absolutum dominium

vanessa has come down from the university of york in toronto! the first s'porean law student not here in vancouver to visit vancouver! ooh so exciting. thinking of all the stuff we can do. she's staying with diana tonight coz i have class tmr, but if all goes planned we can go shopping, have dinner, and club tmr night in downtown vancouver!

and on sun we can revisit grandville island market!

ooh and on sat i need to go metrotown to buy my waterproof shoes/winter boots and rain jacket! desperately. the rainy season has started, and according to the sources here, it's going to rain everyday all the way through to winter. 1 miserable day of walking in the rain and getting my jeans, bag and shoes completely soaked through is more than enough, thank you very much.

i love hapkido! and i love the fact tt inspite of how miserable my rez gym is, it has this punching bag. and when i come back after hapkido class and dominate the punching bag from the bunch of guys fooling around with it and i scare the hell out of them when i whack the hell out of the punching bag, it feels so damn good.

am tired. gonna be a long day tmr. time to recuperate.

if you could only see what i see when i run.

fall is the most beautiful season ever.

***

in other news: i think my boyfriend is condoning me becoming a bad girl too.

"I dont get it...
U act guai in Singapore...
That I understand....
U act guai when overseas????
Sigh....
Defies logic....

Huh...
If me ah...
Bring out the pot....
Bring out the alcohol...
Bring out the porn....
Bring out the naked gals...
It's the rolling sixties and seventies again...
Smoke pot, get drink and get laid!!!!!!!!!
Yeeeha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

his words. not mine. *roll eyes*

second lastly, vanessa: i got your comment and i've sent you an email. i'm still free this weekend. you can bunk with me. my room's a little small coz i stay in a dorm, but you can share the bed. and you can visit the UBC campus, which has the museum of anthropology, the nitobe memorial gardens (particularly lovely in fall), and wreck beach - the famed nudist beach. it's almost at my door step. and in vancouver itself if you want tourist attractions there's the northshore and the capilano suspension bridge and grouse mountain, but to be honest i'd recommend visiting the granville island market, and metrotown - the biggest mall in vancouver in burnaby, or robson st. for shopping. and well. we have a community of singaporeans here. so food is never a problem.

lastly: i'm going to visit nanaimo and bungy-jump next weekend (hopefully) with eileen! anymore takers?

i'm not going to be a good girl.

oh. my. god. smallville is filming on the ubc campus!!! while walking to my european union law class this morning i saw ~TOM WELLING~ in the flesh! and omigosh omigosh he is so tall and so well-built and soooooooooooooooo *cute* in person!

dammit. if i wasn't rushing to class, i would have stayed and asked him to autograph on my jacket or something. *pout*

anyway i realise tt my eu law/international law teacher really *is* eccentric. he comes into class wearing socks and sandals, and halfway through class he takes off his sandals and walks up and down in his socks only.

i'm *SO* behind now. i'm starting to panic. am falling asleep in my classes. this does not bode well for me. but before i forget:

to the teamNUS dragonboat girls: all the best for the tianjin race!

hope you girls enjoy yourselves over there and achieve the objectives tt you've set out for yourselves!

and cindy and yirang: don't be so stressed (haha. like i can understand your position). you guys will do fine. *hugz*

P.S. below is a fucking good clubbing song. I MISS CLUBBING!!! *pout* i am envious of leewanyi.

GOLD DIGGER
- Kayne West

[[Jamie Foxx]
She take my money
when I'm in need
Yea she's a trifflin
friend indeed
Oh she's a gold digga
way over town
That dig's on me

[Chorus:]
(She did me wrong)
Now I aint sayin she a gold digger (When I'm Need)
But she aint messin wit no broke niggaz
(She did me wrong)
Now I aint sayin she a gold digger (When I'm need)
but she aint messin wit no broke niggaz
get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down girl go head


[Verse 1:]
Cutie the bomb
Met her at a beauty salon
With a baby louis vuitton
Under her underarm
She said I can tell you ROCK
I can tell by ya charm
Far as girls you got a flock
I can tell by ya charm and ya arm
but I'm lookin for the one
have you seen her
My psychic told me she have a ass like Serena
Trina, Jennifer Lopez, four kids
An i gotta take all they bad ass to show-biz
Ok get ya kids but then they got their friends
I Pulled up in the Benz, they all got up In
We all went to Den and then I had to pay
If you f**kin with this girl then you betta be payed
You know why
It take too much to touch her
>From what I heard she got a baby by Busta
My best friend say she use to fuck wit Usher
I dont care what none of yall say I still love her

[Chorus:]
(She did me wrong)
Now I aint sayin she a gold digger (When I'm Need)
But she aint messin wit no broke niggaz
(She did me wrong)
Now I aint sayin she a gold digger (When I'm need)
but she aint messin wit no broke niggaz
get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down girl go head

[Verse 2:]
18 years, 18 years
She got one of yo kids got you for 18 years
I know somebody payin child support for one of his kids
His baby momma's car and crib is bigger than his
You will see him on TV Any Given Sunday
Win the Superbowl and drive off in a Hyundai
She was spose to buy ya shorty TYCO with ya money
She went to the doctor got lypo with ya money
She walkin around lookin like Micheal with ya money
Should of got that insured got GEICO for ya moneeey
If you aint no punk holla We Want Prenup
WE WANT PRENUP!, Yeaah
It's something that you need to have
Cause when she leave yo ass she gone leave with half
18 years, 18 years
And on her 18th birthday he found out it wasn't his

[Chorus:]
(She did me wrong)
Now I aint sayin she a gold digger (When I'm Need)
But she aint messin wit no broke niggaz
(She did me wrong)
Now I aint sayin she a gold digger (When I'm need)
but she aint messin wit no broke niggaz
get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down girl go head get down (I gotta leave)
get down girl go head

[Verse 3:]
Now I aint sayin you a gold digger you got needs
You dont want ya dude to smoke but he can't buy weed
You got out to eat and he cant pay yall cant leave
There's dishes in the back, he gotta roll up his sleeves
But why yall washin watch him
He gone make it into a Benz out of that Datson
He got that ambition baby look in his eyes
This week he moppin floorz next week it's the fries
So, stick by his side
I know his dude's ballin but yea thats nice
And they gone keep callin and tryin
But you stay right girl
But when you get on he leave yo a** for a white girl

Get down girl go head get down
Get down girl go head get down
get down girl go head get down
get down girl go head

- Lifehouse

I can’t be losing sleep over this, no I can’t
And now I can not stop pacing
Give me a few hours, I’ll have all this sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing

Cause I cannot stand still
I can’t be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

This is over my head but underneath my feet
Cuz by tomorrow morning I’ll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

Cuz I’m waiting for tonight
Then waiting for tomorrow
And I’m somewhere in between
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
Don’t be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again
I don’t want to run away from this
I know that I just don’t need this

Cause I cannot stand still
I can’t be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

Cuz I’m waiting for tonight
Then waiting for tomorrow
And I’m somewhere in between
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream
What is real, and just a dream

my appetite has increased by leaps and bounds. i eat *even more* than the locals now. some of the girls here are on diets, eating only salads and such. me? for dinner i had 2 pieces of teriyaki chicken with mashed potato and brocoli and corn, a soup with bread, and i was *still* hungry so i had 2 giant cookies as well.

i don't know why i'm perpetually hungry now. it scares me. i eat more than some of the s'porean guys. jeez.

anyway i've been pretty down during the weekend, yesterday especially. it has a lot to do with guilt and uncertainty. and loneliness. it's really strong now. i know i'd been feeling bad since fri night esp, when the boy called me and told me about the girl who was trying to hook up with him at the club. and i know tt it's not a big issue coz i know tt i trust him enough to know tt he won't ever say 'yes', but somehow being so far away, the distance makes me cold. he doesn't look for these girls, but these girls look for him. even his friends encourage him to indulge, to play around, because tt's just how they are. and i understand tt and i know they have his interests at heart, but it worries me. and it makes me jealous and bitter and it makes me act in ways tt i might regret later.

was talking to eileen last night. it's interesting how similar we both can be, even though before this i've never really known her or vice versa. it's like, somehow i know i can trust her. it's strange.

today after psychology, i went out to get some groceries. stocked up my pile of tim horton's cookies (and a medium hot chocolate and a honey donut from there too), chocolates and other snacks tt i keep in my room.

i happened to pass the future shop, which is an electronics shop. so i bought somethings tt the boy had been looking for in singapore.



and i bought something for myself as well.



to go with the shot glass.

i'm tired of being a good girl.

stricken by a wave of guilt. tried to study but i stared at my book for the longest time and the words danced around before my eyes without meaning. asked to dinner, and i accepted, and i fear what i might be getting myself into. i'm tired of the barrier between myself and the locals and the cultural differences tt translate into a gaping nexus tt i'm just too fucking sick of trying to breach and running up against a glass wall again and again and again. walked over to gage to find eileen tonight, because she seems like the only person here tt i can talk to now. the only person who will understand, who i can trust, who won't judge, who i can see. fuck it. i guess we both ended up depressing each other. but misery loves company. ain't tt how the song goes?

"what is real or just a dream?"

Hello! Today's lazy Sunday. Have decided not to go out. I have Hapkido class at 3pm anyway, and I need to rest + do my work.

Friday night Eileen called me out around 9pm, and I went with her, Shawn and Kwee Lin down to The Pit Pub @ the SUB (Yes. The Canadian 'YIH', which has a lounge and a pub). Actually they were having a party in the ballroom, but when we went there it was just a whole bunch of people getting drunk on cheap beer, and it was so boring. So we adjourned to The Pit. And it was really fun coz they started playing Hip-Hop/RnB songs and Eileen and I could just take off our jackets and dance to them. Although admittedly I wasn't prepared for clubbing; I was wearing some long-sleeved blouse over my tank top coz the weather on Fri night was so chilly tt I had to pull on 3 layers. It's been going down to 10 degrees at night now.

