absolutum dominium

YOU!!! I WANNA TAKE YOU TO A GAY BAR!!!

No, not really. But since I have decided to wax lyrical about homosexuality and society today, I thought the title would be apt. And it's a line off this song "Gay Bar" by a group called 'Electric Six' (one of Shaocong's many brilliant song recommendations to me, although admittedly this is more retarded than brilliant... but hey, if I can like the "Tra-la-la" song, I can like this song too), so you can go listen to tt song after this or better yet, watch the MTV. Abraham Lincolns in American-flag speedos. One of those things that just make you go .

But first things first: how was my weekend? My dad has forced me to bring a bottle of cough syrup back to hall to tide me over the week. Yes, well. My parents had a huge quarrel last night again tt spilt over to this evening. It's horrible. People who know me and my family personally know what it's like to be living in a home like tt at a time like tt. I won't elaborate further because it's the same old thing year in year out. My dad apologises for causing me "pain", but I guess after a while when you're already so down and tired yourself you just feel scarily painfully numbed.

But well, rested? I guess I definitely rested more than if I'd stayed in hall all week. But still... It's just this general sense of Down. It's so easy to be self-indulgent and just wallow in all this misery, whether at home or in hall. I came back to hall late and I missed most of the final cleaning up of the dance. I can't dance. I can't remember the steps, I can't get the groove, I'm horribly slow with transitions. And admittedly, it doesn't help tt my mindset isn't even on dance. I don't have tt passion for it right now. I'm not sure where it went.

And somehow I suspect tt's the barrier I have to break. To cross between being able to perfect the dance by Tues,or to just break down instead, I have to rediscover tt passion. All tt practice on its own just might not be enough, and I feel so overshadowed anyway.

Okay okay. Will take Adrian's advice. Will dance to the shower, in the shower, and whenever wherever. My room's damn small (but the mirror area is so open it's embarassing!!!), but I now have the songs in my collection courtesy of Caleb (thank you!!!). I will perservere. Yes.

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Okay, now back on topic.

Interestingly enough, homosexuality has been a huge huge topic on everyone's minds. It's always been because "They're Different" and we can't understand Them, but it's been even more so for me partly because of Melissa's sociology project and the co-relation between religion and homosexuality. I've confronted the issue on more than one occasion, and people who've heard my views know where I'm coming from, but it's interesting how I keep ending up revisiting it, not just for the project, but even in lectures and tutorials where the examples of same sex marriages being legalised in Massachusetts after sodomy, and even in conversations with friends both old and new regarding religion, morality, and homosexuality as an orientation vs. as a disorder.

Ironically, today I was accompanying my dad to the petrol station to wash his car, and we bought a copy of The New Paper tt talks about "what *really* goes on behind beach bashes".

The government thinks tt gay parties are a legitimate cause for concern because they pose health risks esp the transmission of HIV coz of promiscuity at such parties. I don't know. Even though the "statistics" show tt 9 out of 10 new HIV cases are men, I feel tt there is discrimination here.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against homosexuality. I don't believe it's wrong, or unnatural, or a disorder, and this is even tho I'm Catholic and Corinthians condemns it. But I'm of the belief tt if God made Man in his own image, then therefore how can He condemn his people for any of their natural impulses? Of course the argument can be and has been turned on its head, tt because we are created in the image of God therefore we cannot have to capacity to love those of the same sex.

But I firmly maintain tt the ultimate basis cure-all and end-all of the church is Love. We are built on Love, and we should not discriminate against people who are different or even 'wrong'. Unless we can honestly say tt we are not sinners, we have no right to throw stones.

However, while I don't have a problem with homosexuality, I have a problem with promiscuity. Okay, I admit, I'm not tt innocent. I shouldn't be standing on some moral high horse telling people how to or how not to run their lives. But morality aside, I don't see sex in the same league as watching TV or the game. To me it's a gift of intimacy. You don't walk up to a complete stranger and ask him or her to watch a movie with you do you? So why would you walk up to a complete stranger and ask if you could fuck him/her?

