absolutum dominium

"yes, i know you'll be away for one year, but let's put it this way. in 1 year, my situation will def be better and i will def be able to treat you better. moreover, i will not have changed in 1 year. i will be there to see you off at changi airport, and i will be there to welcome you back when you return. when you're lonely and you miss me, just give me a call and i'll catch the next flight up to find you. if by any chance at the end of 1 year, you've found someone new, someone better, or if you've changed your attitude, i will be happy for you as long as you are happy. if not, i shall wait for your return. and if you're strong enough, we'll stay together through tt 1 year."

so they ask, can i trust you? for all the (little) time spent, for all the black-sheep qualities tt you have, i replied tt i know enough tt i need to. do i know everything? no. could you possibly hide something from me tt might break my heart later? possibly.

but right now i feel like i know you. not your whole history, not your whole life, not your friends or your family or your work or what not, but i know *you*. your character, your attitude, your mindset. the way you approach things. simply because it's the same as mine, believe it or not.

i know you, and i trust you. people talk. people ask where this is going. my friends worry for me. they ask if i've made the right choice. if i need more time to consider. they fear you will hurt me. your friends... i don't think they think it will last. it just seems too unlikely.

will i be with you till marriage? i have no idea. i don't even know if we'll last a year. but i do know this. i trust you, i care for you, and i want you for who you are, regardless of the external influences or obstacles.

are we together yet? to my friends, we're dating. we're getting to know each other better. frankly speaking i think the labels 'single' and 'attached' are merely labels created by men to categorise things for easier dealing with. i don't know where we stand. i don't really care. i don't need you to say tt we're attached, even though i'm already 'your girl' to all your friends. i know this: you are the only one in my eyes, in my mind, and in my emotions. even if i consider myself 'single', i know tt i would never allow you to be threatened by any other guy. i know tt i'm the only one in your heart right now, because it's testimony enough tt your friends are telling me how much you changed since meeting me.

i don't know how far we're going to go. you're leaving tt all up to me. it's my call, my judgement. to you the answer is simple. it's me who'se more complicated, more confused, with a lot more to think about.

you tell me to think less.

i can't coz thinking is a fundemental part of how i live.

i operate via rationality and emotion. my rationality tells me one thing. but i am consciously going with my emotion, and consciously choosing to be with you.