absolutum dominium

I just finished watching Stanley Kubrick's 1971 movie version of "A Clockwork Orange". I'd always found the novel by Anthony Burgess highly compelling, and had always wanted to watch the film version of it (especially coz it's a Stanley Kubrick production), but had never had the chance till tonight.

And without giving away too many spoilers about the movie, I recommend tt you watch it. I highly enjoyed the movie. Even though it was 2 hours and 15 mins long, it feels a lot less, and it's very watchable. And the issues arising out of the novel's language pose much less of a problem here coz there is visual stimuli to accompany the language, so you don't have to scratch your head to decipher what Alex is trying to say to us. Oh, but man am I up for a bit of the old ultra-violence right now. ;)

Note: For a 1971 film, it is definitely controversial. I rem when I read the novel, Burgess mentioned some displeasure with the movie itself as it was incomplete (i.e. missing the final chapter), but still, I think this movie is VERY worth watching.

And in other news... Today I didn't do much. Yes yes yes. My body clock is officially screwed. I can't seem to sleep before 4.30am and wake up before 12.00pm. And these few days coz of the mood swings I'd been feeling like an emotional savage (AAARRRGGGHHH!!!), and today in addition to some of the other complications tt I had expressed to closer friends *big sigh*, I was disproportionally affected by the last-minute cancellations of my trip up to Whistler this weekend. Usually, stuff like this doesn't affect me. It really is supposed to solicit a "whatever" kind of reaction. But today for some reason no matter how I tried to look on the bright side of things, I found myself irritated.

And I think this irritation became full-blown pissed-off-at-the-world during my Psychology and Litigation class. I *hate* Canadian lawyers and the goddamn legal system. I fully support the Innocence Project and I do believe tt too little allowance is being made for wrongful convictions within the Singapore criminal justice system. But even so... must you keep MEDDLING in the goddamn affairs of the law enforcement agencies just so tt you can ensure tt innocent people are not convicted (even if this means tt 1) the criminal justice system is greatly slowed down and rendered more inefficient; and 2) that more guilty people/criminals are free to walk the streets), such tt law enforcement officers look more like a JOKE to me coz their hands always seem tied by all these goddamn Charter rights and what-not. WTF. As far as I'm concerned, your right to claiming the Charter ends the moment your fist lands on your neighbour's nose. And even though you may still have access to Charter rights as long as you have not yet been proven guilty... why the FUCK do police officers have to tell you tt you have the right to silence and/or counsel before conducting their interviews (Miranda v. Wisconsin)??? What would the point of trying to extract a confession out of you be if you can choose to shut up or have some smarmy criminal lawyer smirk his way around the law? Although I wouldn't mind accepting the Miranda judgment if adverse inferrences may be drawn from both. Muahahahaha.

But yes. Suffice to say today was "pissed off day". By the time I'd walked out from my class I wanted to kill someone. I wanted someone to give me an excuse to kick him in the balls or punch him in the face and gut. I didn't even feel like eating dinner coz I'd really qi4 bao3 (which is a first coz everyone who knows me know tt I never pass over food for anything). I went over to Koerner Library to join Diana and try to do my readings coz I didn't want to go back to my room knowing tt I wouldn't do anything except the usual time-wasters and end up getting more irritated (probably with myself too).

Not tt I did very much studying in the lib. I ended up blasting Nine Inch Nails, Nirvana and Linkin Park into my ears, so tt pretty much means I had no concentration. And I was acting like a sulky petulant kid as well. *sigh* Admittedly I do feel a bit awkward and a bit left out around the current SEP group. I guess it's mainly my fault coz I don't often join them for outings and stuff, so it's no wonder tt I'm not tt comfortable with them and vice versa, and it does get awkward sometimes coz I just don't know what topics we can click on (if you haven't noticed, I don't click easily with people). I guess tt was one of the things tt was bothering me, but it was a bit more affecting during this period. But like Andy says, what you can do, you do. What you can't do, fuck it. So there.

Anyway things got better. Food is the universal cure. Managed to drag Diana and Ben (after his lesson) to the Village to eat Chinese food with me. Second time at the restaurant in 2 nights. Wahaha. No wonder the owner is treating us better and better. 3 of us shared 2 combo dishes and 1 long of har kau, and it was pretty good food. Haha I am actually glad I am eating more Chinese food. I think I am finally getting sick of burgers and fries. Wahaha. But yeah, dinner was comfortable. And we were discussing Wrexler and Fundamentalism. For some reason, Ben needs sleep tonight coz he needs to psychologically prepare himself for Wrexler's class, coz every time after class he becomes so depressed tt he can't go for his next class after tt.

As for me, I don't need to prepare at all coz I don't even have to *think* during tt class. You come out of it feeling like you've learnt nothing at all. Which was exactly what made Ben depressed - tt he was learning nothing. And according to Diana, tt Wrexler was a loophole in the system. Ben thinks he will actually contribute more to society sweeping the floor. Wahaha.

Ended our evening with me buying a large cup of hot chocolate ($1.50) from McDonald's. And then it was back to watch A Clockwork Orange. I'd actually wanted to stop by the gym to pulverise the punching bag, but the food and the conversation had mellowed me quite a bit. Which is a good thing. I think tt even though I have toned down more now in terms of violent tendencies, when I do get them they're still as strong and as vivid as the used to be. In the past I had Taekwondo as an outlet. Well. At least now the punching bag is still accessible. :) But even then, tonight I just went back to watch my movie.

And now, at 3.00am, it's a little earlier than my normal sleeping time, but I shall try to sleep. Hopefully I can wake up earlier tomorrow. Say around 11.00 am?

And you. Go listen to Radiohead or something. Diana likes the "Fitter Happier" track from OK Computer. It reminds me of Trainspotting's "Choose Life" monologue. Kind of. Well, or go listen to Karma Police. We all like Karma Police, don't you?

KARMA POLICE
- by Radiohead

Karma police, arrest this man
He talks in maths
He buzzes like a fridge
He's like a detuned radio

Karma police, arrest this girl
Her Hitler hairdo is
Making me feel ill
And we have crashed her party

This is what you get
This is what you get
This is what you get when you mess with us

Karma Police
I've given all I can
It's not enough
I've given all I can
But we're still on the payroll

This is what you get
This is what you get
This is what you get when you mess with us

And for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself
And for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself

For for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself
For for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself
Phew, for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself

In the early version, the first verse went:
Karma police arrest this girl
She stares at me
As if she owns the world and
We have crashed her party

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!!

ok. this is the requisite chinese new year post.

and of course, this chinese new year in vancouver is far different from chinese new year back in singapore. for one, there's no need to go visiting relatives (what relatives do i have here anyway?), or in my case, helping my mom prepare our home, lunch, dinner etc etc etc for the relatives to come a'visiting. no family, no parents, no cousins, no joanne and denise to bug as i always do when they come round on cny, and we all hide in the guest room while my dad yells for me to "come say hi to all the uncles and aunties" and to help do this and tt and this and tt. no long-lost uncles and aunties, from those tt i am so fond of to those tt show their faces once a year in the mere name of "tradition" (on a side note: i don't believe tt there is such a thing as "too busy" to visit someone more than once a year. there is however, such a thing as "the value of family", which unfortunately a lot of people don't seem to consider as important now). and yeah, the requisite no ang paos, no bak kwa, no pineapples tarts and kueh lapis. haha, not tt i am a big fan of everything, and i can live without the ang paos, but i do miss my cashewnut candy. :(

nonetheless, this cny though different, was in no way incomparable to my cny back home. instead of family, you have friends. and even with no superwoman mom to oversee evrything, we still had some pretty awesome organisers and cooks. like alvin who almost singlehandedly oversaw everything from the buying of all the food to the making of the yusheng (yes, we had yusheng with heaploads of AWESOME fresh vancouver salmon!!!), to siang sheng and his vermicelli, to boon ping and his hidden talent for making fried glutinous rice to which everyone unanimously agreed was of "restaurant quality", to christabel's amazing bak kut teh soup tt was finished even when everyone was already full, to ben's loaning us of his place for the entire event, to all the other people who helped with the preparations and cooking and cleaning up...

haha i think i did the least actually. all i did was go and eat.

but nonetheless, yes the reunion dinner was A-MAZING. and for all our imagined logistical problems, everything worked out just fine. :)

and now, for the requisite photos.



before: master chef #1 zineng (okay, there were a lot of master chefs, but he was the first one i saw coz he was using ben's stove) making his erm... "complicated speciality" involving red and orange peppers (ben's description, not mine).



after: food glorious food. ...you say this is for 20 people? more like an army, can?



I WAAAAAANT!!! (yeah yeah. go ahead and start with the whole "you and food AGAIN" jokes.)



sulynn and i... waiting. come on i wanna eat NOW NOW NOW!!!



LOW HEI!!!!!!!!!!



and then the ah beng moments - squatting outside ben's house in 4 degree temperature to drink cheng tng. only singaporeans, man.



speaking of ah bengs.... left is boon ping, middle is siang sheng, right is kelvin. but don't let looks fool you. one is cap 4.9, one is nspi... but i think all 3 guai gias one lah. go library and mug everyday. heh heh heh.



and some more people pictures! peiling, szewei, alvin and ben...



me and christabel...



and me and esther.



the girls on exchange! from left to right: sulynn, diana, me, jo-ann, esther, simin, christabel, liling and may may.



outside shot #1: edward, simin (erm i think guy behind her is kelvin), boon ping (figure sitting down), may may (in background), bang yao (guy looking up), zineng (guy whom you can only see the spectacles of), me and diana.



and outside shot #2: christabel, simin, kelvin, boon ping, zineng (facing away from camera), me and ben.

heh heh heh.



