absolutum dominium

most people who know both of us from law school - and as separate entities - find it very difficult to reconcile tt fact with the fact tt we are together.

obviously height and size disparity aside, ben and i are just... way different. he's the smoker, the ah-beng, the anti-social one; i'm the athlete (former), the catholic girl (so some say), the not-tt-sociable-but-def-much-more-so-than-you-know-who one. he hates authority, he's a rebel, he enjoys creating conflict... and i'm, well, in comparison, i would say tt i am the reasonably guai one.

it's no surprise tt inspite of being in the same faculty for 2 years previously, we never once spoke to each other. it's also no surprise tt, if not for exchange, we would never ever speak to each other, let alone get together.

i mean, firstly, to him he would probably see me as some rich spoilt middle-class brat who doesn't know tt much - especially coz i've succumbed to the hallmark of the establishment. and in my case, i didn't exactly see him as a nice person to begin with. when we first came into ubc, we never made any attempts to contact each other at all. if we did, they were half-hearted. and when i first was formally introduced to him in december 2005 in the library, i didn't think too much of it or him coz he struck me as cold and unfriendly. and didn't help tt he also looked like a drug addict.

in january he was, to my surprise, closer to the 2nd sem exchange students than diana and i were. in particular, alvin who was really one of the pillars of tt group, was incredibly chummy with him. which is undeniably strange coz ben gave me the impression tt no one gets chummy with him. you can tell him everything, but he won't tell you anything about himself.

i was actually surprised tt this anti-social person had msn, or tt he used it. i was even more surprised when he came for my birthday party. he had told me tt "of course he would be there". i couldn't believe it. he didn't seem the type. he also didn't seem the type to open his house to let almost 30 people come in to set up a chinese new year steamboat dinner. basically everything tt would seem a normal thing for people, seemed extraordinarily nice when coming from him.

we only started going out coz we had similar interests. or rather, coz i didn't really care much. we could just explore places spontaneously and unless i was particularly panicked or irritated, i would never make an issue out of anything. so tt was the starting point. coz in terms of conversation, we never did get beyond politics or differing views of crime, punishment and social justice.

i guess it just happened tt over time and over the various activities tt we did, he started to open up to me a bit more. we stopped talking about politics and social justice, and instead about things like schooling past, friends, family, etc. something tt also caused me major surprise. along the way we realised tt we weren't all tt different after all. and even where we did differ in viewpoints, we were able to accept those differences. and i guess i realised tt while he is still an anti-social smoker and ah beng, he is underneath, a person who has strong ideals, and although he refuses to admit it, has a strong sense of justice and loyalty, and can be trusted with your life. in spite of all my past misgivings about his character and trustworthiness, i knew tt as a friend, i could trust him completely.

and i guess he also realised tt i wasn't so bad after all. and tt not all police and future police were jerks.

the turning point came with the 10th april incident. or rather, the 9th/10th april incident. as a friend, i knew tt he was trustworthy, but as someone more than tt, i was very scared. i'd been badly burnt before, and i knew tt he was more than capable of burning people, including me, and i didn't dare to know about tt side of him.

needless to say, tt day was the day where he made his intentions clearer to me. at tt point in time, he was very unsure. he wanted something with me, but he was uncertain of the extent of his feelings for me and whether he could ever trust me. it did not help tt i had a chequered past too.

the next 20 days went by too fast, also because we had exams. the following 27 days away from him filled me with misgivings, which were heightene when we came back. i hade expected him to come to the realisation tt this whole thing with me is a mistake, and to tell me tt we were over. i was so sure.

there were a few near-incidents and a fair bit of pain on my part. but later he told me tt he had not made a mistake in canada. and after my whole incident with my parents tt resulted in a lot of turmoil and pain...

tt was when he finally became certain of his feelings for me. tt was when he offered me shelter, protection, support and finally, in a roundabout way, he offered me love.

"you know tt i love you, don't you?"

since then, things have been as they have been. we feel like we've been together forever, even though it hasn't been all tt long. we cannot get enough of each other, be it seeing, or touching, or hugging, or holding, or kissing. and no matter how much time we spend with each other, it is never enough.

i don't think it will ever be enough until you are the last thing i see when i close my eyes at night and the first thing i see when i open them in the morning.