Morality aside, I find something incredibly screwed with this whole scene. I admit, maybe a ONS won't condemn you to hell (actually under the Bible it probably will, but let's assume a merciful God ceteris paribus), and pre-martial sex isn't going to send you signed sealed and delivered to the Devil. But there's a difference between rare occasions and going to wild parties for 10 people fuckfests. And I'm not just talking gay parties, but partie in general. Why? How does this kind of pleasure vindicate you, raise your self-worth? Is it so fun tt it's worth all the possible trouble after tt?

I was talking to someone. I asked why it was tt somehow gays always get portrayed as sexual predators. Why is it tt somehow my guy friends always get picked up or stalked or sexually assaulted by gays? If people are wondering why so many straight guys are homophobic, it's because they've had one too many bad experiences with such. So I asked the question, "Why?" I know of people who get into deep relationships with their partners (get those nasty thoughts out of your head!), relationships tt last years, tt is built on understanding and love, and is real, no matter how strange it seems. Yet on the other hand there are all these other people who just want sex sex sex.. I don't get it. I don't get the desire to fuck anything tt moves. I find it disturbing.

One of my friend's arguments for keeping homosexuality illegal was the 'floodgates arguement'; namely tt if you make it mainstream, you could make more deviant acts like bestiality or paedophilia mainstream. And I don't have a counter for tt coz I don't know how the world will develop in the years to come.

America calls it 'liberalism'. But sometimes we have to understand tt morality, though sometimes inflexible and may cause discrimination, is not always bad. And neither is the rejection of morality and the lowering of the boundaries always good.

Okay, I admit, my entry is all over the place. There's just so much tt I can say and want to say but I don't have the time or presence of mind to say it. So if you do want to talk to me about it, feel free to do so. I've always enjoyed a good debate or discussion or two with people tt I feel are worth talking to. :)

(And this prob means you, unless a) you couldn't understand a damn thing I was saying b) you think tt the most interesting (and only) subject worth talking about is yourself (or your bulging muscles and bigger chest), or c) you don't think. Period. But then again I don't think stupid people read my blog.)

Okay okay. Now, MORE pics from my hall's DND... This time courtesy of Samantha. I'm STILL waiting for my bimbo pics from leewanyi.

Can't wait till Wed after 11pm.

Ooh. Sam, me and Wanyi... the Mambo whores (sans Jane for now)! I LOVE this pic so much!!!

Us 4 girls (Beidi, Wanyi, me and Sam) on the counter with our legs crossed. PERFECT PICTURE!!! YUM!!!

Sam, ShErYl, Wanyi and me again. NICE! Love this pic too.. Okay, I love the camera and the cameraman. Wahaha.

The Block B Year 2s!!! Acting cute!!! Eep! Not looking at the camera! Double Eep! But nonetheless, love this. :)

And last but not least (for now):

The only BiMbO picture I have of me and Wanyi. *shock shock horror horror*

Wahaha.

Now, where were those "GAY BAR" lyrics?

GAY BAR -
by Electric Six

You!
I wanna take you to a gay bar,
I wanna take you to a gay bar,
I wanna take you to a gay bar,
gay bar, gay bar.

Let's start a war, start a nuclear war,
At the gay bar, gay bar, gay bar.
Waah,
At the gay bar.

Now tell me, do ya, a do ya have any money?
I wanna spend all your money,
at the gay bar, gay bar, gay bar.

I've got something to put in you,
I've got something to put in you,
I've got something to put in you,
At the gay bar, gay bar, gay bar.
Hah!

You're a superstar at the gay bar.
Yeah you're a superstar at the gay bar.
You're a superstar at the gay bar.
Superstar.
Super, superstar!

SHEARES HALL DINNER AND DANCE 2005

Am at home now. Having woken up with an increased sleep debt, a throbbing headache, painfully dry eyes, dizziness, muscle aches and green-coloured phelgm, I decided tt training really would not be the best idea.

So I came home from hall. Not in the best of moods either. Encountered KR James at the junction between KR and the Business Libary, but wasn't in the cheeriest of moods. My bad, tt one. For some reason the mere thought of encountering cheerful optimistic bright-eyed idealistic little kids assuming tt they will have a nice bright future in NUS just grosses me out. As I was telling Keegan, I would see no point in coming for Open House. Either a) I'd be coming to NUS ANYWAY, in which case it wouldn't matter whether I come for Open House or not, or b) I wouldn't be coming to NUS at all, in which case Open House is completely irrelevant.