...lastly, ban luck!

once again, happy chinese new year!!!

- by Oasis

Maybe I don’t really want to know
How your garden grows
I just want to fly
Lately did you ever feel the pain
In the morning rain
As it soaks it to the bone

Maybe I just want to fly
I want to live I don’t want to die
Maybe I just want to breath
Maybe I just don’t believe
Maybe you’re the same as me
We see things they’ll never see
You and I are gonna live forever

Maybe I don’t really want to know
How your garden grows
I just want to fly
Lately did you ever feel the pain
In the morning rain
As it soaks it to the bone

Maybe I will never be
All the things that I want to be
But now is not the time to cry
Now’s the time to find out why
I think you’re the same as me
We see things they’ll never see
You and I are gonna live forever
We’re gonna live forever
Gonna live forever
Live forever
Forever

yeah, it's supposed to be chinese new year day 1 here, but i'm not doing a chinese new year posting. not right now at least.

i intended to. you know, wish you guys happy chinese new year, hope you're having fun in sg and all tt. and i intended to post up the entry abt my reunion dinner with the s'poreans last night plus the photos and all tt. but not right now, coz firstly i don't have the photos, and secondly i'm not in the mood.

was supposed to go to grouse mountain with them today, but my body clock is so screwed up tt i woke up at 11.50am, after kelvin called me. and i'd set my alarm clock for 9.30am, but i don't even remember hearing it go off.

argh. another reason to be pissed off with myself. i hate making people wait.

but anyway i guess the mood is just pretty bad now. interestingly, last night i was chatting with esther and christabel, and esther was commenting on the downsides to being female - i.e. tt time of the month. when you get really bad cramps or very bad mood swings.

i said tt i was lucky. i don't get cramps unless i do something like run without eating or drinking too cold water or things along those lines during tt time of the month, which is usually avoidable, and i don't get really bad mood swings.

but i left out the fact tt i do get really emotionally unstable around this time.

i never really realised it. i used to think pms was just some bitchy phase tt other women went through. some excuse for them to be mean to other people.

i thought tt i was better than tt, stronger than tt. to me, emotions is a state of mind. you feel what you think you will feel. therefore as much as possible, i try to think myself into a state of equilibrium. i'm not a naturally happy or carefree person (i envy people who are), but i try not to be too dark or too moody or too angry all the time.

but fact is, during this time of the month, i AM significantly more emotionall unstable. i didn't realise it before coz unlike things like headaches or cramps, you don't feel physically different or uncomfortable. it's just tt you're a lot more sensitive emotionally. right now, everything just seems to bother you. things tt usually wouldn't be an issue to you before become a huge huge thing to you now.

this is the time where i get upset more easily, more significantly, and for a longer period. i guess tt's why i've been more affected and i find it more difficult to snap out of it, the way i otherwise would. this is the time where i just hate myself. usually, i can just accept who and what i am, albeit with a good dose of self-deprecating humour. but this is the time where i just feel really really ugly, really really fat, really really loserly, graceless, charmless, and friendless. this is the time where i feel really awkward and left out and i just want to be alone coz i seem to have lost all of my social interaction skills, and yet the moment i am alone i start feeling utterly miserable because i feel like i have no friends.

so yeah. i hate feeling emotionally unstable and ugly and friendless.

the good thing about this, is tt knowing tt my current emotional state is hormonally-induced, i know tt there's nothing inherently wrong with me, and as long as i can ride out the next few days keeping myself busy, i'll be back to normal.

but on the downside, i fucking HATE feeling like this.

i really really do.

oh, the curse of womanhood.

i've never had issues with being female, but yeah. sometimes i just wish i had such a reduced emotional span tt i can not feel all the downs as sharply as i do the ups.

but oh well. can't argue with God, now can i? ;)

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves. You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't? It's important to you that your lover is very attractive. You like to have someone to show off. In fights, you speak your mind and don't hold back. You know you're right, and you can get quite angry about it. Break-ups can be painful for you, but you never show it. You hold your head high.

i hate wishy-washy people.

you got a problem, come right out and fucking say it. don't play stupid mindgames. i don't care much for "poor me" stories, and i don't care for getting guilt-tripped. and don't attribute your own failings or weaknesses to other people or factors.

tt just makes it all the more pathetic.

i hate to admit it, but i crashed again.

fuck.

coldplay's "talk".



for my benefit.

and video clips from their VANCOUVER concert on thurs and fri.



28 s of speed of sound.



square one. very amazingly done.



the end of "fix you", and the end of the concert.

do you know, for you i'd bleed myself dry?

everytime people ask me how i am doing, i tell them tt i am good. and yes, to a large extent, i *am* good. things are going pretty great. i love my life on exchange, barring the gloomy rain and weight issues. i have come to become accustomed to vancouver life. i never fail to appreciate all the chances i have here, to experience cold weather for once, to see mountains for once, the have the opportunities to do things like snowboard, or to travel to exotic places like mexico, or to catch once-in-a-lifetime concerts like coldplay.

i cannot complain. i cannot say tt life sucks. yes there are the downsides of missing home and the familiar. of missing the comforts of home and the familiar foods like chilli, especially during chinese new year where there is no bak kwa, pineapple tarts and kueh lapis. of missing good friends like the mambo whores, and my girls, and my brother, and everyone tt i can just hang with and talk to late into the night about anything and everything under the stars.

but for all these, there are the upsides. all the opportunities tt God has given to me, tt i am blessed enough to be able to experience. all the lessons to be learnt, the emotional spectrum to get through, the stress and the ups and the downs to teach me and mould me into what i hope will be a person worth knowing and worth being.

and besides all the things i've seen, tried, done, more importantly, the new people who have come into my life. and the friends tt i have made along the way. like the people tt i have come to know from last sem's exchange students to this sem's exchange students. the law students tt i would never have spoken to or come to like, like sandra and vanessa and yunsong, if not for being here in ubc. or people like ben and diana who have made this sem a lot more fun and more upbeat than last sem, even if we spend so much of our time together arguing law and politics.

but it makes me happy, and thankful, to have the company tt i have.

yet as i was talking to my bro tonight, i told him everything tt i never told anyone else. to everyone else, i'd tell them i was doing great. even on this blog, i always make it seem like i'm doing great. i don't include the other side of the coin. the side tt bothers me.

i told tt to chris. i told him about the phone call and the resentment i could feel from the other side. how much more it affected me than it should have. the fears and the dangers tt i had put myself through; i am very very lucky considering what has had transpired, and there are some mistakes tt i just cannot afford to make. and then i told him about the confusion i felt about people and myself.

in spite of everything tt i say, a part of me still wants permanence. i hate being objectified or just passed over. i still want to be loved, still want someone to go home to. someone who can just accept me and value me for who i am, even the ugly bits, the less-than-ideal bits, the bits tt i am less than proud of, but tt are so inherently a part of me tt i can't hardly change anymore, i guess.

once again, if i don't say it often enough, thanks for being here for me, and thanks for listening to me, and for telling me what i need (and not just want) to hear. if not you, then who?

and my current fave coldplay song. coldplay will be on my playlist for quite a while, even if their songs do nothing for my mood right now.

TALK
- by Coldplay

oh brother i can't, i can't get through
I've been trying hard to reach you cos i don't know what to do
oh brother i can't believe its true
i'm so scared about the future and i want to talk to you
oh i want to talk to you

you can take a picture of something you see
in the future where will i be?
you could climb a ladder up to the sun
or write a song nobody had sung
or do something that's never been done

are you lost or incomplete
do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece
tell me how you feel
well i feel like they're talking in a language i don't speak
and they're talking it to me

so you take a picture of something you see
in the future where will i be?
you could climb a ladder up to the sun
or write a song nobody had sung
or do something that's never been done
do something that's never been done

so you dont know where you're going but you wanna talk
but you feel like your going where you've been before
you'll tell anyone who'll listen that you've feel ignored
nothings really making any sense at all
lets talk
lets talk

lets talk
lets talk

[藝达] says:
if not me who??

[藝达] says:
anyway i think singaporeans suck haha esp the guys cannot make it, so well ..

note: for clarification, my bro does not refer to *all* singaporean guys. he is after all, one himself. although i would say tt he does constitute an exception to the general rule.

but i don't intend to get into a debate as to what singaporean guys possess or lack tt make them any better/worse than their international counterparts. there are stereortypes and there are exceptions. and i am personally glad tt a lot of the guys tt i know or have become close to are mainly the exceptions. :)

[藝达] says:

love doesnt have to be centred on ONE person only - monogamy is a modern, and not necessarily one size fits all mentality

we can and DO love more than one person, though modern, euro-americano centric thinking stresses monogamy, it may not be the case for any given individual.

an article tt i really like.

taken from mr. wang bakes good karma.

24 January 2006
Open Society. Ha.

ST Forum Jan 24, 2006
S'pore is an open society despite what Soros says

AMERICAN billionaire George Soros came to Singapore and commented that we are not an open society. Mr Koh Buck Song echoed his views and said that 'if Singapore is to mature as a democracy, then it is time for every thinking citizen to take up his responsibility to play his part in shaping the kind of open society we all need to believe we deserve to have' ('Think spectrum, not open or closed'; ST, Jan 17) .

Both Mr Soros and Mr Koh are entitled to their views. Singapore has evolved into an open society where anybody can do anything and say anything he or she wishes. There is the media for them to express their views, Speakers' Corner for them to say it in person, the Internet to publish them for the world, and blogs to share them with friends. The only requirement this open society asks is that the messenger be responsible for the message.

