple and a cup of tea. not v condusive for snowball fighting, i know. and after tt i attended my review class for advanced crim law for this term...
my highlights of my day usually tend to be the evening. tt's when i meet the rest of the singaporeans in the caf for dinner. you'll have the whole group of us convening at the caf to eat communal dinner and talk cock. and most of the time the talk will be on sex (or something related to it; or something tt will somehow deviate towards it). and most of the time i will be laughing until my stomach really actually HURTS. like the "full penguin" joke. tt was hilarious.
after dinner, me and diana convened in anne and charlene's room @ 10pm for our weekly dosage of nip/tuck. we all are addicted to tt show with the graphic sex (straight gay and bi), violence and all sorts of mature disturbing scenes. yes, tt discounts the very nice and explicit surgery scenes with the fleshy and bloody chunks all exposed for viewing pleasure. nip/tuck is such a guilty pleasure. it's like ben and jerry's. you know it's bad for you, but you can't resist it.
interestingly enough, diana and i stayed on for another 2 hours after nip/tuck ended. we started talking about sex again... or i think it started with the question about what a foreskin was... but yeah... it went on to sex, and then relationships, love lives, and everything in between. i can't believe i just revealed so much of my past within so short a period of time. sigh. but yeah... i guess it's the first time i had such a frank discussion with anyone here about the things tt have happened so far.
for the first time ever since the whole issue with me and him, i actually feel better. less lonely. less burdened, like something is off my chest. :) thanks girls.
so now i guess it's late enough to go to sleep.
sleep is good. i guess.
and for all the people who want to know what song i was referring to, below are the lyrics. you should watch the mtv. it's really cute. involves walking milk cartons. :)
COFFEE AND TV
- by Blur
Do you feel like a chain store?
Practically floored
One of many zeros
Kicked around bored
Your ears are full but your empty
Holding out your heart
To people who never really
Care how you are
So give me Coffee and TV
Peacefully
I've seen so much
I'm goin blind
And i'm braindead virtually
Sociability
It's hard enough for me
Take me away form this big bad world
And agree to marry me
So we can start all over again
Do you go to the country
It isn't very far
There's people there who will hurt you
Cos of who you are
Your ears are full of the language
There's wisdom there you're sure
'Til the words start slurring
And you can't find the door
So give me Coffee and TV
Peacefully
I've seen so much
I'm goin blind
And i'm braindead virtually
Sociability
It's hard enough for me
Take me away form this big bad world
And agree to marry me
So we can start all over again
So give me Coffee and TV
Peacefully
I've seen so much
I'm goin blind
And i'm braindead virtually
Sociability
It's hard enough for me
Take me away from this big bad world
And agree to marry me
So we can start all over again
Oh...we could start over again
Oh...we could start over again
Oh...we could start over again
Oh...we could start over again
now playing: hotel costes - cafe de flor
KNN.
like last night wasn't bad enough. i swear the people below need to get their brains checked. when the weather gets colder, the heating is supposed to go UP, not fucking OFF. i was freezing my big fat ass off last night coz it was so fucking cold and i had to wake up in the middle of the night to pull on socks and a sweater. GRR.
and tonight it's the same too. i swear it's a thing with my house. i don't see why all the other houses get to be nice and cozy and warm, and my house insists on conserving energy (for fuck???) and turning my only safe haven into a veritable freezer.
anyway as always, my day has been completely unproductive workwise. instead of doing any studying at all, or even restarting work on my two completely undone papers, i have been watching movies the entire day. i guess it's coz on one hand, i'm really fixated on restoring my new laptop's capacity to its normal greatness (currently at 715 songs... YES!), so i'm more interested in taking advantage of the decriminalised system of downloading here.... oh... and YES I DO WANT PHOTOS OF YOU GUYS!!!
and at the same time because i finally have the capacity to download movies, i've been catching up on some movie watching. i watched requiem for a dream and the american pie trilogy today. making up for lost time i guess. notice how all the movies are rated R(A)/R21 in singapore?
but nonetheless, yes. i finally agree with everyone who's told me tt american pie it was actually worth watching. i never believed it for the longest time, but now i do. even with the whole fixation on sex Sex SEX and all tt gross toilet humour including drinking piss and eating shit - and of course, the infamous masturbation scene with jason bigg's character sticking his dick into a "warm apple pie" in american pie 1, and the other big scene about the same character accidentally superglueing his hand to his dick while attempting to... what else?... masturbate in american pie 2 - american pie is entertaining, but it's not a show without meaning. ok. don't expect academy award winning material of course, but it's worth a watch. and i actually found it hilarious. was choking on my hot chocolate and chips on several occasions. and i don't normally laugh much at stupid movies.