My bad. But seriously as I was telling Wanyi on the bus last night, NUS gives you this oppressive "stuck in a rut" feeling. You're living day-to-day just waiting for the exams to come and go. It's so hard to stay objectively and live each day for itself; you just end up going through the motions. She says it's about focus and keeping tt end-purpose in sight. I see the end-purpose, but I don't just believe in the destination; I believe in the journey itself too. But right now what is being marginalised is the damn journey itself.

But then again I can't really complain, can I? I'm in dragonboat, which is the best thing tt EVER happened to me in NUS. I'm in hall and I get a chance to learn new sports like soccer, and learn dancing, and dress up and go for DNDs, and even though I complain like HELL tt they are wearing me dangerously thin and I was to give up and run away, I know tt compared to a lot of people who don't join hall activities, or IVP sports, or anything else for tt matter, I'm a ton luckier than the rest.

So anyway back to what I was going on about, my Friday was... OK lah. I crashed Tan Yock Lin's tutorial in the morning coz I had to skip my 6pm tutorial for DND. My tutor's a Law 5, so even though he's really smart (1st class honours and all), he doesn't have the experience to give comprehensive coverage of Trust and Equity. Tan Yock Lin on the other hand, could just rename himself The Authority on T&E. He was giving so much info on T&E tt concentration was a problem for me (also coz I lacked sleep) and I had to consume coffee for the first time in ages to keep myself reasonably awake. Problem for me is tt coffee on an empty stomach gives me gastritis... correction. I mean *gastric pain* (the authority on Pharmacy tells me tt 'gastritis is an infection of the stomach'; what I have is just 'stomach pains'. ORH.)

Speaking of which, the authority on Pharmacy also happens to have the hots for Denise Keller, so I end up going to Forum just so tt he can see her in person (altho I take great pleasure in reminding him tt she's probably taller than his "1.80m"). Lunch is at Arts canteen, whereupon I grow roots just waiting to be served my mee kia dry with extra chilli (basket. If not for my craving for mee kia I would have just bought cai fan and settled the whole damn thing).

After tt it gets progressively more depressing as I head back to my room to try and read up on T&E. I think it's the weather. Oppresive heat and humidity, coupled with a lack of sleep, a general sense of panic, and a heavy sense of self-loathing, just doesn't cut it. I try to go for a jog, but I'm still really really slow. As a result, I come back so late tt trying to bathe and dress for DND becomes an exercise in haste.

Me and Wanyi and Beidi catch the first bus to The Marriott. That's where the first picture (where Jane said Wanyi looks like a witch) was taken. Subsequently, we took more pictures outside and within the ballroom. Note: people who want your pictures come claim them from me. The ones here are all I uploaded. If you want the originals MSN me while I am in hall, coz they are in my hall comp.

This is me, Sam and Beidi. Sam met us at The Marriott. The theme for the DND is "Enigma: An Eastern Affair". I don't understand it, I don't claim to understand it, and obviously I don't really care. Our table theme was "American Retro", which explains Sam's hot bohemian chick look (I love the curls and the scarf), and Beidi's retro chick look (the shades!!! the self-tailored on "flower power" autumn leaves!!!). On the other hand, Wanyi and I failed more miserably as her vintage rose look looked pretty inobvious, and my '60s biker chick look (complete with leather top and pants) didn't exactly look '60s or biker enough.

That's Wanyi and me again BTW. Okay, with a bit more light, we look less bad. Or at least, she looks less bad.

Oh, and my pants were so damn loose tt they kept slipping down. Which is why I wore the sash. But I think enough people have already had a taste of my indecent exposure.

More pics...

Yongsheng and me. (Okay, he's not very theme-dressed)

Zhiqian and me. (He's not very theme-dressed too)

Me and Zibin. (Okay, now THAT is dressing to theme. Admittedly he's about 100 years more dressed than "American Retro", but you have to admti the cowboy get-up is so cute!!!)

