absolutum dominium

well, not exactly like what the title says, because: firstly, tonight is friday, not mambo night wednesday; and secondly, we only went to phuture, not zouk.

but nonetheless...

tonight i finally got the only-been-to-venom (!!!) zouk virgin to break his vow of jiak kim st celibacy. wahaha.

we started off our evening escapade at great world city, where my immense craving for real meat - ribs to be exact, took us to kenny roger's roasters, where we shared a full slab of ribs, 6 chicken wings, and 4 side dishes including macaroni and cheese. yummy. except tt a wayward rib bounced off my plate and sullied the pure white dress i had on tonight. fuck.

fortunately water managed to get part of the... constellation of stains off.

after ben's customary smoke, we headed off to tcc coz the sleepy boy needed coffee. blue mountain coffee to be exact. i ordered the raspberry tea freeze with extra ice.

we then went into phuture really early - before 10pm, to be exact - just so we could get cheaper tickets. $12 for a ticket including 2 free drinks. and since ben didn't want to utilize his coupons, i had 4 free drinks.

so i ordered 4 shots of tequila, the way i used to do.

forgetting tt i hadn't drunk a lot, if at all, since wendy's birthday early july a whole year ago.

we then walked from zouk all the way to the mcdonald's at boat quay, and back again. truth being coz ben and i like walking, me especially. and when it's nighttime and cool, it's perfect to stroll.

only thing is tt the alcohol began to take effect, and i became very very sleepy, felt queasy, and at certain points my vision would blur or my mind would not register what my eyes were telling it. my head would also feel extremely heavy, and i couldn't walk a straight line at certain parts. *sigh* disgraceful.

we shared a 6 pc nuggets at mac's, then walked back. but with all the stumbling delays, we only got back to phuture at 12.45am.

after tt, it was around 50 min of dancing. phuture was as always, packed, but the friday crowd's still more tolerable than the wed night siao geenas. it was still smoky tho, and mr-i-smoke-almost-1-pack-a-day complained tt it was "too smoky" for him and tt they ought to "ban smoking in clubs". hilarious.

but the music wasn't too bad. we just danced, and he was sho cute. so happy, so funny. and still a good dancer - at least one i'd love to dance with again. wahaha. even though i was wearing open toe heels and was getting stepped on like fuck, he still made me real happy.

but we had enough by 1.30am, also because the music could have been better.

so we ended his virgin experience by having him drive me to al-azhar for their yummy nourishing soup kambing and nasi goreng. and of course, milo dinosaur.

and now, usual random ugly photos.



me and ben outside tcc take #1. (fuck my face is damn fat.)



me and ben outside tcc take #2. (now we're both not really looking at the camera.)



pre-tea freeze.



post-tea freeze.

yay! i can def drag nem to more clubbing events later, when he's free. wahaha. ;) but in the meantime, no more clubbing for a month. *sigh*

from left to right: priscilla, daryl, me, mina and farrah.

it is late. the 7th month, and i know you don't believe, because the sky doesn't seem any darker.

but i, irrational creature tt i am, do. yet i am unafraid. unafraid because we are good, and they do not harm the good. and unafraid, because you are here and you are my protector.

1.05am. and it's supper and teh halia over a barrel of laughs and friends in a well-lit place. 2.30am and it's a nice drive through the night over and around well-paved roads.

3.00am and it's up to a high point, a high point over and above the darkness, where the bright lights pave the way into the sky. the place itself is dark; the lamps are numerous but not too bright, and if not for you i might feel slightly perturbed.

but the bright lights and your presence and the reassuring warmth of your hand calms me; calms me and soothes me. suddenly everything seems more beautiful; the black leaves tt are only green by day; the cool wind rustling those leaves in the trees by night; the cold of the gentle breeze; the black brick once red before sun sets; and tt quiet collective peaceful calm.

tt is everywhere and nowhere, when i am with you.

most people who know both of us from law school - and as separate entities - find it very difficult to reconcile tt fact with the fact tt we are together.

obviously height and size disparity aside, ben and i are just... way different. he's the smoker, the ah-beng, the anti-social one; i'm the athlete (former), the catholic girl (so some say), the not-tt-sociable-but-def-much-more-so-than-you-know-who one. he hates authority, he's a rebel, he enjoys creating conflict... and i'm, well, in comparison, i would say tt i am the reasonably guai one.

it's no surprise tt inspite of being in the same faculty for 2 years previously, we never once spoke to each other. it's also no surprise tt, if not for exchange, we would never ever speak to each other, let alone get together.

i mean, firstly, to him he would probably see me as some rich spoilt middle-class brat who doesn't know tt much - especially coz i've succumbed to the hallmark of the establishment. and in my case, i didn't exactly see him as a nice person to begin with. when we first came into ubc, we never made any attempts to contact each other at all. if we did, they were half-hearted. and when i first was formally introduced to him in december 2005 in the library, i didn't think too much of it or him coz he struck me as cold and unfriendly. and didn't help tt he also looked like a drug addict.

in january he was, to my surprise, closer to the 2nd sem exchange students than diana and i were. in particular, alvin who was really one of the pillars of tt group, was incredibly chummy with him. which is undeniably strange coz ben gave me the impression tt no one gets chummy with him. you can tell him everything, but he won't tell you anything about himself.

i was actually surprised tt this anti-social person had msn, or tt he used it. i was even more surprised when he came for my birthday party. he had told me tt "of course he would be there". i couldn't believe it. he didn't seem the type. he also didn't seem the type to open his house to let almost 30 people come in to set up a chinese new year steamboat dinner. basically everything tt would seem a normal thing for people, seemed extraordinarily nice when coming from him.

we only started going out coz we had similar interests. or rather, coz i didn't really care much. we could just explore places spontaneously and unless i was particularly panicked or irritated, i would never make an issue out of anything. so tt was the starting point. coz in terms of conversation, we never did get beyond politics or differing views of crime, punishment and social justice.

i guess it just happened tt over time and over the various activities tt we did, he started to open up to me a bit more. we stopped talking about politics and social justice, and instead about things like schooling past, friends, family, etc. something tt also caused me major surprise. along the way we realised tt we weren't all tt different after all. and even where we did differ in viewpoints, we were able to accept those differences. and i guess i realised tt while he is still an anti-social smoker and ah beng, he is underneath, a person who has strong ideals, and although he refuses to admit it, has a strong sense of justice and loyalty, and can be trusted with your life. in spite of all my past misgivings about his character and trustworthiness, i knew tt as a friend, i could trust him completely.

and i guess he also realised tt i wasn't so bad after all. and tt not all police and future police were jerks.

the turning point came with the 10th april incident. or rather, the 9th/10th april incident. as a friend, i knew tt he was trustworthy, but as someone more than tt, i was very scared. i'd been badly burnt before, and i knew tt he was more than capable of burning people, including me, and i didn't dare to know about tt side of him.

needless to say, tt day was the day where he made his intentions clearer to me. at tt point in time, he was very unsure. he wanted something with me, but he was uncertain of the extent of his feelings for me and whether he could ever trust me. it did not help tt i had a chequered past too.

the next 20 days went by too fast, also because we had exams. the following 27 days away from him filled me with misgivings, which were heightene when we came back. i hade expected him to come to the realisation tt this whole thing with me is a mistake, and to tell me tt we were over. i was so sure.

there were a few near-incidents and a fair bit of pain on my part. but later he told me tt he had not made a mistake in canada. and after my whole incident with my parents tt resulted in a lot of turmoil and pain...

tt was when he finally became certain of his feelings for me. tt was when he offered me shelter, protection, support and finally, in a roundabout way, he offered me love.

"you know tt i love you, don't you?"

since then, things have been as they have been. we feel like we've been together forever, even though it hasn't been all tt long. we cannot get enough of each other, be it seeing, or touching, or hugging, or holding, or kissing. and no matter how much time we spend with each other, it is never enough.

i don't think it will ever be enough until you are the last thing i see when i close my eyes at night and the first thing i see when i open them in the morning.

had lunch with subhas. gone to the office instead of court in the morning coz i had to settle quite a fair bit of work. i still have quite a fair bit to settle, still. but lunch was decent. this japanese restaurant at the basement of my workplace. unagidon set. also had coffee after lunch (milo for me) and kaya toast. yummy but heavy.

mina and i went back to the high court after lunch for the murder trial tt we're sitting in on. today they were cross-examining the pathologist. talk about damning evidence. i found out how different blows from a claw hammer depending on whether the base or claw is used, the amount of force used, the angle of the blow as a result of where the assailant was standing, or even the position of the victim's body, could all be determined from the nature of th injuries.

which were pretty fucking severe. skull fractures were the order of the day. facial fractures - i.e. chunks of bone being ripped right out off the face - were also recurring; and in the probable fatal blow brain matter was oozing out of the cranial cavity post-blow.

whoopee.

and the pathologist is admirable. he speaks so eloquently. the only time you can actually think of such wounds as romantic... is when he uses phrases such as "a constellation of injuries."

