absolutum dominium

i HATE the fucking vancouver weather.

i hate it hate it hate it.

so maybe montreal and toronto were cold cold cold... but at least they were SUNNY for the most part. well, except for tt one day in toronto where it was raining, but otherwise it was SUNNY.

vancouver is either rainy rainy rainy or... FOGGY.

and i'm talking cannot-see-more-than-2-metres-ahead-of-you foggy.

like, what the fuck.

my walk back to totem with my bags last night was hell coz i could barely see where i was going coz it was dark AND foggy.

and it's been foggy all of today too.

no rain, granted, but is it any fucking better?

the sky is still fucking dark and grey. i cannot go and run because with such poor visibility, i can't look out for oncoming vehicles, i cannot tell what lies ahead of me more than a maximum of a 5 metre distance, and i sure as hell won't know if i'm going to crash into a tree without realising it.

FUCK.

i hate the fog. i hate it hate it hate it. and it seems it's going to go on for the next few DAYS.

till it rains again. goddamn bloody weather.

but yeah, apologise for the language. as you can see, i'm not in the best of moods. work-wise it's fine. i'm getting back to doing stuff, even if i am S-L-O-W slow. blame it on the snow-induced holiday mood. after my trip to montreal and toronto and seeing snow, i'm in the mood for the post-exam christmas break. yeah. post-exams skipping the exams and my papers. argh. fuck.

but yeah... can you tell what's bothering me? i guess to the few people (and it really is a few) i emailed, you know... yes, i am upset. yes, i am saddened. yes, i am undeniably very very frustrated. and right now, yes. i am really pissed off with him. at this point in time if i weren't 16, 000 miles away and i had a huge iron wok in my hands, i would whack him over the head with it. i swear.

and then break down and cry.

something along those lines in tt order.

fuck. i hate relationships. at least the ones involving matter of the heart. i swear those just mess with your fucking head. goddamit. i think my ideal relationship right now is a no-strings-attached physical relationship. all the fun without getting my head in a spin. i can't afford tt now anyway. i need to work on my exams.

and jane... things don't seem to be going the way i'm planning. he's calling me to chat. i don't know why the hell for.

but yeah. anyway... in the midst of all the gloom and doom... dinner was a fun experience. had the daily communal style dinner with the totem singaporeans at the caf and talk cock conversation over a battered chicken burger, curly fries and a root beer float (for me). somehow charlene steered the conversation over to this ang moh guy who'd been touching himself (i.e. putting his hand into his pants) in the elevator when she'd got on... and then Weiquan and Adrian mentioned tt for their group project meeting today, all they did was watch 1 hour's worth of porn with their group mates on how to find the female's G-spot. Which then led to an extensive guys vs. girls debate on where the G-Spot was - the controversy being Charlene's statement tt chinese guys could never get girls off coz they came up a little too *short*, and Weiquan's defence tt it wasn't true and tt the G-spot was only 2 or 3 inches into the underside of the vagina and wasn't inaccessible. Which lead to the question over size - i.e what is 2 or 3 inches. Apparently a cocktail sausage is about 2 inches long. I begged to differ. I think it's only about an inch. And to me, anything less than the length of 3 cocktail sausages is just sad. But I differ. I think tt lead to the discussion of what kind of sausages were delicious, with Charlene volunteering the Bizad canteen's famous cheese sausages with cheese tt spurted out with every bite.

And yes, no one at the table could keep a straight face or stop coughing.

Yeah. We're thinking sausages alright. But just not the ones you're actually describing.

After dinner, it was back to my room and to the expanse of whatever... I got the email tt I didn't expect to receive after 3 days of non-reply, and it made me feel better and worse all at the same time. I really do hate this. So I spent sometime just thinking... Just putting back my papers and thinking... About what course I should take, what I should do, what I should tell myself to think to get myself out of this rut and back to equilibrium...

And then my screensaver came on, and coz I set it to my dragonboat photos...

This came on.



Mona... the fastest (and most hiong) runner among all of us... but the absolute SLOWEST when it comes to bathing at Kallang... coz she takes FOREVER to wax her beautiful hair...

Damn vain... But no one would know this point if they didn't step into the Kallang changing room (which is not a common occurence coz most people would probably have LEFT by the time she came out to do her hair)... HEH... One of the things I miss so much about Mona...

Along with this unglam picture (hey, it came out second! I was just choking on my water when I saw it)...



I think she was trying to say something... like maybe "Don't take my picture lahhhhhhh!"... Except tt tt didn't come out. But admittedly the middle finger thing doesn't bode too well, no?

And this photo, from Vic's collection. I never knew tt it could be seen this way...



HEH. Yeah. Freedom = chilli, coffee, ice-cream, coconut milk, curry, char kway teow, you tiao, sambal kangkong and stingray, chendol, prata, hokkien mee, chye tao kuey.... OOOOOOOOH...

And lastly.



These photos put a huge smile on my face.

One of those beams of light when I'm lost and groping my way in the darkness.