So yeah, once we started dancing it was getting really hot and uncomfy. And the music was ok, nothing comparable to Phuture, but to people as clubbing-deprived as Eileen and me, this was way better than nothing. Or 'parties' where the objective is just drink till you get hammered. (Eileen took pictures with her camera too, but I don't have them yet).

Anyway we met a couple of people tt either she knew or I knew, and the circle just expanded. It was strange coz they would intersperse a hip-hop song with a retro song ("Call on Me" is *so* popular here) or a country song like "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy" or something along those lines... It's interesting to look at the dancing culture too as well. Although admittedly people generally dance better here than in Singapore. Even the boys generally know how to groove.

Got picked up 2 times on Fri night; first time was by this tall ang moh in black, and I thought he was talking to the Mexican girl next to me, so I ignored him. And the second time was when 'Crazy in Love' came on, and you know how crazy I go when I hear tt song. And another ang moh guy just squeezed through the group in front of me, took my hand and twirled me around. And I was just stunned. I was like thinking "Where the hell did you come from???" That was potentially traumatising.

By this time it was about midnight, so we decided to leave. Anyway the walk back from The Pit to Totem is about 15 to 20 min, and since I was walking back alone I didn't want to go back too late.

Called the boy after I got back. Coz I missed him, and I wasn't tired. And I couldn't sleep anyway coz my floormates were going on and on outside with the music and the voices and laughter and the knocking and slamming of doors.

Third night in a row he got smashed. Apparently this time his best friend's girlfriend brought along her whole gang of girlfriends, and they all went to Thumper and got high. And one of the girls was hitting on him and they were all dancing pretty provocatively. He got challenged to a drinking contest by this other guy who was jealous of the attention tt girl was giving him, so they competed over 2 bottles of Chivas and a 'special edition' Waterfall, which knocked the other guy out. He tells me the girl wants to ask him out again. Even though they're both attached (not to each other), and she was disappointed coz he didn't offer to send her home. WTF.

I slept around 2.30am on Fri night. But I had to wake up at 5.30am on Sat morning.

Coz on Sat I was going skydiving!

Anyway most of the other people had transport to this small town outside Vancouver in BC called Abbotsford, which is about a 2 hours drive from Vancouver. I didn't though. Me and this other guy 'Sean' whom I only contacted through email, who stayed on campus too.

So we decided to meet at the bus terminal at 6.30am to catch the first bus out, change bus to the Vancouver Bus Terminal, and take a bus from there to Abbotsford.

Anyway Sean is a pretty cool guy. Just to show you, below is him and me at the Abbotsford Skydive Centre in our jumpsuits.



Sean's American, comes from a city called Medestos in California. Apparently Medestos ranks #1 in the US for the most number of pedestrian deaths, and #2 for the most munber of vehicle deaths. It's also pretty notorious for its gangs and drive-by shootings. He was really cool though. It was fun talking to him. He's one of those 'alternative' type people. Listens to KMFDM and Rammstein, 2 bands I used to love when I was in my morbid angry 'fuck the world' phase. He has a mohawk (although he didn't spike it up today), and he's really really open.

We talked about so many things during the 4 hours it took to get us from UBC to Abbotsford. About cultures, what stuff we were doing, we both have an interest in martial arts (me: taekwondo and hapkido; him: aikido and shorinji kempo), extreme sports like skydiving and bungy-jumping, sports (he loves cycling), etc. We even discussed world issues and politics like the US Elections, George Bush and the war in Iraq, perceptions of Marxism and Communism and even Islam and Islamic Law as it originally was and how it is portrayed today. All in all, he was a really interesting personality, and really nice too! Haha. Totally changed my perception of mohawk-toting 'punks'. ;)

But yeah, with great difficulty, a lot of time wasted, and some uncertainty, we made it to Abbotsford Skydive Centre.

And the rest, I'll let the pictures tell the story.



Above: that is the group of the 4 of us who are going on the plane for the tandem jump at the same time.



This is the plane tt's going to take us out.



This is the view from within the plane. Yeah, I look really retarded with the helmet and the goggles.



This is the view tt you get as the plane ascends.



And gets higher. We are supposed to jump from the altitude of 9500 feet.

Anyway *I* was the first to jump out. I didn't even know! One moment I'm in the plane watching it ascend, and then the instructor is arranging the buckles on my straps, and suddenly the doors of the plane are opened and this gust of really icy air hits me in the face. And he's like: "Step out onto the ledge."

And Oh. My. God. The ground is just so so so so so fucking far away. You really do get seized with fear as you step out and you see nothing beneath you. You're just this small speck and if not for your parachute, you die. There's no two ways about it. The pressure in the air will just tear you apart and you'll die.

The propellor is really loud, but at this height it's been drowned out by the all-encompassing wind. When I step out, it is cold. It is so fucking cold. There's already snow on the whitecaps of the mountains below; so you can imagine how low the temperature is at this level.

And then, the moment I step out, there is no "one two three". One minute my feet are on something solid, the next... Nothing. I'm just falling falling falling. Through the air, through the sky. You might think from TV shows tt people 'fly' or float' at this altitude.

Wrong. They fall.

Could just see the plane rise away from me as I fell, and the pull of gravity is so strong tt I feel as though my body is falling faster than my stomach. I arch my back and pull my legs up and open up my arms as was instructed, and just watch as fear melts into the thrill of almost flying.

Almost.

The instructor pulls on the parachute and the rebound jerks on my leg straps. It's painful, but I think it'll be worse if you're a guy. Muahaha. And then I get to take out my camera and take pictures from the sky.

So yes, all the below pictures are taken from the height of between 9500 and 1000 feet.



This is the first view you get when you look down.



This is what you see when you look ahead and around you (I got a panoramic view!).



The view from another angle. You can see my other fellow jumpers in the distance.



And lastly, me. Heh. ;)

For proof lah.

So we land, and then yeah... it's over. Just like tt.

That was pretty fast.



But well, this is a shot of another jumper coming in. I'm on the ground now.

So yeah. The whole skydiving experience is over. It is a trip. It is a complete fucking trip and I'd do it over and over again if I could. But it's expensive and the experience isn't more than a minute.

However, at least tt's one more thing I can cross out from my list of the Top Ten Things I Want To Do Before I Die. Fantastic.

After this the only other things I want to do here is learn how to snowboard, and bungy-jump into a ravine (off Whistler Mountain, or off Nanaimo). :)

So we have to find our way back again. Needless to say, the journey back was damn fucking sian. Another 4 plus hours. I reached UBC at 4.30pm. UGH.

But on the bus, I decided to take a couple of pictures; just to show you how the view from a Vancouver highway is like.



Generally, this is what you see.



Or this. :)



And Ikea has invaded Canada too!



And tt's me. Testing out the camera. Heh.

So yeah. That was the bus ride back. In time for a really late lunch/early dinner.

And then it was off to the dance.

Namely, the annual Totem Meet Market (pun on Meet), more commonly known as the Totem Meat Market. Why? Because according to Jay Leno on one of his Tonight shows, the Totem Meat Market is #3 in his list of Top Ten Places to get Hooked Up in North America.



So that's me with two of my housemates, Jackie and Alex, before we go down. A lot more pictures were taken, but most of them were not in my camera. Maybe I'll upload them when I get them, then you can see who else stays on my floor.

But anyway the girls and the guys all start drinking before they go down, so I take 2 shots of vodka with my shot glass. And then a couple of girls decide to make shots 'a floor thing'. And coz my shot glass is the one everyone uses, I get a few more honorary shots.

So I'm really high by 8.30pm. A group of us end up dancing in the guys' room on 5th floor before going down to the Meat Market.

And at the Meat Market, this Canadian-born Chinese guy from Calgary starts dancing with me less than 10 minutes after we reach. So I lose my group for the rest of the night. But it's all good coz he's good-looking and he dances really well, and I cannot turn down a good-looker who dances well because I am superficial and tt's how it is.

Admittedly, it's probably also due to the fact tt I'm smashed.

But well.

The music was good, the company was good, and I was fucking high. So all in all it was a good night.

Got back to my room around 1am. Fell asleep almost immediately. I think it was also the lack of sleep tt contributed to this.

Oh well. Anyway when I woke up this morning to brush my teeth, I found an empty Trojan condom packet on the floor of the girls' bathroom. Ooh. Dirty.

I wonder whose it is.

freefall from 9500 feet.

