absolutum dominium

the title is arbituary. it's sunday morning, i couldn't wake up for my dota game (i woke up too early and subsequently missed it), i'm feeling restless and i want to go run but it's still currently too cold (6 degrees) and my nose is still blocked, so i gotta wait for it to unblock and for the temperature to rise a bit. and then i'll go.

so before tt i guess i might as well make good use of this blog space and do a nice long cathartic self-satisfying entry. it's not like i've done one in a long long time and angered or caused any negative comments to pop up in a while. come on man... my comments and chatterbox is getting boring. don't you feel it coz i do?

i started to listen to rob zombie when i was in my wrestling craze. tt's when i realised he wasn't just some old has-been from the 1970s with his group 'white zombie'. he produced this movie called 'house of 10, 000 corpses', did you know tt? but it didn't do v well. i wonder why? what is a durango anyway? i hear about it from him and from both bob dylan in 'romance in durango' and freddie mercury in 'bohemian rhapsody'(ok. admittedly freddie mercury mentions so much weird stuff in tt song it leaves you a little flustered... but what the fuck is a durango anyway?) unless, it's a) a state and city in mexico, or b) a dodge durango (car)... thank god for wikipedia.org. my lifeline, esp for fucking pesky papers. but yeah... used to listen to tt too when playing cs. once i stopped sucking bad enough i guess. rob zombie, drowning pool, disturbed, kmfdm (actually, it's kinda tame now compared to the screaming bands, although i liked them during my mk and doom days), and if the volume's turned loud enough tt you can't hear yourself think, linkin park (they only sound lyrical and reasonable before the pain threshold level. after tt you could break stuff with them as well).

yay. i'm getting all out of point. it's all about the ranting, baby. all about the ranting. it's a mental equivalent of whacking a punching bag till your knuckles tear. it's a interesting feeling actually. it's painful def coz your knuckles are bruised and blistered (and it hurts when you wash your hands), but it makes you feel fulfilled somehow. oh, and they increase in size and the skin hardens. makes you feel like you could do even more the next time.

hmm. back to rants. usually with rants you have a good reason - like someone serverely irritated or pissed you off. but... don't have leh. got irritated lah. but generally i haven't been pissed off in a long time. sigh. i think coz no one bothered attacking something personal enough to me. i.e. if you attack my team, my teammates, my fundamental philosophies, my choice of career and my reasons for tt, and you do it in tt dismissive "i am better than thou" manner, i'll be inclined to tell you to go fuck yourself. actually wait, insult my own personal agenda, and i might tell you to go fuck yourself. attack my friends, and i'll probably do an equivalent of ripping out your balls and stuffing them down your throat. in terms of vehemence at least.

but anyway nope. no reasons to be pissed or mad. just... irritated. hahaha now doesn't tt take the sting out of the rant? am i a feminist? i don't consider myself one, but then again, i guess i am. i mean, i don't like doing the whole "fight for women's rights!" "go women's day!" useless fuck stuff (to me). but i get perverse pleasure knowing tt i can run a 2.4 km run better than a guy (unfortunately i'm fucking slow, and with my fitness - therelackof - as in-the-dumps as it is right now, tt's not happening any time soon. i used to love training in the NUS gym coz i could lift heavier weights than a few of the idiots there who would forever hog the machines i needed. i loved seeing the look on their faces when i took out tt pin, pushed into a 10 lb heavier stack, and do 15 easy reps to their 8 very difficult reps just before me. the look on their faces as they scurried away like cockroaches was priceless. i'd be like a teletubby and do it again and again if i could.

i don't believe tt women are intrinsically better than men. god knows what fucked up reasoning is tt. i don't believe we deserve better treatment. i don't believe tt we *have* to be respected as better or equal. but i believe in equality. my catch is this: i believe tt we have to *PROVE* equality.

i don't think a guy is being a bastard if he refuses to open the door for me. i don't deserve to have the door opened for me. i have 2 arms, 2 legs and a brain. i can open the damn door myself. i don't believe my future husband has an obligation to provide for me if and when we marry. i believe in pre-nupts. i have the necessary qualifications for a job and i will support myself. i will be independent. i will never have to depend on anybody, man woman or anyone in between. i don't think i'm being unfairly treated if i am not treated well, like if i am picked on in a game because i suck, or if i am a lousy runner and i am beaten by anyone. i believe in equality, i accept equality. if a guy were playing the same game and he sucked at my level, he would be bullied beyond recognition. if a guy were running as slow as i was in a race, no one would let him have his day. it works for him, it works for me. if i am better somehow, emotionally, rationally, physically, i accept whatever comes with it. if not, tt is how it works.

respect is EARNED, not given.

similarly, i don't adhere to stereotypes. me and my girls, we don't follow stereotypes. shopping is not an activity to me. it is a necessity if it has to be, but i never go out just to "shop". i admit tt women have a predisposition to be more emotional and to think too much and to read between the lines. but i don't believe tt it is a justification to behave like a flighty bimbo. not when you have had the requisite education. not if you come from a respectable family background and you have had a plainsailing life.

