Friday, August 11, 2006
of tree-top walks and happy friends.
i'm not supposed to engage in any sporting activity for at least 2 weeks. but nonetheless.
i met him this morning for breakfast at bt market; trying the famous bak chor mee pok with tau huey milk. it was delicious, but worked better on my stomach than on his.
following tt, after over 2 months of wanting to attempt tt damned macritchie tree-top walk thingy since i came back, we finally decided to do it. so at around 11-something am, we started out at the macritchie reservoir park and began walking.
and walking. and walking. and walking.
the damn route is supposed to be 11 km. it feels a fuck lot more than tt.
perhaps coz we were walking, not running. but still.
and coz they'd closed the usual trail to the tree-top walk; we had to retrace 1 trail two times just to get to tt bridge and to get out of tt area. trust me, there were more than 1 confused family standing at the junctures looking curiously at the makeshift signboards.
but tt being said, the scenery made it worth it.
and the 250 m bridge made it worth it.
for one, we saw lots of live animals as we were walking, but none so interesting as the tortoises tt would perch on the grass by the water; when we walked by they would jump into the water one by one.
however, there were a few curious tortoises who, when i came and knelt down for a closer look, crawled out of the water and towards me on their four legs, looking at me with the most inquisitive of eyes.
meet cute tortoise.
ben says it's ugly; but i think the patterns on its body are pretty. and its curious mannerism is too adorable to resist.
close-up of cute tortoise.
and the whole group of them swimming around.
finally, sometime between 1 and 2 pm, we finally found our way to the top, though somewhat breathless and disheartened.
here is the requisite couple shot. ben looks naked.
he's not, really. but close to. whoohoo. ;)
and me.
the 250m tree-top walk was this narrow metal bridge suspended over the canopy of very tall tropical trees. and even though the distance to get to the bridge was almost fucking ridiculous; i have to admit tt at tt point in time, it was actually worth it.
i like this bridge even more so than the capilano suspension bridge in vancouver. and tt is saying a lot. :)
see, i'm even going crazy waving my arms and running along the length. yay!
after tt, we decided to fuck walking back to macritchie and get out through venus drive. feeling a bit lost, we asked a laboured caucasian where venus drive might be. he wasn't too sure but he did say:
"the reservoir is tt way." (pointing in the direction tt he came from) "it's about 4 k. you'll see it... eventually." the resignation in his voice made me almost want to laugh. it was ironically humourous. i didn't have the heart to tell him tt to go down the way we came from would take him another 7km.
but anyway we found our way out to venus drive, and we took a taxi out of the sweltering heat back to civilisation. i was supposed to rush down to school to collect one of my two spoilt laptops later, as well as buy a textbook tt i needed; but we later decided against rushing down.
plus he wasn't feeling too well; and a little too sleepy.
we left by dinnertime; i took a cab down to holland v to have dinner with yuwei and kai. i hadn't seen yuwei since the year before; somehow it always feels like things haven't changed tt much.
we had dinner at crystal jade la mian xiao long bao and coffee at coffee bean, and more or less just chatted and caught up on life and each other's lives. interestingly, yw was celebrating her 2nd year anniversary with her bf tomorrow; kai celebrated her 2nd year anniversary with hers last mon. and i was just asking them, how do they last so long?
to be honest, because my past relationships have never lasted very long, i always wonder, and fear, tt i can't hold on to relationships. i used to be commitment-phobic at one point in time; but now i don't believe i am anymore, not unless you start raising suggestions to me regarding future homes and joint bank accounts (which were raised in their contexts). but still, the fear is there.
i don't believe in trying too hard in relationships; but i do believe tt effort has to be put in. everyone will have their own differences and idiosyncracies; some one can understand better than others. but the thing with difference is tt it may always become a point of contention if there are misunderstandings about it. sometimes there are little things tt you have to learn to give and take; you just can't sweat the small stuff.
for the most part, i'd like to think of myself as easy-going. i don't care too much, i don't bother too much. but yet, as much as i'd like to say tt i am all tt, sometimes when it comes to someone tt you're in a relationship with, somehow you notice tt things are different. somehow expectations begin to change whether you realise or not; sometimes maybe you end up asking for more than you would initially have expected, or sometimes you end up expecting the other party to understand you without you having to say anything.