- Coldplay

I feel safe, I feel warm
When you're here, when I do no wrong
I'm cured, when I'm by your side
I'm alright
I'm alright

I am safe when I am with you
I feel warm if you want me to
I'm cured, when I'm by your side
I'm alright

Careful where you stand my love
Careful where you lay your head
It's true
We're always looking out for one another

I feel safe when I am with you
I feel warm when you want me to
I am cured, when you are around
I'm alright

Careful where you stand my love
Careful where you lay your head
It's true
We're always looking out for one another

So I like a quiet time please
Yeah I like quiet time

Careful where you stand
Now careful where you stand

haha. i have no idea where the time is going. all i do is stay around on campus. yet i feel like i don't have enough time to do anything. am doing laundry now. it's a mad rush coz it's everyone's laundry night and i'm caught in the fray.

and after hapkido too. but damn, hapkido is fun! it's not actually tt xiong or tiring when you get the hang of it, and it's so fun learning all the techniques. right now i only know how to break a thumb, a wrist, and an elbow. i wanna know more! *excited*

but i digress. exchange is bringing out the worst in me! i've already committed three of the seven deadly sins!

for one, i am now guilty of the sin of gluttony. well. i've always been guilty of the sin of gluttony, coz everyone knows i *live* to *eat*, but it's been especially bad ever since i came to ubc.

check out what i have been eating for the past 4 days:

mon:
breakfast: scrambled eggs, bacon and french toast with butter and maple syrup.
lunch: pizza, reese peanut butter ice-cream and 2 cookies.
dinner: pasta with alfredo sauce and nachos with melted cheese and salsa sauce. and a nanaimo bar.

tues:
breakfast: scrambled eggs, bacon and pancake with butter and maple syrup.
lunch: pizza, reese peanut butter ice-cream and cookie.
dinner: beef stragonoff and cookie.

wed:
breakfast: scrambled eggs, bacon and belgian waffle with butter and strawberry syrup.
lunch: broccoli chicken and cheese casserole and cinnamon roll.
dinner: spaghetti with spicy meat sauce and caesar salad at the old spaghetti factory.

today:
breakfast: scrambled eggs, bacon and french toast with butter and maple syrup.
lunch: subway sandwich, north atlantic clam chowder with crackers, cookie with white chocolate and hot chocolate with whipped cream.
dinner: lasagne and froot loops.

yes. do you see the picture? anyway gluttony's not the worst of it.

there is sloth.

so i've always been a slacker in nus. but here... wahaha. i am way behind on *all* my readings. i haven't done work. at all. i haven't even filed up my notes for international and european union law. i'm falling asleep in my classes and doing the 'spiders' legs' effect all over again. and i am so dead. i have 25-30 page papers to write soon, and i am supposed to read 100 pages for my intercultural dispute resolution class tomorrow. and i haven't done jack. at all.

how's tt for sloth? i don't even know where the time goes.

oh alright. my day's haven't been to spectacular. essentially it's a settled routine of breakfast (always) - class - lunch - class (if any) - come back to room and slack/go for short run/send emails/blog/hang out with people - dinner (of course) - and slack some more. and on hapkido nights, i go for hapkido. you don't see "read" and "work" and "do essays" anywhere in the equation, do you?

and yesterday... hahaha. man. i had advanced criminal law class at 5pm. my floor was having a brother-sister floor dinner gathering at the old spaghetti factory, which is this restaurant in gastown in downtown vancouver. coz my class ended late at 7pm, i had to rush down with my fellow late stragglers with their late classes and practices and stuff. by the time we got off the bus it was 8.30pm, and by the time we found the restaurant it was 9pm (speaking of which, we alighted opposite the infamous amsterdam cafe on east hastings. HMM). the others had got there around 7pm, so they were mostly done by the time we came in.

the food's ok. we get free bread. $9.95 got me a spaghetti with spicy meat sauce (not really spicy. but there was a hell a lot of pasta. altho admittedly i am able to finish *all* my food and eat american-sized portions. this is why my jeans are getting so tight already. KNN.), a caesar salad, and a drink.

we got back to totem around 11pm. wed was frat party night, and one of the girls on my floor is a sorority member. so the floor decided to crash a frat party (or 4). but we were pretty late. party started around 8pm, so by the time we got there it was dying out, the place was crawling with cops, and drunk guys and girls were stumbling around.

the guys couldn't get entry. only girls get free entry and free booze. but i didn't like the whole idea of frats and sororities - you got to pay $600 for membership for these guys/girls to call you their "brother" or "sister". paying for friendship is just not the way to go. and i don't see what's so 'cool' or 'in' about this kinda thing? oh well. americ-- oops. i mean, canadians. basically, i returned to totem with the guys and a few of the girls who weren't too keen on frat parties either.

ended up in the lounge watching/playing this old james bond shooting game, which was hilarious. and then i crashed into bed abt 2am. ugh.

yeah. i guess tt's why i fell asleep (again) in international law (again). prob the lack of sleep plus the fact tt my lunch today was huge.

oops. digress: third sin. 'bimboism' isn't really a sin, but i thought i could lump it under pride. you know. bimbo = vain = pride? something like tt.

yeah. so anyway i think my housemates and everyone on campus is bringing out the worst in me. everyone's all about appearances and images. even in my rez, we brush our teeth and walk around in our jeans and blouses. i used to wear my t-shirts and shorts around everywhere ala sheares and temasek, but i stopped coz in a place like this, tt's prob akin to a prc being condemned for the fashion faux pas of wearing socks with slippers.

so now i'm wearing jeans or track pants all the time, unless i'm about to sleep or go for a run, then i wear my lock cock shorts and t-shirts. and everyday i need to coordinate my wardrobe. am trying to minimise the amount of clothes i wear, but at the same time i have to be mindful tt i cannot be seen wearing the same outfit two times in the same week. so it's always about matching one top with different jackets to create diff looks. tt's so 'cleo'. omg.

and the worst thing tt happened today: i was walking to lawschool with diana, and i was telling her tt i wanted to get a scarf coz my neck and cheeks feel really cold when the wind blows, and when i put my hood up it never ever stays up. which is irritating. so she tells me she has a scarf. and i'm like, "oh. what colour is it?"

and she's like, "pink. you want it?"

immediately i reply: "no. it doesn't match my outfit."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dammit lah. i'm becoming a fucking original girl now. was griping to my baby tt i hated writing emails to him coz i always sounded so mushy in them, and if i were to read the stuff i write from a third person's perpective, i'd prob put my finger down my throat and gag or something. and he said tt it was ok coz "girls are allowed to be mushy."

and i'm like, "NO. you don't get it. ORIGINAL GIRLS can be mushy. they can be as mushy as they want to be. but *I* am not an original girl. tt's the difference."

he replies: "oh really? you're pretty original when you're with me."

NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sigh.

one thing tho. now i understand why people who go overseas become more nationalistic. i find myself constantly defending singapore coz everyone here has this pre-conceived notion tt we're some small backwater country with lots of jungles and we don't speak english.

it's exasperating.

i get a great kick out of telling people tt singapore is more forward and the pace of life is a lot faster than here. it's smaller, but it's a city by itself and we have malls and eating places tt are open no matter what time you go, even at 3am. our clubs close at 3am (and some go on through till 6am), and not 2am unlike here. we speak english as a first language, and we all know 2 languages. and even though we might have a very paternalistic government, we are not a police state. and we *DON'T* have a drug problem.

yeah. tt's the gist of it.

oh now. for general info: how to communicate with the locals (this sounds like some kind of tribal guidebook - random words:

in singapore, we say "hi."
here, we say "hey, how are you doing?" the other party replies: "good! how are you?" and you reply "good!" and then you continue conversation from there.

in singapore, we say "yeah" or "definitely".
here, we say "for sure."

in singapore, we say "cool!"
here, we say "sweet!" or "awesome"

in singapore, we say "bye!"
here, we say "see ya!" (and it's 'ya', not 'you')

ok. last of all. pictures!

welcome to the YIH of UBC.



it's the SUB (aka student union building). and yeah... can you see the different (aka existential) kind of life here?

and this is how we eat lunch when the canteens/food courts have no more tables or chairs.



tt's me and eileen btw. her pizza and my soup! :)

and this is something i got from the dollar store when i wanted to go get a tupperware.



i foresee this is going to come into use. a lot. if i keep up the partying with the crazy animals around me. now, all i gotta do is get a nice bottle of vodka or tequila to go with it.

hmm.

what category of sin does 'alcoholism' fall into?

- Deathcab For Cutie

Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles brusied by a lady in black
And I held my toungue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms

If heaven and hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
Then I'll follow you into the dark

i like to run alone. always have. always will. even now. i turn down the offers to run with people. i guess i would run with jane or melissa, but no one else.

it's cold when i put on my shoes. for the hell of it, i wear a training tee in 15 degree weather. the cold bites into my skin, but i know tt once my feet hit the pavement the cold will burn away.

plug my headphones into my ears. my world. where i voluntarily choose solitude. my feet pound the gravel and i hear the crunch of loose stones, but it sounds distant to my ears. my heart pounds, but it's drowned out by the music in my ears. i play reggaeton to lose myself amidst crazy pounding beats and nonsense lyrics and dancing and fucking. but it doesn't matter to me. the beat regulates my rhythm. i can stop thinking and run.

or i can choose to change songs. change to the songs tt mean more to me. songs tt tap into my emotions. songs tt make me remember. like nights with you, or certain places, or certain memories. it's emotional and irrational. and i know pavil scoffs at emotion. he believes in moving on.

but it's what makes us human.

the trees are turning red and brown and gold. the cold wind rustles brown maple leaves to the ground where they lie scattered, as my feet mercilessly crush through them as i go on my way. pieces of the past, pieces of life, tt lie abandoned and forgotten on the road. like discarded memories.

i run to the beachfront again. spanish west & locarno beach. i need to see the space. i need to see the ocean and the mountains and the world tt seems so alien and yet so home-like to me.

the sunlight dances on the water. my legs ache again and my breath comes hard and fast from the tiredness. but i press on. i miss you. and i think. and i feel so sorry. you were the optimistic one when i had the doubts and the second thoughts. you promised me tt you would be fine for 1 year. you told me to be happy. and when i call you, i hear the tiredness in your voice. i know tt you've thrown yourself into your work again, i know tt you've become withdrawn, i know tt you're burning out.

i miss you like an emptiness in my heart and a presence in my mind, but i'm the lucky one, because i have things to do and people to meet and life is an adventure for me here. but i've left you behind. for you, life is what it always was, but just with an additional hole in it where i'm no longer there.

and i feel bad. i realise tt you knew all this when you told me tt everything would be all right. but you pretended tt it would all be fine because you didn't want me to give up on us and you didn't want me to worry. and i'm having a good time here and you're bearing the brunt of it.

you love me too much. and i know tt i am the lucky one. lucky to have found someone like you. more than i deserve. someone who taught me how to love again, how good it feels to give again, how it's like to be treated like a princess. january keeps you strong for me, and january is when i can stop seeing you in my mind in my memories and be in your arms again.

yeah. unglam photos ahead, from sat's grouse grind.

when i got grounded. bleah.

thanks to weiquan and eileen for the photos.

from weiquan's camera:



us on the seabus. both nice and happy coz we hadn't yet climbed grouse mountain.

and from eileen's camera:

ooh... saw the previous pic with only 4 girls? tt was coz eileen was missing from this pic. here she is now!



and tt's me and eileen. ex-guides' um... (dubious) honour and the baden powell trail.



welcome to the 1/4 mark of the grouse grind. after 20 min of staggering and clambering up a steep never-ending flight of uneven rocky steps, this is what you see.



the halfway mark. with jon and eileen. do we look happy to you? (unglam. unglam)



the three-quarter mark. trust me. the so-called smile is really a twisted grimace of agony tt just looks like a smile from the photographer's angle. see the dripping beads of sweat?



yuck.

