absolutum dominium

today marks my very last training with teamnus. the girls.

it was raining when i was walking from kallang mrt to sdba. interesting how the rain suddenly seemed to stop the moment melissa pei walked into sdba.

grr.

but she didn't make us run today. she tried to fool us by wearing her running shoes, but i should have known the moment she used my shoulder as her support while she took them off.

after visualisation i watched the police boats return back from their shift. realised how much i would miss them. they've been a familiar sight the past 1.5 months when we train in the morning; how at 9am we'd see a stream of boats steadily inch towards the benjamin sheares bridge and out of sight, and how at 10am we'd see the boats from the earlier shift return in a single file.

and sometimes if our boat happened to be in the way of the police boats, we'd be hit by the backwash, or have people tell us through loudhailers to move out of the way.

it's actually a pretty sight. discounting the state of the water, the oil, garbage and dead animals floating on the surface; the kallang basin is a scenic place if you think about it. expanse of water, pretty condos on one side, and the great big sea and beyond at the other end of the benjamin sheares bridge. when it's early and there isn't anyone else around except for us it's relatively quiet and serene, and sometimes just standing at the ledge looking out into the distance and the great big blue cloudless sky, you can feel this immense sense of peace.

we rowed 3 race sets; the 2nd was with the female team from police. yeah, so maybe police is going to be my future, but this doesn't mean i can't get damn fucking irritated with them. first, their stupid powerboat was following our girls when we were rowing to the beach on the other side of pcg. then the same powerboat, which drags the police dragonboat to the 'starting line' for race (whereas we have to row our own goddamn way to the starting point thank you very much) just cuts into our lane when we're doing a race set, forcing our coxswain to make a large detour and then eat the fucking backwash... tt's just so GRR-INDUCING. anyway the police boat ended up pacing 1 set with us; our girls led through our hard 10s. :)

but wah lan. my boat was fucking heavy. we dipped in and pulled long to our max and we were like: "why the fuck isn't the boat coming up???" ok. i don't know about everyone, but tt was the main thought in my mind. we were literally just rowing in our own world coz the other boats could just pull miles away, even though they only had 2 people more.

hey. at least for the last set we changed boats. for once my boat was in front, even though we were short of 1 person and we had pinxiu as our drummer. and serene told pinxiu to make herself useful and pinxiu went "HUH?" but hey, at least she counted later. heh heh.

and stupid mona told us to "wear our shoes" after we came out of the boat. i think you could see the unanimous looks of utter shock on all our faces. i think i said something like "if 20 paddles fly towards you, it's no accident."

but anyway we went really crazy before training actually ended. the pull-ups tt we did; for some they were the last pull-ups of the sem. for people like yunshan, meiping and me, they were the last pull-ups... ever. and so mona was standing beside the pull-up bar, so tt when we'd finished our last set she would be ever ready to shake our hand and congratulate us as if we had just graduated.

(and later when we commissioned pinxiu to buy the muesli bars for sat, she heard 'pull up bars'... i think pinxiu's nickname now, esp as according to lydia, is "the HUH". blur like sotong. the people around her had to make her repeat geok's instructions so tt she would know what to get)

and then during our cool-down, jade fell asleep. vic first noticed her eyes closed and her head lolling to one side, and then mona asked me if the cool-down was too long coz jade was asleep. and the moment i saw jade sleeping while stretching her deltoids i just couldn't stop laughing. and i tried to control but i really just couldn't stop and mona kicked me but it was totally hilarious. you have to see it to believe it. i never ever believed tt anyone could fall asleep during cool-down until today.

after cool-down, we had a debrief. mona said tt she was impressed with the team and the progress we had made, esp in the past 2 weeks. interestingly, it seems tt the 2 weeks leading up to race is always the crucial window in which the most progress was made. and serene reminded us about what made our team special. i always knew tt the nus girls' team is special. i never had to be told. you know it deep down from the traditions we have. it took me almost a year to figure tt out when i was a junior, but when i did learn it i wondered why i never realised it sooner.

like serene said, the whole 100% compulsory attendence thing, the push-ups punishment when late, the whole-team-lunching/dinnering together tradition, the only eating when everyone else's food is on the table thing, the many little things tt just set our team apart from other teams (and which most our teams have never and may never ever understand or comprehend), it is what cultivates our bonding, and our feeling for each other. many of the girls here, including myself, row not because we love the sport (it's no secret tt i hate running, gymming, and i'm only 'okay' with rowing), but because we love the people and we don't ever want to let them down. we care for each other beyond the medals and the competitions. yes, we compete. yes, we have the will to win. but it's not an individualistic or 'personal glory' type goal - it's because we want to do it for each other. most people don't get tt.

but it's not like we expect them too. you will never understand what it is like to be a part of the nus girls' team, until you are in it yourself. personally, i've never seen myself as a part of team nus. if not for the fact tt on race day i keep hearing cheers for team nus, i wouldn't even remember the name of the team. i don't call myself an nus rower. i know my team. i know the names and the faces of every single rower in my team. i've shared their lives as they have shared mine. and this team of girls tt i row with; we could be called by any other fucking name in the world, and i would still be proud to row with every single one of them. the name isn't tt important to me. we just happen to be team nus. but we are one team, we are the same team, and i love this team of mine beyond all words.

i didn't give any final last words or speeches coz i was kinda close to tears. i know what serene was saying, i know what mona and vic have been saying, because i feel the same way myself. i am proud of all of us and what we have become. yes i want the gold, but no matter what the outcome i will have no regrets because i am already so proud to be rowing with these girls. i feel very very sad to be leaving them after july. a lot of people tell me tt i can row in vancouver, or tt i can join the police team even, but no one seems to get tt to me, the feeling will never be the same. it won't be the same people, the same faces, the same culture and traditions and the same fucking lives.

do you know what it is to feel for the boat? do you know what it's like to carry someone else's weight? or better yet, to have tt whole-hearted trust and unequivocal conviction tt someone is going to carry your weight?

i do. i have tt conviction, i have tt confidence, and i have tt fucking pride, because i know without a doubt tt these girls have been there with me for the past 2 years of my life, and they're going to be there with me this sat and this sun.

and i am so going to fucking miss them after sunday. i will honestly say this now: if i wasn't going to vancouver, i wouldn't leave. even tho i still hate gym, my running still sucks like hell, and i don't really like rowing.

i wouldn't be able to stay away. like mona said: "i would come crawling back." it's the curse of being in the team. once you join, you never want to leave. or even if you try, you just can't stay away.

anyway enough of the emotional stuff. after the debrief, we took a hell lot of photos. i didn't bring my camera today, so all the photos are in everyone else's cameras. but we really took a lot of photos. at the pull-up bar, our 'graduation' photos where we hurled our caps into the air (i had to pretend coz i don't have a cap), the team photos, and of course a whole array (and i really mean A WHOLE ARRAY) of si geena (yes, even the seniors) pictures. and the funniest thing is tt wendy's camera makes this completely HILARIOUS "DOINK" sound when you press the click function on it. it completely cracks me up coz it's so fucking ridiculous! just when you thought it couldn't get any worse for her. i swear, even her damn camera is conspiring to make people laugh at her, as if they don't already laugh at her enough!

"wendy! take a photo of us!"
...
"DOINK!"

okay, admittedly the whole bunch of us were acting like real si geenas. the ntu guys, girls and canoeing team were also at sdba, and they were all quiet and serious and professional... and us nus girls were prancing around, screaming, laughing and doing stupid photowhore poses for our cameras! we have totally no credubility left among the other teams, i swear.

well. looking on the bright side, at least they can underestimate us on race day. heh heh heh. now tt will never be to our disadvantage. besides, i swear we def have a whole lot more fun than anyone else!!! wahaha.

anyway i had to take the damn accelerade tub home with me today. with no plastic bag. had to carry it in my arms. as if the paddle and sponge don't attract enough attention already!

after showering the girls went to settler's cafe for lunch. as usual, the damn cafe prob had to raise their poultry and slaughter it themselves before they could serve their food, coz it ALWAYS takes goddamn forever to come. GRR. oh, but in the meantime we played uno (my table at least), and wahaha. mona totally sucks at uno!

and after lunch we played zombies again, and we completely tried to sabo whoever was going to win! poor lydia got sent to uluville, and then followed by wenya. but no, i refuse to pity wenya! because i was winning (you only need to either a) make your way to the helipad, or b) kill 15 zombies; to win) as i had already demolished 13 zombies, she sabo-ed me by sending me back to the town square away from all the zombies (!!!), and then she and the rest of the players kept sending all the zombies away from me! i was the ONLY player who was chasing after zombies! other players usually tried to avoid them! and then mona found out the hard way tt the different between winning and losing the the number on the dice (she was 1 step away from the helipad... and then she dieded and got sent back to the town square too!!! wahahahaha!). and uh... yirang was in her own world. seriously. in the end pinxiu won, much to lydia's indignance. she was like: "how can The HUH win???" she totally refused to accept her fate. and pinxiu said tt at least The HUH is better than The Idiot. which is what she calls lydia, incidentally.

anyway by the time i finished zombies it was in time to rush down to church to meet my parents. my mom was going for mass there; then we were having dinner with this indonesian family. it was boring as hell. but hey, at least the food was good. and i had a fantastic day today, so i guess everything evens out in the end.

and yes, in-between i was thinking of you. i know you're very busy, and i still find it utterly amazing tt you still manage to find time in your day for me. and i don't know how it is tt we can actually connect, coz you're so much older and i still feel like my lack of experience and maturity may make it difficult for you to understand me. i'm surprised you don't condescend, and tt you're so willing to be so open with me. what i'm scared of the most, is the amount of power tt you are giving me. i'm scared tt i will hurt you because of my own uncertainty and my own need for other people's approval, which i fear may end up jeopardising whatever we might have. and more than tt, i'm scared tt i will end up being hurt. i don't need a man to validate me. never have and never will. but i know personally what it's like to think of someone, to miss someone, and to want to be with someone, and while the feeling is new and strange and alien, i fear tt this may be my downfall.

but i shall not be distracted for now. most important to me is this sat and this sun. i am very glad tt at the very least, you understand tt.