maybe it comes from taking someone for granted; expecting too much. being too irritable. it's strange; how sometimes you might not be particularly happy with something, but you don't want to mention it coz you feel tt it shouldn't be a big issue and you don't want to be seen sweating the small stuff, but in the end it does become a big issue with you and you end up being upset and the other party has no clue otherwise.
sometimes i think it's a girl thing.
i try to run away from the stereotypes of a girl. you know, the one in the relationship who's all emotional and dependent. the one who's more intolerant, the one who expects her other half to be psychic and to know what she likes and dislikes without her having to say it; the list goes on.
but i fear too, tt i am becoming what i don't wish to become.
interestingly, yw and kai would tell me their pet peeves abt their other halves. like how one could be exceedingly late, or oversleep all the time, or not really care. and i guess it's natural coz in singapore, everyone is late. it's a culture. yet punctuality is something tt matters to me. i don't like waiting, period, because i have a need to maximise my time in the most efficient matter, and needless waiting is the most inefficient use of my time, which i will always find better uses for. i don't know how they do it; i guess it's a matter of becoming used to idiosyncracies and growing to accept them.
i remember once, i told someone tt i had a lot of flaws. i might be independent and outspoken yes, but with these qualities i am also self-centred and arrogant. i was asking whether my flaws would cause a problem; or result in a possible fall-out. he told me tt when he'd met me, he'd liked me for the qualities tt i possessed; and logically-speaking it flows tt you will have a couple of flaws tt represent the flip side to the qualities. to accept the qualities is to accept the flip side; sometimes one shouldn't pass value judgments. it is possible to love someone for everything tt he or she is; good, bad, and ugly.
acceptance is one thing tt plagues me. can he accept? i try to be a balanced individual. i never believed tt 'pms' was anything more than a convenient excuse coined up by weak-willed emotional wrecks of women masquerading as feminists to justify exceedingly childish behaviour; for this reason i never use it as an excuse for anything tt i do. yet i realise tt the times when i am most emotional - not irrational, but rather, seemingly given over to my emotional rather than to my rational self - are during tt particular time of the month. where i start getting more irritable, more sensitive, more easily given to the downs of sadness or anger. i try to keep this in check when i am observant, but sometimes i can't all the time, or most of the time, and it becomes a source of frustration for me. when you're too emotional, even the smallest things become difficult to accept.
i don't know. sometimes i find everything confusing and draining. communication is important because second-guessing is far too saddening a state to come to. but it just makes me wonder. i really do fear, tt maybe i lack something. somehow.
i left yw and kai to meet the girls at wala wala. the unexpected was playing live tonight; i went to watch for the first time since i came back from vancouver.
shirlyn is fantastic as a vocalist. so dynamic, and her voice. vic requested for this song 'our time is running out' by muse; this was the first time i'd heard it before, and i already liked it.
and better than tt, all the girls from my batch came. vic, wendy, mona, cheeling, meiping, geoks, and later angeline...
it was amazing.
and we just sat around and drank and listened to music. and somehow as we were taking photos i felt both a strange thread of joy and sadness.
joy tt we were together again. and sadness tt life had moved on, and the situation was no longer the same.
geoks was in heels. a phenomenon. meiping was brilliantly dressed. working or looking for jobs. graduated. grown-up.
it's scary.
it didn't seem so long ago, when we were all siao geenas, everyone of us. we all wore shorts and our training tees, rowed in one boat, and made the funniest jokes about blade angles and evil captains.
life was so simple then; and they were my family. they were my sisters. and i knew tt i would give everything for them, and vice versa.
and now, fast forward to present day; and no longer do we speak of the boat except in past tense. we look to life; the seriousness of having to work, make money, do our duties. the crank of the wheel of life has turned and it's like we've left tt happy place.
my girls bring me back to tt happy place. even when the situation is different; meeting everyone is a source of unbridled unexplainable joy.
with them, you know tt the bonds tt were forged in the best years of my nus life; are for life.
but yet... how long can we stay in tt happy place?
i feel like reality has knocked at my door, and i have to answer.
and i realise tt i really do fear having to grow up.
but for now...
meiping, geoks and cheeling. geoks is leaving for sydney for 2 months.
and...
mona, me, geok, wendy and vic.
and photos from the sat when i went to meet mona:
my beloved mona. ever so hungry. ;)
what we had at tcc.
and how things can fit together.