French for "to speak the truth." The process through which potential jurors are questioned by either the judge or a lawyer to determine their suitability for jury service. Also the preliminary questioning of witnesses to determine their competence to testify.

yeah. came across this while reading my cases for my Crim Law class.

i forgot tt Canada still has jury trials.

hey guys. this weekend was damn hectic for me. i'm really exhausted now.

had to wake up on sat morning to go for this 'grouse mountain hike' with some of the s'pore exchange students. the trip there took over 1 and a half hours. bus to the ferry terminal to take the seabus, then change another bus up to grouse mountain.

okay. so below is a pic of me and one of the s'poreans - weiquan, on the seabus. there were quite a few of us on this trip.



and tt's me and the girls diana (from law), charlin and anne at the foot of grouse mountain before we started climbing.

(we took more very unglam pictures during the climb, but tt was in eileen's camera, so i can't post anything until she sends the photos to me. not tt i really want to post myself looking like i'm about to die.)



anyway i later found out tt the grouse mountain hiking trail is known as 'the grouse grind'. after climbing up the damn trail, i realised why.

it doesn't just grind at you, it fucking grinds you.

i think the height of the mountain was between 1000 and 2000 feet. and boy. it was just stairs. stairs and stairs and stairs. uneven stairs and stairs and stairs of wood and trail and soil and rock tt you had to tread carefully on coz if you fell off the trail, you fell off the mountain. and some of the steps were so widely-spaced me and my really short legs had to clamber up them with great difficulty.

and no, there was no scenery. all you saw were trees tt were so tall they extended into the sky and blocked all light from reaching the undergrowth. and you couldn't really look anywhere else other than where you were climbing coz you didn't want to step on a loose rock, slip and fall 500 feet to your death or something.

anyway the climb took me 1 hour and 45 minutes. 1 hour and 45 minutes of pure zi4 zhuo4 nie4. i tell you, i would rather run an ahm than do this fucking trail ever again. first and last time i tell you. at least ahm is flatter ground, and there's more to see.

argh.

anyway when we reached the top (finally. i can breathe and i can afford to stop moving my poor numbed aching cramped up legs), we immediately replaced all our burnt out calories with yummy beavertails (photos in eileen's camera also), this delicious fried flat canadian pastry spread with garlic butter and a generous helping of parmesean cheese (for me). and for the others, other flavours include chocolate and hazelnut, cinnamon sugar or cinnamon apple, maple syrup with chocolate, and pizza. they were so so so so good!!!

and after tt it was on to see the bears...





...and the wolves again!



i tried to take a scenery shot of vancouver from the mountain, but unfortunately it was really foggy, so you can't see what i could.



oh well.



after tt we caught the lumberjack show...



...see this crazy guy balance himself on top of this tree trunk!



...and using axes as darts for target practice!

...yup. and after tt it was back down the mountain - this time by cable car. by the time we got down it was 6pm. wanted to go chinatown to buy mooncakes and lanterns with one group of the s'poreans, but realised i needed to rush back to the src to settle my transportation for today's even by 8-something pm.

so damn hungry, i bought this huge slice of pepperoni pizza for $1.25 and joined the other group on the 1 and a half hour journey back. by tt time i was hungry again, so we had dinner at this chinese restaurant at the village, where the fried rice is enough to feed 3 people. and ooh. dan dan mian tt wasn't spicy. food was edible, but well... i'm missing arts canteen dan dan mian! and the chilli!

and one of the guys, an international exchange student here, owns his own mercedes benz suv. and he's only 18.

after tt, crept back to hall hoping for an early night and to rest my aching legs.

tt was not meant to be. jackie heard me. argh. so she knocked on my door, and i ended up going down to 5th salish with her and a mickey of smirvoff vodka cranberry (i mixed it myself! wahaha. 1/3 vodka; 2/3 cranberry. tastes damn good. heh). was red and laughing in hald an hour. there had been another hockey game last night, so the guys and some of the girls were sloshed already.

stayed with them, watched them blast their music, talk cock, ka-cheowed other houses (and we dragged one really drunk adam with us, who proceeded to tap all the fire alarms to hear them right, head the ceiling lights for the fun of it (to which jackie wouldn't stop laughing even after everyone else had stopped), and get himself a penalty point by admitting to the guy in the commonsblock tt he'd stolen a 'stop' sign, and he gave his name and room number. and we came back we passed a group of smokers and he said something like "smoking is fucking uncool".

besides tt, as usual damien was pissing out the window, connor pulled damien's pants - and underpants - down, much to the detriment of everyone's visual health, i got picked up (again) like a log, and i think damien's trying to match me with a friend of his whom i only see once a week at the drunken parties coz he doesn't stay on campus. sheesh.

by the time i got back to my room, it was 2.40am.

and my dad miscalculated and called me at 3. am.

sheesh.

had to wake up by 5.45am today too.

i needed to catch the 7am shuttle to thompson-okanagan today.

coz today i was going white water rafting on the thompson river.

the journey was a 3 and a half hour drive from ubc. it's fucking far. it's in one of the towns in the north east, outside of vancouver. but we stopped over at tim horton's for breakfast, and i *love love love love love* tim horton's donuts and hot chocolate. i had 2 donuts and hot chocolate for breakfast. yum.

we reached the lytton campsite at thompson-okanagan around 10.30am. after grabbing our wetsuits, gear and all the briefings, we got onto the thompson river around 12pm.

and then it was 3 hours of rafting down 35km of the thompson river.

20 rapids. we were paddling and resting. it was pretty relaxing actually. except tt it was fucking cold.

today is the absolute last day the summer tours will run white-water rafting coz the weather is getting too cold. and no surprise. the water in the thompson river is icy! even when we got splashed during the rapids, it was so cold tt i couldn't stop shivering after tt. and the wind was continually blowing very strong and it just made things worse. even with the wetsuit all my uncovered parts were frozen. and i had bought cheap aqua shoes to wear into the raft, and they were so soaked in cold water tt i couldn't feel my feet. it was horrible when the sun disappeared for over 40 minutes.

tt was terrible.

but even so, white-water rafting is damn fun!

plus we had incredibly nice and friendly guides!

and we had lunch provided for - bbqed burgers with beef, or chicken, or giant sausages, or teriyaki salmon. oh man, i was so hungry. as usual the burgers were *huge*, but i managed to wolf down 2, and still eat another sausage and another piece of salmon. but the food was good.

after tt it was another 3 and a half hours drive back to ubc.

by the time i came back it was 9pm. i'm so exhausted now. i need to reply emails and call my parents. and worst of all, I NEED TO DO MY READINGS!!! i am so dead. i haven't done any work. at all.

...but i'm getting ahead of myself. it's currently 12.48am. just got back frm wreck beach 20 min ago, had a shower, and am waiting for my laundry to dry.

anyway today was... well. it started out ok enough. hot like *hell* coz they turned up the fucking heaters and i woke up perspiring underneath my comforter. so assuming tt today was a nice fine warm day, i walked out of my house in my t-shirt and jeans, happily ready for my scrambled eggs, bacon and pancakes breakfast (yes. i have tt every morning, thank you). and bam! i got hit by this solid blast of icy air.

turns out it was *raining* this morning and it was fucking cold. my god.

but my inter-cultural dispute resolution class was fun. my tutor just asked us questions about what we considered legal culture, how it was different from other so-called cultures, what was up with the whole 'intellectualism'/'rationality'/'emotional detachment' type frameworks tt lawyers and lawyers-to-be operated in and how this made us elitist and out-of-touch with the so-called ground. and we couldn't do any readings today coz the book tt she wrote tt we were supposed to get for this class... wasn't in yet! (in fact, i only got my shipment this afternoon when i came back from class)

and ooh. we ended one whole hour early coz she needed to catch a plane to new york and the flight was pushed forward. how cool is tt?

collected my advanced crim law notes, which was so thick i needed to get a 2" thick folder from the bookstore. then it was off to the sub (student union building) for lunch. i have a cookie and nanaimo bar addiction. in addition to my hot chocolate addiction. this is so not good for my ever-expanding waistline.

had psychology at 1pm. after tt i was supposed to join the s'poreans ice-skating, but with all my barang barang i was feeling really lazy, so in the end i came back to my room to try to do some reading. yes, i am *so* backdated on my reading. i have so much to read and i've done precisely fuck. well. instead of doing my reading, i went to read the economist, channelnewsasia.com and news.bbc.co.uk online.

