absolutum dominium

rainy friday mid-mornings/early-afternoons make me dreamy. so much to do later today, but i don't want to go anywhere right now. want to sit in my room and listen to my music as the rain pelts the window panes. want to hear the things tt i wanna hear, the things tt no one else is gonna tell me.

handphone's by my side. waiting. wouldn't message wouldn't call anyone else. i'm just waiting for the words i wanna hear.

there's contentment in rest, and a little smile tt no one else is gonna see.

and maybe i am fooling myself and maybe i'm setting myself up for a big big fall again. but for now i bask in this little moment in forever. this moment tt no one's gonna take from me. this moment of still amidst the bustle of rushing to life.

maybe i'm just another hand me down. valued by no one. recognised by no one. alone and lonely, admittedly. beneath the strong exterior waiting to be swept off her feet. beneath the rough veneer waiting to be rescued by someone who can.

she's tired. wants to forget about it. give up. leave and disappear into nothingness.

but somehow she can't anymore.

bliss has been disrupted. focus interrupted by day dreams into nothing and nowhere.

waiting.