*sigh*
maybe this time of the month just makes me way too emotional, and therefore too melancholic, for my own good.
now playing: hotel costes - cafe de flor
i met him this morning for breakfast at bt market; trying the famous bak chor mee pok with tau huey milk. it was delicious, but worked better on my stomach than on his.
following tt, after over 2 months of wanting to attempt tt damned macritchie tree-top walk thingy since i came back, we finally decided to do it. so at around 11-something am, we started out at the macritchie reservoir park and began walking.
and walking. and walking. and walking.
the damn route is supposed to be 11 km. it feels a fuck lot more than tt.
perhaps coz we were walking, not running. but still.
and coz they'd closed the usual trail to the tree-top walk; we had to retrace 1 trail two times just to get to tt bridge and to get out of tt area. trust me, there were more than 1 confused family standing at the junctures looking curiously at the makeshift signboards.
but tt being said, the scenery made it worth it.
and the 250 m bridge made it worth it.
for one, we saw lots of live animals as we were walking, but none so interesting as the tortoises tt would perch on the grass by the water; when we walked by they would jump into the water one by one.
however, there were a few curious tortoises who, when i came and knelt down for a closer look, crawled out of the water and towards me on their four legs, looking at me with the most inquisitive of eyes.
meet cute tortoise.
ben says it's ugly; but i think the patterns on its body are pretty. and its curious mannerism is too adorable to resist.
close-up of cute tortoise.
and the whole group of them swimming around.
finally, sometime between 1 and 2 pm, we finally found our way to the top, though somewhat breathless and disheartened.
here is the requisite couple shot. ben looks naked.
he's not, really. but close to. whoohoo. ;)
and me.
the 250m tree-top walk was this narrow metal bridge suspended over the canopy of very tall tropical trees. and even though the distance to get to the bridge was almost fucking ridiculous; i have to admit tt at tt point in time, it was actually worth it.
i like this bridge even more so than the capilano suspension bridge in vancouver. and tt is saying a lot. :)
see, i'm even going crazy waving my arms and running along the length. yay!
after tt, we decided to fuck walking back to macritchie and get out through venus drive. feeling a bit lost, we asked a laboured caucasian where venus drive might be. he wasn't too sure but he did say:
"the reservoir is tt way." (pointing in the direction tt he came from) "it's about 4 k. you'll see it... eventually." the resignation in his voice made me almost want to laugh. it was ironically humourous. i didn't have the heart to tell him tt to go down the way we came from would take him another 7km.
but anyway we found our way out to venus drive, and we took a taxi out of the sweltering heat back to civilisation. i was supposed to rush down to school to collect one of my two spoilt laptops later, as well as buy a textbook tt i needed; but we later decided against rushing down.
plus he wasn't feeling too well; and a little too sleepy.
we left by dinnertime; i took a cab down to holland v to have dinner with yuwei and kai. i hadn't seen yuwei since the year before; somehow it always feels like things haven't changed tt much.
we had dinner at crystal jade la mian xiao long bao and coffee at coffee bean, and more or less just chatted and caught up on life and each other's lives. interestingly, yw was celebrating her 2nd year anniversary with her bf tomorrow; kai celebrated her 2nd year anniversary with hers last mon. and i was just asking them, how do they last so long?
to be honest, because my past relationships have never lasted very long, i always wonder, and fear, tt i can't hold on to relationships. i used to be commitment-phobic at one point in time; but now i don't believe i am anymore, not unless you start raising suggestions to me regarding future homes and joint bank accounts (which were raised in their contexts). but still, the fear is there.
i don't believe in trying too hard in relationships; but i do believe tt effort has to be put in. everyone will have their own differences and idiosyncracies; some one can understand better than others. but the thing with difference is tt it may always become a point of contention if there are misunderstandings about it. sometimes there are little things tt you have to learn to give and take; you just can't sweat the small stuff.
for the most part, i'd like to think of myself as easy-going. i don't care too much, i don't bother too much. but yet, as much as i'd like to say tt i am all tt, sometimes when it comes to someone tt you're in a relationship with, somehow you notice tt things are different. somehow expectations begin to change whether you realise or not; sometimes maybe you end up asking for more than you would initially have expected, or sometimes you end up expecting the other party to understand you without you having to say anything.
maybe it comes from taking someone for granted; expecting too much. being too irritable. it's strange; how sometimes you might not be particularly happy with something, but you don't want to mention it coz you feel tt it shouldn't be a big issue and you don't want to be seen sweating the small stuff, but in the end it does become a big issue with you and you end up being upset and the other party has no clue otherwise.