and then i went for a run. oh, decided to attempt the campus this time. slow jog just to time how long it will take. entire campus route spanning north west marine drive, turning up at chancellor boulevard to wesbrook mall, all the way down to west 16th avenue, and back down south west marine drive to totem, takes approx 50 min. tt's actually not too bad considering i thought tt ubc is 2 times the size of nus. maybe i was wrong. or maybe it's coz ubc is so flat there are no pesky nuh or pgp hills to cheong up.

anyway it was pretty amazing. it got a bit congested at wesbrook/uni boulevard where most of the ubc students were congregating, but once you got past tt it was your way all the way. and oh man, the squirrels here are as common as the insects in singapore. you see them everywhere. and as i was running past the football field, there was a whole flock of wild geese just nesting on the grass, completely oblivious to me.

there's a magical feel almost, to fall. the rain is dreary and it's cold and you can feel miserable, but the way things just go from green to reds and yellows and browns, there's just something romantic in tt. and when i plug in my mp3 player and i hear breathe's 'hands to heaven', somehow i'm just reminded of tt night when he and i were driving in his car, and how he was talking to me tanjong beach in sentosa and it was 1.30am and no one else was around, and how i could just lean into him and forget tt the rest of the world existed.

i miss him.

came back in time for dinner. then jackie was like, "hey! carlie from our floor's playing tonight!" female ice hockey game. the ubc thunderbirds (tt's the varsity team name) vs. some... i don't know... some visiting team.

so i was like, "all right! first ice hockey game!"

so it was the 5 of us, me, jackie, diane, katie (this hot san fran girl from my floor who's really really loud but incredibly funny, and also reminds me physically of barbie) and 2 guys from 1st floor, mike and sam. and i was so excited (as was katie - her first ice hockey game too!), and boy, after seeing the amount of action at tt ice hockey match, i *so* want to catch a real hockey match live! like the vancouver canucks vs. whoever else at the nhl! oh man. no wonder hockey's the national sport here! it is oh so exciting. and to think tt you not only can ice-skate, but really keep your own balance and control the puck when you play. it's so impressive!

but boy, it was *so cold* at the ice hockey rink. i was wearing this huge sweater and my fingers were still frozen. boy. even the outside was warmer than the rink itself! haha. and then when we came back i was deciding whether or not to join tonight's house party (we have house parties every fri and sat coz tt's when quiet time's at 1am and not at 9pm as per other days), and i decided to do my laundry coz i was out of sports bras!

and jackie caught me as i was coming up from the laundromat, and she was like "oh no you don't. you're coming tonight."

so yeah. 8-something pm at night and a bunch of us are trooping down this totally dark road (no street lamps) and down a really long flight of 400 stairs in pit darkness, trying to find our way to 'the party' at wreck beach.

fortunately, the guys had already started the bonfire by the time we got there. and oh yeah, they'd started drinking way earlier, so by the time we got there a lot of the people were half-sloshed.

i stayed totally sobre coz i didn't make myself any drinks and i didn't do more than take sips of mixed vodkas or beers, but man, some of them got really wasted! and the topics tt were talked about when drunk! it was hilarious. and i got picked up (not figuratively speaking, but literally picked off my feet and swung around on someone's shoulder) twice! by 2 diff guys! first time it was coz me and 2 other girls had bet with this guy foster (who looks like abraham lincoln coz he has this ugly beard. which is a waste coz clean-shaven he looks damn hot) tt we could carry him - and we did. so in return he grabbed my hand, threw me onto his shoulders, and gave me a panoramic view of the beach before i could protest. and then the second time, i was talking to steve with another bunch of girls, and i was complaining tt it wasn't fair coz steve is 6'6" and i'm only 5'1"(???) and then he said something like "i can give you a taste of how it's like to be 6'6"" and he just lifted me up like i weighed nothing. these guys are strong. woah.

and then me and 3 other girls felt like wetting our feet in the ocean, so we took off our shoes and ran into the water. and one of the girls hilary, dropped her pack of cigarettes and her lighter in the process, and she couldn't smoke at all after tt coz everything was wet and wouldn't light. and oh man, the water was so so so so cold!!! but it was a trip. the night was cold but the fire was really big and it was so nice and comfy and warm in front of it, and everyone was just getting sloshed and talking (nonsense) to each other.

but the downside was tt some of the guys in my house do weed. and shrooms. and at wreck beach on a fri night, there's no one around. you can do pretty much the fuck you want. it's one thing to have people so fuckng wasted they're just stumbling around, or into each other or onto each other (or even having guys grab girls' boobs or vice versa coz they're drunk and um... uninhibited), but it's quite another to have guys so zoned out on weed and shrooms and booze tt they just pass out in the sand. in fact, we almost thought tt one of the guys was dead coz he just wouldn't react to any stimuli, and one guy had actually contemplated doing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation (yuck. imagine all the crap tt he has in his system). and then there was these bunch of hippies tt had started a smaller bonfire near to us had actually come over trying to sell us stuff (aka. weed and shrooms). and tt's when it started to get a bit too much for me.

it's one thing to be around drunk people. but no fucking way do i want to be around if someone dies.

so me and this other girl katie (another katie from vancouver island) decide tt we'll leave early. my god, the 400 steps back up is such a killer. even when you're sobre, you cannot go up without feeling incredibly breathless. it's such a torture! and to think last sun i told myself i would never come down for another 2 months at least! yeesh. but well, at least we had a flashlight and we were sobre.

i wonder how the drunks are going to make it back up. but yeah, as you can see, the guys here are all crazy.

so now, am back in my room. waiting for my laundry to dry. still. just talked to my baby after his long night of work. lack of sleep makes one act crazy. tomorrow i'm going to try to get out of this place to avoid whatever else nonsense my house is going to come up with during the weekend.

why on earth are we getting charged for 'racist comments' under the sedition act now? jeez.

anyway i'm wondering if brad pitt has a huge family tree of incredibly mobile men... because i'm seeing quite a few brad pitt lookalikes on campus now. and yeah, they're def dishy. for fellow wwe fans, am seeing a few edge/chris jericho lookalikes too, but i guess it's coz this *is* their native country, after all. heh heh heh.

ooh. and even the asian guys here are mainly hot. very good on the eyes.

hey, sorry for worrying you guys with the last post. to be honest, my mood's not been too good lately. the locals are friendly and i'm finding a lot of bright sparks tt i can talk to, but largely a lot of them find it difficult to accept an asian, or at least someone from some remote place tt's just not here. and it's really tiring to keep on trying to break in and socialise, and it's taking an emotional toll on me. and i guess last night i just had one of those breakdowns tt i feared i would have. and i started behaving like a fucking girl. instead of getting over myself, tried to turn to the boy for some kind of comfort. and by comfort i don't mean practical solutions to my problems, but rather, just comfort. you know, the stuff you say to someone to make her feel better? mothering? coddling? tt kinda stuff?

never thought i'd be one to demand tt, but i did. and of course, i know tt guys don't know what it is tt we want and they probably wouldn't give it to us anyway coz they prob wouldn't see how coddling solves any fucking problem. so yeah. fantastic god-know-how-many millions of miles away from each other and we get upset with each other. but fuck it it's just not a good time to have to tell me to be rational. it's just not a good time to tell me to chuck the self-pity. i'd like to be strong all the fucking time, but once, just once, can you just let me not be? so i'm demanding, so i'm fucking neurotic, so i'm being a fucking original girl who can't seem to stand on her own two feet and fight her own battles, but for once. just once, can't you let me not be strong anymore?

i'm just so tired. and there's no one else to talk to here. no one i'm close to. no one i can let into my life. i'm sick of being cheerful. of saying "i'm good" to everyone who asks me how i am doing. i'm not good. i'm tired. i feel so detached and so alone. i feel like i'm outside every circle, and i'm scared tt i'll stay on the outside for a long long time. i don't want to beg. i don't want to grovel, and i'm never going to swallow my pride or go out of my way to be accepted. i don't force. if tt's the way it has to be, then so be it.

doesn't mean tt it sucks any fucking less.

but yeah, thank you to those who asked if i was fine. maybe it's just the nights. i'm ok in the day when i have classes and activities and things to do. it's at night, when i'm alone, tt i crumble.

anyway today was better for me.

went for eu law and international law classes. they're interesting. my prof wears socks and grandpa sandals to class. it's so cute. i am happy with my classes. they are all very interesting to me, even tho i'm still trying to understand the relevance of why i should be studying eu law. but ooh. my prof mentioned s'pore - twice - during international law! about the pulau branca issue, as well as the land reclamation activity and malaysia's outrage, tt had to be settled at the international court of justice! ooh and i had advanced criminal law yesterday evening! credits-wise and timing-wise it sucks coz it's a measly 2 credit module (with an equal workload as a 3 or 4 credit module!) and it's from 5-7pm on wed nights. but oh man it is so interesting! we're doing the law of conspiracy and search and seizure - including wiretaps!

and then the boy sent me a couple of messages. he'd gotten high on alcohol again today (i think tt's nightime s'pore time) and he'd been trying to call me, forgetting tt i had classes. i called him back once i got back to my room, and he said tt he couldn't sleep coz he hadn't had a single call or message from me, and he couldn't sleep until he did. sometimes i worry tt no matter how much i love him and how attached i am to him (literally and emotionally), he loves me more than i love him. i can't swallow my pride for him, but he can for me.

i bought a brazil crunch cookie. it was expensive. almost 2 canadian bucks for a cookie. but boy was it good. cookie with a whole white chocolate square melted on top, and filled with giant brazil nuts. oh man tt was good.