Me and Guoyong. Wahaha! He who said he would not be coming finally came after all. :)

Ruoling and me. I LOVE her sari... It's so Eastern theme. :) And so pretty!!!

Declan and me... Mafia boss #1.

Me and Lin Chang... Mafia boss #2.

Anyway regarding the programme, it was pretty screwed up. Transport was screwed up and the buses were late. Programme got delayed over an hour. DND only started around 9pm and we had our dinner past 9pm. I think everyone was starved and irritable. Oh, and the MC deserved to be shot. He was the most stupid unspontaneous unfunny anal little man EVER (even worse than my Law Ball MC). GOD.

Pageant-wise, Sheryl was absolutely stunning. She looked SO hot, like an angel... I loved the hair. It looked SO good. And Francis was so cute! I think they both made our block REALLY proud. Francis won Mr. Personality. Am proud to say tt he's a Law student too! Wahaha. And Sheryl... I think she should have won Miss Sheares. I mean, no offence to Adrienne, but I have always maintained tt Sheryl is prettier. A lot prettier. Okay, so one is glamourous, and can dance well, and maybe I am biased, but REALLY. Plus I don't like girls who are "all-out-to-win" at PAGEANTS. My 2-cents worth. Oh, and I thought Bryan was a better choice for Mr. Sheares than Jeremy, simply because (as according to Jane) he has nicer forearms. See, IVP canoe polo, canoeing and wakeboarding is pretty impressive, plus he acts too. But I guess looks with an un-outstanding personality isn't enough to make one win anything coz without an outstanding personality you just end up looking like the everyday himbo. But STILL, I am partial to muscles, and I still maintain tt nice forearms derserve a winning chance over bad hair.

Okay okay, enough bitching.

No, not yet. Some people talk too much. Just a general comment. Sometimes you should say less to look better. Oh, and speaking of which, I won the 6th prize in the lucky draw! I have a complimentary buffet dinner for 2 at the Marriott Cafe. But I've decided not to invite anyone along (no matter who I might have had in mind). I'm giving the voucher to my parents. And apparently I got sexually assaulted by the jackass MC, who made a comment on my leather outfit. But I don't really care, to be honest. I don't see a need to entertain him, and he can pretty much kiss my ass if he tries to make me notice him.

The best-dressed table was the one with the Journey To The West theme. They even had a Sun Wukong. Stupid MC tried to ask about the Zhu Ba Jie and got very nicely insulted by Weijie, who had dressed up as Sun Wukong. NICE. And the MC wasn't even smart enough to retaliate. WAHAHAHAHA.

Okay, I shouldn't be so mean.

So here are the pics with the beautiful gorgeous Sheryl and Mr. Personality Francis!

I LOVE her hair!!!

...And Mr. Personality himself. :) With a slightly frozen smile (tt gets more frozen as the night wears on).

Anyway the whole programme ends PAST 12 am. We all miss the 1am bus coz we are trying to take more pictures...

Sam, Sheryl, Wanyi and me... I like this pic!

And below, is me with June. I've only had 1 conversation with her on a bus, but she's one of those few people I actually really like from first impression. Caring, sensitive and sincere. :) Plus she was from NYJC Canoeing/Dragonboat, so maybe there's what you might call "a kindred spirit". To put it lamely.

And below is the other June, my Law junior and Soccer captain.

OOH. And I love the below one: the TABLE PICTURE!!!

And last but not least (damn blur though... I want the clearer version):

Beidi, Wanyi, me and Sam!!!

BTW, a lot of my pics were spoilt coz they were really blur. People who have clearer pics I would like them as well!!! Please send to me (esp the Block B picture)... Thanks!!!

After DND we went to Swensen's for supper. By the time I came back to hall to sleep it was past 3am, and I was SO tired tt I couldn't say anything, I couldn't speak, I couldn't move. I was supposed to bathe but all I did was change, brush my teeth and CRASH.

Till this morning, when I woke up feeling like crap.

Okay, shall go and sleep more now.

...Last but not least, I like tt song "Only You" by Ashanti. I think it's a nice dancey body-wave sort of song. Very smooth, very sleek. NICE. And I wanna take Latin Jazz.