sometimes i think it's a girl thing.
i try to run away from the stereotypes of a girl. you know, the one in the relationship who's all emotional and dependent. the one who's more intolerant, the one who expects her other half to be psychic and to know what she likes and dislikes without her having to say it; the list goes on.
but i fear too, tt i am becoming what i don't wish to become.
interestingly, yw and kai would tell me their pet peeves abt their other halves. like how one could be exceedingly late, or oversleep all the time, or not really care. and i guess it's natural coz in singapore, everyone is late. it's a culture. yet punctuality is something tt matters to me. i don't like waiting, period, because i have a need to maximise my time in the most efficient matter, and needless waiting is the most inefficient use of my time, which i will always find better uses for. i don't know how they do it; i guess it's a matter of becoming used to idiosyncracies and growing to accept them.
i remember once, i told someone tt i had a lot of flaws. i might be independent and outspoken yes, but with these qualities i am also self-centred and arrogant. i was asking whether my flaws would cause a problem; or result in a possible fall-out. he told me tt when he'd met me, he'd liked me for the qualities tt i possessed; and logically-speaking it flows tt you will have a couple of flaws tt represent the flip side to the qualities. to accept the qualities is to accept the flip side; sometimes one shouldn't pass value judgments. it is possible to love someone for everything tt he or she is; good, bad, and ugly.
acceptance is one thing tt plagues me. can he accept? i try to be a balanced individual. i never believed tt 'pms' was anything more than a convenient excuse coined up by weak-willed emotional wrecks of women masquerading as feminists to justify exceedingly childish behaviour; for this reason i never use it as an excuse for anything tt i do. yet i realise tt the times when i am most emotional - not irrational, but rather, seemingly given over to my emotional rather than to my rational self - are during tt particular time of the month. where i start getting more irritable, more sensitive, more easily given to the downs of sadness or anger. i try to keep this in check when i am observant, but sometimes i can't all the time, or most of the time, and it becomes a source of frustration for me. when you're too emotional, even the smallest things become difficult to accept.
i don't know. sometimes i find everything confusing and draining. communication is important because second-guessing is far too saddening a state to come to. but it just makes me wonder. i really do fear, tt maybe i lack something. somehow.
i left yw and kai to meet the girls at wala wala. the unexpected was playing live tonight; i went to watch for the first time since i came back from vancouver.
shirlyn is fantastic as a vocalist. so dynamic, and her voice. vic requested for this song 'our time is running out' by muse; this was the first time i'd heard it before, and i already liked it.
and better than tt, all the girls from my batch came. vic, wendy, mona, cheeling, meiping, geoks, and later angeline...
it was amazing.
and we just sat around and drank and listened to music. and somehow as we were taking photos i felt both a strange thread of joy and sadness.
joy tt we were together again. and sadness tt life had moved on, and the situation was no longer the same.
geoks was in heels. a phenomenon. meiping was brilliantly dressed. working or looking for jobs. graduated. grown-up.
it's scary.
it didn't seem so long ago, when we were all siao geenas, everyone of us. we all wore shorts and our training tees, rowed in one boat, and made the funniest jokes about blade angles and evil captains.
life was so simple then; and they were my family. they were my sisters. and i knew tt i would give everything for them, and vice versa.
and now, fast forward to present day; and no longer do we speak of the boat except in past tense. we look to life; the seriousness of having to work, make money, do our duties. the crank of the wheel of life has turned and it's like we've left tt happy place.
my girls bring me back to tt happy place. even when the situation is different; meeting everyone is a source of unbridled unexplainable joy.
with them, you know tt the bonds tt were forged in the best years of my nus life; are for life.
but yet... how long can we stay in tt happy place?
i feel like reality has knocked at my door, and i have to answer.
and i realise tt i really do fear having to grow up.
but for now...
meiping, geoks and cheeling. geoks is leaving for sydney for 2 months.
and...
mona, me, geok, wendy and vic.
and photos from the sat when i went to meet mona:
my beloved mona. ever so hungry. ;)
what we had at tcc.
and how things can fit together.
*sigh*
maybe this time of the month just makes me way too emotional, and therefore too melancholic, for my own good.
# posted by Kitana @ 8/11/2006 12:59:00 AM 