then i got back to rez, went for a run, and once again abraided my inner thighs. i realise now why runners here wear tights or track pants. the air is so dry tt you will just abraid your thighs with running shorts. my thighs have been mistreated by me! oh, and now i know why people here run faster when they run in a country like s'pore. coz here the air is colder and dryer, such tt if you can tahan running in such conditions, warmer and moister air in singapore feels more comfortable. also, when it's cold... you run faster!

had hapkido class after dinner. decided to keep my background low-profile and blend in into the rest of the newbies. anyway i figured the instructor would be easier on us... and then when he made us hold the horse stance, he would come up to me and say "lower. go lower" (he didn't do tt to the other new people!). and when we were doing knee raises or burpies he would tell me "higher" or "faster" and i was like dying during the warm-up. warm-up? more like burn-out. i gotta learn how to do push-ups on my knuckles again.

oh. and my wrist hurts now. during some wrist lock exercise thingy (yay! i learnt how to do a wrist lock tt is supposed to pop your wrist out of your joint... and yeah. it fucking hurts. you *tap out* when it's done to you), i was partnered with this blue belt/brown tip girl called sorcsha, whom i think is russian. and omg she is so hot. she's got brown hair and chiselled features and blue eyes... and like any movie-star heroine (i.e. angelina jolie), she's described by every other guy in the class as "brutal". oh yeah, she almost yanked my wrist joint out of my forearm when she did the demo on it. after tt i could only perform the exercise with my other wrist.

but she's my role model. i want to be like her. muahaha.

anyway after the class, i went to speak to the instructor about my gi. his name is mike. he was like: "oh. so you signed up?" and i was like "yeah. i'm one of the lucky 4!" (this class only had 4 available spaces for the year)

and he replied: "i'm glad to hear tt. i've been watching you. you show a lot of promise. i know you'll do well in this class."

ok, call me an egomaniac, but tt totally filled my head. i walked out of class trying to surpress an idiotic grin. and oh man, the weather is so cold now and i walked 20 back to totem wearing only my t-shirt and track pants. it was such a trip. :)

yeah. ok. maybe tt's why i feel so much better now.

came back to watch csi with some of the floor girls. i missed the oc, which apparently is a 'nation-wide' craze here. haha.

i'm trying to do a last-min reading for my class tomorrow, but horror of horrors, the document is no longer available! oh no! but nevertheless, i think the s'poreans are still meeting to ice-skate tomorrow after class. so i have tt to look forward to.

am thinking of running the campus tomorrow after tt too. let's see how.

unhappy.
maybeit'sjustme.maybei'mjustdrivingpeopleaway.
maybei'mjustmakingmyselfmisunderstood.socloseyetsofaraway.
ihatetoloveyousometimes.
iblamemyself.
it'snotevenrational.
idon'twanttocrycozcryingisweakness,butidon'tknowhowtofilltheemptinessanymore.
i'msotired.

one of the things i love about hall (rez, as it's called here) in vancouver is the food. for one, the food is damn fucking good. we get choice.

and where else can you have bacon, scrambled eggs and french toast in the morining with whipped butter and maple syrup (or scones, bagels, nanaimo bars, brownies, salads and sandwiches if you so wish, etc), yummy roast beef or turkey ham sandwiches with your choice of mustard or mayo, and tasty tortellini or individually-cooked penne with italian sausage in alfredo sauce for dinner? and tt's only if you're not having the grilled beef burger with fries, the grilled salmon with corn and brocoli, or the stir-fried rice with spring rolls and braised black pepper beef.

my housemates are watching a movie in the lounge now, but for once i'm not joining them. prob missed the first 90 min of the movie already anyway coz i was in another s'porean's room visiting her. her name's mabel. she joined dragonboat for a while last year, and tonight i just found out tt she was frm hwa chong and tt she knew my ex and my khakis.

was supposed to just say hi, but ended up talking to her for almost 2 hours. our circles are way too small.

anyway this evening i went for my first hapkido class. was really apprehensive because it's been almost 3 years since i last did a martial art. i'm not used to short-burst cardiovascular exercise anymore. and the thing about hapkido is tt it's more intense than the taekwondo i did in singapore. in singapore i did wtf (world taekwondo federation, not what the fuck moron) taekwondo, which is like sports taekwondo, instead of the more intense itf (international taekwondo federation) version. and since hapkido, which is a korean martial art tt combines the kicks and strikes of taekwondo with the locks, throws, and groundwork of judo, is a *real* martial arts type thing, and is used by the police and the military in korea as well as in certain other countries, it's definitely going to be damn xiong for me.

well. i nearly dieded. haha. the warm-up was intense. within seconds my heartrate was so fast i felt as though my lungs were threatening to explode. and i wasn't the only one. the people around me, the newbies, a number left the class. a number just stopped and stood behind. the ones who'd been here a year or longer looked as tired as i did.

but it was exhilirating. i realised tt i've never lost it. i've never lost the flexibility of a high front kick or a high backhook. i've never lost the precision of a knifehand strike or a neckchoke hold. i've never lost tt feeling, even after three years.

it felt so goddamn good.

martial arts is my first love. and i'm so glad tt i'm rekindling my passion for it again. tues, thurs nights and sundays. 3 times a week of killing myself. feels like dragonboat training, only this time it's hapkido, not dragonboat. this time it's for the skill, not the people.

i haven't done this for three years. it's a new art. i'm shelving the black belt and gi and starting from white again. but i know i can do this. it's not the toughest training i've gone through. it's comparable to the ntu taekwondo training during their ivp session tt i attended... but tt was still the ultimate. 7 sets up the nanyang house stairs as a cool down, in full gear, after 2.5 solid hours of a crazy warm-up, 200 of each kick, sparring, kicking for 100m and back etc. i don't know how i survived tt, but if i can survive tt, i can get my martial arts fitness back again.

and i'm ready for tt exhiliration tt i've missed.

anyway the gym at the src here is 4 times bigger than the one at nus, and is oh so well equipped! it has 5 times as many machines, all of which are so diverse... it's almost like california fitness, just contained on one floor! or maybe i'm biased coz it has my beloved stepper machine! wahooey!!!

and the walk back was incredible. i felt empowered, even though it was dark. and even though the nights are cold, i could walk back in my tank top and gi pants because the work out had made me so hot tt i couldn't even feel the cold.

i love it. i can kick ass again!!!

anyway interestingly, my baby called me this morning as i was walking to class. he's drunk 2 bottles of chivas, but he didn't have to tell me coz you can tell when someone's drunk tt much. for one, the person will laugh. a lot. for another, the person will repeat himself. for yet another, the person will really tell you what he thinks and feels, and chances are it's the stuff you always want to hear but he'll never say it when he's sobre.

i rem my bro telling me tt the probability of him playing around in singapore is higher than the probability of me playing around in vancouver. i don't think playing around is ever an issue. trust isn't even an issue. for me, i can't even think of anyone other than him. sure, i look. and he's seen me oogle cute guys, and trust me vancouver has cute guys. both the ang mohs, and even the asians here are damn hot! but i won't do more than look. doesn't even cross my mind.

as for him, i know he has chances. his lifestyle, his friends, i know he does. but he never takes them. apparently his friends had brought him to some nightclub, where the hostesses give all kinds of favours. so his friends each had a girl, each were touching or being touched, getting blowjobs or whatever else they could get, and he just told them straight out tt he couldn't do it. even if they put a girl next to him, he wouldn't touch her. and they'd goad him and call him wimp and pussy and cheebye, but he wouldn't do more than drink.

trust isn't an issue. i think we're both too similar.

suffice to say, it was nice. :)

EVERYTHING
- by Lifehouse

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

***********************************************************************

i don't know how i managed to survive almost three weeks here without you. i'm missing you everyday, and sometimes so much tt you're all i can think about at night. you are still everything to me.

# posted by Kitana @ 9/13/2005 02:13:00 PM 0 comments

i had no plans for today. i still had no idea how to contact the other singaporeans, i didn't feel like going out, and despite waking up at 12pm (again), i still felt really tired from the night before.

so, deciding tt i would be too lazy to walk 20 fucking minutes to the bus terminal, i decided to go grab brunch (which was yummy), then take out my languishing readings and actually do some real work.

well.

i got to about page 2 of my intercultural dispute resolution reading, and then jackie knocked on my door, and she was like, "hey! some of us are going to the beach to play beach volleyball now. wanna join us?"

a bit of background. ubc is near the beaches of vancouver. we have beaches 5 min away from totem park. we have wreck beach.

and yeah, we were going to wreck beach with some of the guys to play beach volleyball.

so there was 3 of us girls from the 6th floor and a whole bunch of guys (some still hungover from last night) trooping down to wreck beach.

but get this. wreck beach is not just any beach. wreck beach is the famed beach of vancouver. it is the nudist beach of canada.

wreck beach is pretty in it's own way. it's separated by a long long slope of never-ending stairs (which i discovered really hurts the fuck out of the thighs later) and a thick thick foliage of trees. the sand is soft and grey from the colour of the stones here. and today it was crowded coz it was sunday. with both clothed and naked people.

and i'm not talking hunks and babe who were naked. i'm talking old, wrinkled people. this is a hippie beach. the hippies of the 60s have grown old. therefore if you're an aged hippie, you go to wreck beach.

well, naked people don't bother me. not much. the first time i saw this naked guy with his dick and nuts all hanging out, i was shocked. but when you see a whole bunch of them, as well as a whole bunch of naked women walking around normally, you get desensitized.

while we were playing beach volleyball on one court, there was a group of completely naked guys playing volleyball next to us. it's an eye opener to watch naked volleyball. boy, you should see those people jump and dive. i wonder how many places all tt sand has gotten into.