after court ended for the evening, i met ben at raffles city. we had an early dinner @ din tai fung - my first time there ever - where i tried the xiao long bao and hot and sour soup. then we walked over to marina square to get tickets for the 7.30pm movie - nacho libre.

with 1 hour to spare before the movie, we decided tt tt was ample time for ben to pop by chapter 2 to get his hair cut. the male stylist spent an impeccably long time on his hair, trying to ensure tt all was in good order. he was such a perfectionist and he treated ben's hair as his masterpiece.

except tt post-haircut, while ben still looks as cute as ever... he now looks like a singapore idol wannabe.

and younger than me. i have a feeling tt the bouncers at zouk are going to check his id when we go clubbing. wahaha.

nacho libre was fucking stupid. but fucking funny. actually i wanted to watch it mainly coz the movie was set in mexico, and i miss tt place a lot.

after tt, i was hungry so i dragged ben to kenny roger's so i could eat the macaroni and cheese.

and then he sent me home.

i realise tt we don't really care about so-called standards of decency. we kiss everywhere. wahahahaha.

today at the soup spoon:

"yeah, i love tako pachi man. they're my favourite."
"haha. me too. i just had some at tampines mall a couple of weeks ago. but the ones there aren't too good. they're kinda soggy and they put too much flour."
"oh. you live around tampines?"
"no, no. i just happened to be driving around. erm, correction. i just happened to be driven around. i get driven around a lot."

because of the friction with my mother last night - which, due to a miscommunication earlier in the day, resulted in him witnessing over the phone what a fit of 'reckless abandonment' was - this morning didn't start off too good. there was the perennial in-the-car lecture, which coupled with a major sinus problem from all day from the moment i woke up, didn't make for a good start. and then at the court i had 2 separate encounters with 2 rude people who thought they could throw their weight around just coz i didn't look like a lawyer or a police officer.

(not yet.)

today was my first murder trial. actually, it also marked my first-ever hearing. but as with all trials, the formalities is the most boring. the morning started out slow, and i had to leave just when it started to get exciting. we all had lunch at the soup spoon, all 8 of us interns. i don't like the soup spoon. compared to canada and the US, the soups aren't tt fantastic, not for the price you pay. my clam chowder was too thick and obviously starchy - not just coz of the potatoes -, a little too sweet and not salty enough for my liking. on my own, i wouldn't go there. but it wasn't my choice.

hey, at least we got yummy ben'n'jerry's ice-cream for dessert. i chose coffee over phish food coz the giant chocolate chunks in the ice-cream looked far too good to resist. and the sugar high leaves me happier for a longer time.

mina and i went back to the office to help our mentor settle some of the stuff he wanted us to do. got to sit in for a meeting, but ended up leaving the office at 7pm coz i had to search for some stuff urgently online and we ended up going on a wild goose chase coz most of the original info we had been starting out on was incorrect in the first place. nnbccb.

and then it was waiting outside rp for his car to show. waiting waiting waiting. i don't think i can ever get used to someone other than my dad picking me up and driving me around. it just feels so weird. but it's a very nice feeling tt i can get used to. i love the fact tt we have a car sometimes. i don't desperately need him to have one, but it's nice to be able to go wherever whenever, to just drive around all over singapore as far as changi or woodlands or tuas, and to just do anything you want in the car. like kiss, without people staring at you with their silent accusatory glares.

you can get an adrenalin high from a number of things; he is one of them for me. when i see him, my day just seems so much brighter. it's like being in a black-and-white film and seeing things in colour for the first time. not tt black-and-white is worse because it has its own rustic charm, but colour just adds another whole dimension and complexity and dare i say it?... beauty to the whole equation.

he drives me to alexandra food village for fish head hor fun. yummy. even when we kiss at traffic lights, we get horned at even though we keep an eye out on the colour... just coz we are kissing. i conclude tt the people in the cars behind are probably jealous coz: a) they are alone; or b) they have been married for several years.

but i digress. the hor fun was damn delicious. :) i like fish head hor fun. and har cheong gai. crunchy and tasty and oily and sinful, but who cares?

and then he drives me around for a while more before sending me back, and we talk as he drives. tonight i tell him tt one of the things tt surprises me the most, is tt he loves me.

because i never believed tt he would.

he was surprised. he asked me how i could be a person who enters a relationship when the other party does not love me.

i laughed.

i am not rational. or rather, i am not strong enough to be rational. i believe in taking chances. i believe in loving someone, even if tt person might not love me, in the faint hope tt maybe, just maybe, someday he will.

and in this case, he did.

he makes me so happy. i really do mean it - and tt amazes me - when i say tt there is no one i would like to spend all my time with, more.

the most difficult thing i do every night, is open the car door and walk away from him.

the greatest consolation for tt is: tt i don't have too long before i see him again. *muakz*

in the fact of violent opposition from my mother, we meet for dinner. he comes to fetch me for dinner at choa chu kang. i order the beef noodles, but i spend more time stealing from his orh luak.

after tt, we watch 'the break-up', and because he's tired, he goes to sleep for a while.

i'm supposed to wake him up when i need to leave, so i walk in to find him. he murmurs quiet protests, but i know tt he's not going to wake. i stroke his hair and pre-empt his bargain by granting him 15 more minutes of rest time.

i move to leave, but he entreats, "stay with me."

and so, i do.

who ever eats chilli crab for supper?

when i told my dad tt we - tt being me; diana; and the bf aka the raccoon, the sick dog, the self-proclaimed salmon, and also 'benny bunny bloopy boy' (so says wanyi) - were going to have chilli crab for *supper*, he told me i must be mad.

but anyway to cut a long introduction short, my day only began proper yesterday evening. had a light dinner of steamed promfet and white carrot soup with the parents at home, then came out (of my front door) to get picked up by my part-time chauffeur (but no offence, you know how appreciative i am tt you have a car on weekends. yay!) to go grab diana from her home.

but because we'd both (we being me and salmon) just eaten dinner, we decided tt maybe we should do something else before eating tt chilli crab. so we stopped by cineleisure to catch a movie - preferably the 10.00pm movie. the only reasonably watchable movie they had left around 10.00pm was this french movie starring monica bellucci entitled 'how much do you love me?', which i presume only had some seats left coz it was R21, so all the legitimate siao geenas couldn't get tickets for it. wahaha.

anyway tt movie is touted on the posters as being monica bellucci's sexiest outing since 'irreversible'. i've never seen irreversible, but after watching the movie, i can definitely say tt it is damn sexy. actually, she is damn sexy. she plays this hooker who agrees to live with this normal working-class guy coz he tells her tt he struck the lottery and he'll pay her a lot of money to live with him. and then along the way and all the pretences (including the really noisy pretend orgasms), she starts to fall in love with him.

the movie is really worth watching, imho. a bit strange to watch this type of movie with your bf and diana at the same time, but with tt being said, it is funny, quirky and has an interesting plot line. ooh, and a lot of sex scenes. you get to see quite a few breasts, or at least monica bellucci's. and she is not only very beautiful (she is! she is! she's got this sexy classy full-bodied look. like a really elegant woman... whom you'd die to fuck or receive a blowjob from (very ample lips), if you were a guy), but she also has damn big breasts. she's not thin, but it's the breasts lah. once you see the breasts you don't really care about the rest of her figure liao. wahaha. okay i sound lesbo here (but you know i'm not, right?).

and among other things, this movie also shows you that it is practically very possible to fuck in the driver's seat of a very small car - woman on top.

after the movie, we stopped by tcc to have coffee... salmon had the blue mountain, diana had the green apple twist, and i tried the mocha villa. along with the chocolate mousse.

photo time!



me and diana.



me and the salmon. nb. coz we were sitting at the tables at the entrance, naturally my people-watching instincts took over. but the salmon hates it when i look at cute tanned guys with muscular arms. so to show his disapproval, besides hurling the ketchup bottles at me, he also intentionally knocked his head into mine during this shot, knowing tt his head is fucking hard.

nb.

but i still love you lah.

besides, salmon boy was feeling restless. before his coffee came around he couldn't stop rocking in the egg-shaped car.



so this is him trying to rock himself out of focus. hee hee.

and then after tt, we headed over to the no signboard seafood restaurant at kallang for our chilli crab supper. only thing was tt by the time we'd got there, it was 12.30am and the restaurant closed at 12.00am, so we detoured to the branch at geylang, which closed at 2.

so we did get to eat our chilli crabs after all.



this is our chilli crab. it came with bread and this plate of mee goreng tt i ordered. yummy.



and this is me and diana.



and me and the salmon. *muakz*

the crab was really good. the meat was really tender and the gravy thick and sweet. i much prefer pioneer's gravy though, but i can't complain coz pioneer isn't 24 hours and way more out of the way at tuas (although we should go there another weekend if ben has the car again, because it is worth it).

and after tt the salmon decided to get himself smoked... *cough*... i mean, the salmon wanted to smoke...

so i attempted to take another smoking photo.



but i think the salmon's getting smarter and smarter. nb. damn blur this shot.

thank god he smokes so much. at least i have no lack of opportunities. muahaha.

after supper when diana was happily satisfied and starting to believe tt her heaven would be a place where there would be crabs running around all over the place for her to catch and cook... we sent her home. via the long way coz i kept not reminding the salmon when to turn, thus resulting in a few detours and (legal) u-turns.

we drove around a little more after tt, to make up for the *cough* kiss deficit accumulated over the past day or 2 (note to self: try not to accumulate kiss deficits too often. they usually lead to strange encounters later). i got home just before 4.00am... and after my father had called me to check if i'd been abducted and murdered or something like tt. wahaha.

and today for lunch, after church the family had thosai for lunch.



thosai with masala chicken, curried mutton and squid, bryani, and lassi.

now just waiting for evening to come. wahaha. i love my slightly decadent life.

the only thing tt will make it more decadent now is clubbing and drinking *hint hint*.

