Tuesday, November 08, 2005
the food sanctuary
i realise tt sometimes when i am really, really down, i turn to comfort food the way alcoholics turn to booze.
today was a fantastic day for running. it was all sunny and cloudless. the temperature was almost a 2-digit. but i didn't run. not at all. not even after i'd skipped my only psychology class just so tt i could.
instead, i turned to timmie for solace.
more specifically, tim horton's.
i walked out of my room specifically just to buy half a dozen donuts.
one boston creme, one maple dip, one old fashioned glazed, two honey cruller and one sour cream glazed.
3 of which i ate for lunch, and 2 for tea.
it was just this craving for comfort food. i wasn't thinking straight. i was pretty upset today, as you could have guessed. i can be happy and cheerful when i'm around people, but when i'm alone in my room, tt's when it all just falls apart.
reading emails, sending emails, receiving emails. thinking. thinking. and more thinking.
feeling terrible. feeling sad. feeling frustrated. feeling angry. feeling hurt. feeling guilty.
a whole myriad of emotions.
chatting with friends online. those who were. sharing problems, and then sharing secrets.
but thanks for the emails, and the encouragement, and the support. for being the voices of reason when i have lost mine, for helping me keep things in perspective when i can't see anything anymore.
oh. i was really bloated by the time dinner came. less upset (thanks girls), but more bloated. didn't run at all. i guess tt's how depression makes me put on EVEN MORE weight. i stop exercising and i start hunting for more comfort food. sigh.
like donuts.
anyway dinner was a nicer affair.
a much nicer one.
we were meeting the consulate-general of singapore for dinner!
at this indian restaurant on broadway known as "chutney villa".
oh man. a record number of 29 (i think. or is it 27) singaporeans showed up. i still hadn't seen a few of them in my life! i swear ubc probably has the highest population of singaporean exchange students here!
anyway mr huang weiquan who was the erm... de facto singapore chief kept the consulate-general (who was this really nice fatherly old man) company by listening to him talk and all. i was sitting in between eileen and weiquan, and opposite andy, shawn and weiliang. and i think somewhere along the line we were laughing and exchanging jokes on what exchange students REALLY do (i.e. travel, play, slack, watch hours and hours of downloaded anime and tv shows... everything BUT study) when on exchange, what places we intended to go to and what we intended to see and experience, and how many of us could go back to singapore and set up illegal dvd stores with all the stuff we could legally download here! haha. tt was fun.
ooh. and the food was SO GOOD. my first brush with spicy food since i came here! oh man my tolerance has gone down. i had swollen lips and i finished 2 glasses of lime juice just to bear the chilli. but so did the others, actually. and oh man. heaven. absolutely fiery burning heaven. we had a plate of rice, prata and papadum, and 3 kinds of rich spicy curries - lamb, chicken and squid. i didn't really take much chicken, but i finished more than half of the plate of squid (right down to the gravy) and i couldn't stop taking the lamb. just kept going. it was so so good.
of course, my stomach is still burning from the whole experience. but oh man. curry. i felt happy. at least, cheered. was with the whole group of singaporeans, and although i'm not close to all of them, i love the group tt i hang out with sometimes. eileen, andy, weiquan, diana, charlene, anne, and even mervyn and shawn who are really nice guys too. mervyn spent over 3 hours travelling to delta last week just to buy krispy kreme donuts, and he actually gave one to me for free! :)
and after tt, andy and i - more known as the singaporeans with the bottomless stomachs, supplemented our yummy curry meal with ice-cream and a chocolate milkshake from mcdonalds respectively. even though it was really really cold and my fingers were freezing off from holding the milkshake as we walked back to totem. and i got into conversation with this girl called michelle, who's a singaporean who's been living here for the past 13 years. she's going to singapore for a co-op exchange from next jan to august, and she wanted to hook up with me while she was there coz she was excited when she heard tt i like doing 'outdoorsy stuff' like skydiving and bungee-jumping.
tt was a really fun night. and i got to take my furry "i shot a mink!" (ok. andy contends tt it's two squirrels. bah) boots out!
...got pictures in eileen's camera! will post up later when i get them.
oh well. tt is the end of a relatively happy night. now it's back to the phase of not-so-happiness. damn. i think i kind of miss singlehood and the carefreeness tt's associated with not having to have your emotions be dictated by anyone else.