well, the past few posts have been pretty short and ambiguous, so i thought i would make up for it with a slightly longer post as compared to my previous ones. anyway i have been inspired by my dearest cindy. :)

anyway yesterday training wasn't tt good for me coz i was kinda sick. i know my timing and my stroke was off, but tt is no excuse. i made a conscious effort to correct both today. in any case we've had a phenomenon of sickness and injuries lately. yirang's back is acting up, which is worrying because we know tt she's in a lot of pain. plus today while trying to help rescue the lost boats she stepped on a rusty nail tt went through her slipper. later when she was rowing next to me i could tell tt she was in pain. and jane who had sprained her ankle previously, fell down and scraped her knee during the run. and angie had fallen down too and somehow the kallang water went through the plaster and was hurting her wound. and lydia had a wound too. and geok was just coughing and coughing till her side hurt. and jul and pinxiu had painful deltoids too.

and yet somehow we managed to row as a boat. and our race sets were inspiring, imho. at least we can last a charge. HEH.

and yesterday we had mixed training with the guys, and among other things nasi lomak impressed me with his comprehensive written race strategy, even though he couldn't spell acceleration. and later in the boat he asked "what is 8 x 4?", to which there was a momentary silence and the whole boat just stared back at him. i don't know which is worse: the implication tt the coach can't do arithmetic, or the implication tt the rowers can't do maths. and he was talking to us and then suddenly he just said: "jiahe there's a fish! i want you to catch it for me!" and then someone was like "left side draw" and jiahe looked really sheepish. and then he said "jiahe you che mak ah?" and then he looked even MORE sheepish.

and while david being crappy is 1 thing... nasi lomak crappy is totally mind-blowing. gotta admit it's a lot more cute though. HEH. and while we were in the mixed boat, the other boat was busy rescuing the lost boats tt had drifted away yesterday.

i guess tt was why we commissioned them to rescue the boats tt had also drifted away again today. yeesh. and tt stupid big red dead fish tt was around yesterday was happily baking in the sun today as well. how gross is tt?

anyway today the morale in the boat was high. i love it when it's high. the thign is yesterday i was so tired from 3 hours of training tt i konked out at 10pm (completely accidental) and i still managed to oversleep this morning. if not for my dad graciously sending me down i would have been LATE!!! *gasp* the unthinkable horror!

but i love my girls. we had a nice debrief, and serene gave an awe-inspiring talk. but what she said is true. i AM damn proud of my girls. i am damn proud of what we have become as a team. and i do trust my girls to take us all through this sunday. i don't think about what the results will be, and i don't promise anything, but i just KNOW tt we'll give it our 110%. and even if raine has to yell out her amazingly colourful curses during the last charge, then so be it.

wahaha.

anyway cindy has a list of "whose line is it anyway?" on her msn. damn funny. from ah ping's infamous "pause pause pause AND pause" to mona's "late late all late" and her mumbled "i wanna be a role modellll...", and pinxiu's "huh?" to...

(scenario:

someone: "pinxiu."
pinxiu: "huh?"
someone asks a question.
pinxiu: "huh?"

ok you get the picture)

seetow gives us a strange and crappy talk on post-race plans which though grand, seem kinda irrelevant now. HMM... people with bored looks make me laugh. there was a lot of laughing.

and then because of vic's singing of tt yellowcard song "only one", it kinda caught on to me. i started singing it from the moemnt we did pull-ups, till the time i was in the kallang shower cubicle and me and vic were massecring the song and i don't knwo if wendy joined in, but i know mona told me to shut up at one point, only to begin singing the damn song herself! wahahahaha!

and after tt vic had a 'hot date' with this juicy guy whose smile could crack his face, but we all agree tt juicy is cute and better than beefy who has 'beetle eyes'. and tt vic serene and mona should time trial to compete against each other for juicy. wahahaha.

and we went to city hall, where we told mona tt she's become shiny and light-reflective (like she was last year leading up to the 2004 june race!), then i detoured to orchard to meet jane! and we met at nydc and we just updated each other on each other's lives. and she told me about how mera was and how the climb was and what her team has to do now. and well, i asked for her advice coz i needed to know, and she said tt i look happier and chirpier now than i used to. i think tt's a good thing. coz i am still damn scared. although talking to her and mona have made me feel slightly better.

and we just talked and shared a new better brownie from then till almost 7pm, and then i came home. and called you whom i worry about and do think about and i really swear tt you're going to die young because you don't take care of your health at all. grr.

i love my girls. i love my girls. i love my girls. sunday, here we come.

3 foods i crave:

1. macaroni and cheese (the kenny rogers one is fine)
2. clam chowder (the long john silver's one will do for now)
3. brazilian barbequed meats (there's a brazilian restaurant at 6th ave *hint hint*)

i need to talk to someone. i'm finding it very hard to breathe.

as of today, there are 2 more trainings left to race. my last 2 trainings ever. i need to buck up, now or never. the stroke's not right? gotta correct it. not focused enough? then it's time to focus. never row on panadol. have to stay strong and healthy.

saw the 2004 race video again. no matter how many times i see it, i get overwhelmed. it really is overwhelming; how we came from the back and charged all the way to 1st place. how boon chin 'tricked' us into an early charge tt propelled us from last to first place.

it could be done. we did it then. i think we can do it this sat and this sun.

morale is important. don't be afraid. don't be scared. we've come so fucking far. we won't give up now. we have a common objective, we have a common mind. break through the barriers tt hold us back.

i'm giving my all. from now to this sunday, i will do nothing but breathe eat sleep live rowing. i will not let my girls down. i will carry your weight. i will feel the boat. i will do my part to get us where we have to go. this i promise.

"guess what? just now some guy ran after me, only to hand me this phamplet on mormonism. do i look like i'm interested in becoming a mormon to you?"

"what is a mormon? cousin of a moron? anyway i nearly fell off my chair..."

"a moron is the village idiot. a mormon is a monority orthodox christian group tt is a lot stricter than even the catholic faith. you know, i don't understand why i keep attracting strange attention. it was like yesterday, i was walking along the street and this woman from some slimming centre was shoving her phamplet in my face. and when i politely declined she followed me down and tried to entice me with promises of free slimming trials! knn."

"haha. right... either she's blind or she's nuts. you're fit, not fat."

"i know. i'm completely insulted. i think it's coz i look big to her, but frankly speaking i'd rather be big and strong than skinny and weak."

"big and strong? ok now i'm scared tt you're gonna beat me."

"i can't beat you lah. sekali you charge me for assaulting an officer."

i have never felt this scared or unsure about anything in a long long time. (and no, it's not race. i feel strangely confident about race, btw. coz i know i can trust my girls to be with me every step of the way in tt last 800m i will ever do.)

dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat dragonboat.

i don't know how chemistry works (by chemistry i'm not talking about lab and scientific formulas). i don't rem how it felt like ever since jc. didn't think i'd ever know the feeling again coz it's been so long and i generally think tt i'm fated to be single.

for the past 3 years of my life it's been one-sided. either i'd meet people whom i would like but would not feel the same way about me, or i would meet people who were interested in me, but with whom i just couldn't form any kind of connection with.

i don't know how things managed to happen so fast, coz it's purely accidental. i'm leaving in less than 2 months. for a year. i've more or less planned out my study and career path, and i've more or less come to the conclusion tt it's pretty much guaranteed me a life of singlehood.

not tt i'm complaining because i've been so used to this life for so long tt it's second nature.

ironically, you're so right, and yet so wrong. my dad would love you coz you're the right race, the right dialect group, the right religion even, and you def don't have tattoos and you're not going to prison anytime soon. haha.

but everything else is just so wrong. least of all tt i'm so confused.

but the best - or worst - thing, is tt we click. i can talk to you about everything under the sun, and when it comes to jokes you make me laugh so much tt it hurts, and when it comes to serious stuff i feel like you're the only one who gets what i think. coz let's face it like i said. i'm a fucking idealist. and most people don't understand tt.

my sms inbox is always flooded with messages from you. and i need to delete them but i don't know where to start and i can't delete them fast enough. and i find it amusing tt even when you camp out in the office for days on end or when you're outside some bar or club or ktv pub (what an old man hang-out. yeesh) you still call and talk to me for about 20 min at least.

every practical thing tells me tt there is no happy ending. there is nothing but pain and heart break and suffering, because of what you are and what i am. the other differences - what i consider inconsequential differences - mean so much to the rest of society tt everyone will never let us be together. and tt is even if i survive exchange.

i always thought tt i was ready to go on exchange. go away for a year. leave my parents behind. have a fling with a cute canadian boy or 3. hah. and now i don't really want to go anymore. it's not the going tt is the problem. i don't want to leave.

i always thought tt chemistry was the essential element for a relationship to work. i still think it is. scarily, at the worst possible time and in the worst possible situation i think i've found it.

the question now is: what are we going to do?

i know i should just stop everything here to save myself the pain and the trouble later when i sink too fast too far too deep. but i can't bear to. i look forward to every call, every sms, every date tt i have with you. and even though it's been such a short span of time i feel like i know you so well.

i know tt knowing me, i will just continue with this. my motto: cross the bridge when we come to it. i will just let things happen till we're forced to wake up to cold harsh reality.

i just hope i have the strength to deal with things then.

you asked me if there were any movies tt i wanted to watch. and i said "sin city", which comes out july 14th. but i also added tt the movie was going to be damn violent...

and then you dead-panned: "you're talking to someone who sees dead bodies everyday."