Some say we cannot hold rallies or demonstrations without police permits. But do we want our society to be like, say, Taiwan or the Philippines where demonstrations are the order of the day, and politicians and celebrities throw mud liberally at each other and anybody else, with some of the media merrily playing the role of cheer leaders?

The Singapore I know is an open society. It may not be the kind of society Mr Soros envisaged, nor the shape which Mr Koh wished, but it is a fair society where rules are applied fairly and equally to all without fear or favour.

Assoc Prof Koo Tsai Kee


Sigh. Tsai Kee, I know you're a PAP MP and all that, but what is the point of letters like that? Facts are facts, the rest are just opinions. Here, Mr Wang will provide you the facts, and you go and rethink your opinion:

May 2005: Police investigate Singaporean filmmaker Martyn See for making a political film. The Straits Times suggests that Martyn See should stick to making comedies, not serious films.

June 2005: The police deny the gay group Fridae permission for organising a public event, saying that this would be contrary to public interests. Fridae has to move the event to Phuket, Thailand.

July 2005: The National Kidney Foundation launches yet another defamation suit to silence a critic who had tried to point out its financial improprieties. This time, the NKF loses, but it's the first time they've lost. Subsequently, the NKF's massive wrongdoings are exposed and the rest is history.

July 2005 The Singapore Government denies Mr Yeshua Moser-Puangsuwan entry into Singapore and deports him. Mr Yeshua, a democracy activist and a member of NGO Nonviolence International, had been travelling here to conduct a non-violence workshop for Singaporean activists.

August 2005: 12 anti-riot police officers armed with shields and batons put an end to a tiny demonstration held by 4 peaceful people standing quietly in a row wearing T-shirts asking for more transparency from, amongst other institutions, the NKF.

August 2005: Police allow an anti-death penalty group to hold a memorial concert for the deceased Shanmugam Murugesu, but ban the group from showing Shanmugam's face on any "publicity platform/material such as internet website, displays, banners, posters, T-shirts and any other paraphernalia".

September 2005: Buangkok residents put up cardboard cutouts of white elephants in front of the Buangkok MRT station to protest against its non-opening. The authorities immediately launch police investigations to find out who did it.

October 2005: Blogger-academic Cherian George writes an article about the government's use of "calibrated coercion" to stifle the expression of dissenting opinions. The Prime Minister's Office immediately slams Cherian for his dissenting opinion.

October 2005: Senior lecturers at Warwick University in the UK vote against setting up a branch campus in Singapore due to worries about limits on academic freedom.

October 2005: Singapore is ranked 140th in the world for press freedom.

November 2005: International NGO, Reporters without Borders, writes an open letter to PM Lee Hsien Loong offering 10 suggestions to improve press freedom in Singapore. The organisation offers to meet PM Lee to give him a personal presentation of what can be done to ensure press freedom in Singapore.

December 2005: The Southeast Asian Press Alliance (SEAPA) expresses alarm over the recent ruling by a Singaporean High Court judge to dismiss a lawsuit which charged the country's public institutions with trampling the rights of their citizens to free assembly and free speech.

December 2005: Benny Lim, a theatre director, is ordered by the Media Development Authority to remove all references to the death penalty in his new play.


Tell me again, Tsai Kee, with a straight face, that we are an open society. I'll try not to laugh.


// posted by Mr Wang Says So

note: who is koo tsai kee? click on link here and look for his name. :) hint: see "manpower".

diana and i got to gm place around 7.40pm, 20 min before the scheduled time printed on both our tickets. there had been a little confusion regarding bus routes and such, but we managed to get in on time. we had a little bit of confusion over our seats as well, but it all worked out in the end. we had a bird's eye view just above to the left of the stage, and for mid-range tickets, i had to say this was a fucking good deal.

we sat through half of the guest act who was fiona apple (she was pretty good. her voice and singing style reminded me a bit of joss stone, alanis morisette, as well as tori amos); walking around the outside for the other half. gm place is huge. if the indoor stadium can fit 10, 000, i say tt gm place has a capacity of 20, 000 and upwards. in fact, it looked as if there WERE 20, 000 people here tonight. they were playing 2 nights in vancouver, but tickets had more or less sold out. and according to other people, tickets HAD long sold out in venues like toronto and brisbane, melbourne and sydney (and no, they're not coming to singapore for this tour).

so the fact tt diana and i had tickets, let alone good seats, was just a blessing.

after fiona apple and her band had left, we watched as the stage crew removed tt band's set and readied the stage for coldplay. we were discussing where chris martin's piano would be. there was a little piano in the centre of the stage, but we expected a grand piano.

at 9.40pm, the lights went out. everyone started screaming in anticipation in the dark.

silence.

and then the first strains of the electric guitar could be heard, as the introduction to "talk"" came on.

all 4 members of coldplay burst out from the back of the stage into the flashing lights and HUGE fanfare. the crowd went ballistic as chris martin launched into his rendition of the song. he stood for a while in the back of the stage, frozen in an arch in front of the giant screen where giant coloured images of himself and the band were being flashed, while the rest of the members took their positions behind the drums and with their guitars respectively.

"talk", like most other coldplay songs, is a mellow song. or a relatively mellow song, but even then they succeeded at infusing it with some kind of otherworldly energy tt just pulled the whole crowd in. although a lot of tt was due to the fact tt chris martin was just prancing all over the stage. he'd start in the back, dance his way to the far left to tease the audience on the left, run to the front and slide to his knees and bend ALL the way back as he drew out the last lines of the refrains, hop around in circles on one leg, dance up to his guitarist...

and we all lapped it in. i was screaming like a maniac from the moment i saw him standing at the back of the stage. his voice is PHENOMENAL. he sounds exactly like he does in all his songs, just BETTER. rawer. more real. more soulful.

i wanted to cry.

it was insane how emotional someone's voice could make me. i'd never really heard "talk" before tonight, but it's been catapulted to being one of my fave songs as of now.

and after talk, he went straight into "politik", my fave song from 'a rush of blood to the head', pounding on his piano keys like a man completely lost in the song and the music, oblivious to everyone else in the world around him, completely feeling the song. when you watch coldplay perform, you understand why they sell out all over the world.

the emotion, the raw honest emotion. and it's not just the band itself tt encapsulates tt in their songs; the audience become an extension of band and song, just enthralled in this strange magic wielded by an amazing band, and one man with an amazing voice and an amazing stage presence.

they then launched into "Yellow"... "for you i'd bleed myself dry". and everyone just sang along. we were on our feet just singing along to the music. giant yellow balloons dropped from the sky and Martin and his drummer burst 2 of them with their guitar and drumsticks respectively, and golden confetti sprayed all over the stage. we all loved it.

Martin also talked quite a bit to the audience; asked if everyone was ok. said tt it was a long time since he last came to Vancouver... did we still remember him? and he said tt he wrote a song for us entitled "God Made Canadians His Favourite Race". this was of course a lead up to the song "God Put A Smile on Your Face", but it was so nicely done tt everyone just started singing along with him even when he was still singing about Canadians.

he also apologised for the barricades tt were installed for his safety tt separated him from the audience. he said tt now tt Coldplay was a "big cheesy soft rock group", measures like tt had to be taken. fortunately, the audience was not missing much. just sweat, sweat and more sweat. which is TRUE, considering how much Martin prances around.

coldplay also did Speed of Sound, and Don't Panic (omg omg omg omg omg!!!). and then they changed their formation, and sang Till Kingdom Come in an acoustic folksy style, followed by a similarly acoustic non-piano version of Trouble (the Coldplay song tt used to make me cry, just on listening to it alone), and then they paid tribute to the late great Johnny Cash (one of my dad's idols) by singing Ring Of Fire, country-western style!

they then sang The Scientist (beautifully), Green Eyes, Square One, Swallowed In The Sea, One I Love... and I think a couple other songs tt I just can't recall right now. all I know is tt we were just completely under Chris Martin's spell. if he were to be the Pied Piper, we would be his rats, and he could have just commanded us to run into the sea and we would do tt. he was SO good.

he ended with Clocks. we loved Clocks. how can we not?

and then when Coldplay walked off the stage, everyone just stood up. and we just kept clapping and screaming and clapping and screaming. my voice is gone coz of tt now.

5 min later, they came back for their encore of 3 songs. i can't remember the first... i think it was another song off X&Y. but the second song was In My Place, and during tt song Martin leapt off the stage and ran through the audience all the way from one end of the stadium to the other end, where he then leapt on top of a banister in front of a group of people and serenaded them, much to the chargin of the scrambling security personnel. you could see the crowd following him and he balanced atop the banister and just sang. tt looked dangerous, but there was no doubt tt everyone would catch him before he ever hit the floor if he fell.

and the last song.

Fix You.

"When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse"

enthralled.

"And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?"

i never really felt all tt much for this song before... but when Martin intoned the lyrics i could feel tears literally stinging my eyes.

everyone was singing along.

"Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you"

everyone.

you could see it, hear it, feel it.

lighters, handphones in the air. swaying. hands in the air. us leaning precariously forward, trying to get closer... closer...

the climax... and the fading of the song to the end.