...
heart thumping
pulse racing
pound the asphalt
lost in your own little world
music separating you from reality
subtle rhythmic beats to compliment
the sweet scented air
and the slight breeze thru the trees
as you push yourself beyond
the ordinary
and it hurts
your thighs and calves plead you to stop
stretching like rubber bands almost through breaking point
and your chest constricts
too tight for your laboured lungs
and your stomach churns and sends signals
of sharp piercing pain of hunger to your brain
pain sharpens your senses
like a jolt of electricity
your nostrils flare in defiance
as your body and your mind battle it out
while the sun and trees sway in stillness
half mocking, half cheering
you do it for the adrenaline pumping through your blood
the heightened senses
the warm afterglow
and you do it all for tt moment at the end
that runner's high
...

it's been a fucking long time since i last ran.

in my current state, i cannot last 10, let alone 21.
when my attachment is over, it's time to stop fucking around and start getting serious again.

...this is my mentor.

friday marks the end of the 3rd quarter of my internship to the law firm...

still working on tt damn paper. brought my laptop to the office but the keyboard was spoilt (KNNCCB) so i was forced to revert to the old relic of a desktop with the faulty mouse and the incredibly slow response time. (KNNCCB x 2) *sigh*

no one seems to have much inclination to do any work on fridays. fridays are the days where some people dress down and more people - including yours truly - decide to leave early. muahaha. but this was mainly due to the fact tt if i stayed any longer, i would punch the computer screen. i have a tendency to get violent with technological tools.

but the other interns were hanging around the lib today for a bit, and we got to go out to this really packed bak chor mee place on the other side of far east square for a nice long lunch - made long coz we spent almost an hour sitting at coffee bean just talking cock.

i changed out of the penguin attire to go look for ben in the evening. we were supposed to go with sam to support wanyi at this fashion show case she'd be modelling for at zouk. we had dinner at country manna at great world city - and i thought the outlets had all closed down already. ben had the smoked house ribs while i had the classic lasagne. and the country-style chicken soup. except tt everything's been microwaved now, so it's not tt good anymore. and the soup's pastry was soggy and oily, and no longer crispy. what a shame.

following tt, we went to tcc for coffee and dessert respectively - ben only orders blue mountain coffee. i ordered the tiramisu for a change. and then sam messaged tt she was at copthorne grand early, so we went to meet her to go over to zouk - this was ben's first time at zouk. imagine tt. wahaha.

so even though he was really sleepy, he was somewhat excited by the 'strange sights and sounds' of zouk and phuture. he didn't like zouk but he said tt phuture looked cool. must have been the blinking lights above the dance floor. heehee.

and wanyi said tt she was going to look like a layered cake, but when she came out she looked really pretty and sweet in a dress tt really fit her well... ;) and wardrobe 2 seems to show tt 1 short guy can come up with better designs than 6 designers. *shrug*

after zouk, i joined ben for a night of poker playing at some friend-of-a-friend's house. we stayed till 4.30am, although i didn't play. left coz ben had gone from really up to really down, and i literally crashed in the car.

i woke up at 3pm today. suffice to say, my mom wasn't too happy about tt. :D

anyway i didn't whip out my camera much yesterday, but these are the evening shots of me and ben at great world city:



me at country manna restaurant.



ben at country manna restaurant, looking sian tt i am taking his photo.



ben at tcc, looking very sian again. sleepy lah.



me with my tiramisu.



ok ben took 2 photos, so here is the second one.



and the both of us together... it's a bit koyak coz ben was holding his cigarette at the same time.

note: everything i and ben walk around, people always stare at the both of us. i asked sam why because i wanted to know if something looked wrong with us.

she said it was coz of the obvious height disparity. *scratch head*

well, at least according to her, it's a nice height for me to lean into his chest.

tt i have to agree with. and ben should know, right? ;)

So says Tay Yong Kwang J in his judgement:

"This truly is a sad riddle
How could one savagely strangle
And so unfeelingly mangle
The woman one had just cuddled?"

(taken from Public Prosecutor v Leong Siew Chor [2006] SGHC 81.)

Case is going into appeal in Sept. I've been invited to watch. :)

just lying with you, and having my arms wrapped around you... is the most comfortable feeling in this world, at this point in time. there just isn't anywhere else tt i would rather be.

love is like a strange state of euphoria, and you are my drug. i don't need any other stimulant coz nothing triggers my dopamine levels like you. even though practically speaking, it is always possible to live without someone tt you figuratively say you cannot live without, i finally understand why it is tt at this point in time, life without you would be like... flatscanning, in comparison.

today we did more office work - or rather research for tt paper we're working on. got side-tracked to pull up some hansards, and boy was tt almost a veritable nightmare in itself going thru year afer year of parliamentary debates. but at least what had to be settled was settled.

lunch was a swiss bacon crispy chicken burger from carl's jrs, along with the criss-cut fries and iced lemon tea. dinner was a... cheaper affair - yummy hokkien mee, teh peng (how can you ever get enough?) and chendol (no red beans) from bb central.

interestingly, he pissed off this middle-aged mercedes benz driver, who after overtaking us, decided to guai lan us by stopping his car periodically just in front of ours and by driving really slow. and then after we overtook the bastard he followed us all the way until he couldn't anymore. mad people. old rich man driving merc... and he behaves like some stupid petulant 5-year-old. seriously disgraceful. wahaha.

and we got to watch a bit of singapore idol - my first time watching it, but for the most part it was just time spent together. :) and thus my day completes itself. *muakz*

case's plea-in-mitigation is this thurs. went down to the scene to watch the interviewing of some witnesses; charge was amended yesterday morning coz the so-called victim decided tt after seeing my mentor, his chance of winning the fight was considerably reduced. oh well.

but point to note is tt our client - and the victim - were given the wrong information coz 1 IO didn't do his job and 1 lawyer didn't do his job either. so you got a case where there is provocation - but coz the IO doesn't interview the other 'witnesses' who were involved at the scene of the 'crime' and therefore has no way of accounting for our client's sustained injuries; the results of his medical tt were finally released yesterday morning came as a mighty shock and a major blow to the case. the results tt, had the client's previous lawyer actually done his job properly and had had them collected much earlier, as well as properly advised our client's of his rights other than telling him to just plead guilty to a charge of s 325 of the code which carries a max sentence of 7 years jail and the possibility of caning.

i mean like, what the fuck? if this guy is some truly evil bastard tt deserves it then all hail the law. but he isn't. once you get to find out the circumstances of the case - and backed by medical evidence i might add, you realise tt there are so many factors tt were complacently ignored by people who were too 'confident' of their positions and the kind of work tt they'd been doing to actually realise tt different cases might have different fact patterns.

you're dealing with people. not fucking case files. everything tt you do, every mistake tt you make, is the difference between someone going to jail and someone walking free. everything tt you do is the pivotal point tt decides whether justice is actually meted out. i don't think there is anything inherently wrong with the force, but i believe tt it is the complacent who give it a very bad name. it's not just about keeping order and upholding the law - you have to know the reasons and objectives behind tt. if in the name of 'law and order', you send an innocent to jail, or you punish - or allow to be punished - a man far beyond what he is culpable of, then what kind of officer of the law are you?

so now they're doing the research for thurs, and i'm still working on tt paper. information in singapore is relatively hard to come by, and it's sad tt the procedural aspect of the legal system is such tt it's hard to prove anything other than guilt. sometimes some facts might be dubious, but it's not as easy to tell coz the court accepts almost any 122(6) statement so long as police officers can corroborate tt there was neither inducement, threat nor promise. which can sometimes be disturbing.

i guess i am still too idealistic. in wanting to do... well, what is right. in wanting to help people. big words for someone who hasn't even started working, who in the words of my parents - hasn't even seen the real world yet. all i have had are snippets from this side and the other; and both might be right and both might be noble. yet the procedural bindings of one side, and the weakened battle against those bindings by another... sometimes may be disheartening.

but still we fight on. coz things can and will change in time. some events might need to occur before these changes can take place; some instability might have to happen, some chaos might have to ensue, and most of all, some people might have to change their entire tired mindsets, tt the ways of the old are no longer applicable in this day and age. but already there is progress; if not at the legislative level, then at least at the intepretive level. and tt gives us a reason to keep believing.

and my days might be tiring and draining and boring all at once or even intermittently, but my nights are happy. coz i have you. and whether it's bouncing ideas of you, arguing or discussing subjects such as the situation in lebanon or the legal system or the justice system in singapore, whether it's just eating or driving around or just being with you, or whether it's hearing your heart beat under my ear... i just can't get close enough to you.

his car is making me very spoilt. i haven't taken the bus in a while. every night he drives by to fetch me, and we just drive all around singapore. last night we found ourselves in lim chu kang, among other superbly ulu places.

tonight we had xo fish head bee hoon at holland v, tcc dark devotion and hot chocolate at millenia walk, and plain and egg prata and milo dinosaur at al-azhar at bukit timah. plus a whole lot of driving in between.

photo time!

the proletariat.



his little bourgeoisie.



itchy eyebrows.



and 2.