*****************************************************

training today was fun.

hmm. actually yesterday was pretty fun too. met jane and francis at cfc. and i have discovered the stepper! this cardio machine tt is damn slack, damn low-impact (as compared to the bane of my life running), and according to the calorie counter still allows me to burn up to 1000 calories in an hour! power!

but then after tt i nearly fainted from hunger while waiting for sk at somerset mrt. and my entire right side - from my shoulder all the way to my waist - cramped up. now THAT fucking hurt. i was practically tearing while trying to un-cramp myself without making it obvious to everyone around tt i was trying to stretch my muscles.

we had pastamania for dinner. i don't know why whenever i go to pastamania with him, the pasta just sucks. no matter what i order. basket. but we walked around and i converted another person to tcc! wahahaha. their warm lava chocolate cake knows no detractors. heh. but the sugar rush proved too much for him to handle. that was highly amusing to me.

anyway back to today. morning wasn't as fun coz dad was nagging me again, and i was in a damn dulan mood, so we ended up having a mini-yelling match. and my mom sided him first, then me. come to think of it tt was kinda funny, in retrospect. but i am pretty sick of his "you're not responsible enough" lecture. blah blah blah. for god's fucking sake i'm still only 21 and still in uni. i think i'm already more responsible than half the fucking people my age, so cut me some fucking slack some fucking day can?

grr.

but training was fun. today morale was really good. we did an endurance set to the race site, and 2 race sets. and i thought we did pretty well. the water felt lighter today, and although it was a bit choppy, i thought the water conditions were still extraordinarily good. and everyone's pushing themselves. i'm so proud of lydia, and yirang, and wendy and ah ping our pacers, and geok who was rowing her guts out even though she sounded damn sick, and serene and cheeling and angie who were driving the boat and... well... i think tt makes everyone. :)

but i loved today. and david even let us all go down for a swim. and it was hilarious coz the moment captain mona, vice-cap vic and coach david went down, we were like "everyone last charge back to the pontoon!!!" and we actually tried to row away.

and half of each boat actually went down and we were encountering various states of unglam trying to scramble back into the boat. and i was laughing so hard as my butt was dangling out of the boat and poor lydia looked like she was going to die from trying to pull my butt back into the boat. thanks girl. :)

the run was... ugh. but i feel like this time i can go marginally faster than i used to. but thanks to ah ping and yunshan and cheeling who were really really just encouraging me even though my legs were aching like fuck again, and vic was very inspiring. and even though i feel really bad tt my teammates keep having to come back for me, it touches my heart tt they do. it's really amazing to see all these girls who are damn tired themselves come all the way out for you. i swear.

i have asked myself before why i came back, esp when it comes to running and i dread running like hell. but there have never been any regrets. coz everytime i see people press down tt much more to make the boat lighter for me, everytime i see people like cindy, mona, yirang, serene etc, run back out just for me and keep encouraging me back to sdba, whenever i can't breathe and yunshan or angie set down a bottle of water in front of me and ask me if i'm okay, everytime someone like geok or ah ping pats me on the back after a set, everytime something like this happens during training, i know with all my heart tt i've done the right thing.

i've always said tt i love my girls, and no matter how hard things get sometimes, no matter how tiring training gets, no matter how painful running is, no matter how low morale gets sometimes when the water gets heavy... i've never once doubted how much i love them.

now. if only the damn accelerade won't keep making me feel like throwing up. i have a permanent grimace on my face after training coz i'm trying to keep the liquid down. ugh.

and talk about perfect timing. just as i was sitting on the ledge next to mona watching idiots row boat, you call. and mona starts being totally irritating, which is highly embarassing. grr.

and because of the damn road closure, i got squashed in a bus 67 with all the people going to little india.

dinner was late. and yucky. and i had to wait for my mom till 8.30pm. talk about gastritis by then. but then the highlight of the night: you called from some ktv pub (?!). and i find it amazing how someone who might be the bane of so many other people, who can and does scare the hell out of certain people at certain times, is suddenly reduced to talking to me at a rate of 100 words per minute. i think tt's cute.

Someday they’ll find your small town world on a big town avenue
Gonna make you like the way they talk when they’re talking to you
Gonna make you break out of the shell cause they tell you to
Gonna make you like the way they lie better than the truth
They’ll tell you everything you wanted someone else to say
They’re gonna break your heart, yeah

[chorus]

From what I’ve seen
You’re just a one more hand me down
Cause no one’s tried to give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down
I am with you now

Somebody ought to take you in
Try to make you love again
Try to make you like the way they feel
When they’re under your skin
Never once did think they’d lie when they’re holding you
You wonder why they haven’t called
When they said they’d call you
You start to wonder if you’re ever gonna make it by
You’ll start to think you were born blind

[chorus]

From what I’ve seen
You’re just a one more hand me down
Cause no one’s tried to give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down
I am with you now

I’m here for the hard times
The straight to your heart times
Whenever it ain’t easy
You can stand up against me
And maybe rely on me
And cry on me, yeah
Oh no, no, no

Some day they’ll open up your world
Shake it down on a dragon boat
Do their best to change you
They still can’t erase you

[chorus]

From what I’ve seen
You’re just a one more hand me down
Cause no one’s tried to give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down
I am with you now

Lay them down on me
Oh yeah
You’re just one more hand me down
And all those nots don’t give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down...on me

rainy friday mid-mornings/early-afternoons make me dreamy. so much to do later today, but i don't want to go anywhere right now. want to sit in my room and listen to my music as the rain pelts the window panes. want to hear the things tt i wanna hear, the things tt no one else is gonna tell me.

handphone's by my side. waiting. wouldn't message wouldn't call anyone else. i'm just waiting for the words i wanna hear.

there's contentment in rest, and a little smile tt no one else is gonna see.

and maybe i am fooling myself and maybe i'm setting myself up for a big big fall again. but for now i bask in this little moment in forever. this moment tt no one's gonna take from me. this moment of still amidst the bustle of rushing to life.

maybe i'm just another hand me down. valued by no one. recognised by no one. alone and lonely, admittedly. beneath the strong exterior waiting to be swept off her feet. beneath the rough veneer waiting to be rescued by someone who can.

she's tired. wants to forget about it. give up. leave and disappear into nothingness.

but somehow she can't anymore.

bliss has been disrupted. focus interrupted by day dreams into nothing and nowhere.

waiting.

Standing here looking out my window
My nights are long and my days are cold
'Cause I don't have you
How can I be so damn demanding?
I know you said that it's over now
But I can't let go
Every day I want to pick up the phone
And tell you that
You're everything I need and more
If only I could find you

Like a cold summer afternoon
Like the snow coming down in June
Like a wedding without a groom
I'm missing you
I'm the desert without the sand
you're the woman without a man
I'm a ring without a hand
I'm missing you

Driving 'round, thought I saw you pass me
My rearview mirror's playing tricks on me
'Cause you fade away
Maybe I'm just hallucinating
'Cause my loneliness got the best of me
And my heart's so weak

Every day I want to pick up the phone
And tell you that
You're everything I need and more
If only I could find you

Like a cold summer afternoon
Like the snow coming down in June
Like a wedding without a groom
I'm missing you
I'm the desert without the sand
you're the woman without a man
I'm a ring without a hand
I'm missing you

Like a cold summer afternoon
Like the snow coming down in June
Like a wedding without a groom
I'm missing you
I'm the desert without the sand
you're the woman without a man
I'm a ring without a hand
I'm missing you

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Said I'm, I'm missing you

Like a cold summer afternoon
Like the snow coming down in June
Like a wedding without a groom
I'm missing you
I'm the desert without the sand
you're the one with out a man
I'm a ring without a hand
I'm missing you

Like a cold summer afternoon
Like the snow coming down in June
Like a wedding without a groom
I'm missing you
I'm the desert without the sand
you're the one without a man
I'm a ring without a hand
I'm missing you (repeat 2x)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

i went to the gym yesterday. was supposed to meet jane there but there were a few screw-ups. attended my first spinning class. thank god for francis. i dieded. literally. before half-time i was panting my way through another 'uphill' and i didn't want to look at the instructor (this cute physical trainer called adrian) because i didn't want to see his face. i knew how i looked like and trust me, it sure as hell wasn't pretty.

jane came after the class ended. but she had to leave early coz of one of those sph screw-ups. with about 6 hours to kill, francis helped me with weight-training. didn't do a single machine yesterday for my otot. all free weights. it's horrible. free weights is a lot worse than machine weights. you can't just train strength, you have to train form as well. and seeing as it was tt my arms and back muscles are imbalanced, watching me struggle with 15 lbs on each side for an inclined press work-out is highly comical because i'm literally falling off the damn bench.

killed some time eating and going shopping. indulged in a pair of pink havaianas. damn i'm fucking spendthrift.

and then i went to meet him for dinner and coffee. well. not really coffee. tcc has berry tea, which is fucking purple in colour. talk about a gay drink. but i will admit this, i am totally lost. no matter what feelings i may have felt for someone else, no matter what i used to think, what i used to want, it's not the same anymore.

he's not good-looking. he's not tanned or muscular, the way i like my guys. but he's charming. he's so goddamned charming he puts all other singaporean men i know to shame. he's frank and open. i love his philosophy of life. i love his way of thinking. i love his personality. and most of all, i love the way he makes me laugh. and i'm not just saying jokes or a sense of humour. i have never laughed this fucking hard in a very long time. we were in tcc and i was laughing so much tt people were turning and staring, and my stomach hurt and i felt like i was going into spasms.

melissa is right. i have a huge weakness for bad boys. and we all agree tt he's in the wrong career line. he was telling me about how he'd burnt down to school hall, and the principal's office. the period of suspension served. what his friends used to do, which included the words 'smoke' 'drink' and 'porn' a lot (at least he's honest). he talked about the fun stuff, he talked about the serious stuff. and i feel like i understand him. i don't approve of everything tt he does because sometimes i feel tt the sacrifices tt he makes for other people at his own expense just isn't worth it. like career suicide. but i understand the reasons nonetheless because i feel tt way too.

he says tt i'm too idealistic. i'm not a realist, like him. which is true. i am idealistic. i choose to be idealistic even though i know fucking well tt the world doesn't work tt way. i choose not to see the ugliness of life. but even though he's been through so much more, suffered so much more, seen so much more, no matter how realistic he says he is there is still an innate idealism tt drives him on.

i find it bitterly ironic tt movers and shakers like him get discarded, don't get valued or recognised or appreciated, whereas the jackasses, the political players, the ones who hound the name and the glory but don't do fuck for them, get places.

he anticipates tt i'll become a political creature too. it has to be the way, because of who i am, what status i have, what people will say. i can't say anything to this because i would like to think differently. i would like to think tt i will still be the same person i am now. tt i won't change a goddamn bit.

but i have had a taste of things to come, and i know tt he might be right. i have an idea of what might be coming up, and although i haven't yet been immersed, i'm not a fool and i'm not oblivious.

it screams of impossibility on every level. yet i admit tt i do like him. a lot.

i don't rem anyone making me laugh so much. or think so much. i enjoy intellectual conversation. i enjoy philosophical conversations. i enjoy being in the company of mature, open-minded people who can teach me a thing or two. i am impressed by guys who can put their egos aside and not do tt whole "me caveman. argh. you my woman. you come with me" type behaviour. which incidentally too many singaporean guys i know behave tt way.

did i mention tt he makes me laugh?

his friend came around 11pm. he had to go sign some friends into chinablack, so i left for china bar with his friend to listen to john molina sing. haven't heard a live band in a long long time. john molina was impressive, not tt i expected any less from a singer of tt calibre. last night wasn't really his night coz his band was a little off, esp for timing. but he sang stereophonics' 'dakota'. and the drummer impressed me with his technical expertise.

i got home after the first set, which ended around 12.30am. by the time i slept it was around 1.30am, and i woke up for training this morning at 5.40am.

accelerade just doesn't make me feel good. spent the entire time in the boat feeling like i was going to throw up. it's not a very fun feeling, esp when you are doing race sets. after tt we went to play soccer/captain's ball for fun. then i went to meet my insurance agent about a possible savings plan for my retirement. i feel old.

sometimes it's not as easy to be as carefree as i would like to be. sometimes i need to plan, to do things, and even though i would rather leave them till later, i can't do tt all the time.

i slept for about 2 hours when i came back. was very tired. woke up for dinner, and here i am. tomorrow i'm going to the gym again. hopefully i can meet jane for a longer time. and then i'm going to meet someone who used to have an impact on me. when i'd asked to meet him then, he still did. but now things are different.

even i am scared by the sudden change of heart. it's really not like me.

every 10, we make it a hard 10. very effective.

i love my girls.

me and yirang did the 'tastes of thailand' talk show today during lunch, before yirang crossed over to host the 'tastes of the durian' talk show with geoks.

i wanna go bangkok with my chick and geoks and yirang and whoever else will come with us. when i can FINALLY eat tom yam soup and red ruby again.

someone owes me half a bottle of vodka btw. after race lah...

i can't wait to meet you tomorrow.

i don't know how this could have happened since i never expected it, and i know i'm making too big a fucking deal out of it. but i'm excited.

it wasn't tt long tt i spent alone with you. 10 - 15 min at most? and usually i wouldn't have anything to say coz i know i'm a damn private person, and i don't like sharing my life with people i barely know. esp someone whom i think i should be wary of.

and then it came out of the blue. you'd said a few things but you'd never mentioned it to us.