"And I will try to fix you."

the perfect end to the perfect concert.

coldplay is possibly the best concert i've ever attended, even though all the others were really good too.

this marks the one and only time i will say something tt i will never ever say for anyone else again: "i want to have chris martin's babies". :)

welcome to lazy dreary cold gloomy (again. SIGH) wednesdays!

today, out of a measure of determination (actually, more like fucking desperation), i hauled my ass off to koerner's (the LIBRARY, not the pub) after waking up at (horror of horrors!) 11am *gasp* to attempt to S.T.U.D.Y.

after all, after over a week of not doing ANYTHING ever since submitting my last homicide discussion, i felt tt the time was now (or never) to get my ass working on my next homicide discussion before i incur the wrath of my tutor again (this homicide module has, as i was complaining to diana later, usurped most of my life. i have been missing all my psychology classes since i started taking it seriously... although yeah. it's just a fucking lame excuse coz i'm too lazy to get my ass to psych for 1 hour of lectures during the afternoon lunch-hour lulls, on slides tt are available online and do not in any way contribute much to the mandatory reading of the textbook for the tests (tt i have not started on yet, btw).) BLEAH.

bleah bleah and bleah.

aaaaaaaanyway fortunately ben was at koerner's, so i had a study buddy.

or so i thought.

it started off decently enough. i would read up my homicide module on first-degree murder in canada and post my discussion forum answer.

and then...

and then...

ok... see in singapore they're discussing the huang na case. coz after took got charged with first-degree murder in the high court, he appealed to the court of appeal. and although the ca upheld the high court's decision - there was a dissent!!! for the first time in 10 years.

reason for the dissent being tt the prosecution had been not been able to prove beyond a reasonable doubt tt took had been responsible for killing huang na.

see, coz huang na had died of suffocation - her airways had been blocked. but although this could have been caused by took's suffocating her, as he had admited in his earlier confession while in police custody, this could also have been coz she's died of fits, as he'd later said in his trial statement.

problem is tt the forensic evidence could not corroborate his confession. there were no marks of injury on huang na's neck and body to show tt he had used force on her, and as a result the forensic evidence could have yielded more than 1 result.

so yeah. took was convicted mainly on the strength of his first confession, which was obtained during the 2 weeks tt he'd spent in police custody without access to counsel.

i'd asked him how investigations had been carried out. how you would know tt he was guilty? he said tt during those 2 weeks whereby investigations were ongoing, they'd ask him the same questions, but in different ways and at different times, to see if he could give 1 coherrent story. the idea is tt if you're telling the truth and you've really experienced something, you'd be able to describe it no matter how many ways you were being asked about it coz it really did happen to you. but if you were lying, you wouldn't be able to.

thing with took is tt he kept changing his story, so they knew tt he was lying and they managed to press something out of him.

but the argument to tt is tt if you are 2 weeks in police custody, possibly held in isolation in very basic conditions with very little sleep and nothing else to occupy your mind, you'll be nervous, frightened, tired and therefore very confused. as such, even if you were telling the truth, there is a possibility tt you may be mistaken about certain facts. it's happened in psychology, and we do learn about tt in my psychology and litigation classes. memory is as much a child of the mind as it is a film of recorded events.

plus the evidence just doesn't corroborate the statements.

the thing about the singapore media, is tt they don't report everything tt's taken place in the courts. when you read the report online, they say tt took has sexually assaulted the girl, suffocated her and chucked her in the box, as if it were the absolute truth. they'd said it even before the trial. they don't leave spaces for the "what ifs". i guess tt's why i'd prefer to turn to other sources to get the full story as far as possible, except tt no one else reports as extensively on s'pore matters except our local paper. *sigh*

but tt being said, my gut feeling is tt even if there was not enough evidence to prove beyond a reasonable doubt tt took murdered huang na, looking at the later actions of his wrapping her body in 9 layers of plastic bags, stuffing her into a box and chucking her in some place where she would not easily be found, i think tt the furtherance of his actions will go quite some way to prove tt he is at least strongly connected to her death, and probably did something tt lead to the cause of her death.

but yeah... just my thoughts on the case. i guess even then, it's still arguable tt if you CANNOT prove first-degree murder, then you should not be hanging someone for it. usually 2nd-degree murder or manslaughter is a more realistic charge for such cases.

and someone mentioned to me the age-old adage: "isn't it better to let 100 guilty go, than to hang 1 innocent person?"

i cannot answer tt question. i guess i would say tt i would rather have 1 innocent hang, than have 100 murderers walk the streets. but then again if tt innocent were someone i loved, my stand would be very different. it's difficult to be objective, because someone is always someone else's father or sister or wife or son.

sigh.

but yeah... we were discussing the took case. and then we started getting carried away discussing accomodation plans in puerto vallarta and checking out the cheapest hotels online.

before we knew it, it was already 4pm!

so we ended up getting some food, and then i ended up going for my 5pm intellectual property law class... late.

my god ip law is fucking BORING. someone kill me now why the fuck do i need to know about patents for rigid or flexible VAMES (what the fuck are "vames"???) on washing machine agitators, or decorative stuccos and stuff. wtf wtf wtf??? the lecturer was interesting and clear and all... but 3 hours of this was literally KILLING me. if not for my msn conversation with wendy (and really bad black coffee... like i said i've completely abandoned my no-caffeine diet) i would have fallen asleep and banged my head into my laptop.

upside: aha! now i know who david is. wahaha.

after class me and diana went to the village to get a wittle bit more food. then back to totem to nuah a bit... i should sleep soon tho...

haha debiao asks me how it is tt i have SO MUCH to blog... well... i say it's coz i talk to myself a lot and i always have a lot to say, coz i have no one else to talk to. i'm a friendless loser, see? anyway he said tt yeah, he talks to himself too, but he doesn't type everything out.

aha. but i'm narcicisstic. some people like to look at themselves in the mirror. me? i like to read what i write. "oh, you handsome blogger, you!"

erm. ok tt was just weird.

anyway on the upside... i am *so* gonna gloat.

coz i am going to watch COLDPLAY in concert tomorrow night!!!

whoopie! chris martin! mr. gwenyth paltrow! mr. yellow! mr. the scientist!!! hereeeee i come!!!

*breaks into "ÿellow" again.*

wahahahaha. :) me is hyper now.

great. beats the FUCKING rain.

what makes life better... love or good sex?

hmm.

mmm. i feel like a cat.

i started rebelling when i was 11.

against expectations, both societal and parental, against the norms, against everything tt i had had to accept as true.

i thought tt i was rebelling a search for who i truly was.

but the fact is, even now, i have never stopped rebelling.

i am anti-establishment when people are pro-establishment, but i rebel against anti-establishment when a place is of tt nature. i rebel against concepts of freedom when we are given too much, when otherwise i would have pushed for more freedom. i even rebel against what i considered the fundamentals of my identity.

is it because, even after all these years, i still haven't found myself?

or is it because rebellion has simply become an inherent part of who i am?

"you can take me there
it's all right, i'll go anywhere
ohhh, we're off to San Jose
then we'll see you and me back down to J-A"

all day, all night.

lazy tuesday morning. it's sunny and 9 degrees. gonna head out for my first run in a long long long long time now. fuck i am seriously fat now. i have no waistline. FUCK. makes me feel like a goddamn slug. i am PRAYING tt spring will come ASAP coz winter and grey and rain fucking SUCKS the life out of me.

anyway i finally did my laundry. i just need to vacuum my room now. need vacuum... can't find it. ARGH. KNN. but besides the sterile frustration, i'm good. called him last night. well, not tt it came off the top of my head, but more like had been trying to get him before, but forgot tt he was on leave. yeesh talk abt despo stalkerism. the only good thing is tt it's gone past pride. i realise tt i don't really care now. in the past, pride used to be the cornerstone (oops. plaguarism here) of my existence, but i guess after a while you just wonder what the whole big fuss is about. it just doesn't matter, just doesn't figure in anymore.

not to say tt i'm shameless or have no pride left. it's just tt it's easier to let go now than it was before. or maybe it could just be coz i've got other things to think about. i don't know. is 2 months considered too short to recover, or too long? someone apologized when i said tt we were over 2 months ago, and i was surprised. i think i'd been more or less over him since december. but at the same time there is a measure of guilt... it's like for all the feelings tt were there, it's like i managed to fuck everythign too quickly.

but then again i'd always been no angel. done a lot of things tt i shouldn't have done, at least not while i was attached. now, it doesn't matter any more now does it? it's not like i want another person in my life right now. call me selfish but tt's the last thing i want. i don't have any inclination, desire or interest in feeling anything for anyone above and beyond chemisty. i don't want any feelings of care and concern, neither from me to someone or from someone to me. i don't want complication. i don't want to lose emotional control again.

i guess one of the reasons why i find it so easy to be friends with guys, is coz i don't believe tt whole adage tt guys and girls can never truly be friends. i don't believe tt. as long as you're not looking for affection, even sub-consciously, it'll never be more than just plain friendship. and i like tt. i like the simplicity of normal friendship, like between my bro and me. emotional and physical comfort, a reassurance tt we'll always be there for each other, but nothing more. i don't believe tt sexual love is dirty, but at the same time i am glad tt there is no taint on simple friendship.

i know tt some people like all their friends to mix and meet. so tt everyone is part of one big circle. like how they intro their other halves to their friends, their family, and all their friends know and hang out with each other. me? maybe i'm unhealthy. i don't like doing tt. i like keeping people apart until they've formed my inner circle; tt closer group of people tt i know i will want to intro to everyone else. for one thing, it won't be great if something goes wrong - i.e. if you break up with your other half and heaven forbid, your friends think tt you're in the wrong and you get all this unnecessary emotional blackmail. thank god tt's never happened to me, but i've seen it happen to enough people to know tt idealism with regards to friendship is not a safe idea.

on the other hand, compartmentalising my relationships keep things simple for me. i guess friends who know me better know tt i can behave with varying degrees of attitude when around different people. when among my girlfriends, i talk about the stuff tt we usually do, like about each other, gossip, phuture, ben and jerry's etc. when among teammates, we talk about training, torture and food. and i get to behave 15 years younger than i otherwise would. and when with specific people, i can talk philosophy, emotions, politics, depending on where my mood takes me. the thing is tt my friends come from such diverse backgrounds and are of such diverse personalities. we all manage to click on one level or other, but it's easier for me to behave certain ways around certain people than one way around everyone. and at the same time, no one can say tt i'm not being myself around any one or every group, because every part tt i show IS a part of my self, just at varying times and under varying circumstances.

another reason why i compartmentalise, is because it's emotionally easier. friends are friends. i will never cross the boundaries ever again. it's a lot easier and a lot less traumatising tt way. and it keeps things simple and every one happy. plus, i don't need love. not right now. maybe unconsciously, i am lonely. maybe i do need affection. maybe these entire few months i have just been deluding myself tt i am over him and tt i have not actually moved on. but i don't want the complications of a relationship. especially not when everything is so uncertain and so temporal.

not even with a really hot cbc. ;) anyway i think the whites are cuter. some of them at least. esp if they're frat boys. okay i admit. i have a thing for frat boys. shh. ;)

k. gotta go run now else i will be late for my class later. adios.