but if you want a good and disturbing movie, catch requiem for a dream. i think someone was recommending it to me... mona was it you? it's a drug-related movie based on a book of the same title. something like 'trainspotting', just without the happy ending. shows the so-called "drug-related downward spiral", and it doesn't just refer to the normal stuff like weed or heroin, but also stuff like the obssession with fame or losing weight and the resulting addiction to feel-good diet pills, and how such material obsessions can actually be a temporary mask or solution to the deeper and more profound emotional emptiness or lack of purpose in life. very very powerful. and unlike trainspotting; it's not tt graphic. at least, not about the drug-taking. but it uses shutter-stop action sequences tt allow you to draw links from one image to another very nicely. and you have actors like jennifer conelly and jared leto in there, who are v convincing in their roles. oh and if you want sex, there's tt in tt too. although admittedly the most visual sexual scene was of 2 girls simultaneously butt-fucking with a double-ended dildo. you'll get what i mean when you see it. guys, it's not as sexually gratifying as you might imagine, but it's one of the many images tt will strike you.
so tt's how i spent most of my day. it's too cold to run outside. and too fucking slippery, what with the layer of ice and melted slush all over the ground. fuck. winter is so bad for my fitness. i actually know it affects my moods coz when i don't run i feel shitty, as compared to when i do. running isn't my ketamine to me right now, but it has a similar effect. but then again, you don't really want to hear me whine about how lonely i am, how empty i feel right now, how listless i can get and how unmotivated i can be to do any fucking thing at all, let alone work, because of all tt has transpired. you don't really want to know how frustrated i feel right now, how numbed i am becoming, worn out by the anger and hurt and bitterness. tired out by the realisation tt things are never going to work out; tt even if he wanted them to, i don't want to any more. if there are any principles tt i operate on, one of them is tt i never go back to what i leave behind. once again, it's a matter of pride (and it gives rise to arguments tt i once again, don't really love, or tt i am too selfish, but i would like to clarify tt i no longer give a flying fuck about these arguments), but who the fuck cares? i don't want to get involved in a vicious cycle; i don't believe tt love should cause unnecessary pain and drag one down so much.
so i drown myself in coffee and tv. well. not the coffee part coz i don't take caffeine. more like hot chocolate and tv. :) but there is a blur song by the same title and it's nice to take a listen to. heh.
besides tt, i did go out for a while today. met eileen and sulynn at the caf during lunch today, and we had a small snowball fight with jon after tt. it wasn't anything too big and i wasn't particularly enthusiastic coz i wasn't dressed for the snowball fight. i was only wearing 1 sweater and no gloves, and i was holding on to a green apple and a cup of tea. not v condusive for snowball fighting, i know. and after tt i attended my review class for advanced crim law for this term...
my highlights of my day usually tend to be the evening. tt's when i meet the rest of the singaporeans in the caf for dinner. you'll have the whole group of us convening at the caf to eat communal dinner and talk cock. and most of the time the talk will be on sex (or something related to it; or something tt will somehow deviate towards it). and most of the time i will be laughing until my stomach really actually HURTS. like the "full penguin" joke. tt was hilarious.
after dinner, me and diana convened in anne and charlene's room @ 10pm for our weekly dosage of nip/tuck. we all are addicted to tt show with the graphic sex (straight gay and bi), violence and all sorts of mature disturbing scenes. yes, tt discounts the very nice and explicit surgery scenes with the fleshy and bloody chunks all exposed for viewing pleasure. nip/tuck is such a guilty pleasure. it's like ben and jerry's. you know it's bad for you, but you can't resist it.
interestingly enough, diana and i stayed on for another 2 hours after nip/tuck ended. we started talking about sex again... or i think it started with the question about what a foreskin was... but yeah... it went on to sex, and then relationships, love lives, and everything in between. i can't believe i just revealed so much of my past within so short a period of time. sigh. but yeah... i guess it's the first time i had such a frank discussion with anyone here about the things tt have happened so far.
for the first time ever since the whole issue with me and him, i actually feel better. less lonely. less burdened, like something is off my chest. :) thanks girls.
so now i guess it's late enough to go to sleep.
sleep is good. i guess.
and for all the people who want to know what song i was referring to, below are the lyrics. you should watch the mtv. it's really cute. involves walking milk cartons. :)
COFFEE AND TV
- by Blur
Do you feel like a chain store?
Practically floored
One of many zeros
Kicked around bored
Your ears are full but your empty
Holding out your heart
To people who never really
Care how you are
So give me Coffee and TV
Peacefully
I've seen so much
I'm goin blind
And i'm braindead virtually
Sociability
It's hard enough for me
Take me away form this big bad world
And agree to marry me
So we can start all over again
Do you go to the country
It isn't very far
There's people there who will hurt you
Cos of who you are
Your ears are full of the language
There's wisdom there you're sure
'Til the words start slurring
And you can't find the door
So give me Coffee and TV
Peacefully
I've seen so much
I'm goin blind
And i'm braindead virtually
Sociability
It's hard enough for me
Take me away form this big bad world
And agree to marry me
So we can start all over again
So give me Coffee and TV
Peacefully
I've seen so much
I'm goin blind
And i'm braindead virtually
Sociability
It's hard enough for me
Take me away from this big bad world
And agree to marry me
So we can start all over again
Oh...we could start over again
Oh...we could start over again
Oh...we could start over again
Oh...we could start over again
# posted by Kitana @ 12/01/2005 05:14:00 PM 