"my girl died on me."

and your voice cracked, just a little.

and maybe you didn't notice, but i did. i notice little things.

i'm a looks kinda person. i like eye candy. but this time it's not about the looks anymore.

i like the sense of humour. i like the intelligence. i like the way you can engage me intellectually. i like the way our philosophies tend to be so similar. and you make me laugh.

i think i'm gone gone gone.

it's less than 2 weeks to race day. i feel unprepared still, and i'll say tt honestly. i still rem the 2 weeks to race day 1 year ago, when i was a junior. it felt different then. but i guess the difference was tt then i had something to prove. tt was the one sole driving motivation for me: to prove myself. tt i was not lousy, tt i would not be a burden, tt i could carry my own damn weight and be an asset to the team and not let them down. i rem the race sets i did. i was a screamer. coz during the last 200m when i got so tired and my arm just burrrrrned the only way i could punch it all the way down was the make animal noises from tt point till the finishing line. tt's how it all started for me.

this year i don't have to prove myself anymore. but it's also my last year. my last 2 weeks in the team. like yunshan said, we want to end well. i def want a medal. maybe it's my fault for being complacent, coz i want it to be gold. but at the same time i feel like cindy. excited and anticipatory, yet dreading. i feel like i'm not prepared. i'm correcting my stroke, i'm putting in the power, i'm trying to follow the pacer, but yet i feel like i don't *feel* the damn boat.

maybe in the race for medals team spirit, mo qi, chemistry etc, is secondary and tt it is not the primary goal. but it's like my achilles heel. without feeling the mo qi, i can't be as confident as i should. everyone says tt they are pushing their limit, and i can see on the faces who are pushing themselves, but somehow something just doesn't add up. and i hate it when i have to be the angry one, the one pushing blame around, the one accusing others of whatever. i'm no angel. i can try, but at this point in time honestly speaking i'm not there yet, whatever 'there' is. i've not peaked. i've not hit tt level where i can confidently say tt i can't get any better. i still can't get everything right. i still tire out too easily. i still get frustrated and angry easily. i can't control my goddamned temper.

but i have to try. it's 2 more weeks. i think we have to be positive. no matter how negative i might feel inside, i should stop letting it show. i should set an example as a senior to inspire my teammates. an atmosphere of negativity, frustration and blame isn't going to get us anywhere. maybe we should just do our best to be positive. from now on i shall not accord blame, i shall check my temper, and i will encourage as often as possible.

and yes. i must must must improve my stroke, my strength and my endurance.

race is in 2 weeks. i have to stop deluding myself.

***************************************************

in other news: i miss jane sam and wanyi. i'll say this honestly, i feel a bit jealous when i read your blogs coz i feel like i'm really missing out. i haven't gone to phuture or any other place, i haven't been socialising... i haven't been doing jack except training and attachment. and i miss you girls like hell. i miss just hanging out, bitching, eating at gelare's or tcc or ben and jerry's and our bonding sessions at room 508. even though sam and wanyi are busy and working, it seems like me, the unemployed unincomed one seems to be missing the most out of life.

not tt i am complaining about whatever i am doing now, but once again i've lost tt balance tt i've been trying so hard to maintain, and that is a bad thing. i'm not free this week... can we arrange a date for next week? and i rem telling so many other people tt i missed them and i wanted to meet up with them too. and i haven't arranged anything yet. i'm so sorry i've been so damn anti-social.

***************************************************

my attachment last week made me very restless. after getting a taste of my future, i feel caged. like there's so much waiting for me and i just wish the time would hurry up and pass faster. there's so much to do for my exchange. i still haven't applied for my study permit coz i haven't got all the necessary documentation, and sometimes the waiting frustrates me. there's a lot to do and my mind is so cluttered right now.

but i want to go into the force. unfortunately, i think i'm still too idealistic for my own good. my reasons for joining the force were because i wanted to learn. wanted to see a different side of society, meet the people i would never meet otherwise, learn things about them and about myself, lead a life of excitement and action, and somehow somewhere someway find some kind of fulfilment and meaning to my existence.

but to be honest everyone's been telling me tt tt's not going to happen. scholars don't go to the ground. scholars don't see these people. scholars do paperwork, scholars write policies, scholars become the bosses of the people who ARE on the ground.

i don't want tt. i don't want to spend my life dealing with a computer screen or fake scenarios. i've always believed tt a degree was no match for experience. education is not the same as street cred. i respect someone who without the means, the opportunities and the chances, manages to carve his own niche in the world, rise up through the ranks and actually become someone to be proud of.

i feel tt life is innately unfair. of course, i have been scoffed at. like he says, it all boils down to who you were born to. pretty? coz you were born tt way. rich? coz you were born tt way. enough money and a proper family to get an education and become society's elite? coz you were fucking born tt way.

i shouldn't be complaining coz i get to be the creme de la creme through no effort of my own. coz i happened to be born to a relativwely good family in a good area and go to a good school, i get to get a good scholarship tt pretty much makes me the boss of a few hundred people below me with at least 7 years more experience than me. the only difference is tt i get to be a boss without any experience because according to the law a degree is worth more than a diploma. the world is fucked up. i just happened to be on the so called 'right' side.

***************************************************

speaking of which, i'm confused now. i'm leaving in less than 2 months for 1 whole year. my intention was to concentrate on race, then concentrate on exchange preparations, then leave. feelings, emotions, and relationships were to be entirely extrenuous.

i'm kind of angry actually. i'm kind of angry tt when i first liked you, you politely reciprocated but just barely because you didn't feel the same way. and i respected tt. and now tt i have come to terms with everything and just treat you as i should, as a normal friend, somehow it seems like you want me to treat you the way i used to. but you and i both know tt i'm leaving and i can't afford to let you affect me as much as you used to be able to anymore. sometimes i just wish you would stop sending me mixed messages. i still like you and i still think tt you're everything i want, even though practically-speaking our backgrounds are so different tt we're almost from different worlds and i shouldn't push it, but now tt i'm managing to distance myself emotionally from you i wish you would just let me. sigh. i'm too much of a dreamer. i know.

and then i'm also confused coz there's someone else now. and this i comepletely didn't expect or anticipate. i like looking at eye candy, but my plan had always been to keep things superficial. to stay separate coz i can't afford to get close. i'm sure you just want things to be on a platonic level, and i will treat you tt way, but the messages tt you send me are giving me the wrong impression. maybe it's my overactive imagination. you know tt i'm so busy, you know tt i'll be gone soon, and you're 10 fucking years older than me. but the fact tt i have an immense amount of respect for you, the fact tt you're my role model, and the fact tt i possibly have a crush on you, is making me very confused. i know i should stop thinking. thinking too much is bad.

johnny thinks tt i'm just being a typical girl, too emotional and too soft. buying all the crap. the usual stuff. and i wouldn't be surprised if he were right, although i'm not listening at this point in time. i've taken some hard knocks and i think i've learnt enough to be what i am now compared to what i was a year ago, but the problem with me is tt at the end of the day, i'm still a fucking romantic idealist. inspite of all tt i know, i still believe in red roses and white lace. fuck. tt's probably my biggest weakness. of course you will never know this because i will never admit this to you. so we'll just be 'friends', even though i'm in a turmoil.

and i don't even know what to do about the other guy. sigh.

***************************************************

ok ok. enough ranting. maybe i'll just get back to watching desperate housewives.

i feel kind of lost. in the window period between 1 event and another, i hate the anticipation period. for some reason i am more disatisfied with my body as of late. it's prob coz i've passed the 60 kg mark again. so much for losing 8 kg... i gained some more. sigh. and i'm not really sure why. it seems the food ban isn't helping me to lose anything at all. except maybe hair. i don't know. *shrug*

i realise i'm 10 days past the deadline for my ubc course selection. i haven't even decided what i want to do yet, let alone do it. a massive headache to be contended with. and i haven't even fully unpacked my bag from penang.

i miss i branch in echo already. i guess it's coz i'm not working there yet. i'm not the one having to interview the complainant or defendant or take statements, i'm not the one who has to get statements from defendants in lock-up and see people cry and not be able to do fuck about it. i'm not the one having to deal with all the paperwork, deal with all the other depts and people, get harassed or have to harass.

i'm just the observer.

but nothing's the same once you get to see the things people don't. i've been into the bars and clubs at orchard towers and seen the ba poks grind up against the ang mohs. i've seen the injuries you can get from being beaten up by 5 men in a club. i've seen acts of stupidity, moronity, and at the same time met people whom i have grown to respect immensely over the space of one night.

next week is training training training. i apologise if i haven't been taking to the supplements well. generally it's against my principles to take supplements. but i guess if i have to do it, i have to do it.

i just feel very lost right now. like there is life to be living, but i'm not there somehow. i don't know what's wrong.

and i'm missing people.

i have joshua's number. i have andy's number. but the number tt i *really really* want, is daryl's number.

sigh.

the vicissitudes of life.

disclaimer: no. am not interested in anyone. am leaving for canada in less than 2 months. obviously not enough time to get into a relationship (flings don't count). however, am not adverse to meeting up with cuties who are single. think it is imperative to widen social circle to include cuties who are single. they're fun to hang out with, they're charming like hell (i.e. daryl), and when your parents complain tt you're spending too much time with your team and tt you're secretly lesbian, you have 'boyfriend' stand-ins to call on for help.

in other news:

1. the head is still missing. comments in boat include:

"watch out for tt buoy! oh wait... tt's not a buoy. it seems to have hair attached..."
"watch out for her head!"
"heads up!"
"twist forward! dip in! flip up!" (and then you flip up a head)

oh well. and how about "focus 10-15m...-- a head!!!"

heh heh heh.