Your Love Element Is Fire

In love, you are a true listener and totally present. For you, love is all about feeling more alive than you've ever felt. You attract others with your joy and passion. Your flirting style is defined by your strong ability to communicate. Fun and play are the cornerstones of your love life. And while your flame may burn too brightly, it's part of your appeal. You connect best with: Wood Avoid: Water You and another Fire element: will likely burn out quickly

and i picked up the phone and i called. but it is just me coz it doesn't feel the same at all anymore.

canada had its federal elections today. all across the nation (and i'm talking one fucking huge nation), people dropped in votes for liberals, conservatives, moderates, the ndp, the greens, the marijuanas (yeah, there's a marijuana party) and etc. there was polling booth in totem to cater to students staying on campus. to vote, all you have to be is 18 and above. interestingly, 18 is the legal drinking age here, 19 is the legal clubbing age, but you can vote before you club.

the conservatives have won this federal elections. and it hasn't been a surprise, seeing as it is tt predictions have been weighing the votes in their favour. canada's has been traditionally liberal, and even how it still upholds many of its liberal policies such as tt of a welcoming immigration policy and a view on same-sex marriages, but this time even liberals have voted conservative, not because the liberals suck or have lost their vote of confidence, but because the liberals have been in power for the past 13 years. 13 years is a long long time, and a lot of people feel tt it is not wise to entrench one government in a position of too much power.

in contrast, singapore has had a 1 party rule for the past 41-going-on-42 years. but yes, news of an election is going around. it'll be anytime from this march (after the budget has been announced) to the end of term in 2007, but we won't know exactly when. only the government in power can call for an election date, and till then no one will know when tt will be. i am a singapore citizen, and now tt i am 21 (old enough to have sex, drink, drive, club and watch r21 movies), i have a right to vote. in fact, voting is compulsory, so as an overseas voter, i have to take a flight down to san francisco where my nearest polling booth is (there is none in canada) to cast my vote. but tt is provided tt the district in which i reside will be contested. then again, considering the characteristics and its lack of contestability for the past 12 over years, i doubt i'll be casting anything.

but nonetheless. there has been a furor regarding the wp. this time they have announced their plans to contest 4 grcs: sembawang, ang mo kio, east coast... and damn i can't remember the last one. but tt's pretty mighty news, considering the fact tt since the last elections we've only had 2 opposition members in parliament out of 84 elected mps, and this may bring the promise of a bigger opposition in parliament.

now, i've had someone telling me tt this is not necessarily a good thing. we would need a strong and stable government, and i do not disagree tt we have had tt so far. i appreciate a lot of things in singapore, especially as i am no longer there. and yes, it extends beyond the roti prata. i appreciate the efficient transport system, the banking system, the fact tt people are less singapore-centric and acknowledge the presence and importantce of other countries around. i appreciate tt things can always be found at any time of day at any place, and tt we have so much security tt we more often than not take for granted. and yes, i do not contest tt an opposition will be able to do as good a job (depending on your definition of good) if it were ever to gain power. tt's the rebuttal tt most people put to me: can the opposition govern singapore?

and i have to say at this point in time, of course not. they have not been tried and tested, and there are so few of them right now. and people like j.b. jeyaratname, francis seow; brilliant men, are either not around or do not have the means to enter government anymore, let alone run it. and you have the youngbloods like sylvia lim and james gomez, who as mentioned above are not yet tested and do not have the kind of experience tt you might otherwise have had. and please don't mention dr. chee to me. i acknowledge tt he is probably a brilliant man, and probably has done a lot more than i realise and is more passionate and more reasonable than he is made out to be by the media, but at this point in time i don't know enough of his story to tell otherwise.

can we have a government of opposition? at this point in time, no. but what i do feel is this: we need a stronger opposition. we need a greater majority of opposition members in government. i do not believe tt this will take anything away from the ruling government because i still believe tt the ruling government will win the upcoming elections by a wide margin, simply because there isn't enough opposition to prove a viable threat. but i believe tt with a stronger alternative opposition, more alternative voices may be heard.

like the rationale behind canadians voting conservative instead of liberal, i believe tt there needs to be some shake-ups and changes to government. because no matter how good a government is, what may have worked 41 years ago may no longer work in the phuture (oops. freudian slip), or even now. like how singabloodypore was mentioning, there seems to be an overreliance on regulation tt is a short-cut solution to problems, but poses a lot of long-term issues. i mean, i read about the police issuing warnings to jc girls - fucking 17 and 18 year old teenagers - and people who buy their white elephant t-shirts, tt they will be breaking the law for subversive behaviour, and i feel so embarrassed. do people even remotely consider these t-shirts subsersive? i bet it doesn't even cross their minds. by even mentioning it you guys are planting tt idea into their heads, along with instilling more fear. and what does tt result in?

the same thing tt you are trying to avoid. fear. fear and apathy. it's so hard to care now, so hard to feel. i love singapore, but i'm finding it increasingly harder to love it. i love the food, i love my family and friends, i love the sunny warmth and the familiar sights and smells. but i cannot love the fact tt i feel as though i have no say in my country, as though nothing is funny anymore. i feel like my future company has no sense of humour, tt we only enjoy hunting down ants with ak-47s. how do you expect people to love their country, to develop a sense of belonging, to actually care for their country, if you stifle them or use fear to quell them in the name of security?

singapore has a high standard of living, i will give you tt. but we have a fucking poor quality of life. in terms of quality, places like canada beat us hands-down. voting is something tt people are passionate about. canadian blogs range from liblogs to conservatives to bloggertories; every view point can be actively and passionately discussed. it doesn't matter if you're conservative or liberal, fact remains tt you fucking love your country. tt seems to be something tt we don't seem to get; tt it doesn't matter whether we're pap or wp or sdp or some independent party. tt we all love singapore just the same.

singaporeans, esp my generation and below, so many of us are fucking self-centred. materialistic. all we want to do is study. get good jobs. buy tt fucking house and car. marry the husband/wife of our dreams. have kids. some of us just want to make enough moolah to leave this place. i remember something tt someone said to me before: singaporeans don't know how to fail. kiasu, kiasee, we're always afraid of something. afraid of losing out, afraid of losing face; in canada during my last fundementalism class my tutor was discussing canada and wars. he called the last 2 participations in wwi and wwii "glorious defeats". yes, canada didn't win either war, but they were still something to be proud of, because canadians were willing to fight tooth and nail if they had to, and tt in itself was worth celebrating.

singaporeans in my opinion, tend to be too brittle. we might be hard, we might be tougher (in appearance), but we are brittle.

it's too much restrictions, in my opinion.

anyway the wp launched their 2006 manifesto, and ng eng hen on behalf of the pap called on the wp to rewrite their manifesto as it contained 4 "very dangerous" "time-bombs". included in the "time-bombs" were the wp's call for the abilishment of the grc system and the ep. the pap stand was tt these 2 systems were the "cornerstone" of singapore's existence and could not be removed.

firstly, both the grc system and the ep system are very new. they were introduced around 1990 (give or take a couple of years). singapore has existed and thrived even before from 1965 till then, when there was no grc or ep system. so if both have been cornerstones of singapore's existence, singapore has been balancing on one precarious side pretty well for quite some time.

secondly, i want to make a mention of both the grc system and the ep system. regarding the grc system, the official objective of the grc system is to ensure racial representation in parliament. every team has to consist of one member of each minority race. however, this also means tt when 1 member of the team has been elected into parliament, the rest are in parliament automatically, and not by mandate. only 1 person out of 6 has the full mandate of the people. doesn't tt worry you? secondly, because the ruling party is much larger, more powerful, and due to the timing of election annoucenemtns, usually has more resources and manpower, it is much more able to form teams successfully as compared to a much smaller and weaker opposition. therefore, the grc system also has the effect of entrenching one party in power. thirdly, seriously, can anyone actually name all the members in their grc team? personally, i can never even remember which constituency i belong to because it always changes. one year i was clementi; one year i was ulu pandan; right now i'm not very sure again. and when you can't even remember your constituency, can you name one or more members of your grc, let alone all 6 of them?

if the grc system is vital in preventing chinese from killing indians and indians from killing malays, then singaporeans have sorely been underestimated. ditto with the racial quota for housing. personally, i think tt for a multi-racial society, we are still rather plural. indians still mainly stick to their communities; malays still mainly stick to their communities; chinese still mainly stick to their comminities. but i don't believe tt both the above systems have done all tt much to alleviate the problem. what i feel the main issue is, is in the class-divides. most upper-middle class are chinese; and this class tends to perpetuate itself due to the education system. what we need is a more-inclusive education system, as well as more inter-mingling between the various races. although i agree tt the concept of 1 racial harmony day as proposed by the wp is not a good enough solution, i do believe tt more can be done through schools, through inter-mingling of the races, to encourage social cohesion. for one thing, void deck malay weddings are great fun. :) and everyone loves crossing over to their neighbours' houses for chinese new year and hari raya puasa.