*muakz*

tonight we were discussing marriage, a subject tt was troubling me. what with the high divorce rates and all, i was wondering what it is about marriages, tt it seems like so many in singapore don't seem to work out.

why do so many people take each other for granted? why don't we seem to have this culture of wanting to work things out? at the slightest, we just want to leave. and why is it tt so many men... just seem to have problems remaining monogamous? how do some men get married... and still continue playing around less than a month into the marriage itself?

i mean, how can you believe tt you can get away with anything and not have your wife leave you?

he thinks tt the government is partially responsible for this. people get married for various reasons. some to buy hdb flats, some to get away from their parents, and some, because the government has painted the ideal portrait of the family as a perfect panacea for the emptiness of life.

i prefer to think tt people aren't tt stupid.

even though looking at the way things are, sometimes it seems tt way.

i for one, fear. marriage isn't the cure-all end-all, and unlike what my parents' generation might think, a failed marriage isn't the end of the world. but it is unnecessarily messy, draining and painful, and i would much prefer not to have to go through something like tt.

i fear tt having to spend a prolonged amount of time with one person; living together, growing old, having to put up with each other's nuances and idiosyncracies; the fatigue will set in. when you start taking each other for granted and the external pressures of work and forging ahead in each other's own career, meeting other people and getting tempted and swayed by the promises of money, power and desire; many things have and can drive a stake into the heart of a union tt is more than just an institution, but a promise originally forged from love.

kids will add to the joys of marriage, but to expect children to save a marriage is an unrealistic and selfish proposal. i want kids, yes, and i necessarily expect myself to make sacrifices and to devote my time to taking care of them. i might be an on-the-go person who likes going out and doing stuff now, but when i settle down, i know tt i will settle down and devote my time to the things tt will matter to me when the time comes - my family.

tt is why i fear tt if the effort is single-sided, it might be for naught.

there is just so much unrealism, too much selfishness, tt can poison something tt might start off beautiful.

once again it is far too early to tell, but if i do start something with you, i want it to be beautiful from the beginning, all the way till the day we die.

my parents have been discussing downgrading to a smaller place. i am very in favour of this, coz i think where we currently stay is madness. and in any case as i am no longer home as much as i used to be once, and my parents can finally take the opportunity to go travel and do whatever it is tt they have always wanted to, it can't be all tt bad. seriously.

reminds me of one of the chapters in my psychology course; where it said tt the 2 happiest stages in a person's married life was just before he or she has a child, and after his or her child has flown the nest egg, and he or she is free to do whatever it is tt he or she wants.

i guess my parents are finally coming to terms with the fact tt i'm not going to be here with them forever anymore, and it is a sad fact, and i suppose on one hand i am a little guilty tt i had to be the one bringing them tt realisation in so hard a way, but on the other hand, i am glad tt the realisation has finally come around.

interestingly, i was reminded of this episode of grey's anatomy, where this woman was admitted for a relapse - she had cancer of the brain. but against the doctors' better wishes, she kept refusing surgery or treatment, because she wanted to travel the world with her husband. later, she told them tt contracting cancer was the best thing tt had ever happened to her. for over 20 years of her married life, she'd been invisible to her husband. all he'd been concerned with was his work; they barely talked, they barely interacted; they didn't even have sex anymore. and it was only until she found out tt she had cancer and tt she was going to die, tt he started seeing her, and started treasuring her again.

and to be honest, i know this is a bit too early to say, but sometimes i worry tt this is how it's going to be for me. i think it's really sad to have to live a half-life or a half-marriage until something really bad has to happen. how late is too late, before you start appreciating what you already have?

one thing i am really happy about my parents for, is how they do appreciate each other. and though they still bicker and my mom still says the things tt she used to abt my dad, she's doing it less and you know tt, in the wake of all the rising divorse rates and all tt, they're going to be together until the end of their lives.

:)

anyway i was speaking to my dad today, was telling him about how i might be getting a bit more disillusioned with what i might be doing in future. so i'm not in the force yet and i don't really know all too much about it, but one of the reasons why i signed, was because i thought tt this was the best way to help the most number of people. it's not my only reason, but it's compelling. and now seeing the other side i'm beginning to wonder, after all the pushes for changes in the law to take into account extenuating circumstances, to fight for the rights of the marginalised; whether i might have chosen the wrong side after all.

i know i'm being too idealistic tho. at least, tt's what i said to my dad. he said tt i wasn't. he said tt i was being reasonable, but it's just tt i think differently from the rest of the working class. they're more pragmatic.

baybeats 2006! missed the fri showcase coz i was watching italian opera. nonetheless, sunday night we gotta go... concave scream, electrico and lunarin are performing.

speaking of which, i just realise tt the drummer of lunarin is a lawyer in the firm where i am interning. imagine tt. so now when i saw him looking really tired in court the other day, it wasn't coz he'd not been getting enough sleep from the world cup, but prob becoz he'd been practising with his band. interesting.

and my dad says tt he's good-looking too. bwahaha.

work's been great thus far. ungodly waking hours aside (anything before 9am is ungodly to me), all's been going good. my motivation to work has kind of waned in the past few days; i've spent more time indulging in gossip with my now partner-in-crime at the library, with pockets of listening to stories from my mentor, and the occasional client meeting, representation-to-write, and laws to research on. and going for lunch with my mentor and friends means being severely stuffed with food. even though the tea house dim sum at china square is really yummy.

yesterday evening i met my baby for coffee, warm chocolate cake, and 'pirates of the carribean' at 10pm. the movie's not fantastic, but mr. depp singlehandedly saves the show. he is brilliant as jack sparrow. following tt, we had a supper of beef noodles for me and fish porridge for him at newton circus.

today i got off work late coz at 5.25pm, an associate came in with some laws for us to research and we had to present the relevant statutes and hansards before we left. so although ben drove down to raffles place to come find me, i was nonetheless more than half an hour late in meeting diana. we had dinner at thai express in marina square; her pad thai came a lot earlier than my tom yam noodle soup and ben's beef noodle broth.

the dessert of red ruby with coconut ice-cream was pretty nice, but i prefer the dessert with coconut milk and lots and lots of shaved ice.

after dinner, ben and i went to catch 'the marriage of figaro', mozart's opera sung in italian by a completely asian cast. this was my first ever opera. ben appreciates operas; unfortunately i couldn't stay awake in act 1. but i have to admit, the opera was very good. the orchestra was tirelessly amazing and the actors not only sang well, but had good comic timing. the only gripe i had was tt they took sooooooo long to sing 1 song, and the subtitles were so over-simplified tt it made what they were singing seem kind of stupid, so for someone like me i realise tt tt is not a good thing.

because operas are almost twice as long as a normal play or musical. every act takes almost an hour to go through, even if there is not much plot development in tt act. the whole opera took almost 4 hours to go through. nonetheless, it was quite funny, and i was impressed by the amount of effort put into bringing this production on-stage. the sets too, were so picturesque.

after figaro got married, we went to glutton's bay for a supper of hokkien mee. and guess what? i met samuel there! so we spoke fo a while, and then after tt ben and i left to get the car, top up petrol, and then head back down to east coast park to watch the waves of the sea and just enjoy each other's company.

coz ben was craving meat, we had some meat at the 24-hour mac's. then he sent me home and i crashed out in the car. i reached home around 3.30am.

and so here i am. munching on mcnuggets and fighting off the compulsion to zzz. wahaha.

That is what they and the ST will have you believe.

"Singaporeans will lose confidence in the Government if it does not rebut distorted views expressed in the mainstream media, said Minister for Information, Communications and the Arts Lee Boon Yang."

Oh no! Singaporeans... are such fickle-minded people. Tell us one thing, anything, in our highly untrustworthy and unreliable mainstream media, and we will always believe it, such that any 'distortion of truth' made by anyone, even a humourous blogger, 'will make it more difficult for the Government to rally Singaporeans for national objectives'.

"'We understand that there will be certain elements of humour, sarcasm and cynicism expressed on the Internet and we just let it be. It is not our intention to chase after every single posting,' he added.

But the crux of the matter is that Mr Lee's comments were carried in the mainstream media, which the Government expects to be responsible, accurate and objective in its reporting."