to me, tears are weakness. i won't pretend tt i don't cry coz i do. i cry when it hurts, when it's painful. but i see shame in letting people know tt i am crying. i don't think it's something you broadcast. emotional pain is not something you tell the whole world. it's not something you tell the whole fucking universe to gain sympathy. i despise pity, both the giving and the receiving of it. if i pity you, it means i despise you. and i have and do pity certain people, but if it comes to tt stage you've probably been written right out of my books. otherwise, don't come to me for pity. if it's a serious problem, i do emphatise. as much as i might seem otherwise now, i can emphatise for problems. i know how it's like to be facing problems, and some are really worth empathising with. and i will listen and i will advise in whatever way i can if i have to.

but don't give me imaginary problems and ask me to emphatise. don't pretend to be things tt you're not, and don't give me the justification tt you're naturally emotional coz you're female. i'm sorry, but i despise original girls.

and for the record what are original girls again? i'm not really into stereotypes... but in this case to make things clear i'll make an exception.

as coined by me and my girls: original girls are usually the typical singaporean girls with their long straight rebonded hair, stick-thin figures and skinny wind-will-blow-me-away legs, requisite mascaraed eyes and short skirts, never-hungry will-not-eat-anything coz it will make them fat appetite, and general bimbo mentality.

they listen only to soft sappy romantic songs and think about their prince charmings and fairy tale endings, have ambitions of taitaidom, love all things pretty and cute and kawaii (omg please stop with the fucking cute jap thing. it makes me wanna grab your hair and rip it out clump by clump), and are generally afraid to try everything. i.e. abhor running, gym or any form of exercise. will melt in the sun unless they wanna tan (in which case they'll storm the beach in hordes with their cleo magazines and drool over the boys on the pages before complaining about the sun and sand getting into their butts) - and tan only -, and are generally afraid of everything. except maybe shopping. skydiving? no way. wakeboarding? no way. no fucking way coz they're afraid of pain, afraid of unglam, afraid of falling, afraid of life basically.

inherently bitchy and gossipy; their strength is in gossiping and bitching about their peers; who's put on weight this year, who's got an outbreak, who's changed bf with whom etc etc etc. well, it's either tt or celebrity talk. or boys. yeah, at any age, you can suddenly do the whole giggly giggly thing. ooh, exciting. i can't wait to be a part of this conversation. ooh, ok how can i forget. and them, they are a fave topic for discussion. politics? what's tt? the law? *stares blankly* what do you think of the worrying wealth gap in singapore right now? erm... i don't know and i don't care lah. the gah-men doing a good job i happy already. it doesn't matter how much they pay themselves, it doesn't matter what politician going to jail for what reason, it doesn't matter what they do with their criminals, it doesn't matter lah. as long as my parents give me enough money to buy my clear lip gloss and my female magazine and to rebond my hair (again), i happy allready.

they are the clinging vine girlfriends. the ones who surgically attach themselves to their bf's hip the moment they get attached, such tt you never see or hear from them for a long long time if you're their friend (thank god)... unless it's a 2-for-1 invitation, in which you WILL get 2-for-the-price-for-1. and i'm serious when i say clinging vine. for some reason, these OG's will stop having backbones. you know how creepers are when they wrap themselves around plant branches? this will be the human equivalent. have you seen a girl drape herself ard her bf's neck and literally get dragged around??? i have. at zouk too. it's so unimaginable tt it becomes a topic for discussion. the embarassment of having just tt one specimen of your species to bring disgrace to everything tt you've fought so hard to stand for.

oh, and did i mention tt in EVERYTHING tt they do, they will mention how good or how shuai or how steady or how WHATEVER their bf is? and if you're single (which i usually tend to be), they will still gush about said bf and later ask... eh, how come you still single arh? isn't there anyone who likes you too? NBCB please go take your brain and stuff it up your ass can?

...and then of course when they break up with their bfs, it's like the end of the world. they whine and they whine and they whine like it's a life-ending spectacle and you're *expected* to have to muster tt grace and empathy every single time you listen to the same thing over and over and over again like a broken tape recorder of a very very bad backstreet boys song. and they accuse their friends of not being there for them. and you WONDER WHY??? HMM???

fuck original girls. i despise them to the core. i despise their flightiness. i despise their fucking self-centredness. i despise their ridiculous emotionality and their WEAKNESS. they give ME and what *I* stand for a bad bad name.

the only thing worse than self-absorbed weak self-pitying original girls... are guys who do the same.

my god. a guy who messages you and tells you tt he's lovesick everyday, tt he's pining for someone he's not even together with, tt he's been comparing her to all his previous gfs and saying tt she's got everything tt those gfs don't have, tt they have this chemistry and god knows what else fuck thing they're supposed to have... and he's doing tt to you while you're single and asking you why there isn't anyone for you.... (okay, this did not happen to me personally, but wtf lah. what kinda spineless moron does this??? my god)

i gave my friend the advice to stop being so nice to him and to tell him to go fuck himself.

i think i would probably tell him something a lot worse myself.

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ah. i feel so much better now. :)