anyway i can't play ball games for nuts. after tt we progressed to football. and by football i don't mean soccer. i mean american football, which i have no fucking idea how it works. i don't even know how rugby works. then we moved on to play ultimate frisbee.

but what was interesting is tt on wreck beach, it's like there are no rules. you've got naked people sunbathing, playing beach games, playing music on their guitars, or even just openly smoking pot. there are a couple of wreck beach vendors here, and they walk around with just a shirt on. yeah, just the shirt. the main vendor carries 2 bags. one bag contains pizza for hungry beach-goers. the other contains weed, shrooms, and whatever else you think you might want.

ooh, and we wanted to play ultimate in the water. one of the guys adam, just reached down and pulled out this giant crab. i mean giant like the size of the crab we cook and eat in singapore. giant, and alive. he named it mr crab. and the water was fucking cold. i put my feet in there and they fucking hurt. and after tt i just couldn't feel them.

didn't want to play ultimate at first coz everyone was in the water and i didn't want to get wet in such cold water coz i didn't bring a towel and i didn't want to shiver all the way back to totem. but while i was standing on the sand watching them, this naked old guy came up to me and started making friendly conversation with me, asking questions about where i was from and what i was doing, etc.

fair enough normally, but he's fucking naked and his dick and balls are hanging out. and it's so awkward talking to him coz i cannot look at him at all. in the end i choose to go into the water instead, cold tho it is. wahaha.

ooh. and some crazy naked dude was doing a 1 min handstand somewhere around. these guys are crazy. happy, but crazy.

we left around 4 pm. stayed on the beach for over 2 hours i think. the climb up the stairs was horrible. it's the longest fucking flight of stairs i have ever climbed in my entire life. it's like melissa making us do 5 sets of the business stairs circuits after gym and running. okay, maybe i'm exaggerating, but i was hoping i wouldn't look like i was going to keel over and die.

dinner was pasta. italian sausage alfredo. in the cafeteria. how's tt for hall food? wahaha.

and after tt i bugged one of my neighbours diane for a while and she lent me a whole bunch of cds to put into my itunes. i've got ben harper, jack johnson, youth group, the weakerthans, and she lent me nirvana unplugged in new york! and the used and alexis on fire are playing vancouver on 22 sept. it's $39.50 per ticket. i'm so tempted to go! hahaha.

ooh... then there's this guy tt she likes on 1st floor, so jackie and i decided to accompany her to go watch 'family guy' on first floor. then two of the guys from 5th james and adam decided we could all go hang out at the starbucks near totem for a while. yummy hot chocolate... ooh... and coz it was so late and they couldn't sell out all their food, we got free chocolate chip cookies and omigod ultra-yummy chocolate fudge bars tt were oh so creamy.

and yeah. i still haven't done any readings.

...and i tell them salish house (it's the equivalent of 'block' in a hall) in totem, they *all* say tt tt is the noisy house, the party house, the happening house.

well.

i overslept shinerama by 3 hours. fuck. woke up, dragged self out of bed to waste time by going shopping and buying a lot of useless stuff like more t-shirts for running and a collective soul cd to feed into my current collective soul obsession (even tho my housemates are trying to introduce me to the used, alexisonfire (both of which are playing in vancouver on sept 22), alkaline trio, and jack johnson and ben harper (depending on who you talk to).

so after dinner, my neighbour jackie came to me. asked if i wanted to look for some life. it's a sat night after all. ended up saying hi to some of the guys, going down the the 4th floor (we're on the 6th) with the weird 'all-guys' hangout (which is weird coz it looks kinda gay) for a while... and then the american student katie, who stays on my floor, came back, and armed with water bottles of mixes (i.e. vodka orange or rum and coke or whatever other poison you could put in your water bottle) as well as bottle or cans of canadian beer, we trooped into her room and proceded to play some drinking card game. at first it was all girls, then the boys came up to join us with more booze.

i drank a can of beer at just 1 game because of all the forfeits. then it progressed to the "have you ever?" game. which basically degenerated into a frank, brutal discussion about sex. or rather, everyone's sex life. or more accurately, the sex lives of some of the people in the group who had done a lot more than others.

these people don't judge. getting laid is worth celebrating, actually. everyone wants to join the mile-high club, most of them have done it in the back of their cars, a few have done it on the beach, in the pool, on the kitchen table (whoohoo!), and boy do i feel like i'm from some alien planet of mars or something.

but tt said, it was enlightening and highly fun listening to the drunken indiscretions of a lot of these people, while being really quiet having nothing much to say and cradling a beer till it's gone. i think we were doing tt for over 2 hours. oh gosh.

after a while, went back to jackie's room coz graheme and adam were trying to help her set up her itunes to program her computer to play music. and we chatted a bit about types of music and stuff, and then the rest of the people trooped over and we all ended up sitting on the floor of the hallway singing along to oasis' 'wonderwall' in a half-stoned state of mind as the 1am 'quiet time' curfew rolled around the corner.

you know what? i really could get used to mixing with the locals.

- by Three Days' Grace

Everytime we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven't missed you yet
Every roomate kept awake
By every silent scream we make
All the feelings that I get
But I still dont missed you yet
Only when I stop to think about it

I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you

Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven't missed you yet
Only when I stop to think about it

I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you

Only when I stop to think about you
I know
Only when you stop to think about me
Do you know

I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
You hate everything about me
Why do you love me

I hate
You hate
I hate
You love me

I hate everything about you
Why do I love you

came back from dinner with some of the local canadian law students i met this week. they're really really a damn nice bunch of people. we had korean food at seoul garden (no relation to the singapore branch) down east broadway, and the food was so good! bbqed pork belly with bibimbap, and all the small side dishes like kim chee and everyone was going bananas over the side dishes and the fascination of eating with chopsticks. wahaha.

and this ang moh girl liz, who's in my human rights and international law class, is a real entertainer! when i came in she told me in chinese (she went to china for 3 months and picked up chinese there) tt she was drunk. and i thought she was kidding coz it was only 7pm and we hadn't even eaten!

turns out she was drunk. spent the entire evening conversing with me in chinese, very loudly, telling me she wanted to eat chou doufu (smelly beancurd) and pickled eggplant, tried to speak chinese to the korean restaurant's boss, and kept on hitting relentlessly on the irish guy next to her. and the poor guy was like... UM. well.

and our host ben, who was also ang moh, had spent an entire year in korea, and as a result could speak korean too. and he ordered for us and spoke to the waitresses and boss all in korean. and his ex-gf actually worked here too so he could get a decent meal (and i'm talking everyone eating so so so much meat until we were so stuffed we couldn't even move) for all of us at a reasonable price.

only thing is tt i think he was hitting on me. not good.

speaking of which, i got propositioned for my number by a passenger in a cab at a red light when i was waiting for one of the girls to pick me up. and i had to keep saying 'no' until the light turned green coz he wouldn't give up. jeez.

walking back from the bus terminal at night is an experience coz the campus is so big and dark, and you worry about your safety here coz it's not like singapore. can't wait to take my hapkido class. will feel safer knowing how to break a wrist or two if necessary.

anyway there was this crazy party on 5th floor tonight. party meaning drink lotsa beer, get between high and utterly fucking wasted, stand/sit around and talk cock till 'quiet time' at 1am. my neighbour dragged me down to the 5th floor. didn't want to drink coz i want to and hope to wake up early tomorrow. hope i can. anyway it was ok socialising with a couple of semi-drunk to totally drunk people. i guess maybe i'm too old. i'm around 2 or 3 years older than most of the party animals in my hall, so doing this doesn't appeal to me the way it once used to.

oh well. and i accidentally swallowed my chewing gum just now. fuck.

gotta wake up for shinarama tomorrow.

…strolling across campus underneath the midday sun, the weather cool and possibly chilly with the wind in your face, rustling all the leaves from the branches to the grass, lost in your own world with a steaming cup of creamy hot chocolate in your hands.

I’m never going to lose weight. Hot chocolate is my new amphetamine.

Anyway I bought a new camera out of desperation. Took a few pictures of my room while I was at it.



This is my room as seen from the doorway. I know it’s really dark, but I didn’t turn on the lights. Haha.



This is my bedside and what’s on the wall: i.e. the Trainspotting poster tt I am so proud of, and the TeamNUS jacket tt I will never wear here (for obvious reasons). Memories.



This is the tableside, and what’s on my table. Food stock, books, laptop, and pictures. On my wall are family, cousins and close friends. Above them are the moments I most like to treasure. And my boy has a nice spot on my table (calculated for maximum exposure without getting too distracting when I need to concentrate).



And lastly, the view from my room.

I’m in love with Collective Soul and Matchbox Twenty. I want to get all their albums now. Sigh. There goes all my money.