You mean 'non-partisan'? Aka 'does criticise any government policy', even though the government does not equate Singapore and that in any other country but ours, bringing faulty government policies to the eyes of the people is a sign of patriotism and caring for the nation's well-being.

"'They must adopt the model that they're part of the nation- building effort rather than going out and purveying views that will mislead people, confuse people, which will in fact undermine our national strategy,' said Dr Lee."

You mean the 'PAP-building' effort, that after having taken a beating at the Elections this year, must be strengthened, especially in light of - yes, we all of the powers of predictability - the upcoming bus fare hikes and erm... whatever else hikes tt can possibly occur after election that has not already been mentioned? GST, for example?

Yep, we are so easily misled and confused.

yay! finally settled the registration of my modules this morning. now i just gotta wait till sat to get the results. :)

anyway yepz, travelled back to law fac at kent ridge early in the morning to register for my final year subjects. took 1 whole day off work to do tt. little did i know tt i wouldn't be taking more than 5 minutes. sigh.

but it wasn't a wasted experience. got to meet more of the law sch people, esp the people back frm exchange like yunsong, and of course, diana and my sick dog, who said tt the crawl up kent ridge from the bus stop damn near killed him. aw. *pat pat*

we had breakfast along with guojian at fong seng - prata, what else? and then i and my sick dog decided tt we needed to go somewhere where he could rest. ended up watching dvds all afternoon - finally managed to catch 'city of god', which was a brilliant albeit very disturbing movie; and 'camp', which was uh... well... interesting...

we also got a late lunch of fried chicken nasi bryani - me coz i had the munchies, and he coz he hadn't eaten all day, even though he kept mistakenly asserting tt he wasn't hungry. right.

i went down to city hall to meet my cousins jo and dee for dinner. finally, the 3 musketeers reunite! wahaha. it was also a sort of birthday celebration from me to dee; we had dinner at this place called ichiban boshi at the esplanade, tt i've never been to before.

meet jo.



jo likes to do this.

dee and me. *muakz*



my chawanmushi. heehee.



it actually tastes quite yummy.

and for dessert - my treat - we went to haagen daz...



for chocolate fondue.

me and chocolate fondue.



it was fucking expensive, but it had a lot more stuff than max brenner's. and so much chocolate. and they had little ice-cream balls, tt the moment you dipped into the chocolate, the chocolate would freeze and harden into a coating.

tt was fantastic to suck and bite into.



this apparently, looks almost obscene. muahaha.

anyway we did quite a lot of catching up over the evening, and of course...

what's a reunion without the lurrrve?

*muakz*



haha. jo's mostly missing, i look mad and dee looks pervy. this is an almost normal three musketeers event. ;)

dee and the cow i got for her!



yar, the cow's damn cute. heehee.

jo, dee and said cow. (yes, you finally get to see what she looks like - jo, not the cow.!)



and me and jo. yay!



and to bring things back to a semblence of normalcy, let's have a toast to tt!



cheers!

You Are 8: The Challenger

You're brave, impulsive, and gutsy - loving challenges. You act first and think later. And you're not afraid to speak up. You are confident, so much so that you can be a bit bossy at times. Whether people like it or not, you always stand up for yourself.

You Are An Elm Tree

You are easygoing and a pleasure to be around. Good looking, you have a pleasant shape and tasteful clothes. You demand little in others, but you tend not to forgive their mistakes. Dominant, you like to lead and enjoy making decisions for others. Overall, you are cheerful, honest, noble, generous, and funny.

the firm started officially at 12pm today, but i went in early coz i'd gone to court at 9am. i enjoy going to court, like any other new excitable young thing. and after tt i'd to help research on the case for the partner, and tt plus a really fucked up printer, kept me busy for most of the day.

tt being said, i love work. i love work at this firm. the more work they give me, the happier i am. i'm excited tt i'll be researching for this paper. i'm excited tt my mentor takes the trouble to come into the library just to tell me what he wants me to do.

i did however, miss my baby. who was still a sick dog. so sick, tt none of my messages were replied. and then later sick dog can still complain tt when he message me, *i* never reply. nb. *sticks tongue out*

but tt being said... *muakz* still love you. (i'm mushy coz he's sick, ok?)

after work and running around tying up some loose ends, made my way down to his area for dinner. intended to get soup for him but he'd already come out of his house, so we had mee hoon kuay (sick man's sustenance) for him, who was trudging along like an 85 year-old, and laksa and red ruby dessert for me, who clearly wasn't. bwahaha.

and then i sent him home and came home.

read the online newspapers, and i am... disturbed. interestingly, they actually reported the silent protest in support of mb. and better than tt, even though in the article itself, it was reported tt the police made no move to disperse the protestors or interfere in anyway, the headlines nonetheless read: 'cops looking into gathering in support of mr brown'.

is tt a threat or is tt a threat?

let's face it. the climate of fear is diminishing.

when you know you've done no wrong, when you know you fight for justice, for what is right in this world, you have no fear. and rightly so.

it seems tt in the usual light of the pap 'light touch' mechanism, vivian balakrisnan has to come out to do what the ruling party does 2nd-best - damage control (or is tt 3rd best?) - by using his name and position to smooth the feathers tt tt coteck in his ministry ruffled.

obviously though, no matter what he says, he knows as well as the rest of us tt no one is buying anything anymore. you can tell someone not to appeal to emotions, but then again isn't what emotions what any politician, including urselves, appeal to all the time? isn't tt how the st usually angles its articles to get its readers to think a certain way? and in this case... is it mb's fault tt the issues tt he talks about happens to affect *him* and his family and his friends... on a very emotional level as well?

i mean, not everyone can afford to have $1.5 million dollar salaries and never have to worry about taking cabs or paying for electricity you know.

secondly, obviously not everyone can offer solutions all the time. i mean, mb is just an ordinary guy on the street. he sees all these problems, but he can't have the means to solve them. i mean, isn't tt why we're paying all our ministers $1 million and above a year to do? solve the problems tt we bring up? and even if you can't, it's not like people like the wp didn't ever raise solutions before. you just happened to shoot them all down.

the role of the media and any self-respecting journalist - no, make tt any self-respecting citizen - is to look out for any problems tt might trouble him, his fellow neighbours, and his country, and highlight them to the caretakers - the so-called government - in hopes tt these problems will be looked at and resolved. if this non-self-interested patriotic discourse is considered 'partisan' just because it is not pro-government, then what does tt say abt the govn?

i hadn't really been following the papers till i heard abt mr brown being personally attacked by tt k bhavani person (i still say: "shame on you! using ur position of dominance and power and hiding behind your fancy title to attack someone representing the views of the common man on the street"). but tt being said, i think rockson says it much better than i do. hahaha.

and oh, the video below is a nice tribute too..



Link

anyway i came across this massive spread abt 'citizen journalism', and i thought to myself: "finally, the st has decided tt it will do less ball-licking and devote a bit more coverage to the *real* stuff like the blogs tt are up in singapore for the more discerning man on the street to read."

but i realised, i was wrong.

their excuse for 'citizen journalism' is this online portal 'stomp' tt they introduced. it allows people to send in photos and log on forums and it has 'star bloggers' who pen 'columns' for people to read. in my mind, 'stomp' doesn't seem any different from anything tt st has ever done before. i don't see 'citizen journalism' here at all.

coz as cherian george has put it, 'stomp' is editted by the st personnel - media personnel who get to choose what they want to put up and to censor what they don't want to put up. so how is this really reflective of what the man in the street is really reporting?

the way i see it, the st is using 'stomp' as some kind of medium to attract back the so-called 'young and disenfranchised' who have come to realise, particularly through the last election campaign, tt our national newspaper is the prejudiced and partisan one, and for tt reason no longer particularly worth reading.

the way i see it, the st is like the government medium for pacifying the disillusioned young. i mean, they restrict our rights, they keep telling us to fuck off and to shut the fuck up coz they know better, all while knowing tt we know tt our country is going the way of the the rich and the ang moh. the rich are still getting richer. you can be 80 and older and still hold a damn well-paying job so long as you're the right person; else where you're prematurely retired at 45 to make way for the disenchanted youth who despite being armed with our myriad of degrees and dreams, cannot find a fucking job. "household incomes go up while the bottom 1/3's 'wages' go down." tt's how the st reports the widening income gap where the bottom 20% cannot make ends meet, all the while while everything else increases. taxi fares, soon bus fares, electricity and water bills, cigarettes...

and you can't say anything about this apparently, coz some person who calls herself k bhavani says tt it's all coz 'oil prices' have increased. 'oil prices' have been increasing since may. however, it is still possible to get a litre of petrol for $1.15 in canada, and a litre of petrol for $1.91 ringgit in malaysia. which is apprently the competitive market price for oil. so tt being said, why don't *you* justify why singapore oil prices at $1.91 sing dollars a litre, are at least $1.00 over the competitive market price?

the prophecies are coming true. the stupid singaporean voted, even while the others like us knew for certain tt from history, all prices would go up post-elections. the stupid singaporean was so blinded by his progress package handout, tt he didn't stop to think tt he would be paying back 4 times over how much he had received in may, over the course of the next couple of years.