2. i love thai food. the food ban = i can't eat an entire CULTURE. knn.

3. accelerade gives me diarrhorea. boy was it a rush to the toilet the moment i came home.

4. i hate prcs. i hate prcs. i hate prcs. i hate prcs. i hate prcs. i hate prcs. i hate prcs. i hate prcs. i hate prcs. i hate prcs. i hate prcs. i hate prcs. i hate prcs. i hate prcs. i hate prcs. i hate prcs. i hate prcs. i hate prcs. i hate prcs. i hate prcs.

5. i realise sympathy is not a good enough reason to agree to meet up with someone. i realise tt i am still guilty for what has transpired since fucking jc, and i'm still feeling this need to pay off my debt even though it's been so long and frankly speaking, we can't communicate at all, things are so awkward, and at some points i just totally sian diao. i think i'm a truly evil bitch sometimes. sigh.

6. what's with the whole hooha on the spg nude photos? it's her blog and her perogative. who the fuck are we to come and tell her what she should and should not do?

7. oh wait. i forgot. we are singaporeans. all we do is complain, complain, complain, bitch bitch bitch, whine whine whine, and attempt to impose our own moral standards on everyone else.

i have decided to stay single and unattached till the time i am at least 28. i want to marry myself to my future career in solving crimes and catching crooks, even if it means putting in 18 hour shifts all day every day every week.

i love the police.

i've seen so much more in 1 fucking night than i would ever have learnt in a whole year of law school. i've seen so many facets of society from the really downright moronic to those whom make you so sad coz the law is fucked up and doing your job is in itself kind of fucked. my beliefs in what i am doing have been both reaffirmed and broken down through what i've seen and what i have learnt. and i have met my role-model-to-be.

a guy who doesn't look like a cop, act like a cop, dress like a cop or talk like a cop. but he's done so much fucking more for the force and for society than people who do look act dress and talk like cops. i want to be like him, even if tt means signing my soul to the spf once i get it back from dragonboat and nus law. i want to work like him, think like him, be the kind of officer that he is.

johnny thinks i'm totally crazy over him (even though tt guy is 10 years older than me). maybe i am, coz i know i'm in love with his mind.

but tt's for another day. if anything, spf has a hell lot of eye candy. i told the guys my plans for the future which include staying single and devoting all my life to my cases. eye candy with no committment should be more than enough for me.

besides like johnny says... there's always ONS. ;)

well.........

ok. for now, pictures:



above: me and johnny. again. this time at echo division.



above: ivan, me , johnny, leng lee.



above: sama sama.

cheers.

i'd say more, but i'm too tired to blog out more. haven't slept more than 8 hours in 2 days. btw, watched both mr. and mrs. smith and batman begins. johnny and i fell asleep during the former. for the latter, expect to watch an action blockbuster and your expectations will be surpassed.

and what on earth is 'tao2 hua1 yun4'? johnny and ivan have been saying tt to me all day. ARGH.

day 1: mon - 13.06.2005

had problems waking up in the morning. had to be at the tanglin echo division headquarters (DHQ) by 9.30am. fortunately was still 10 min early; johnny and leng lee were already there.

and surprise surprise ivan joined us also! whoohoo! home team scholars (except for qicong) unite!

anyway apparently there was a BIG screw up coz we didn't have uniforms. ARGH. but we were attended to by usman (pronounced oohs-mun, not U.S. Man), one of the trainers in echo, who gave us yet another police-type SOP PPT presentation on the org chart of the force... no offnece but will someone please stop with the mission and vision of the force? i've seen it so many times i know it inside out already! argh! oh. but before tt ivan who had gone for the orientation programme the week before with pinxiu, lifang and anothe of my police juniors, was talking about his visit to PCG (tt's the police coast guard. and YES the police have nothing but abbrieviations in their vocab) and how all the officers there were undoubtedly exasperated with stupid dragonboaters and their dragonboats.

there were 5 other attachees (trainee police) attached to echo from tracom, and they were all uniformed. and they all looked SO tired i got a little scared. what if i age so much so fast after joniing the force too?

anyway before the PPT johnny and i were invited to get hot drinks from the nescafe machine by usman... and the worst thing was tt the machine only had coffee, coffee, coffee (or a variation of)... and teh tarik. first thought: poor teddy.

then it was back to the seats for the boring PPT. but after tt usman came over to chit-chat. and then he was excited tt both of us were rowers. turns out he's rowing for and is the part-time trainer of the echo division dragonboat team, and he rowed for spf before and was invited to try out for the national team. usman's been rowing for 11 years in fact!

woah. explains the muscles.

then he brought us on tour around the levels of DHQ (all police stations; DHQs, NPCs, and PHQ itself) have fanastic gyms with state-of-the-art equipment! gosh!) from the investigative side and all the 'interview rooms' all the way down to the ops room and the lock-up, where apparently there were about 16 prisoners in there today. then it was to lunch at the cafeteria, and then back to the self-learning centre when we also found out tt usman is a level 3 certified sepak takraw coach, loves running and plays a mean rubgy. oh, and now tt he's old he can't run after criminals the way he used to. in the past he would give them a 100m headstart before he started chasing; now when they chabok, so must he.

after tt we loaded into the van and went to visit the other NPCs in the boundary, namely toa payoh and orchard. we got the police van with the wire mesh, which is the kind of van you transport remanded prisoners in. so for the fun of it i started making funny faces at the vehicles behind us and pretended to be a very sad prisoner, and altho we did get a few stares from other drivers on the road, it wasn't tt many because we soon realise tt vehicles like to avoid police vehicles, esp the vans. they keep a 2 car length distance at traffic lights, they continuously filter OUT of our lane (in fact there was this merc tt filtered into the lane on our right to avoid us; then when we filtered right as well to turn the merc IMMEDIATELY turned back left! wahahaha.), and they drive reaaaaallllllyyyyyy slowly. As though they believe tt they will get carted away in the van if they commit some petty offence on the road.

We visited Toa Payoh first, which shares its compound with Toa Payoh CC, which looks damn bloody strange to me. TP and Orchard are the 2 busiest NPCs in Echo. Orchard coz it's on the commercial belt and there's a lot of security + key installations + nightspots to patrol to keep the peace, and TP coz its a residential estate with a lot of 1-room flats and therefore old people (which means a lot of crimes against the elderly as well as suicide and deaths).

And at Orchard we got to speak to the CO, who was an ex-lawyer turned cop, and the OO, who related his story abt how he chased 5 guys who had been rioting himself, only to have them all turn on him, or about this 60-year-old lady who put up such a struggle at Plaza Sing tt it took 5 strong able-bodied men to drag her down the stairs and throw her into the police car while she spent her entire time shouting "PAP Dog! PAP Dog!" That was hilarious. Ooh. And we saw bicycles with Police stickers on them. They were unchained and left unattended outside the station. But we didn't think anyone would steal them anyway because:

1. They looked like the kind of bicycles you ride to market with the basket in the front
2. To steal a police bicycle would be to make yourself the next butt of jokes in the Orchard NPC.

Anyway I notice tt it's not good to put 2 dragonboaters together sometimes. We would talk to Ivan and Lenglee about the day or how they were doing or how life was or how we found the attachment, but EVERY SINGLE TIME without fail somehow the conversation would be steered back to dragonboat. Be it the Penang Race, or the guys team, or the girls team, or even Johnny's cool-down with his monkey actions (which he finally realised when he said tt we girls looked like monkeys doing those actions, to which I replied "now you finally realise what you have been looking like all the while"), and all the ridiculous lame lamer and lamest things tt we could ever have come up with, and then Ivan and Lenglee would have to go quiet again. Oops. And now Lenglee thinks tt all rowers are cocksters because we behave like we have no brains.

Sigh.

Our day on Mon ended with a debrief on what we would be doing on Tues.

day 2: tues - 14.06.2005

This was the 8am to 8pm 12-hour shift. Had to be in the debriefing room at Bishan NPC by 7.30am fully dressed. Apparently there was a huge miscomm coz the TL was on leave and the DTL assumed I would be uniformed and had even prepared my arms list. As a result of the fact tt I was not uniformed, he had to change plans and could not allow me to patrol.

So I ended up being attached to counter staff. It was the most boring 12 hours of my life thus far. The biggest upside is that Bishan NPC has cute policemen. Seriously, Team Delta is damn young. Wendy since you live so near Bishan St 23 you should pop by once in a while. Heh. ;) Made small talk with Ruddie over breakfast and asked him stuff about counter duty and reports tt were to be made and all. Basically procedure, asked about crimes and cases, how his life experiences were, etc. And then this auntie came in to report a 322 (misappropriation of property), but coz he was Malay and she could only speak Hokkien he tried to get me to translate, but I couldn't translate all the intricacies. Fortunately the OO was around, and he had such an easy convwrsation with the auntie it was as though they were old friends meeting over a cup of coffee, and he was not interviewing her. Taught me a HELL of a lot about people relationships.

Kind of pitying me, the OO decided to bring me out along with 2 gyus from Kampung Java Division. We went to Bishan Stadium to rekki the place to plan for how to secure it in the event of the upcoming presidential and general elections, if any. Gave me quite a peek into the mindset of a person in the force. Access points, what would make their job easier, how many men to deploy (sai gang), etc. Realise tt policemen are generally damn rigid when it comes to security. Everything is about security security security. They would rather have walkovers than opposition MPs contesting coz the former is a lot easier to handle. They prefer Harry to Ah Seng coz the former is pretty sticky about security (and easier to protect) than the latter, who doesn't care and walks too damn fast, apparently. So we did a walk-around the stadium, got the map and blueprint from the manager, discussed ways to secure the place etc; and then I had to go back to the NPC.