as for the ep, we all understand the rationale behind the ep system. the ep is supposed to be a check and balance to the government. besides veto powers, he is also to safeguard the reserves. in fact, he is so important tt his revised salary stands at $2 million a year. however, due to the very stringent qualities regarding an ep, we haven't had the chance to actually elect our ep in the past 14 years. if we really want an ep tt holds the mandate of the people, we really NEED an ep tt is actually elected. and does not win by walk over. i think tt the criteria for the ep is WAY too stringent, and places too much emphasis on material qualifications. the fact tt he has to be the CEO of a GLC or big company, or a CJ, or an army-general, or something along those lines, is definitely what some might consider a safeguard, coz it means you need some kind of zhainess to get there. and like a friend defended the criteria: we don't want george bush to rule singapore, now do we? yes, i agree tt paper and job qualifications are important. but i find 2 flaws with this argument: 1) there is too much emphasis on paper and job qualifications. just because you were a CEO or an army-general etc etc etc doesn't mean tt you automatically have what it takes to be the president of singapore. some might argue tt this is a surer bet than leaving it entirely in the hands of the people, but this leads in to my 2nd point. 2) the ep is supposed to be elected. as the protector of the people, he is to have the mandate of the people. and what i feel is tt the ep needs to be someone who is in touch with the ground, who understands the majority. if you're always sitting in your ivory tower at the top floor of some high-rise glass-windowed building on shenton way, how much will you know about the life of the man on the street? we've already got enough politicians who are such; we could do with at least one - and the most vital - who is actually in touch with the man on the ground.

if an ep is not elected, if he is unable to fulfil his roles of checking government or safeguarding the reserves (although i don't know to what extent these roles are being fulfilled because there are no reports on them at all from the media, except for the very occasional photos of the ep meeting someone or other somewhere or other, usually around national day or when elections are coming up), then what is the point of having an ep? if we are to have an ep, i think we should at least have more transparency. and we would like to see our protector more often, too.

my last point in this very long entry is this: it seems tt the ruling party has been in power for so long tt it sees itself as being synonymous with the country. any challenge directed towards it seems to be a challenge directed at the country, even though this is not and should not be the case. no matter which party you are in, you are the same country. as such, i find something very very wrong about one party telling another what it should or should not say. as a party, you have no power over another party and you should not try to influence what it has to say as according to your own standards. after all, isn't it all up to the people to decide?

P.S. no, i don't believe i'm treading on dangerous ground. everything here is entirely of my own view and of how i feel about things, and i would like to think tt the modern world does not yet consist of the orwellian thought police. because if thinking dies, then there is no more point to living, now is there. besides, in all graciousness, this enty would be but another testimony tt freedom of expression does exist in my home country. am i not mistaken?

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in other news, on sunday, 13 of us went to chinatown for a very yummy dim sum lunch.



from left to right: tt's me, Ben, Mu Shi, Boon Ping, Siang Sheng, Alvin, Simin, Jo-Ann, Diana, Jillian, Jillian's friend (name unknown), Kelvin and Bang Yao (taking the photo).

it was worth braving the rain for. ah, but i love chinese food now. and chilli and spicy food. and today i went to travel cuts with ben to book our tickets to mexico. how exciting. i am properly excited about mexico. i also went for my psychology and litigation class. the concept is exciting, but dammit if it's a 3 hour seminar, it would be a good idea to give us a break right in the middle (not after over 2 hours) after straight talking, so tt my brain doesn't drain to slumber. but tt said, thank god for lousy but fucking strong coffee. so much for my recovery from caffeine. i'm a caffeine addict again.

when things end without the proper goodbye, without tt perfect chance to get in the last word, without tt one moment to say how you really feel.

coz then it becomes one of those things tt lodge like a thorn into your heart, an image tt constantly runs through your mind no matter where you are and what you do. translating to the irrational need to check your email, or your phone, or your voice mail, wondering if tt last chance will ever be repeated, in spite of the thinness of the odds.

troubling, distracting... but life goes on nonetheless.

oh, and apparently the president is going to earn $2, 507, 000 a year. dammit. like tt i also want to become president. and the economist has once again issued an apology regarding an article it wrote on devon nair. it never stops. and then there are the threats of caning for attempts to protest at the upcoming IMF events, and police warnings on the subversiveness of wearing white elephant t-shirts designed by jc kids.

fuck. just when you think things are moving forward, the disappointment sets in again. sometimes i do wish tt i didn't want to believe so much.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

...and it's going to be on feminism.

you know, whenever i introduce myself to people, i keep the 'dragonboat', 'police' and 'taekwondo' part out of my intros until i'm asked for them.

reason being because if i introduce myself with any one (or all) of the above 3 words in the same sentence as my name, people (guys especially) are just going to have this impression of me as some psycho crazy ball-breaking nazi feminist.

cross me and i'll break your balls. say tt women are the fairer sex and i'll break your balls. say tt women can't be in the army and i'll break your balls. forget to hold open the door for me and i'll break your balls, too.

i think tt if my eyeballs were detachable from my sockets at will, i'd be able to roll them from 1 end of a football field to another from the number of times i'd have had to roll my eyes. define feminism.

am i a feminist? yes. i am. BUT my definition of feminism isn't tt women are better than men. no, i can't possibly give you one single clear-cut definition as to what role i believe women should play, but i can tell you what i subscribe to and what i don't subscribe to.

for one, i believe tt both men and women are equal, or tt they should be treated with equal amounts of respect. this does not of course mean tt men and women should be treated equally at all times (there is a difference tt extends beyond language, but i've come to realise tt most people don't get the difference). although personally, i have no qualms being treated as one of the guys. tt's why i am able to listen and join in with guys discussing guy talk from soccer to army to sex, dirty jokes, masturbation, porn etc etc etc without flinching or complaining tt my sensibilities have been horribly assaulted. my stand on this is simple enough: either you stay and listen, or you leave and don't. there's no point in kicking up some huge major fuss. it's always your choice to stay or go anyway. i don't think tt there should be such a thing as toning down or watching your language or your verbal content just because a woman is around. if you're watching your language out of basic courtesy (i.e. meeting someone you don't really know, or someone at an important formal function where you have to try to be politically correct), then by all means go ahead. but my personal opinion is tt girls who demand tt guys stop talking about a certain topic just coz they're in the vicinity should stop pretending tt they are all sweet and innocent and fragile and sensitive because i think tt sets women's liberalisation backwards, actually.

it's not about equal treatment. it's about equal respect.

another thing i believe, is tt men and women have different areas of expertise, and therefore i don't think women should raise big hoohas about certain things just because. for one, let's face it. areas like the special ops force and the swat team will always be men-only vocations. i don't get why there are women who are complaining tt male chauvinism is being displayed by limiting these areas to men only. the fact remains tt guys have higher muscle mass and are therefore stronger and fitter physically. now, if we are able to apply the same standards of fitness - i.e. if a woman is able to take the physical fitness tests tt those guys take and do equally well (i.e. run 2.4 km under 9.45 min; do >10 pull-ups etc etc etc) - and a woman or some women are able to pass those tests, then by all means i see no reason why women should not be admitted to these areas. but if no woman is able to meet the criteria, then why should special allowances be made for her? i don't see why the standard should be lowered just because. if i had tt kind of fitness, yes, i would try my luck. i would apply and i would take the test. but i don't. and therefore i will keep my mouth shut.

if you feel tt you are as good as, or can be, better than a guy/guys, then by all means, prove it. and when you have proven it, you can call yourself a real fighter for women's rights. but if you yourself are unable to prove why you deserve equal or better treatment, then i don't see why you should be demanding such treatment all in the name of "feminism" and braying out the tired refrain of "male chauvinism". personally, even though i am a dragonboater (although currently on a 1-year sabbatical. heh), i do acknowledge tt i am not as strong as a lot of the guys on the guys' team, and i know tt as hard as i can train or as much weights as i force myself to pull, i may never be stronger than a lot of them still. so i accept tt, and i judge myself by my own standards. i don't compare, coz comparison serves no purpose at all. and even in taekwondo, yes. i might be able to hold my ground. yes, i have fought guys. but i know tt i will never be as strong as, or kick as hard as, a lot of them. i lack the height, i lack the weight. so i don't go around swaggering or pretending tt i am as good as someone else of my standard. things like these are to be proven, not assumed. and respect is also to be earned, not demanded.

so therefore, i have a problem with women who tell some guy tt in the name of feminism, they demand equal treatment and acknowledgement tt they are as good as said guy(s), and then turn around and expect same said guy to hold open the door or pull out the chair like a gentleman. i have a problem with women who cry "male chauvinist!" or "misogynist" as a refrain, not only because it shows a lack of range in vocabulary, but also narrow-mindedness and unreasonable expectations. as i have said before, if you have a brain, 2 arms and 2 legs, you can damn well think for yourself, walk around yourself, and pull up your own goddamn chair. feminism and the expectation of chivalry doesn't go hand in hand to me. it smacks of hypocrisy. how do you expect to be treated as an equal if you expect to be taken care of?

yes. i make concessions for social grace. i will let a man pull out a chair or open a door for me coz it's polite, and i will be appreciative. if he offers to pay for my meal, i will accept, but i will return the favour the next time. we are in the 21st century. we can't expect to be molly-coddled, and we should not throw a big hissy fit if we don't.