the stupid singaporean will regret, but come the next election, he might forget again. but for the rest of us, we are the worrying ones. we are disenfranchised and disillusioned. we watch and read and listen to the same hellfire and brimstone arguments tt the ruling party puts out through its many disposable mouthpieces over the past 20 years, and we know what exactly is real and what exactly is bullshit. we might be proud to be singaporean, but we might have no love for how our lives are being run, and we might have no qualms about choosing to leave for a place where maybe, we might not have so much security, where maybe we might not have what we consider to be the same creature comforts, but where maybe... we might lead happier, freer lives.

but i digress. the way i see it, the ruling party knows tt citizen journalism is dangerous. it represents the minds of the people, the minds tt can not always be subject to thought control. and tt is why being unable to regulate the internet despite the many threats and rumblings, they hope to manufacture their own version of 'citizen journalism' targeted at the young, hoping tt the youths will be stupid enough to buy into the glamour of the project.

so give it a little colour, get so-called 'celebrity bloggers' - i.e. pretty or well-known but rather vacuous individuals to argue about politically-correct or politically-irrelevant issues to give people the impression tt the st is hip and happening, and tt it is not the sell-out tt it proved to be in may.

well, i got a newsflash for you. the stupid might continue to subscribe to the whole 'citizen journalism' spin tt you put out, but those of us tt knew long ago, know. we're not stupid. we know trash when we see it.

and for me, entertaining tt the st and its attempts are, trash is at the end of the day, still trash.

my poor baby's really sick. *pat pat* i think it must be due to his excess of vices over the past week. *tsk tsk*

i've heard and read tt most smokers are unhappy with the new smoking ban at eating outlets, but so far it hasn't affected him too much coz he doesn't mind sitting at a non-smoking table with me and scooting off midway during meal time to some obscure corner to smoke.

but tt being said i am not surprised tt people are unhappy with the new smoking ban. so maybe smokers make up 20% of the total population, but assuming tt this makes designating only 20% of eating areas towards smoking an adequate measure to pacify them, is stupid.

for one, smokers do not distribute themselves equally over eating places, so there is no guarantee tt smokers will always make up 20% of the crowd at any one time. for another, smokers do not always have friends who are smokers. sure, the bf's got friends who smoke, but he also has friends who don't. i for one, don't smoke. and this is true for most smokers. so in such cases, how on earth do you expect us to find sufficient smoking tables?

sure. i don't like 2nd hand smoke and all tt. sometimes it irritates my eyes. but as long as your smoking counterpart is considerate of your situation and tries not to blow smoke into them, it isn't so bad. as far as i am concerned, the smoking ban is a stupid idea. and i'm saying this as a non-smoker who knows someone who smokes. not only because it seems manifestly unfair to smokers and their friends, but also because it doesn't necessarily protect non-smokers. in theory it might, but in practice, have you seen where they designate the smoking areas, especially at smaller eating places? if they don't relegate smokers to some obscure corner, chances are tt the designated smoking area is just next to the non-smoking area. so the poor souls who happen to be sitting in those seats aren't going to be protected at all. furthermore, the heavy cloud of smoke from the smoking area is likely to blow over as a whole to the non-smoking area, coz tt's how the particles generally tend to travel.

singapore is an incredibly smoke-unfriendly place. the taxes for cigarettes is very high, and prices are increasing further; smokers have been relegated to obscure corners tt comprise of no more than 20% of the total area of outdoor eating sections, and to add to tt you have overzealous enforcement officers who go around fining people for an offence under a law tt is in my opinion, stupid. i think tt this will have one of 2 effects on the smoking population: either 1) more people will be forced to quit smoking; or 2) more people will either end up having to spending more of their income on cigarettes and endure the legalised discrimination, or change to cheaper filterless cigarettes or ang hoon, and end up increasing their risks of succumbing to lung cancer or some similar medical equivalent.

whoopie.

that being said, "thank you for smoking" is indeed, a brilliant show. it doesn't actually encourage or discourage smoking per se, but it offers a good insight as to how people like... say, lawyers might work.

"sweat baby sweat baby
sex is a texas drought"
...

oops. sorry. tt is "the bad touch".

the "light touch" is a another thing altogether.

it's actually a pretty new creature. it's only been around since 13 april 2006, when the minister of information, communication and the arts, decided on announcing its existence in this press release by saying tt mica has "always adopted a light touch for the internet".

we aren't too sure what a "light touch" means. we don't really know what it allows.

but everyday we are discovering for ourselves what it *doesn't* allow.

most recently, we have discover tt under the mica's "light touch" policy with regards to the internet (and i suppose, bloggers and other citizen journalists), you are not allowed to publish any article in a newspaper tt criticises a government policy or a social issue, even if you are a) known, and not anonymous; and b) have done your research for your criticism. the reason, as according to k bhavani, the press secretary to the mica, is in his letter to the today newspaper in a stinging criticism of mr brown's earlier column, which as a result got the latter suspended from today.

reproduced here below is bhavani's letter. italics are my own.

"Letter from K BHAVANI
Press Secretary to the Minister for Information, Communications and the Arts

Your mr brown column, "S'poreans are fed, up with progress!" (June 30) poured sarcasm on many issues, including the recent General Household Survey, price increases in electricity tariffs and taxi fares, our IT plans, the Progress Package and means testing for special school fees.

The results of the General Household Survey were only available after the General Election. But similar data from the Household Expenditure Survey had been published last year before the election.

There was no reason to suppress the information. It confirmed what we had told Singaporeans all along, that globalisation would stretch out incomes.

mr brown must also know that price increases in electricity tariffs and taxi fares are the inevitable result of higher oil prices.

are you trying to tell us tt, because this knowledge is 'widely available', mr brown publicising and commenting on this knowledge now is... wrong??

These were precisely the reasons for the Progress Package — to help lower income Singaporeans cope with higher costs of living.

...right. this explains why they came out *just* before the election campaign. well. at least they were timed to help offset the upcoming fare and fee hikes.

Our IT plans are critical to Singapore's competitive position and will improve the job chances of individual Singaporeans. It is wrong of mr brown to make light of them.

well, if the IT plans are able to show the results tt they are supposed to be achieving, maybe he wouldn't make light of them to begin with. objectives are one thing - but can they achieve the results??

As for means testing for special school fees, we understand mr brown's disappointment as the father of an autistic child. However, with means testing, we can devote more resources to families who need more help.

oh yes, i'm sure. it's similar to how dyslexics can bypass the normal education system to get into the singapore american school... depending on the other circumstances of their cases.

mr brown's views on all these issues distort the truth.

considering the fact tt his views on all the above issues are supported by facts from statistics publicised by government bodies, i do not see how they can distort the truth, unless you are implying tt the statistics released are in turn... *mistaken*.

They are polemics dressed up as analysis, blaming the Government for all that he is unhappy with. He offers no alternatives or solutions. His piece is calculated to encourage cynicism and despondency, which can only make things worse, not better, for those he professes to sympathise with.

mr brown is entitled to his views. But opinions which are widely circulated in a regular column in a serious newspaper should meet higher standards. Instead of a diatribe mr brown should offer constructive criticism and alternatives. And he should come out from behind his pseudonym to defend his views openly.

firstly, everyone knows who mr brown really is. secondly, are you saying tt as long as one is not able to offer solutions to problems, one is not entitled to voice his or her opinions at all? i see. welcome to the first world nation where there is no encouragement of creativity and diversity, and yet where the freedom of expression is supposedly protected by the constitution. "viva la democracia!"

It is not the role of journalists or newspapers in Singapore to champion issues, or campaign for or against the Government.

that is true. similarly, it is not the role of government officials to tell the newspapers what they can or cannot print. especially not if those articles printed are factual and are reflective of the citizen's point of view.