Read the newspapers twice. UGH. And then this really cute NS police (ok. Call me a cradlesnatcher coz he's 1 year younger) from AJC bought my lunch. Ended up eating and talking to him over lunch about everything from his experiences to life before and outside of the force... And he wins my heart. :) Really. DAMN cute, and a charming conversationalist to match. :)

Although he is more kentang than me. It's quite funny hearing him try to speak Hokkien.

After lunch the AO and another guy from Team Alpha brought me around on tour of the division boundary in the FRC. We drove from Bishan to Bukit Timah to Orchard to Toa Payoh and even passed by the MM's house with the Gurkhas. And I was so shocked to find out tt the 2 officers had been in the force for 9 and 12 years effectively coz they both behaved my age. They were only 27 and 32 respectively, and the former was already married with 2 kids!

Decomposed somemore till evening, when I got to chat with the other counter guy who turned out to be another echo dragonboater who was interested in getting into the police main boat and was waiting for his time trial. Interestingly enough, Johnny got driven over by his TL to my NPC, so we had a 3-person chat about rowing for a while before Johnny left. Then it was a bit more waiting till the TL and the other FRC returned, and I got to return home around 8.20pm.

Ugh. Tomorrow my shift is from 8pm till the following morning. So don't mind if I'm anti-social this week.

preliminary announcements:

1. i cannot go mambo on wed night for 4 reasons:

a) i am working the night shift from 8pm to 8am from wed night to thurs morning.
b) i am attached to echo division which oversees the mohammed sultan, clarke quay, zouk and orchard towers belt. which means tt for the duration of my attachment i am prohibited from frequenting any of the night spots here.
c) even if the above 2 reasons do not apply, i have trainings at 9am on thurs morning. enuff said.
d) i have been banned from alcohol. what is the point of clubbing if you are sobre?

2. i miss jane! but i may not have the time or energy to meet up till after this week because of the odd schedule i have now. sigh.

3. i miss my girls.

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i wanted to put my afterthoughts in with the penang entry, which was mainly narrative, but i had no time coz i had to go sleep so i could wake up at 6am this morning. as such i have to put them in this separate entry. unfortunately due to the length of time tt has passed i have forgotten a lot of what i wanted to say. sigh.

but i'll try to pen down what i DO rem.

I feel that the Penang trip has been a real eye-opener. It made me more aware of myself as a rower, as a teammate and as a person. It also made me more aware of my team as rowers and sisters themselves/

There are both sides to the coin, as is the case with most situations.

On the negative side about myself, I have discovered tt I have a major weakness in moodiness. When I get overly tired, I become moody and anti-social. Most of the time I try to remind myself tt tiredness is a state of mind and moods can and should be controlled because of the possible negative consequences tt may be regretted later (plus I despise moody people who cannot control their emotions because I regard tt as weakness). However, I know tt I failed to control my temper when things went wrong, when I became PMSey, when I became tired, when I became irritated by the actions of people around me. I lost my temper and almost lashed out, I was anti-social, and even though a lot of people may not have realised, I was fully aware of my state of mind and yet I did nothing to control myself.

I always believe tt in a team sport, we should always feel for each other and place the team above ourselves, our own petty egos and feelings. And yet I feel like at some point (see above) I let my own pride and my own feelings override the kind of obligation tt I have to the team to be stable, to be a rock, and to see the team through. And although I will never ever stop short of giving my all in every race set no matter how difficult I might think it, I feel tt nontheless my actions before and after rowing itself should be controlled by the same mindset as when I row.

I have come to realise tt getting along with everyone may be a more impossible task than I once thought because I am not a tolerant person, and I get very angry when I feel tt someone is putting her own ego, feelings and feelings above those of the team. I despise hypocrites and empty words, and I abhor people who selfishly wander off or care only about themselves and their own welfare, without sparing a thought for how much worry or trouble they may be causing the rest of the team. I cannot trust such people to row for me or to carry my weight in the boat.

*sigh* Like tt how?

As for the team, the 'si geenas vs. the old birds' shows me tt we might not be united enough. the juniors are definitely united, and the seniors are definitely united, yet for the few seniors who mingle with the juniors and the few juniors who mingle with the seniors, our equilibrium position is tt of si geenas and old birds. It's not as if there is any animosity of uncomfortability between seniors and juniors because as far as I am concerned we generally get along with everyone (unless you're intolerant, racist and countryist like me), but when it comes to H2Hs, or meals, or deep conversations, the 2 groups sediment to seniors seniors juniors juniors. I guess it's not tt big an issue because when we row, we are still one boat, and it should not have been surprising coz the seniors were bonded for a longer period to each other, but nonetheless, I guess more senior-junior interaction is important for the sake of the boat.

But on the upside:

As a rower I feel like I have grown from the race. Damn fucking ugly sunglass tanline, Malay heritage, aching shoulders delts and back aside, I feel like the PIDF is a real eye-opener. It's opened up my eyes to the standards of the likes of the damn strong physically and mentally Indon team, the sheer determination of the Singapore team to win the 12-crew Womens finals, and in general the kind of real competition there is in the international arena. At the same time I feel more confident of myself now, because I know where we stand, I know my strokes better, and I know what I've done right, what I've done wrong, and I can capitalise on tt. Furthermore, Penang was a much needed break from the routine of just training in Kallang, and although it was tiring to say the least, breaking the monotony re-injected some passion into me again.

But most of all, I believe tt Penang achieved the objective tt we had hoped to set out for it. We wanted to bond the team together, to inspire confidence, to show the heart of the team. And the 20-men Womens race from Heats to Repecharge to Finals showed tt we could do it; we could put our minds together, we could push ourselves to our max and we could do it all for each other. I felt like everyone was with each other in the boat, and the feeling was just amazing.

And the fact tt Mixed went from Heats to Repecharge to Finals as well totally debunked the myth tt Mixed is a chapalang 2nd rate race. We proved tt with adequate communication and a meeting of minds, even with not tt much practice, so long as we were on the same wavelength regarding strategy, stroke rate, starts, commands etc, we could pull together. So maybe timing was a slight problem, but we managed to perservere and hold our own against very strong competition.

So maybe the guys and girls teams are separate entities and because of the history and the mindsets my generation may never meet the minds of the guys of the same level, but we can still work together as 1 team under the circumstances.

Even though Penang was really work work work due to the ridiculously tight schedule and the unreasonable curfew hours, the fact is tt in between all this we managed to find time and ways to play anyway, to be stupid, to be ourselves. And we spent so much time with each other tt we really cared for each other, really looked out for each other, really really just supported each other both inside of and outside of the boat.

I hope tt Penang has not just proved to be one hell of a memorable experience for us. I hope tt it has also taught us lessons about ourselves and about each other as rowers and as sisters.

And most of all, I hope tt my belief is true, and Penang really has brought us together as a team.

Preliminary Announcement:

Ladies and Gentlemen I am pleased to announce tt I am back from Penang!

However, I am not as pleased to announce tt I am bloody fucking tired. The only reason I am blogging is because I *need* (yes you heard it right) to commit my experiences to memory before I forget them, and I have to do it tonight or I won't be touching my comp till Wed or Thurs or Fri at least.

Anyway the reason for my being so tired (also to be elaborated below) is because I lack sleep and I expanded a lot of energy yesterday and the day before at the Penang International Dragonboat Festival (heanceforth known as PIDF), plus the journey was a fucking bitch and I thereby conclude tt NUS does not take good care of its rowers.

And my police attachment started today at 9.30am. Hello? My plane touched down at 2220 hours last night, by the time I collected my bags and all it was almost 2300 hours, my parents dragged me out for supper such tt I only reached home at 0030 hours, and by the time I unpacked my dirty clothes so tt my mom could wash them, and bathe and change and all, it was 0150 hours. And I had to wake up at 0800 bloody hours this bloody morning.

ARGH. Kanina. So pardon my bad mood.

Nonetheless, I shall do a nice long version of what happened from Thurs to Sun, no matter how fucking drained I am right now.

So let's get on with the show.

***************************************************************

Thurs 09.06.05 - Day 1

We started the day with training. You heard me right. Going to Penang on Thurs evening and we had TRAINING AT SDBA in the morning.

Ok. No comments on training. Well, at least it was short, we were given enough time to go home and pack, and the sets we did were good. "Si geenas vs. the old birds". (?!?!?!?!) WHO came up with the term "old birds" anyway?!

And the canoeing recre club was around so I happened to see someone I know who used to have an impact on me, but it's empowering to know tt now whenever I see him I wonder why I used to be so blind. Wahahahahaha. Ok ok I now readily admit tt I had the worst possible taste in guys. Fortunately there has been a vast improvement since then (altho Melissa might beg to differ). Shh.

After training I came back, did final housekeeping, had time to wash my clothes (yesh!!! in the washing machine + hang them out to dry... boy am I glad for hostelite independence), before leaving for the airport. Okay, half of the reason why I had so much time is coz my dad fetched me to the airport, so we could leave at 3pm and STILL reach at 3.30pm, even though he had taken a wrong turn and almost landed us up in Changi Village after spotting the sign tt said "Changi Airport" on the PIE, and immediately turning in the OTHER direction.

Was at the airport super early. Only people around were Jade and Jane (also known as Jack and Jill; names interchangeable and may be shortened to 'J&J'); so I grabbed my lunch from BK and went to browse through books at Times Newslink till more people came. Was tempted to buy tt Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, if only to see how much better it was compared to tt lousy excuse of a movie. But I didn't coz I was too cheapo.

The rest of the girls slowly streamed in, and then we went to wrap our paddles up in bubble wrap to check them in (coz I was right. You can't carry the paddles on hand onto the plane coz they may be considered dangerous weapons) and check in the rest of our stuff. We were very very very early btw. Flight was to take off at 6.50pm and we were hanging around the Check-In counters before 5. Ugh.

I hate waiting. And it didn't help tt Seetow made us all wear matching uniforms of our dark blue polo tees and jeans. It's not tt I don't like the dark blue polo tee coz I do, but it's very thick and it takes up a lot of space, as does jeans, and it doesn't help tt the whole bloody place is so bloody stuffy it sucks.

Oh. But when I went to the toilet my bag accidentally got checked-in by mistake even though I didn't want to check it in coz I had valuables like my camera in the side pocket. When I came back I almost had a heart attack when I realised tt it had been checked in and there was a possibility tt my camera could have been spoilt in the process.

Anyway I ended up sitting next to Alvin on the plane. I know the seats got mixed up and we could change seats once the plane took off, but I couldn't be bothered too coz it was only a 1 hour + journey; I found it troublesome; I got the aisle seat and I didn't want to move into what could possibly be a non-aisle seat, and from a previous conversation with Alvin I thought he was quite a nice guy to talk to.