i don't read women's or beauty magazines, for tt matter. i think there's too much stereotyping and too much of "we know best what you want" in them. to me, one beauty magazine is like another, and it perpetuates feminine stereotypes, which i feel are normally never for the better. i refuse to believe tt episodes like PMS or hormonal imbalances give us a right to be bitches. yes, we always feel more emotional and more depressed around our periods, but we are not unconscious animals. we have the options of choice; we can choose to be bitches and blame it all on the big red, or we can continue to live our lives and try to treat everyone else the way we would like to be treated, regardless of whether it is a little bit more difficult or a bit more painful or whatnot.

and to me, fucking around isn't a display of feminist power. no, i don't have a problem with it, and yes, i believe tt women can fuck around as much as men do. equality, remember? i'm not here to judge either anyway. but i find it awfully childish when i hear people tell me tt fucking around or dating a whole bunch of guys at the same time is liberating. if you find this kind of thing liberating, i think you need to consult your shrink. it is your life, yes. i don't see anything wrong with fucking around or dating multiple guys, so long as it makes you happy. but don't assume tt it's all for some higher purpose or to advance some greater objective, because it's not. you're just being deluded.

in any case, doesn't this contradict the whole female stereotype tt women have of guys as only thinking about sex? in the first place, i have had it with the number of people who think tt sex is wrong, dirty, a sin blah blah blah. people who have had debates with me, especially about religion and morality, know about my stand on institutionalised morality. and no, i don't have a problem with sex. i don't think premarital sex is a sin, and i think tt it's time tt we get our heads out of our rectums and realise tt the world has moved on and there's nothing shameful in describing coitus and its corresponding states. as long as you keep up the respect for your own body and tt of your partner's, as long as you take responsibility for your own actions, and as long as you do not cause harm or pain to anyone, then there is nothing wrong with sex. so, in the second place, what is with girls always giving me throwaway lines tt guys only think with their dicks? i remember one of the silliest things i'd ever heard from someone, was her telling me tt while women were complicated, guys were simple and predictable. i told her tt she was being very naive. you can't stereotype anything or anyone. everyone has different characteristics tt differ from person to person. and even if guys do have sex on their mind, it's not like everyone's just some primitive neanderthal who has to compulsively fuck everything in sight. i'm sure everyone is conscious enough to have control over their own bodies, even if some obviously have much less control than others. and thirdly, even if guys might always have sex on their mind, assuming the stereotype is true, it isn't like women are all innocent and prudish. let's face it, there's been a huge wave of publicity on liberalised women and sex aids like vibrators gaining popularity all over the world, singapore included. so maybe these activities are kept under wraps (who knows? maybe your prudish female boss keeps one of those in her 2nd desk drawer!), but even so, tt doesn't give you the right to act all high and mighty, now does it?

speaking of which, pride and hardness does not contribute towards the feminist movement. a lot of women feel tt in order to be true feminists, they have to be tough hard-ass bitches. to treat guys abrasively, to be rude and cold and hard, to assert themselves every single chance they get so tt they won't be bullied. but there has to come some point in time when you realise tt such behaviour is only counter-productive - it alienates you from people and it doesn't earn you the kind of respect tt you want. yes, i strongly believe tt women shouldn't be doormats. we shouldn't let men walk all over us. we should not be victims of domestic violence - physical or emotional. we should not allow for the patriachial "boys are better" mentality to persist.

but there is no need to be defensive. there is no need to have to force your will over others. don't be a doormat, but earn tt respect through showing others (guys and girls alike) tt same kind of respect first, by setting good examples to others and by exhibiting social grace. there is no need to be abrasive or harsh to anyone just because you don't want to appear soft. there is no need to pretend or to hide your true intentions just because you don't want to appear desperate (if you need something, you need something. there is no point in trying to hide it. it's just ridiculous). by acknowledging your own strengths and your own weaknesses, by knowing when to be strong and when to give in, you prove in tt tt you deserve the respect tt you want.

feminist values are subjective, and my own beliefs don't reflect those of a lot of other women. but i suppose at the core of my values, i feel tt it is in confidence in yourself and in recognising the importance of mutual respect, tt you are really fighting for what you believe in.

P.S. i think tt women who consider giving birth national service are seriously fucked up. honestly, i fear for their children.

i have had a thing for playing goo goo dolls' songs for the past 2 days. currently it's "big machine". love john reznick.

anyway today it was rainy and fucking cold.

got up - reluctantly - at 10am. god i love saturday mornings. some of them at least. dreaming of the person you're with; of things happening tt had never happened before; worrying tt you're falling further than you'd have expected; admitting to things you'd rather not have admitted to... but sometimes it feels like it's right, y'know?

fuck. but it was raining again. raining and cold. even with the down jacket, the walk out was an exercise in self-control.

today would be fun though. i was supposed to meet ben, diana, and ben's korean friend who would drive us to stanley park. i'd never been to stanley park before, so i finally had a chance to do so. :) and finally get a chance to tell all those incredulous individuals tt YES, i *have* been to stanley park.

we drove down broadway thru to burrard, and we took the motor vehicle tour of the park - 10 minutes as opposed to 2 hours. stopped by prospect point and decided to stop by the starbucks-serving coffee bar for a pick-me-up - and in ben's case, breakfast.

well. we ended up spending 2 over hours at the coffee bar talking. and talking and talking and talking. about singapore, the legal system in singapore, the weather, the politics... stuff like tt. tt never fails to drag a talk cock session out to a serious 2-hour type 4-way debate. but once again, it was loads of fun. hmm. i guess this is the kind of thing tt you only enjoy if you're a law student or something. *shrug*

told ben tt i was interested in volunteering with legal aid or doing pro-bono work when i came back to singapore, regardless of whether i'd be a cop or a lawyer. he was fucking surprised. he said tt i was going to join the police, and police don't help people, they just see everyone as criminals and chuck them into jail.

obviously we had quite an argument abt this. i haven't managed to rebut his prejudice against the force, and he hasn't managed to convince me tt all police are evil power-hungry government bootlickers, but i think we have arrived at more of a truce than an impasse. although i expect tt we will be spending a lot more time arguing about this again, esp in mexico. sigh.

but one thing we did agree on, is tt the legal system in singapore doesn't do enough for singaporeans. in canada, legal aid is provided so long as you can't afford a lawyer. it's your right as a citizen of canada. in singapore, even with legal aid, you still need to foot a lot of your fees yourself, and legal fees are preposterously high. even we don't understand why the fuck lawyers have to earn so much? i mean, so what if i have a law degree and you don't? does it mean tt i'm 20 times smarter than you, tt 2 hours of my time is worth 20 x of 2 hours of yours? the value system in singapore of everything is fucked up. it encourages materialism, self-centredness, apathy and superficiality. legal defence is not a right in singapore. in which case, then wouldn't tt make the whole concept of justice and equality before the law a lie?

isn't it really all a matter of justice only serving those with deep pockets?

fuck. yes i am cynical. yes i am not happy with such areas. ben agrees with me on this, but the difference between us is tt *i* believe tt something can be done. tt i, or him, or whoever is able to rise into a position of power in the future, will be able to change the system or to influence it in a way tt will be better for everyone in general.

him however, doesn't believe tt anything can be done. tt it is just better to live one's own life within the system and fly under the radar. he thinks tt if i, or if anyone else gets into a position of power, i'll forget all my idealistic motivations and just assimilate and become a part of the system.

fuck. the thing is, i can't guarantee tt i will prove him wrong.

one of the things tt worry me constantly, is how much of myself i can retain? when the power comes in, when the duty comes in, when the need to preserve one's own job, to advance one's own career, becomes more pressing than one's principles?

what he says is pretty much the same thing as what my ex used to say to me. tt power and authority would change me. once you get into a position of power, everything changes. so called principles, niceness, humanity; it no longer matters. he's seen it happen with so many officers before me. and every guy i know can vouch for the officers in army who treat them like fuck simply because they have power over them. normal people, people whom would have been considered nice in any other social context, changed by power.

fuck.

but anyway after coffee and breakfast, we took the requisite stanley park photos (okay, ben took them for me, so he's not in them) just to prove tt i was here.

from the postcard photo...



to proof of me at said location...



to me and diana at said location... (this was funny. ben kept ordering more and more people into the photos)



to ben's korean friend (okay. i admit, i can't rem his name), me and diana at said location.



and after tt it was the highlight of the day - leaving stanley park for lunch at banana leaf!

the FIRST TIME i'd be eating singaporean food in vancouver!!!