If a columnist presents himself as a non-political observer, while exploiting his access to the mass media to undermine the Government's standing with the electorate, then he is no longer a constructive critic, but a partisan player in politics.

we already have a partisan player in politics. it's called the stra*tst*mes."

welcome to singapore. this is just the beginning.

and like i said, you *really* want us to smile?

i love my internship. apart from the only drawback of not having enough work to keep my mind occupied, everything else is perfecto. :)

and i love my bf too. *muakz* he's been picking me up with the car for the past 2 nights. which is absolutely fantastic coz i miss long car rides with him driving since canada.

fortunately, i think those 2 nights' experiences have more than made up for it.

yesterday i met him at city hall. my 'work' had ended after my sitting in at the lim ah seng sentencing, so we had the lavender chocolate mousse at bakerzin; before i followed up with beef noodles at the food court upstairs (which i was craving).

after tt, deciding tt town was too fucking crowded (everyone and their grandmother was out in orchard and city hall and poor ben was caught in a jam in orchard for almost an hour(!!!)), we decided to do what we love to do best - drive around.

we took the ecp up to changi beach near the pulau tekong ferry terminal to watch the planes land. we spent a fair bit of time there coz this was the first time i was watching planes land and i was extremely excited. it was crowded at changi beach, but most of the crowd were malay families, and they all seemed to be happy and enjoying themselves just spreading out their mats and sitting around enjoying the view and night breeze.

i think tt no one in singapore knows how to enjoy life better, or be happy with what they have, as much as the malays. for tt, i have to admire them. hee hee.

after this, we drove past changi village and onto the tpe towards the sle, coming out at ang mo kio. original plan was to pay dear diana a visit and call her out for supper again, but tonight she was out, so we decided to do something else. first we wanted to have supper at the roti prata house at upper thomson, but it was so ridiculously crowded we decided to move out - i.e. drive some more and maybe eat at fong seng instead.

so we went back down the pie and changed to the aye to get to fong seng, and then we headed down pasir panjang road looking to drive around mt. faber. first we took this really long flyover hoping tt it would beat the traffic, only to realise tt there was no way to get off and tt it connected right to the ecp... except for brani gate.

with a sigh of relief we turned down at brani gate - only to realise tt only authorised container trucks went through brani gate, and tt there was no way to avoid having to drive through the checkpoint. so we two idiots asked the mata at the checkpoint how we could get out of there, and he told us to reverse our car all the way out to the main road. (!!!)

ok, we reversed half the way, did a u-turn, and drove in the opposite direction of the road out until we found the main road.

after tt we did find mt. faber, but by this time i was really sleepy, so after visiting tt place and a few others along the way to fong seng, i changed my mind about supper and ben drove me home. by tt time it was at least 1.30am anyway, so i went to bathe, came online for a short while, and then crashed all the way until this morning.

had a breakfast of chwee kueh, and then a lunch of kway teow mee, with the parents. my mom was subtly trying to get me to listen to her take on family values. but it was better now. they seemed happy tt i like my mentor and my internship quite a bit.

then ben came to fetch me after tt. we were supposed to watch the dvd 'city of god', but tt plan was postponed coz there wasn't enough time. fetched his brother and the gf somewhere, and then we had a dinner of the famous paper wrapped chicken at union farm at clementi rd.

after tt, we drove to ang mo kio to fetch diana out for dessert at the bakerzin - coz i was craving chocolate. but coz we took a wrong turn off the cte towards braddel rd, we ended up driving through lornie, farrer, and holland rd, to take the kim seng/river valley route to the one fullerton. but once we got there i ordered the sweet pleasures, which consists of a hazelnut praline layer in between layers of wafer and chocolate, a white and dark chocolate mousse flavoured with sumatran coffee; ben ordered a black forest chocolate ice-cream, while diana ordered 3 tapas consisting of a chocolate fondue with strawberries, a chocolate caramel ice-cream, and a pistachio creme brulee. we got a fantastic table - right by the railing overlooking the marina bay sea; the view and the sea breeze was amazing. and tonight singapore was neither hot nor humid, but rather cool, slightly breezy, and relatively dry, so it was an absolutely wonderful time to be out. except later we observed it to be both cloudy, and to have very pink clouds, so it might very well rain heavily tomorrow.

after bakerzin, we decided to take diana on a spin. so we drove her to changi beach so tt she too, could see planes take off and land for the first time. then we drove thru tampines before taking the tpe - sle route back towards ang mo kio - to pump gas for the 2nd time in 2 days. after tt we decided to get supper at the roti prata house at upper thomson coz it wasn't as ridiculously crowded tonight.

there was a small incident with the server completely guai laning us and getting me and ben kinda riled up, but apart from tt it was ok. we ordered plain, egg and paper prata, while diana ordered a really fluffy mushroom cheese prata. yum. after tt, we sent diana home and ben fetched me back.

but once again... it was at least 1.30am when i reached home.

- the barenaked ladies

I think its getting to the point
Where I can be myself again
I think its getting to the point
Where we have almost made amends
I think its the getting to the point
That is the hardest part.

And if you call, I will answer
And if you fall, Ill pick you up
And if you court this disaster
Ill point you home.

You think I only think about you
When were both in the same room
You think Im only here to witness
The remains of love exhumed
You think were here to play
A game of who loves more than whom.

And if you call, I will answer
And if you fall, Ill pick you up
And if you court this disaster
Ill point you home.

You think its only fair to do whats
Best for you and you alone
You think its only fair to do the same
To me when youre not home
I think its time to make this something that is
More than only fair.

So if you call, I will answer
And if you fall, Ill pick you up
And if you court this disaster
Ill point you home.

But Im warning you, dont ever do
Those crazy, messed up things that you do
If you ever do
I promise you Ill be the first to crucity you
Now its time to prove that youve come back
Here to rebuild.

lalalalala.

the after-lunch syndrome is setting in. internship can be fun, but i don't know how i can come in right after lunch and sit my ass down and just type at the screen for the next 3 to 4 hours. no wonder working people are fat or unhealthy unless they take the initiative to gym or run.

anyway internship is more or less fun, although work is slow in coming and you literally have to beg for things to do. even then there is no guarantee tt you get tt. and the problem with me is tt i finish what i am given too fast, too. so after tt it's free time and back to blogging.

but the upside is i get to go to court. dressing like a penguin 5 days a week ain't all tt bad when you get to go to court, esp the out-of-this-world one. will totally go hand-in-hand with the space port idea. we got a space ship, now we just need somewhere to land it. yay!

i am still in awe of my mentor. he calls me the enemy, which is sad. but apart from the fact tt he rarely talks to me much and he's waaay too busy, he really is nice, unassuming, down-to-earth, knows his material, and in my opinion, has a damn good heart.

yeah well so you'll call me naive and idealistic. and i know tt no one can rationally speaking be completely altruistic. but i would like to think, and believe, tt to some people, there are things tt matter much more than just the money.

i'm going back to court for the sentencing in an hour or so, but for now...

please just give me more work to do.

i miss my baby.

"smile singapore 2006"... i think tt is the latest campaign out this yr. well, there is the usual "tell us what you love about your country" campaign in light of national day, but we all know tt happens every year and people do this for free passes to the national day parade on 9th august, but "smile singapore 2006" is more unique because it's not a 'national pride' campaign... not so much at least.

we're smiling to attract the gwai los... oops, i mean, foreigners.

coz the wto is coming to hold this really big conference in our sunny little island in september, and in light of having so many vvvvvvvvvvvip delegates ard, we as singapore citizens need to be *welcoming* to all these people to show them just how happy and friendly we are.

well, i think we should be relatively happy. only taxi fares have increased thus far, and since only people with money take taxis, people without are unaffected, and those taxi-takers probably have more than enough to spare, so everyone can still spare a smile. but in general, seriously...

"smile singapore 2006"??!!

right.

do singaporeans smile? yes. at people they like. okay, people they like, and the boss. singaporeans don't give smiles freely, even if smiles are free (in the monetary sense). singaporeans don't even smile at everyone they know, let alone everyone they don't. even if a singaporean knows you, there is a chance tt as long as he or she does not like you or intends to have *you* smile before he or she does (it's another facet of our "kiasu" cannot-lose-face therefore cannot-smile-first syndrome), he or she will dao you. in fact right, singaporeans probably dao more than we smile...

therefore this should be a "dao singapore 2006" campaign. trust me if it were it would be highly successful.

in fact, i think tt singaporeans are also going to dao all the foreigners who expect us to smile at them. walk down orchard road, smile at a random local and say "hey, how's it going?", and you will get either 1 of 3 responses: 1) you will be led to believe tt you are a ghost, or tt you do not materially exist; 2) you will be made to think tt you have an extra tentacle growing out the top of your head or tt you came from the planet uranus; or 3) you will be... daoed.

but no, don't get me wrong. i don't think daoing people is a bad thing. i do it a fair bit when i think i'm walking by idiots, so i'm not complaining. smiling too much makes you look mad. just ask my bf. tt's the reason why he looks shifty to everyone but me (and in my photos he looks mad).

in any case, try as we might, singapore is not friendlyville. let's face it, to have a friendlyville you must have happy people. and as far as i am concerned, singaporeans are not happy people. yes we can feel happiness at points in our lives, but for the most part, happy people make up a minority in the country. most are hardworking, hungry, driven, practical, cynical, and very very reserved... but i feel tt it's hard to be very driven and very happy at the same time. happiness to me, is derived from a state of contentment, or at least some sort of it, and singaporeans are for the most part rarely ever content. you can not seem to make enough money, get a good enough car, get a good enough house or enough zara blouses...

and tt is only for those rich enough to cab all over the place. if you don't even make enough money to make ends meet, you'll be too busy worrying when your next meal for your family is going to come, when your electricity will be shut off (if not already), or whether you'll be able to pay off your debts or outstanding bills, to really want to show everyone tt singapore is friendlyville.

let's not kid ourselves on tt, shall we?

but if it helps, i don't think tt singaporeans are unfriendly people. sure, we can look damn dao, damn unfriendly, damn buay song, and you can have all those stupid kids who reply to every look cast at them with "kua simi?" and all those stupid girls who assume tt any kind of attention is some kind of come-on from someone else; but just coz we don't have a culture of smiliing, doesn't mean tt we are uncivil.