...guess i really am too selfish for a relationship. sigh.
oh well. i don't have any mood to proof-read my paper at all tonight. or read anything else for tt matter. i wonder what i should do to pass my time now. sigh.
now playing: hotel costes - cafe de flor
today was a fantastic day for running. it was all sunny and cloudless. the temperature was almost a 2-digit. but i didn't run. not at all. not even after i'd skipped my only psychology class just so tt i could.
instead, i turned to timmie for solace.
more specifically, tim horton's.
i walked out of my room specifically just to buy half a dozen donuts.
one boston creme, one maple dip, one old fashioned glazed, two honey cruller and one sour cream glazed.
3 of which i ate for lunch, and 2 for tea.
it was just this craving for comfort food. i wasn't thinking straight. i was pretty upset today, as you could have guessed. i can be happy and cheerful when i'm around people, but when i'm alone in my room, tt's when it all just falls apart.
reading emails, sending emails, receiving emails. thinking. thinking. and more thinking.
feeling terrible. feeling sad. feeling frustrated. feeling angry. feeling hurt. feeling guilty.
a whole myriad of emotions.
chatting with friends online. those who were. sharing problems, and then sharing secrets.
but thanks for the emails, and the encouragement, and the support. for being the voices of reason when i have lost mine, for helping me keep things in perspective when i can't see anything anymore.
oh. i was really bloated by the time dinner came. less upset (thanks girls), but more bloated. didn't run at all. i guess tt's how depression makes me put on EVEN MORE weight. i stop exercising and i start hunting for more comfort food. sigh.
like donuts.
anyway dinner was a nicer affair.
a much nicer one.
we were meeting the consulate-general of singapore for dinner!
at this indian restaurant on broadway known as "chutney villa".
oh man. a record number of 29 (i think. or is it 27) singaporeans showed up. i still hadn't seen a few of them in my life! i swear ubc probably has the highest population of singaporean exchange students here!
anyway mr huang weiquan who was the erm... de facto singapore chief kept the consulate-general (who was this really nice fatherly old man) company by listening to him talk and all. i was sitting in between eileen and weiquan, and opposite andy, shawn and weiliang. and i think somewhere along the line we were laughing and exchanging jokes on what exchange students REALLY do (i.e. travel, play, slack, watch hours and hours of downloaded anime and tv shows... everything BUT study) when on exchange, what places we intended to go to and what we intended to see and experience, and how many of us could go back to singapore and set up illegal dvd stores with all the stuff we could legally download here! haha. tt was fun.
ooh. and the food was SO GOOD. my first brush with spicy food since i came here! oh man my tolerance has gone down. i had swollen lips and i finished 2 glasses of lime juice just to bear the chilli. but so did the others, actually. and oh man. heaven. absolutely fiery burning heaven. we had a plate of rice, prata and papadum, and 3 kinds of rich spicy curries - lamb, chicken and squid. i didn't really take much chicken, but i finished more than half of the plate of squid (right down to the gravy) and i couldn't stop taking the lamb. just kept going. it was so so good.
of course, my stomach is still burning from the whole experience. but oh man. curry. i felt happy. at least, cheered. was with the whole group of singaporeans, and although i'm not close to all of them, i love the group tt i hang out with sometimes. eileen, andy, weiquan, diana, charlene, anne, and even mervyn and shawn who are really nice guys too. mervyn spent over 3 hours travelling to delta last week just to buy krispy kreme donuts, and he actually gave one to me for free! :)
and after tt, andy and i - more known as the singaporeans with the bottomless stomachs, supplemented our yummy curry meal with ice-cream and a chocolate milkshake from mcdonalds respectively. even though it was really really cold and my fingers were freezing off from holding the milkshake as we walked back to totem. and i got into conversation with this girl called michelle, who's a singaporean who's been living here for the past 13 years. she's going to singapore for a co-op exchange from next jan to august, and she wanted to hook up with me while she was there coz she was excited when she heard tt i like doing 'outdoorsy stuff' like skydiving and bungee-jumping.
tt was a really fun night. and i got to take my furry "i shot a mink!" (ok. andy contends tt it's two squirrels. bah) boots out!
...got pictures in eileen's camera! will post up later when i get them.
oh well. tt is the end of a relatively happy night. now it's back to the phase of not-so-happiness. damn. i think i kind of miss singlehood and the carefreeness tt's associated with not having to have your emotions be dictated by anyone else.
...guess i really am too selfish for a relationship. sigh.
oh well. i don't have any mood to proof-read my paper at all tonight. or read anything else for tt matter. i wonder what i should do to pass my time now. sigh.
# posted by Kitana @ 11/08/2005 02:41:00 PM 