Um. The bulk of our conversation revolved around beer, coz he's a huge beer fan apparently, and he appreciates Erdingers, Hoegaardens and Stella Artois. And dinner on the plane was salt and MSG-laden. Yuckz.

We touched down at the Penang International Airport a bit earlier than expected. But my happiness was to be short-lived. The bus ride from the airport to our hotel - the Bayview Beach Resort @ Batu Ferringhi was one fucking hour. One fucking hour in a bloody hot and stuffy bus. I was exchausted and even then I couldn't even fall asleep. It was boring as hell.

Me and Yirang were roomies for the trip.

Pic alert!



Above: Me and my roomie!

I think it was a good match. If I had been paired with either of the J&J combo I think I would have screamed my head off before the end of the first night, or committed some crime of VAP (violence against persons). OOH. But Geoks and Wenya graciously bought us sponges (actually, they're mroe like these round rubbery thingies tt kids sit on from Ikea, but they are now our sponges to sit on in the boat to protect our precious and often abraided butts from further abrasion); I got yellow! Like, bananana yellow! And our room sucks. Well, it's great actually. Is nice and big and comfy and YR and I both have queen sized beds. BUT the damn toilet flush spoilt and since the 1st time YR flushed it, proceeded to continue to flush itself repetitively the ENTIRE FUCKING NIGHT. Yesh. There was no more such thing as peace and quiet. Any absence of sound makes the sound of the toilet flush reverberate around the room. As a result YR got a little bit nervous, pushed the beds together, and pretty much shared the same bed with me for the night.

Hey, at least we had a queen-size, so there was space for everyone. :)

And due to the unappetizing and less than filling flight dinner, most of us were forced to turn to alt sources for food. I.e. The minimart opposite the hotel. Since I'd already bathed the moment I stepped into our room I didn't wish to dirty myself by venturing out again, so my dear roomie happily went out and bought cup noodles and biscuits for me. Thanks dearie! :)

And after eating everything we both felt so full we couldn't sleep ANYWAY, and coz Vic happened to call us to see if we wanted to play pool, we took up the offer and trooped downstairs to play pool with her and Wendy till 12-something, close to 1am I think.

And then coz YR and I still weren't very sleepy (altho we were both very tired), we just chatted till we fell asleep.

Anyway it was a good thing tt we fell asleep, because the next day was...

Fri 10.06.05 - Day 2

AND we started out the day at fucking 0600 hours. Why you ask? Because David had informed us the night before tt we would be having a morning run at 0615 hours on Fri. At first I thought he was joking.

But no, he wasn't.

So at 0615 hours we were led on a 25 min run along the road outside the hotel (The only other team tt went on a morning run was the Myanmar National Team, and they started running later than us). On our right was the beach and the open sea, but we couldn't see any fucking thing coz it was too fucking dark; on the left we passed a nice large graveyard. Fortunately it was so dark that I didn't see it either.

The pace was slow so I didn't fizzle and die. Almost managed to survive. We then did mini-circuits at the carpark coz David said we "still had time left". I think tt started the whole inner-thigh ache syndrome.

The girls all went to breakfast wet and sweaty. But the continental buffet spread effectively made breakfast the BEST meal of the day for all our days there! French toast and pancakes, eggs the way you want them, mature cheddar and swiss cheese, beef bacon and muffins... YUM. Stuffed myself silly.

After tt we actually had some R&R time, so after settling the housekeeping matters, I bathed and met up with some of the girls to explore the beach. Ooh, and my dear chick also informed me of a gig tt she, Vic and I could have at 1021 at 1021! EXCITING (or so I thought).

Interlude: Below: Me and my chick.



...Well, we tried to, but for a beach front resort the beach was so dirty and the waves were BROWN, so tt effectively turned us off from splashing around in the waves. Sigh.

It did not however, prevent us from taking pictures.



Above: Me at the beach (Vanity shot!). Wahaha.



And my chick, me and our dear Geokz.

We did a detour instead... to the hotel swimming pool!



We being Serene, me, Geokz, Wendz (all in-picture); Cheez (who went swimming), Mona (who after some hesitation stripped down to her sports bra) and Vic, who looked damn hot in her blue bikini! And we spent almost an hour relaxing in the jacuzzi... Ahh now that was the life!

Okay. But tt was the last of the kind of life was the last we would see on this trip. Ever.

Took a second bath of the day and went down for lunch.

BTW, the lifts at the hotel are HORRIBLE. There are 3 of them, but they are SO SLOW that waiting time is a BITCH, esp when it gets crowded and everyone wants to go places. And it's the only way to get around, as we later found out. And one of the lifts stops at the 2nd floor every fucking time by COMPULSION.

Stupid lifts.

Lunch was... curry rice. Or rather, rice with curry chicken, which we were obviously banned from. Needless to say it wasn't a fantastic lunch. And then later when we needed to rush up to our rooms to get our stuff again, the fucking crowd of similar-minded people (the hotel is the official hotel for the PIDF, so all the other teams from the other countries were all being housed here) outside the lifts, so someone made the birlliant suggestion of climbing up the stairs instead.

So the rest of us morons rushed up the stairs inspite of our slightly-aching quads... until we heard from the ninth floor, Vic's voice: "FUCK! The door the locked!"

And thus concluded our little adventure with the stairs. It was back down 9 floors again AND back to waiting for the fucking lift.

I think tt was another factor as to why my inner thighs ache.

At 1.30pm we left for the Telok Bahang Dam - our race site, to train for the race the next day. The dam is actually quite pretty, if you think abt the scenery. It's located in the middle of small mountains, and there's even a temple on one end. Haha.

But because of a drought, the water level was really low, so the scenery was marred by the sight bare and eroded soil, and there was a horrible flight of stairs to climb down at least 3 to 4 storeys from the waiting area to the pontoon.

We had a big boat for the first hour and a small boat for the next. The sets were pretty good. We also got to practice Mixed with the guys and got to coordinate our strokes together, which was a good thing (finally we are getting something right). And Naziman has told us the same thing so many times tt now we all know tt we want to draaaaag.

UGH. And I got the feel the full impact of the bloody stairs. It sucks I tell you. Walking up the stairs after being so winded from the rowing is... UGH. My poor inner thighs. *sobz*

After tt, we came back to our hotel early to bathe. Again. Then we had to dress in matching NUS polo tees (I think this uniform-uniform combination is highly kindergarten-ish, BTW) for the official opening ceremony for the PIDF.

So we took pictures in the lobby. I got this ang moh guy from the Royal Australian Navy Melbourne team to help me take a group pic of me and my girls (see below)...



And in the end I also had to take a picture with him and he started talking to me and asking me where I was from. And his name is Damien, which is a very nice name IMHO.



Lydia got completely mesmerised by the cute Aussie naval dragonboater who was tall, hunky and looked a bit like Keanu Reeves (then again all the girls agree tt he's damn hot) and spent the rest of her trip gushing about him. Hahaha. But the photos are not in my camera.

After tt we went out and spent the better part of the next hour... waiting.

And waiting and waiting and waiting, for the VIP to arrive.

So in the meantime we took more pictures.

Below: Me and Wenya.



The ROCK CHICKS!!!



Yeah! I'm 'Rock' btw. Wendz is 'Chick'. Aha.



And me and Johnny! Heh heh. Something to show Mrs. Tan when she demands visual proof of why we had to shorten our attachment.

Below: Me and Mona.



And scandalous pics: I'm actually lesbian and in lurrrrve with my captain! Shh.



Anyway the VIP was damn late, the announcers couldn't speak proper English as well, the speeches were a verbal assault to my ears, and the line dance demo was bloody CMI.

So after tt it was a happy dispersal to dinner. We all walked to Happy Garden. Arrived after the Singapore National Team. Food took about 30 min to come. Shared the table with Uncle Sean, who was pretty ok being around us until he opened up a can of worms by mentioning the PM Cup. Never mention the PM Cup to the girls if you are from the guys team, was the ex-captain, was the coach, or simply have a history with the girls' team, simply because there is a lot of submerged anger from over the years and it may be unleashed by the wrong choice of words as betraying a rather *cough* MCP *cough* mindset.

Oh. But we all had fun with the tofu in the Magic Claypot. You can never guess the treasures you can find at the bottom of the magic claypot.... HEH.

After tt we were walking back to the hotel, but there was a minor crisis coz our fave J&J decided to walk off inspite of David's insistence tt we had to return to the hotel, and he, Vic and Wendz had to go off and look for them. I realise tt even though I'm anti-PRC, even if I WAS pro-PRC (which I am not, heaven forbid), I would STILL be able to argue provocation as a justification for murder if ever I got charged for commiting it with regards to them.

Anyway we were a little late, only to find out tt there was some briefing at 10pm. I think we went back, bathed and slept after tt. Gig got postponed to Sat coz we had 'lights out' (just like army) at 11pm for our race the next day. And we had to be at breakfast by 6.30am coz our coach was leaving at 7.30am.

Sat 11.06.05 - Day 3

We woke up about 6am again. Went for breakfast at 6.30am, left for the damn dam (wahaha. Love saying this) at 7.30am. Didn't take any photos today. Our first race was at 10.15am - 12-men crew Women's Opens Heats. We got into the Repecharge for tt one! Unfortunately we were eliminated and didn't get into the finals.

OH! But there was a Nescafe Tarik competition, where 'volunteers' were supposed to pour teh tarik and dance around on stage, and the best performers would be awarded prizes. As everyt team had to send in 2 representatives, we sent up YR and Wenya; YR had a damn black face when pouring, but she did an impressive SPLIT! And Wenya looked cute in the red teh tarik apron. And the prizes for their participation: Nescafe coffee. Which we're all banned from till after race.

The guys sent up Johnny and this junior Teddy. But poor Teddy was bloody suay; he slipped on teh tarik while attempting a push-up stunt... and dislocated his shoulder!!! He couldn't row for the immediate set and had to be sent to an ambulance and bandaged! The poor guy. The only injury from rowing, and it HAD to be from some stupid event, and can possibly affect him for July.

(Ironically, when Johnny and I were getting drinks from this Nescafe machine this morning, the only drink I could consume coz everything else listed was coffee was... teh tarik!)

We then had to nuah for HOURS till 3.45pm, which was our 20-man Women's Opens Heats. Damn boring; walk around, rest, dance to music (coz we were SO BORED and we didn't have our gig!!!), get picked up by guys, eat... etc...

