absolutum dominium

i'm crumbling inside.

"babe. do you really love him?"

does it seem tt way? more than one person has asked.

i don't know anymore.

i thought i did, but if i really did, then wouldn't i be more understanding? wouldn't i be able to swallow my pride and just accept? wouldn't i be able to do what he asked me to even though it kills me to?

but if i don't, then why is it tt he has the propensity to make me so upset tt even though i'm physically alive, my mind is a mess. i won't do any of the things tt i used to. i won't study, i won't concentrate, i won't even run. i've no mood to do anything. i read the mail over and over again. it's so compulsive. i'd get ull marks if i studied for my tests this well. i've memorised every word.

i brought this upon us because of my pride. if i really was a burden to you, then so be it. i hate how you just upset me time and time again. i should be understanding, but communicating with you is like a big mistake because all you do is apologise profusely like it's your goddamn fault for existing and not a damn thing is solved.

fuck communication. tt didn't work.

fuck understanding. it's not working either.

the hardest question, and i don't have the answer anymore.

it's 2 weeks, but it might be forever.

i know you've given up already.