OMG. eating singaporean food for the first time is a near-orgasmic experience. we ordered roti canai (prata, but fine, i'll call it canai here), hokkien mee, char kuay teow, singapore laksa and nasi lemak. they were so much more fucking expensive than in singapore, but the moment i had my first taste of authentic prata i missed home so much i was telling ben we should just cancel our trip plan to mexico and take the first plane back to singapore!

omg omg omg. i can't believe i miss singaporean food so much. please. no more pasta and burgers and fries. i want spicy food! chilli! fucking authentic chaqr kuay teow! laksa and curry mee... prata kosong and egg!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

oh. and we ordered teh peng also (fucking $3.50 though) coz we waaaanted tea with condensed milk... and and and pulot hitam also...

fuck. CAD $20 for singapore food. but have to lah. i will DIE without it.

and we spent almost another 2 hours expousing the virtues of singaporean food to each other and to ben's korean friend. as well as um, car prices, property prices, standard of living in singapore, customs etc etc etc...

yar. and after tt, they drove me and diana back to totem.

yay. love today . simple pleasures... but love it man. :)

"could you whisper in my ear
the things you wanna feel
i'd give anything
to feel it comin'"

late night 1.30am. 2 episodes of scrubs and 1 more episode of grey's anatomy later. and here i am, blogging. after 1 day of endless pigging out and talking cock.

was supposed to meet ben at the ubc bookstore today. he was going to buy the lonely planet guidebook to mexico and we were going to discuss our plans for our mexican extravanganza for spring break.

anyway, we ended up at starbucks after tt discussing lonely planet over mocha grandes and cinnamon dulce lattes. and christabel joined us too. ben had a class at 11am, but he skipped it - we were there till 11.30am, whereby christabel had to leave to prepare for her 12 pm class.

oh, so we've planned our trip itinerary. at least 10 nights in mexico starting from feb 8 to feb 18 (i bought tickets to watch russell peters on the 19th and there is no fucking way i will miss it). we're going to fly out to mexico city and spend 3 nights there. mexico city is very culturally and historically rich with its museums, monuments, plazas, colonial buildings, monasteries, murals, galleries, historical remnants, archaeological finds, statuary, shrines and religious relics, and its centro historico is definitely worth a look. during one of the days we are also going to take a day trip out to see the aztec civilisation while we're there. from mexico city it will be on to the smaller city of guadajalara 8 hours from mexico city by bus, where we'll be spending another 2 or 3 nights there. it's supposed to be the most "mexican" of all the cities in mexico, so we'll definitely have much to see there, from the handicrafts at the flea markets to the mariachis to the salsa dancing at the clubs by night.

from guadajalara we shall be taking another 5 hours bus to puerto vallarta on the central pacific coast of mexico, where we intend to get to by wednesday so tt we can catch the bullfight scheduled at 4pm. ben calls vallarta uber-batam, and i guess it is. tropical climate, sandy beaches, non-motorised water sports like kayaking, windsurfing, snorkelling etc etc etc free (somebody stop me now!!!!!!!!!), scuba diving available at extra cost, bike tours and horseback excursions up to the mountains available all by day; and by night entertainment and music and latin dancing... we are SO going to be in heaven. add this to the fact tt according to someone, mexican girls are THE HOTTEST in the world. most beautiful, hottest bodies (hour glass figures + curves in all the right places), and apparently, the best personalities... told ben tt he would DEF have a lot to look at. but dammit now i sound like some hum chee guy also. tmd.

so from starbucks, it was on to ben getting his cigarette fix (although he's cut down quite a bit) and then on to travel cuts to inquire about flights down to mexico city and from puerto vallarta. we got a pretty reasonable quote, so we did some rough calculations on how much damage to expect from this trip and how much to bring and what hotels to book over pizza at trek express. the main thing was trying to convince alvin tt a) it was ok to skip 3 days of school (or more); and b) tt it was not too expensive for a once-in-a-lifetime chance to go to mexico.

well. and on the lonely planet book we notice a section marked "dangers and annoyances" near the end of the mexico city section.

and below is what the book had to say on dangers and annoyances in mexico city (taken from the lonely planet website):

"Dangers & Annoyances

Mexico City experienced a big increase in crime after the economic crisis of the mid-1990s. On the whole, though, it's your possessions that are more at risk, particularly those you carry with you.

When going out, leave whatever valuables you don't need for the day in the hotel safe. Most hotels have a safe; if not, it is probably better to lock your valuables in a suitcase in your hotel room than it is to carry them around the streets of Mexico City. Carry only a small amount of cash on you - just enough for the outing you're on. Visible round-the-waist money belts are an invitation to thieves; don't keep valuables such as purses, bags or cameras in open view any longer than you have to. Do not travel alone after dark and don't carry ATM cards or credit cards. A fairly common practice among robbers is to force their hijacked victims to tour the city and withdraw cash from ATMs. Robbers will also hold people past the stroke of midnight in order to withraw the daily limit twice.

Mexico City's metro, buses and peseros (minibuses) are favourite haunts of pickpockets and thieves, particularly when crowded. Avoid crowded cars, where thieves can get close to you without being noticed, but also be wary of near-empty cars. Avoid getting off at Hidalgo station, where pickpockets and bag-snatchers wait for foreigners and follow them onto crowded trains. If you're on a train that's going through Hidalgo, use only the last cars, so that thieves are less likely to spot you.

Robberies are also most likely to occur in places frequented by foreigners. These include central metro stations, the Bosque de Chapultepec, around the Museo Nacional de Antropologia, the Zona Rosa and the area around the US embassy.

When walking, walk with purpose and be alert to those around you. And if you become a robbery victim, don't resist. Give the perpetrator your valuables, which are not worth the risk of injury or death."

NABEH.

so we spent over 2 hours sitting at trek express discussing whether it was worse to get robbed at gun point by a some local punk or to run to a policeman and get robbed by him. scenario: punk #1 sticks a gun at you and takes all your pesos at the plaza. then you go over to the police officer, HE punches you and then takes the rest of your US dollars.

so how like tt? mexico must avoid taxi drivers and policemen. wah lau eh.

so ben started going on about the corruption in the force. he whole life got something against policemen. not tt i blame him lah. but nevermind. anyway we were discussing if we should get a gun while we're in mexico. and we were also discussing how to get around mexico city. take the metro and risk being pickpocketed, or take a cab and risk getting assaulted and robbed. or walk the streets and get robbed at gun point. ben said he would rather get robbed than pickpocketed. at least robbed he has a chance to fight back (assuming the guy doesn't have a gun). if the guy points a knife at him he will punch him and run. but pickpockets only leave you feeling damn bloody stupid, or so he says.

we decided tt we should all dress down and look like poor asians. and we also wondered how the HELL we could sell mexico to alvin considering how unsafe it is.

anyway we had to walk back to law fac for our 2.30pm fundementalism class (it's fundemental concepts of law, but my tutor is this crazy old man who's a fundementalist tt spends most of his time discussing aristotle and strange irrelevant stuff). and he was telling me about how when he went to cambodia, some kid pointed an ak-47 at him and asked for 10 US dollars. i was like: "wtf!!! fucking ak-47 ask for so little money???"

anyway fundementalism never fails to reassure me tt it is a waste of time. sure, it's interesting if i wanna learn about waffly philosophy, but i really haven't the slightest idea where the class is going. ben was falling asleep and i was doodling on my paper. argh. and a lot of the ideas tt the tutor propositions are just so radical/extreme tt you just CANNOT agree with anything he says; def not everything at least.

he ended his class at 3.30pm... and only on time because he had another class after tt. no wait. he WOULD have ended his class at 3.30pm had he not said tt there was no distinguishing difference between 1 time frame and the next, which brought ben to raise the question tt by this, was the tutor meaning tt there was no such thing as cause and effect, tt there was no difference between 1 time period and the next? at first, the tutor scoffed him coz he doesn't intone his english perfectly, but this soon became an interesting discussion tt the tutor seemed bent on winning because he'd realised tt ben was a lot more intellectual than he'd let on (which is a mistake most people tend to make abt him. yeesh.). it actually ended up bordering on religion - ben believed in cause and effect except for what logic could not explain, which he believed to be the existence of a god or a higher being. but for some reason, the tutor refused to delve into the realm of religion, preferring to dismiss it as not being within his area.

but anyway the discussion was left to be continued. ben and i then decided to go over to alvin's place to sell him our mexican extravanganza. diana, who'd thought tt the 2.30pm tutorial was at 3.30pm, joined us at 3.30pm and then we walked together to varnier.

where we stayed from 3.30pm to after 10.30pm.

at first, it was about convincing alvin to skip 3 days of school and tt mexico would be fucking worth going, even with the violent cops and taxi drivers, but it seemed tt it wasn't tt difficult to convince him after all. he seemed damn gian to go. he also wanted to try and convince more people to go with us, but it seems most of the people here just don't even *consider* mexico on their radar.

anyway we had dinner @ 5.30pm at varnier; i had meatballs, pasta and cream of chicken soup. and then while we were one of the earliest to have dinner, we were the latest to leave. we spent over 2 hours discussing singapore politics in the varnier caf till someone had to chase us away close to 7.30pm. thing is coz ben is anti-police; and ben and i both have qualms with the emphasis placed on meritocracy in the system and how it perpetuates the class divide; while diana is idealistic. in the end we decided tt out of the 3 law students, diana's the idealistic one, ben's the cynical one, and i'm the cynical one who wants to do something about it.

anyway alvin was supposed to join the rest of the exchange students for a round of drinks at koerner's pub, and i didn't feel like going, so ben was somehow persuaded to go with alvin instead. except it was all 4 of us who followed alvin back to his room to get changed.

erm. we spent the next 2.5 hours in alvin's room discussing religion. alvin's a catholic, diana's a christian, i'm a lapsed catholic and ben's someone who's searching for a god to believe in. in the end we ended up discussing bible intepretations (which some of us believed were wrong or could have been done better) and doctrines tt could be changed in a way tt would be for the betterment of the world in general. it got pretty heavy at some point, but it was a lot of fun. very intellectually stimulating, tt. and i had fun punching alvin's green beanie man, much to his horror. and somehow the topic ended up veering towards angelina jolie and brad pitt, though i don't know how we got there.

anyway we finally decided to leave close to 11pm. it was fucking cold by this time, so the walk back for diana and i (ben and alvin did go to koerner's pub after tt) was horrible.

c.o.l.d. fucking 4 degrees and coz it had been sunny, i didn't realise it was going to be so cold and i wore less than usual. knn.

but yeah. it was fun. lots and lots of fun talking. and to top it off, fraser was around too. :)