FOREVER DECEMBER
- by Matchbox Twenty

I reach within my isolation, I harbor it, I honor it
You say you’d like to see me closer, of course you would, you have no choice

And I cry cause the weather has gotten to me
And I laugh at the people that I can’t be all their lives silly pictures

Chorus:
Hey now now now, hey now hey baby
Baby’s getting older, baby’s getting older
Hey now now now, hey now hey baby
The tide is turning, turning us away

You build the wall I’ll build the fountain, we’ll wrestle it, we’ll conquer it
I think we’ll live to see the mountain, of course we will we have no choice

And I cry cause the weather has gotten to me
And I laugh at the people that I can’t be all their lives silly pictures

Repeat chorus

(one version)
And I can remember forever december
The center of dying, the heart of the pain
The rose in the bottle, the thorns in the bottom
The stars surround me, the cold astounds me

And I cry cause the weather has gotten to me
And I laugh at the people that I can’t be all their lives pretty pictures

(another version)

And it won’t take long, we both knew this
Well I wasn’t quite prepared
For my center of dying, the heart of your pain
All my words get lost and I can’t speak
Got my head stripped down, well I get weak
And the words fall out like forever december
But soon it won’t matter ’cause she won’t mean nothin’

cheers.

i have my local phone, local handphone, and my username on skype is angelkitana, for those interested.

was going to post up a picture but photobucket is down for maintanence, so i'll post it next time.

today was good. woke up at 11am, got some stuff done, went for my first intro psych lecture, came back and did more stuff, went for dinner, and uh. you guessed it, did more stuff.

have a lot of time, yet not a lot of time.

the people here are really friendly. or rather, i'm finding it easier to talk to the people here. it's not as bad as i thought.

and the boy makes me very happy. wahahahaha. (to others) oh shut up already.

this post is going to be short. spent a lot of time emailing and settling stuff. first announcement: for my mailing address, PLEASE rem to state 'canada' below the postal code. otherwise no one will know which country to send the letter to.

today was my 1st day of school - i did, btw run in 18 degrees temperature. it's a fucking trip. the air is so cold and dry tt you get breathless easily; the air cuts into your throat, and your sinus cavities in your cheekbones actually hurt, but it's a fucking trip. you feel so good. your not perspiring at all coz the wind takes the water away from your body as soon as you do; you run on flat ground breathing fresh cool crisp air (no cars; no hills.); you look to your left and you see the sea; you look in front of you and you see mountains.

it's so surreal.

and canada was made for dogs!

and squirrels.

anyway yeah. back on topic. today = 1st day of school. had to drag self out of bed at 7.30am to get for 9.00am seminar on time. must understand tt it's a 20 min walk from here to law faculty. i timed. and it's brisk-walk somemore.

i don't like the aussie/nz exchange students. they're so fucking snobbish and cliqueish it's annoying.

was damn lonely in the morning coz i didn't know a single fucking person. but went to the student union building to wander and pass the time. bought 2 posters: a furry-faced dogs poster (which is DAMN CUTE!!!) for my room, as well as the trainspotting "choose life" poster.

which, for the uninitiated, says: "choose life. choose a job. choose a family. choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. choose fixed interest mortgage payments. choose a starter home. choose your friends. choose leisurewear and matching luggage. choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. choose DIY and wondering who you are on a sunday morning. choose sitting on tt couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you spawned to replace yourself.

choose your future.

choose life."

i love this poster. :)

it got better after lunch tho. was watching a couple of people play foosball at law school out of sheer boredom and having absofuckinglutely nothing to do and nofuckingone to talk to, and turned out one of the girls was from my earlier class. so she spoke to me and introed me to her friends. who in turn were really really nice people. esp this canadian-born chinese girl who was really pretty and friendly and bubbly and down-to-earth. and well... spent pretty much the rest of my day hanging out with them.

coz law is a post-grad here, so for once (c.f. hall) i'm the youngest! and coz they all took prior degrees in diff fields, they have diff experiences to share of diff unis, esp if they worked for a while. and one of the guys is taking hapkido, which is great coz i want to take up hapkido! and this guy is from montreal, worked for a bit in new york, and visited singapore before! haha how cool is tt?

anyway after tt went back to hall to join housemates for dinner at the cafe. watched a little bit of 'improv', which is like the hall version of "whose line is it anyway?" then came back up to settle my admin matters, send out emails, etc. so yeah. tt pretty much settled my day today. i still need to do some readng for thurs, so i gotta run.

*muakz* and yeah. i worried my baby last night coz i was really upset and he had to counsel me again. so he gave me a scolding. hmm. tt actually worked. good for snapping you out of self-pity mode. yeah girls. thanks for asking. me and the boy are good. :)

i have some good news and some bad news.

the good news is tt i have finally managed to upload the pictures i took from both the lonsdale quay and the granville island markets. so you get to look at really REALLY mouth-watering stuff.

the bad news is tt my camera has died on me. died meaning i-don't-know-what-the-fuck-is-going-on-but-it-is-not-working type SPOILT died. it's badder news for me than it is for you coz i haven't the slightest fucking idea what to do and how to repair it, and right now the thoughts tt are running in my head regarding the damn thing are around the lines of "fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck" so you get what i mean.

but it's bad news for you coz i've just finished unpacking all my stuff and moved into my new room at totem park proper, and i wanted to take a couple of pictures of it to show you. first of all, it's kinda bare, but i put up as many photos as i could. my teamnus jacket hangs over my bed, and all the dragonboat race pictures tt i could fit on it are on it. i pasted a few more pictures over my bed and over my desk of the memories i find the fondest out of all my races and trainings, and i have a nice cosy space in front of my table for all my clost friends, family, cousins etc... the view from my room is great too coz it's so quiet and i get to look out into a field and conifer trees, as well as red and orange-leafed trees. and beyond those trees is the sea and the mountains tt make this place so pretty.

temperature's a high of 20 degrees and a low of 11 degrees. hopefully i can go run today. the weather looks gorgeous. i think i will be out of my mind to wear my adidas shorts and run in this kind of temperature coz my legs will probably freeze and drop off tho. but it's really really nice. at this point in time i think i can deal with the 20 min walk from this place to law faculty every morning for the next year. the view more than makes up for it.

the room is pretty cool. no need fan or air-con. it's a lovely temperature. i haven't gotten to speak to anyone else yet. don't know where the other singaporeans are. don't know where the other exchange students are. not making it a point to go bug people, and no one's making it a point to bug me either. but i like it tt way. first day settling in i like peace, quiet and solitude. it's a lot better than i anticipated.

so my parents have left this morning. i hate tt welling up of emotion. it still makes me sad to see them go, esp to see my father try not to cry. i guess for all the complaining and bitching tt i do, i do know tt they love me to bits, and tho i don't admit it and try to be otherwise, i know i love them too.

i wonder how things are going to be. everyone's asking me to have lots and lots of fun. somehow i don't know why my expectations are lower. maybe i am. maybe i am not. everyone's also telling me not to take marijuana. erm. right. do i look like i'll do drugs?

ok. don't answer tt.

no lah. i won't lah. i know better than tt. plus i'll prob ruin my future career and the bf will kill me.

ooh. so anyway... do keep in contact with me! haha... i'm like a nomad here. feel like one at least. i've listed my mailing address on the side if you actually want to send me written letters. and if you want letters from me, email me your address! come on! i love writing! wahaha. if you have skype or google talk, my user name is angelkitana (for google talk it's angelkitana@gmail.com). and today's the USA/canadian labour day... when it's over i'm going to get my own canadian phone line. so look out for tt.

in the meantime, here are the market photos...



above: Welcome to Lonsdale Quay Market! This is how it looks like from the outside.



and tt is the view you get. Of the city of vancouver across the ocrean.



above: one of the many bakeries in granville island market. get a load of all the tarts, cakes and pastries! yum!



ooh. the meat counter. they have all sorts of cuts from the 4 main kinds of meat, and they not only have the raw varieties but also the marinated varieties. from bbq marinade to thai marinade to indian curry marinade... whatever you want, they got it.



you are not dreaming. the sign says 'dino bones' and 'pigs' ears'. do you dare to try? ;)



this is how a wine stall in the market looks like.



and these are *really* dressed-up bottles of wine! so cute right? wahaha.



from the pie stall... lemon meringue pie. and it's huge. the circumference is like the size of my face. and the height... whoohoo.



...I WANT!!!



mmm. homemade soups and stocks, prepacked for you to take home. of every variety. you name it, they got it.



cup cakes cup cakes cup cakes cup cakes cup cakes. oh, how can you resist???



above and below: from the italian food section. you have everything from premade olive salads and other antipasti-type stuff...





...to real pastamania! pasta of every kind you can imagine! oh gosh...



...and the cheeses! yeah. the above 4 photos were all taken from 1 stall alone. that's how big italian food is here.



now, say 'hello' to the delectable fresh-baked breads!



ooh. and the super fresh juicy sweet-as-hell berries! raspberries. cherries. strawberries. grapes. blueberries. mmm....



and tt's not forgetting the whole range of fresh homemade chocolate from the confectioner's. yes, tt is ALL chocolate.



finally, my fave! DONUTS!!! me go crazy now. heh heh. ;)

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second lastly, for my bro. thanks for the photo of the both of us! haha we don't take many pictures together. i think we took at most 5... or less... i only remember 2. but yep! i'm missing you and yeah. it's a nice photo. was taken at our jc prom 3 years ago when we were younger and more innocent (altho the latter is debatable. shh). ;) so i'll just post it up here.



heh. :) see, don't we look alike? wahaha.

all the best for your upcoming projects and midterms!

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...and lastly, for my baby (i'm playing this every day). don't know how it is tt these sudden pangs of emptiness just attack me and all i want is a hug from you, but you can't give me one.

my handphone bill is through the roof. and so is yours. sorry baby.

ALL MY ONLY DREAMS
- The Wonders

Every night I pray I'll have you here someday
I'll count the stars tonight and hope with all my might
And when I close my eyes
You'll be right by my side
If I could only have one wish
You'd be the girl whose lips I'd kiss
All my only dreams
And when I close my eyes
You'll be right by my side
If I could have just one request
Stay with me girl I confess
All my only dreams
Every waking hour it seems
I only have you in my dreams
So every night I'll pray I'll have you here one day
I'll count the stars tonight and hope with all my might
And when I close my eyes
You'll be right by my side
If I could have just one request
Stay with me girl I confess
All my only dreams