And then 3.45pm came. It was a stressful set. Raine was our drummer and David was our coxswain. We just rowed the best we could, even though I got blinded by the splashing made by the person in front of me and I lost my contacts, and I didn't know what position we got, but we got into the Repecharge. But I must say 1 thing: I don't care how angry or upset you feel. I don't care how PMS you are. We have our moods, we get angry, we get disappointed, we are unhappy at times. I know coz I am a moody person and I get tt too. But more than tt we are one team and I don't care how you do it, but you get your own fucking ego and self-pity out of the way and put your team before yourself. If you can't do tt and if you think the world revolves around you, then I think you're in for a rude wake-up call.

Wah lau. The stairs after rowing. Inner thighs ache (deja vu). DAMN CHUAN!!!

Repecharge was about 15 min later I think. And we got 2nd for tt! We literally rowed our hearts out (with Jade replacing Raine as drummer), such tt even though Wenting's paddle got entangled with the sausage and she managed to grab a spare paddle in time thanks to Geok's shouting, and we got into the FINALS!!! Which was more than we could ever have dreamed. It was a fantastic end to a day.

We were made to walk by David all the way down to Eden's Village... and then we had to turn back and walk back to Guan Guan Cafe for dinner, where mosquitoes feasted on us as we ate. Walked back to the hotel and were told tt lights out was at 10pm.

Interlude: EXCUSE ME. WHO in the right mind sleeps at 10pm? I have not slept at 10pm since I was in PRIMARY 3 and when school started at 7.15 am. What makes anyone think we can sleep at 10pm now?

Anyway "I wanna be a role model" Mona succeeded in sleeping before 11pm (I think). The rest of us... HEH. But I had a nice talk with my chick (in place of the abandoned gig) and YR and I had a cosy time with her and Vic. But sleep was illusive (don't get the wrong idea!). :( And Serene and her kid came over for a while coz Serene needed to deposit her kid at Wendz' place as the usual child care centre had been closed.

Sun 12.06.05 - Day 4

Woke up at 5.30am to pack our stuff. Brought all our luggage to the lobby and rushed through breakfast. Damn kan cheong morning. Left our luggage at the hotel shopping arcade and the went to the race for our final races. Took most of my pictures today! Ooh exciting. So here comes to photo overload.

Note: Photos are not conclusive. I took very little compared to everyone else. So look out for Penang Part II in the near future!

Anyway...



Above: Jump Jump Jump!!! (I love this pic!!!)



Me and Jul. We wanted to do the Egyptian pose but we look more like ducks. Quack quack quack. Like B Flat.



Me and Geok putting our taekwondo training into use. Wahaha.



V.W.P: Violence With Paddles!



Getting carried by Melissa... Again!



The Cap and the Vice: Unglam picture! Hahaha.



Geoks and Wendz! Cute pic!



Another group pic!!!



Yunshan, Cheez, Ah Ping and me!



Raine, Pinxiu, Lydia, and Me.



Uh... The long and short of it...



And me and Geok. Again.

Anyway 9.15am was our Mixed Heats. We did the warm-ups, got used to the different method of counting jumping jacks, did the dry run (where only pride was what made me attemp to act sae wahahahaha), and then we grabbed our paddles and sponges and went down. Vic took a banana to feed our dragon. She stuffed it into the dragon's mouth before we went down.

We rowed our way to 2nd just after the Adelaide Black Dragons, and we got into the Repecharge at 1.15pm! It was a great set! But once again, stairs = inner thighs ache = deja vu.

:)

But it was a great day. Oh. And Indon Nat Team and Myanmmar were nothing short of impressive. They were so powerful. Myanmar's charge was so scary it was no wonder they are such a legendary team. According to Ah Ping the Myanmmar team are all so tanned, toned and muscular tt they make up a whole boat of BBGs!

We walked around some more, ate more stuff... and just as Wendz and I were tucking into lunch we had to prepare for our next race: the second Repecharge. Vic stabbed the banana onto the dragon's teeth and kissed it this time. But it was our best set EVER. Rowed our hearts out again. I felt DAMN GOOD even though race sets are short but damn xiong. We got 2nd again just after RAN Melbourne (just beating German Dragons and BBBG)... and the Mixed boat got into the FINALS!!! We were ecstatic!!! It was fantastic!!!

Melvin the coxswain apologized for steering us slightly off course coz he felt like it was why we didn't beat the Aussies. Ok, he didn't exactly apologise apologise, but he acknowledged his fault and even though we don't blame him at all I was impressed. I thought tt was a very noble gesture, and I have a lot of respect for him as a coxswain.

Oh. And once again... stairs = inner thighs ache = deja vu.

The Finals was at 3pm. We got 7th, losing to the other Nat Teams and the stronger teams. Oh, and there was a hilarious starting with 1 team having lost its tail. First they wanted to nail the tail back. Then they wanted to replace it. Finally the boat went off without it! Hahaha.

But we were happy. Haha. Can console ourselves tt we're 7th best internationally! Wahey! Heh. :)

(Stairs = inner thighs ache = deja vu.)

But the moment we went up, we had no more than 5 min to rest before we had to go down for our last set: The Women's 20-Men Opens Finals.

That was a stressful set. Thailand did a false start which meant we had to restart the race. I had a bloody irritating duck tt wouldn't stop quacking so it was very hard to concentrate on the timing, esp since my left eye had been splashed blind with water again. But just kept reminding myself tt this was my last set; all out all out all out and just twist forward press it down pull all the way back lift up pause pause pause twist forward press it down pull all the way back lift up pause pause pause...

We came in 7th, but it was the best we could do. We walked up the damn stairs for the last time. Happy. Proud. And I think, all the more stronger than before we came to Penang.

Showered quickly at the shower cubicles; packed up, boarded the bus, went back to the hotel to collect our stuff...

And take 1 more picture...



Above: Wenting and me, the demure SCGS girls. :)

...And then we went straight to the aiport. Malaysian Airlines. The most no service stuffy horrible flight ever. It's no wonder SIA is a great way to fly, considering what our competition consists of.

Sat next to Mona and Ah Ping.

Ooh final photos:



Me and Ah Ping.



Me and Mona.

Finally, we reached Singapore around 2220 hours, after a long long landing.



Last photo: Me and Johnny.

Reached the terminal, immigrated, grabbed our stuff, and left...

So tt was how Penang went. Long entry, rushed ending... But I gotta go sleep now. Continue on Wed. *muakz*

In the meantime, I shall leave you with the famous AWARDS from Wendy's blog:

SO, for the long-awaited awards ceremony for PENANG TRIP 2005 (drum-roll please...):

the most cannot-make-it ang mo speaking award: all the commentators in penang
(eh... "ko-plague" for corporate, "pen"alise, sing"ka"pok... the list is endless man)

the most disappointment award: draw between NO dao-sa-pia and balieys
(still too sore over this ultimate disappointment to talk about it, almost steal the guys' dao-sa-pia on the plane hmpf!)

the most weird-looking warm-up award: the thai
(it looks cool, but are they praying rather tha warming up?)

the most cool-cheer award: royal australian navy
(the what boys cheer is woah... so cool, esp that hunk!!!)

the most eye candy award: the keanu reeves look-a-like
(most of us were smitten by him... so charming ha... he was the highlight of our excruciating work program)

the most time-wasting device award: the lift in bayview hotel
(waiting for the lift is like eternity, waiting for the lift to slowly descend to the ground floor is another eternity as the lift opens its door at EVERY single level...)

the most mini mini-mart award: the mini mart outside the hotel
(ha really a MINI mart... nonetheless our only fragile link to civilisation)

the most throw-face award: NUS
(what is with that pathetic IVP jacket doing amidst of all the other countries' flags...)

the most cannot-make-it airline: malaysian airline
(the food is for human meh? eh is the aircon called AIRCON? and mona is actually bitten by mosquitoes in the plane!!!)

the most unfulfilled gig award: mine, vic's and my dear rock's
(haiz, so much for planning our 1021 at 1021 gig, with guest of honour: serene, opening act: iso n rang, ticketing officer: jul, bouncer: cindy... and our pre-rehearsal... no time for to materalise this fantasy...due to totally ridiculous sleeping curfew!)

the most for-show award: mr seeto
(he always appear to be around at the right time, and just disappear when we are cooking at the dam)

the most sadomasochistic award: david
(what is with the morning run by the graveyard, the weird circuits and the long long walk and u-turn and finally to dinner trip? he totally tortured us!)

the most talkative award: raine
(if u can stop her from talking, esp during dinner, i will give u a nobel's prize)

the most "i wan to be a role model" award: mona
(unfortunate she din really succeed... ha)

the most teh-tarik queen award: draw between yirang and wenya
(yirang's super black face and the impressive split face off with wenya's maria pose in the cute sexy red tight apron)

the most blur award: pinxu
(forever asking "huh" and "watcha toking about"...)

the most ah lian award: meiping
(her ah lian shorts, waistpouch, slippers and mannerism, she can be the next outstanding beer lady...)

the most not-in-her-element award: yunshan
(as she is only in her element after 3am. her body alarm hour is totally screwed, that explains her weird behaviour ha...)

the most heroine award: wenting
(woah, after losing her paddle and cap, she still manage to pace...well done!)

the most diligent award: jul
(i think many people did not realise, but she is forever tidying up the mess we left behind and clearing up our rubbish. thanks man!)

the most hot babe award: iso
(ha... countless of chee-ko-pek were ogling at her and were picked up by many desperadoes... ha she did us proud!!!)

the most motherly award: serene
(always have to pick uo her kid (raine) who she deposited at childcare centres at various rooms at level 10)

the most tie-the-red-string award: cindy
(woah, she managed to be matched up with the doctor from the guys team, ha all due to the bruce lee shirt saga...wahahhaha)

the most happy-at-breakfast award: cheez
(she happily swallowed servings and servings of the buffet and needed to be stopped before the rest have no breakfast to eat ahahhahaha)

the most roommate-from-hell award: vic
(totally unnerving experience that will haunt me for the rest of my life...)

the most boycrazy award: lydia
(she drooled over the keanu reeves look-alike hunk... and even took a photo with him... jealous jealous *pout* )

the most can-tahan award: angeline
(she displayed the amazing tenacity for enduring the c-gin-nas antics. she truly embodies the seniors' remarkable virtues...wahahahah)

the most stuck-in-the-shithole with me award: geokz
(so suay, we were stuck in another dimension... while the rest are having parties in their happening hubs, nobody bothers to come visit us in that S.H. boohoo)

the most kanna-luff-at-once-again award: wendy!
(once again... think don't need to elaborate...sigh...)