okay, singaporeans can be very ungracious, but tt i can deal with in another post. with regards to this post, not smiling does not equate uncivil (*hint to stupid idiots in forum*). i mean, ask a singaporean on the roads for directions and the person will probably help you. ask for help and depending on the situation, you might just get it. talk to someone in a lift and maybe, just maybe, the person will look confused and bewildered, but he or she may still reply.

tt being said, "smile singapore 2006" is in my opinion, a stupid campaign. it's another government-initiated campaign, so it makes us look like brainless idiots. now we need someone to tell us to smile, too??? and because its main purpose is to pander to foreigners, it makes it seem those foreigners are much more valuable than us citizens - WE are being told what to do for their supposed benefit. nnb.

am i still going to smile? when i feel like it. however, i am still looking forward to the wto conference to be held in singapore. not because i want to welcome these delegates to my country, or because i particularly want to meet them, but because in line with the history of happenings at wto conferences... this one might prove to be the most interesting event this year (now tt elections are over, at least).

coz with the wto, come the ngos.

i'll smile for the ngos.

greetings one and all. to those who have wondered where i have been, i have decided to become a penguin for 3 weeks, complete with the cold cold atmosphere.

penguin hunting season has started, and for some it has gratefully ended, but fortunately for me i have been spared the emotional roller coaster of being hunted myself. i guess tt is what happens when you choose to sell your soul to eternal damnation way before hunting season commences. but tt is life.

today i finally got to go to havelock square instead of raffles place, and got to say stuff like "good morning your honour" and "much obliged your honour" and listen to something a little similar to what's out of a mediacorp drama serial, although not quite so dramatic.

the bar room has good teh and kopi peng.

traffic offences are... tedious.

and the crayfish hor fun at the hill street market is actually damn good.

i screwed up a memo, mistaking a memorandum for a note kind of memo. fuck i feel like a complete idiot.

and considering my contempt for stupid people, tt shows just how much contempt i have for myself now.

but tt aside cold air-con, ice, and menial tabulations of charges aside, i am happy. strangely so. my day passes just fine, and i look forward to evenings.

raffles green is a nice place to meet. you see dejected or anicipatory faces when hunting season begins, and you end up going along to do crazy things for the crazy hunted penguin when it comes to it, but meeting at raffles green is the first memorably happy moment in my day. every day.

tonight we couldn't have indian, so we had nydc. expensive ham and mushroom pasta and mango tango cheesecake with mango ice-cream.

and because of my roving (and slightly disabled) eye, i tried to even the score by hunting for pretty girls for him, but tonight we conclude tt all the pretty girls in singapore must be sleeping at home. although to be honest i am glad tt while singaporean girls generally all have damn good bodies (except me), there aren't tt many really pretty ones, so i don't have to worry so much.

hee hee yesh i am jealous.

but anyway our failed adventure was concluded with $18 rings and starbucks iced mocha. tall for me and grande for him. with whipped cream.

and home i came.

cannot wait for my mentor to return from out of town.

me penguin.

me coooolllldddd.

brr.

damn air-conditioning.

thank god for nice people and eye-candy. :)

It's been literally, a year since I last rowed. Yet this is my first race as a spectator, rather than a rower.

I woke up early, but not early enough to avoid cabbing to Bedok Reservoir to catch the girls' IVP Finals at 10.30am (WTF timing is this???). In the end, although I reached at 10.20am, my efforts were futile coz the races had been pushed up earlier. I got there in time to greet the girls returning from their IVP race.

In between that and the warm-up for the next race - Womens Opens Semis at 12.45pm, I got to meet up with and catch up with the girls tt I'd missed since last year, and it was really great. It did however, feel strange standing on the outside looking in.

But we got to TP with quite a few cameras - I think my camera has the least photos on it. You will prob see the rest later. But nonetheless, this is what I have on mine.



Me, Wendy and Mona.



Tauhuey and chin chow.

I also got to siphon off the girls' packed lunch.



This is my packed lunch.



Me and Packed Lunch.

The next race after the Women's Opens was Mixed IVP Finals at 3.00pm.



This is an attempt at taking a photo of the boats coming in over people's heads and shoulders.

And after tt it would be the PM Cup for *both* guys *and* girls at 5.15pm.

So I stayed for everything, trying to help out wherever I felt it could be needed.

Ben, who'd woken up much earlier than expected, came by to find me at 4.00pm. Poor boy had to park his car illegally, and then hang around and wait in the sun while I stayed to watch both races.

But I still got to take 2 photos with him:



Self-taken "Neoprint" shot.



Shot taken by Wendy - to counter Ben's "unglam" effect whenever he self-takes photos. I think it didn't work this time.

Thanks babe! *muakz*



And here's a photo of me and Wendy exclusively. Rock chick photos are however, in her camera. Wahaha.



These are the girls going down into the boat for their PM Cup race.



And them setting off.

And here are the results for the races:
Women's IVP: Bronze
Men's IVP: Gold
Mixed IVP: Gold
Women's PM Cup: Silver
Men's PM Cup: Silver

I know some of the girls might have been a bit disappointed with the result, but I am very proud of them nonetheless. You give your best in every race, and although the competitor was a real tough challenge, you still made them fight hard for the cup, and you gave everything you got without regrets. Whether it is your last race or not, you cannot look upon having given your everything with regret. Coz you guys did good. There's always a next year. :)

And to *you*, I wish I were more vibrant and energetic. I wish I could have said more, spent a much longer time with you. But we both have things on our mind and sometimes in our hearts. I meant it when I said tt I was really appreciative of you coming all the way down to find me, even without doing all the important stuff tt you were supposed to do before hand, for driving all the way from the west side to the east, for incurring all the risks of parking illegally to wait for me, and to wait out in the hot sun with nothing to do and having eaten nothing all day for nearly 2 hours just for me. And after tt, to still drive me back down to Jurong again for dinner, and then home. Thank you.

ben got the car today. so after half-hearted attempts at swimming, we decided to take it for a spin, esp since it would be his first time driving since canada.

from the west side we took the aye up to the east side to hunt for bedok reservoir, but coz we were driving all around bedok and tampines hunting for it, by the time we found it everyone was gone. in any case we still don't really know how to get there per se. not by car at least.

we ended up driving to tampines mall, where we stopped by to have starbucks. i told ben tt his fave letter had to start with 'c' coz of all the stuff he loved beginning with 'c' - coffee, chocolate, cigarettes, the casino... and on the flip side, carcinogens and cancer.

he also stated tt he liked the letter 's' - for smoking and starbucks, among other activities beginning with 's'.

we also did a little cam-whoring.



ben and i.



and me and my mocha. with extra ice.

we finished our coffee-drinking spree at 7pm, whereby it was out of tampines mall and back down the pie to the westside for dinner - japanese teppanyaki at the sanga japanese restaurant and jurong hill top, where ben's parents used to take him.

okay, some more cam whoring on my part in the car:



me! looking retarded.



and the pie road. damn blur tho coz ben picked up speed at this point.

anyway at the japanese restaurant, we got to sit in front of this hot plate thingy so tt the chef could cook for us.



this is said chef cooking for us. a bit blur coz he moved suddenly.

we ordered scallop, mushroom, tofu and soft shell crab with egg.



this is the scallop and the soft shell crab already cook in front of me.



me with the hot plate thingy.



and this is ben wolfing down his rice. hee hee.



and finally, here is the both of us, with the cute bib-like things tt they put on us.

the food was pricey, but the teppanyaki was very well done. seemed very traditional too. and dessert was complimentary, so i ordered almond logan. and coz it wasn't cold enough, i added more ice to eat it with.



like so.

after dinner, we drove back up the pie towards the city - this time for a real dessert of rochor bean curd at selegie road.



this is the 2 bowls of rochor beancurd.



and me with my beancurd. yes i very happy. and very full.

after tt, we drove through little india and did an impromptu road trip around the northeastern part of singapore - we went from serangoon towards macpherson, turned off into kallang way; from kallang way and aljunied found ourselves driving past mount vernon colobarium towards hougang towards punggol somewhere (with signs leading towards tampienes), and somehow while deciding, and then trying to find, our way towards diana's house in ang mo kio, chancing on ang mo kio avenue 3 and performing a whole bunch and 3 lane cuts and sharp u-turns, towards the desired destination in ang mo kio.

needless to say, we took quite a while to find our way to diana's place. and a while to get the car parked. when we finally did and made our way upstairs to her place, we were in time to watch 'american beauty', which she had been watching with her friend. interesting show, tt. never seen a... prettier death. with some strange overtones of reality mixed right in.

then ben also decided to test out her xbox.



machiam like kid. hee hee.

but unfortunately, it didn't work. so we ended up driving diana to the roti prata house at upper thomson road for supper - we had paper prata, mushroom cheese prata, and egg prata. and i tried tehcino for the first in a long time. it's fucking sweet. bleah.

after tt, we sent her home, and then ben sent me home at around 2.30am.

okay. tomorrow i gotta wake up at 8am. ooookay.